How come no one ever thinks they're the BAD one?

McKayMachina

How come no one ever thinks they're one of the bad ones?

Everyone ELSE is always "lazy" or "stupid" or "selfish" or "mean" or "wrong" or "hurtful" or whatever else. So, tell me...why aren't YOU ever the one who effed up? Or continuously effs up?

"Most people" claim that "most people" are ___insert negative adjective here___ and assume a position of superiority. I've never heard someone say, "Hey, my boyfriend and I broke up. Why? Because I'm a lazy, immature dirtbag who doesn't give a *kitten* about other people. Also, I'm a big-time moron. We're talking SUPER dumb."

I'm willing to bet that most people who think they're in the right, be it in personal or professional matters, are as much a part of the problem as, or more than, the person they're vilifying when they retell the story to their pitchfork and torch-weilding bandwagoneer friends.

I've certainly grown a lot in the last decade (I'm 27...so that sort of makes sense) but there have been plenty of times where I was the jack@ss in the equation. I'm sure there will be times like that in the future, even.

So...tell me, MFPals...when were YOU the bad guy?

McKayMachina

I know. It's probably too early for this *kitten*. lol I'm just procrastinating getting in the shower. ;p

rachaelgifford

I stuff up all the time, and I am a scarcastic cow. I know this. People can still be horrid though.

netchik

I'm regularly wrong, and lazy. It takes all my will power to just get out of bed in the morning. Workouts are something I love, but I have to talk myself into them every day.

And I'm the first to admit it.

Maybe you need to surround yourself with some new people!!! My MFP Pals are freakin' awesome!

Baybbee123

I actually turn to myself to analyze myself quite a bit. I've lost a few great friends whom I feel aren't really great people and end up not caring or saying extremely hurtful things in the end that tears a friendship up, but you can only lose so many great friends until you ask yourself what you're doing wrong. I hold people to too high of a standard, and I am WAY WAY WAY too emotional - I know this. I need to work on these things. I just *wish* people were as thoughtful, kind, and respectful as I try to be - but the world is a different place. When it comes to me, I need to accept this and adapt - but the change is very hard. The smallest thing can set me off. One person can throw their hands up in the air at me because they are in a funk and someone else ticked them off (happened last Thursday) and it literally makes me upset for 5 hours! Geez....I need to let these things go!

McKayMachina

I'm surrounded by awesome people! Just commenting on all the random stuff I see in the threads here and on random friends-of-friends profiles on facebook. I, personally, am really lucky to know mostly stellar human beings.

ickybella

1. Denial 2. Hypocrisy

If someone is an a-hole to me, that's because people are rude, selfish *kitten*. If I'm an a-hole to someone, it's because that person was being a rude, selfish *kitten* and that is a freaking tragedy.

I was raised Baptist, though, so I learned at a very young age that pretty much everything is my fault.

Seriously, though, my marriage has had a lot of problems, because I'm a crazy person and my husband is an a-hole. I think, though, that we want to be the good ones. You don't want to think you're a bad person. That would totally suck.

McKayMachina

LOL you're so right, Bee. Denial and hypocrisy pretty much sum it up. ;p

Also, I wonder if the stupid ones are too stupid to know they're the stupid ones?

...gasps...

...brings hand to mouth...

...am I too stupid to know I'm stupid?

DUNNING-KRUGER! NOoooOOoOooooOOOooooooo!

LorinaLynn

I might verbalize my complaints about others more, but I'm a lot more critical of myself than anyone else. :ohwell:

FrostyFour

I read an article about this on Cracked. There's science behind this, man.

http://www.cracked.com/article_19468_5-logical-fallacies-that-make-you-wrong-more-than-you-think_p2.html

ickybella

I read an article about this on Cracked. There's science behind this, man.

http://www.cracked.com/article_19468_5-logical-fallacies-that-make-you-wrong-more-than-you-think_p2.html

I can't ever read anything on Cracked! Why is this?

MysticMaiden22

I'm almost always anxious or moody, and I rarely smile. I'm also terrible at sticking to my committments and am a professional procrastinat....or.

Nerple

I'm proud that I'm as stubborn as they come, jaded and an *kitten*. The sarcastic bit of me, I'm not so proud of, it's just too easy and petty to be proud of.

Carl01

I have been wrong before...1981 I think it was.

SnookiBaby92

Im screwed up, moody and very arguementative - il argue black is white x

ElementalEscapee

Lol I think that. There's a difference between admitting that you're wrong (or being the 'bad guy' in a certain situation), and constantly bringing yourself down, always blaming yourself. It takes quite a toll on you.

hennyben

I can be a ***** who just says it like it is at times. I've upset a few people thru the years.

But I HATE to admit that I'm wrong. Even when I'm wrong, I'm right.

BAMFMeredith

1. Denial 2. Hypocrisy

If someone is an a-hole to me, that's because people are rude, selfish *kitten*. If I'm an a-hole to someone, it's because that person was being a rude, selfish *kitten* and that is a freaking tragedy.

I was raised Baptist, though, so I learned at a very young age that pretty much everything is my fault.

Seriously, though, my marriage has had a lot of problems, because I'm a crazy person and my husband is an a-hole. I think, though, that we want to be the good ones. You don't want to think you're a bad person. That would totally suck.

Hahaha try being raised Catholic, the guilt is instilled in you at birth!

But really, I'm pretty good at admitting when I'm wrong like in a relationship fight or something like that. Of course, I haven't always been that way, but that's just what comes with getting older. The one thing I will say is I RARELY engage in an argument unless I'm totally sure I'm right about something, so the times that I've actually been wrong it's more been because I did something stupid (pro-tip: if you go through your significant other's phone, you're wrong. You're just always wrong. Don't do it. Lesson learned.) Being able to admit "I did something stupid, I messed up, my fault." definitely helps to resolve a fight MUCH faster than trying to justify your bad actions. Swallowing your pride sucks, but it's totally worth it in the end

juicy011

I do stupid *kitten* all the time, it's just admitting it is the problem...... :laugh:

IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym

if anyone can ever say "I did NOTHING wrong" with a straight face at the end of a relationship, they deserve an award, because there is almost NO way a break up/split/divorce is 100% any one person's fault. It's just as much about the reaction as it is the action. This is not to say one person can't be more to blame, but certainly cannot be the only to blame. I've certainly had my fairshare of screw-ups and I'm sure there will be plenty more to come.

wickedcricket

I would gladly admit to being wrong if it ever happens

honeysprinkles

One thing that I think is funny is that EVERYONE says that no one knows how to drive. I do it all the time and sometimes I get so mad when people do stupid stuff like cut me off or pull out in front of me and go 20 miles below the speed limit...and then there are times that I accidentally do the same things to people and remember "oh ya, I'm one of those bad drivers too" lol.

Ashley_Panda

I'm the opposite. I blame myself for everything.

AmberJslimsAWAY

I'm a major *****...

jackpotclown

I have no idea what you're talking about because every day since my wedding apparently, yep I'm wrong....matters not the situation or circumstance.....there are only variances in the degrees of being wrong....so I was a little less wrong yesterday than say....the day before \m/

I just came to terms with the idea that "right" does not exist.....more or less like error 404 file not found. \m/

livinginwoods

I can be moody at times.....:ohwell:

ninerbuff

Because it's true. :laugh:


A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group FitnessTrainer
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mollsred06

oh ive been the bad one PLENTY of times, i usually realized when i was, if not right away then shortly after. lol im the kind of person who thinks TOO much. so of course i have tried to give myself a reason to make the other person an *kitten*, but in the end, when it was me that was being the "bad guy" i eventually came to that realization. for the most part anyways. haha

some people pride themselves on being the bad guy though, so its easier for some people to realize that than others, not saying that im one of them...but just saying.

FrostyFour

I read an article about this on Cracked. There's science behind this, man.

http://www.cracked.com/article_19468_5-logical-fallacies-that-make-you-wrong-more-than-you-think_p2.html

I can't ever read anything on Cracked! Why is this?

"Here's a good way to ruin your afternoon. Go on the Internet and find any discussion thread that brings up overweight people (like this or this one). Stand back and watch as a crowd absolutely rants about how incredibly easy it is to lose weight, and how incredibly lazy you have to be to get fat. The conclusion will be that being fat is literally a moral failing and the sign of a bad, disgusting human being. It's to the point of actual anger and violence directed toward the overweight in real life -- the fat are one of the last groups people can openly hate.

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In at least four states, we can legally hunt this man.

But now take any of those people and try using the same logic with their weaknesses:

"You're struggling to get by on your income? I can't imagine how lazy a person would have to be to not be wealthy. Just go out there and make money! Duh!"

"You don't have a girlfriend? I can't imagine how much of an antisocial **** you have to be to not get a beautiful woman to love you. How hard is it to get off your *kitten* and be a dynamic, sexy, personable human being?"

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"Seriously dude, just stop having a micropenis."

"You drink alcohol? Or smoke cigarettes? Or smoke pot? Why don't you try not doing those things?"

"You suffer from depression or anxiety? Uh, have you tried not?"

Now watch as they rattle off ten thousand extenuating circumstances for their embarrassing problem (the economy is bad, women are *****es, I have an addiction) while completely rejecting all of the similar causes of obesity.

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"My compulsive, life-shortening habit is completely different from overeating. Namely, it's much sexier."

The Science:

It's called the fundamental attribution error.

It's a universal thought process that says when other people screw up, it's because they're stupid or evil. But when we screw up, it's totally circumstantial. Like if you notice a coworker showing up to work high on mescaline, it's because he's an out-of-control peyote hound. But if you show up at work high on mescaline, it's because you had a flat tire and you needed the distraction.

The process feels so obvious when explained -- we simply lack information about the context in which the other person screwed up, and so we fill it in with our own. If we've never been fat, then we assume the fat guy feels the exact same level of hunger as we do, that his metabolism is the same, that his upbringing is the same, that the spare time and energy he can devote to exercise is the same as ours. We think that both of us faced the exact same fork in the road and only one of us chose to eat churros.

Getty
About 40 of these a week for two years are all that separate you from that guy who had to be airlifted out of his living room.

The reality is, of course, that you were on completely different roads. The assumption that everyone's circumstances are identical is so plainly wrong as to be borderline insane, but everyone does it. Pundits and politicians alike mock the unemployed as lazy, even though their own data shows that for every five unemployed people, there is only one open job. "I don't understand, can't you all just become radio talk show hosts like me?"

So During Your Next Argument, Remember ...

Forget about talking politics with your crazy shop teacher for a second. If you're consistently doing this when arguing with your significant other, that's a good sign that the relationship is dying. Listen for it -- when you forgot to do the dishes, it was because you had a thousand other things on your mind. When she forgot, it's because she doesn't care. If you find yourself automatically dismissing your partner's explanations as "excuses," you've gone to a bad place from which most relationships do not return."

DeckerDoll

Because I'm just so good at it.

Yanicka1

Self analysis demand a lot of maturity and humility.