Crazy Problem at Work..advice plz

DannyMussels

So last night I check my phone at 3:01am...and I see I have a missed call from 2:59am. Weird. It's one of the girls I've bartended with for the past 6 months, since our bar reopened in the New Year. I text her, she simply says 'call me'.

She has a crazy ex, who semi-destroyed her house about a month ago, I figure it's related. So I call her. I was wrong. She worked last night with another girl, it was a quiet night there, just the boss and one of the cooks drinking at the end of the night. (so whats 2 female bartenders, one guy cook, one guy is the owner/boss)

From my understanding, everyone left, and my bartender friend (Mel) was closing up, and told the owner she'd drive him home. He typically drinks there half the week, so one of us usually takes him home, it's 10-15mins outta town in the country.

I hope this all makes sense to you so far.

She's sorta crying on the phone...then randomly says the boss 'dropped his pants and boxers'. I was like...wtf?????

Apparently after everyone left, when she came out from behind the bar, he was literally half naked, wanting to have sex. The details are still foggy, cause we only talked briefly. but as i understand it, he tried and tried (and she STILL gave him a ride home) despite him asking her to pull over and stuff.

A bit more background. My/our boss is about 33/34yrs old. She's 36/37 or so. We're all decent frieinds, and there's an immediate 20 of us from the bar, that are all in the same circle. We all basically went to highschool together (town of 7,000), He's also married to one of our classmates........

So. What the hell do we do now?

I told her last night 'it coulda been worse". I'm a big guy, 6'0", 210lbs (for now), and he's even bigger. 6'5"-6'8" and about 400lbs. Yes, seriously. From my understanding he didn't actually physically do anything to her, which is great. Cause it coulda ended TERRIBLY. It may sound dumb, but I'm thankful about that, and always, always try to make light of a bad situation.

Basically the problems being, she REALLY needs this job, and the money. She said so last night. She was concerned he'd fire her over this.

I have a feeling our boss doesn't remember a thing. I've driven him home a few times, and he gets pretty ridiculous, he probably drinks 20 beers or so when he's out.

I realize a lot of peoples reactions are gonna be furious, saying tell the police, or the wife, etc, but that's a little extreme for right now.

I'm not really in the situation, but think I'm the only person she's talked to. Anyone else in town would somehow be directly related to our jobs and it would create a bigger problem.

So again, I'm wondering what our course of action should be. I realize it's a completely crazy situation (come around the corner, a 6'8", 400lb guy has his pants down, and hes your boss) and whatnot, so if you have any humour, or weird comments, go nuts.

Again, I'm happy it ended more strangely/oddly then poorly.

Part of me just needed to get this crazy story out there. I can't talk to any immediate friends, since they'd ALL KNOW exactly who, where and what happened.

Semi-related, she's working in a few minutes, days in the bar. I'll fill you guys in later maybe.

TylerJ76

Being drunk isn't an excuse to sexually assault anyone...which is exactly what he did.

& Your response to her was "It could of been worse"...that's just crazy.


meh..I would call the cops.

DannyMussels

For those of you who know me and my work,

Neither of these people is the ex-con, death-punch guy (killed a man with one punch) or the guy who took the hammer to his sisters truck (who recently took the hammer to his mothers furniture)

I'm not even sure what to nickname my boss now.

This is just too ridiculous to not find humour in. All I can do is shake my head, and eat my oatmeal.

DannyMussels

& Your response to her was "It could of been worse"...that's just crazy.

He could've actually raped her, or beat the hell outta her.

I feel it coulda been way worse.

That's not crazy at all.

I'm thankful it didnt' escalate.

mikey1976

wow that is crazy but why not sue for sexual herasment. it should pay well enough for her to leave

TylerJ76

& Your response to her was "It could of been worse"...that's just crazy.

He could've actually raped her, or beat the hell outta her.

I feel it coulda been way worse.

That's not crazy at all.

I'm thankful it didnt' escalate.

I agree. It could of been worse, thankfully it wasn't
She called you crying, upset and your response to here was "eh, it could of been worse" I just find it crazy that was your first choice of words to her..

DannyMussels

wow that is crazy but why not sue for sexual herasment. it should pay well enough for her to leave

Ya, I'm trying to figiure out how/what to actually do.

It's her only job, and I make more there then I do full-time in the kitchen.

I've gotta talk to her more about this sometime in the next day or two.

We work tomorrow night together.

SP2Bfit

The situation can't be ignored. As uncomfortable as she may feel she should talk to him about it, especially since there are many levels to the relationships. He needs to be told what he did and acknowledge his behavior. If she ignores it is more likely to occur again. If you feel comfortable with it, it would be good for you to be there with her as moral support. He needs to know this isn't a secret because the secrecy gives him more power and again increases the likelihood he may do it again. It is an uncomfortable situation. It may be just a one time thing and no matter what she does wouldn't happen again but I think my advice above may be her best course of action if she needs the job and can't/doesnt want to severe ties. Best of luck to her and you!

amandab1669

Wow, that's a crazy story. But since you all basically went to school together and know each other I think today she needs to go in and talk to your boss. He needs to know how he gets and what he did after drinking so much. He most likely has no clue what he did, but may change his drinking patterns if he knows how he acted and how that can affect his relationships with his employees and wife if she ever found out. I don't think she'll get fired but she needs to stick up for herself. And if you all are friends and his drinking is getting out of hand you may want to pull him to the side and discuss his drinking and how he gets so he is aware.

DannyMussels

I agree. It could of been worse, thankfully it wasn't
She called you crying, upset and your response to here was "eh, it could of been worse" I just find it crazy that was your first choice of words to her..

I had no clue what to say. Other then 'thats weird as hell' and..well at least you're home and safe. I was NOT expecting to hear anything as nuts as this.

I really still don't know what to say.

DannyMussels

The situation can't be ignored. As uncomfortable as she may feel she should talk to him about it, especially since there are many levels to the relationships. He needs to be told what he did and acknowledge his behavior.

I was thinking this.

Or basically asking if he remembers how his night ended.

It's just gonna get even more awkward.

I think I need more details from her, before we figure out what we should do/say.

whitneysaenz

For those of you who know me and my work,

Neither of these people is the ex-con, death-punch guy (killed a man with one punch) or the guy who took the hammer to his sisters truck (who recently took the hammer to his mothers furniture)

I'm not even sure what to nickname my boss now.

This is just too ridiculous to not find humour in. All I can do is shake my head, and eat my oatmeal.

By reading your news feed updates... I'd have to say you might just have the craziest bunch of co-workers I've ever heard about.


If she really needs the job, I guess she could wait and see if he even remembers. It sounds like he was plastered drunk. However, I definitely wouldn't be left alone with him and I would hope that she will at least try and get someone to stay with her if/when she has to close or be around him. I also wouldn't be hanging out at the bar with him anymore.

hennyben

Well, he didn't rape her or beat the hell out of her, so while he did sexually harass her, he didn't actually DO anything to her.

Maybe he was drunk and fancied his chances.

The fact that he's the boss makes it worse than it would be if it was another member of staff and she's now in a very awkward situation.

Really, I have no advice as I've never been in the situation, at most its a case of sexual harrassment.

DannyMussels

He needs to know how he gets and what he did after drinking so much. He most likely has no clue what he did, but may change his drinking patterns if he knows how he acted and how that can affect his relationships with his employees and wife if she ever found out.

I feel the same way about him as I do our kitchen manager. He's gotten drunk and missed shifts 5-10times this year, and the rest of us are stuck to cover. I've gotten 6am calls cause there's no cook to open the restaurant.

I don't understand drinking tons on random days. It makes me wonder if they have some sort of problem in their lives or whatever. I don't even do that kinda stuff once a month, but 3-5x a week they get so loaded and it sorta starts affecting everyone elses life when we're stuck dealing with problems created, namely people not showing up for shifts.

classycouture

If she's not willing to call the cops, the only real thing I can think of is to quit. Yes she needs the money, but it's not worth risking this happening again. If that's not an option, then someone needs to bring it to the boss's attention, especially if you all assume he doesn't remember. Just make sure she is never left alone with him again. Awful situation, but again, the cops need to be involved, or she needs to quit.

CarriLu123

My thoughts... It seems more like you are all friends more than employer employee so to say call the cops or sue seems a bit extreme to me. Chances are if he even remembers what happened he feels stupid and embarrassed. If she wants to keep the job then she needs to make sure she doesn't get caught alone with him again but she should probably look,for a new job.

lizziebeth1028

It's sexual harassement and nothing to make light off. Being a sloppy drunk does not excuse his behavior either. If I was the woman it happened to..I would have left him in his bar with his pants around his ankles and could have cared less if he got home or not. I would have quit then and there and the next morning be hitting the pavement looking for a new job. I know economy is bad but that does not mean you should stay in a threatening position of employment. Make light of it...go ahead. The drunken boss got away with it this time...next time it could be uglier. I know you painted the small town picture but what kind of backwards small town is it that you are not willing to take care of your own. This is 2012 NOT 1960. Protect the drunken boss and pretend it didn't happen??

I would advise your friend to press charges OR at least find another job. As a man and a gentlemen you might want to mention your boss's bad behavior to him since he won't remember himself (which is hardly an excuse)

DannyMussels

Well, he didn't rape her or beat the hell out of her, so while he did sexually harass her, he didn't actually DO anything to her.

Maybe he was drunk and fancied his chances.

The fact that he's the boss makes it worse than it would be if it was another member of staff and she's now in a very awkward situation.

Really, I have no advice as I've never been in the situation, at most its a case of sexual harrassment.

I feel exactly like this.

Coincidently enough, the other female bartender also works at the OPP (police) station, and the 3 of us work together tomorrow night. Telling someone else, it's bound to spread throughout work. But her advice might be a little more helpful than anyone elses.

DannyMussels

It's sexual harassement and nothing to make light off. Being a sloppy drunk does not excuse his behavior either. If I was the woman it happened to..I would have left him in his bar with his pants around his ankles and could have cared less if he got home or not. I would have quit then and there and the next morning be hitting the pavement looking for a new job. I know economy is bad but that does not mean you should stay in a threatening position of employment. Make light of it...go ahead. The drunken boss got away with it this time...next time it could be uglier. I know you painted the small town picture but what kind of backwards small town is it that you are not willing to take care of your own. This is 2012 NOT 1960. Protect the drunken boss and pretend it didn't happen??

I would advise your friend to press charges OR at least find another job. As a man and a gentlemen you might want to mention your boss's bad behavior to him since he won't remember himself (which is hardly an excuse)

You're super angry.

I don't feel like making fun of me, or how I'm dealing with the situation to be very helpful.

Go hit the treadmill.

sweetsarahj

first of all, you're right it could have been much worse.

The "right" thing to do is sue the MFer. However, she would ikely have to quit her job in that sceanario. I worked many many years in hospitality and the disgusting truth is that sexual harrasment is rampant. Once I was in the fridge, check my stock levels, turned my head and my co worker had pulled his pants down and his (massive) d*ck was right in my face. So yeah. Been there.

Anyhoo, I found the best way to deal with these situations is head on. If I was her, I'd have a wee sit-down with the boss and one other person (who preferably doesn't work at the bar) I'd say- this is what you did, and if you know what's good for you, it won't happen again. If you ever touch me or expose yourself to me, I'll sue you and tell your wife.

She might be scared about getting fired, but if she doesn't make it clear his advances are not welcome, he'll do it again. And if he fires her, she has a rock solid case for harassment.

Also, I currently work at the Ministry of Labour (Ontario provincial government). There is a requirement in the Occupational Health and Safety Act for every workplace to have a posted poilcy outlining how employees can deal with harassment issues. She can call the Ministry at 1-877-202-0008 and they will send an inspector..... it might not change much, but it might scare the boss.....

** edited for typos

hennyben

I feel exactly like this.

Coincidently enough, the other female bartender also works at the OPP (police) station, and the 3 of us work together tomorrow night. Telling someone else, it's bound to spread throughout work. But her advice might be a little more helpful than anyone elses.

Look, what I would say to her and you is if she really needs this job and is willing to stay there after what happened, I wouldn't go telling other staff members because the boss is gonna hear it back, get embarrassed and probably fire her, or find a reason to fire her.

TylerJ76

It's sexual harassement and nothing to make light off. Being a sloppy drunk does not excuse his behavior either. If I was the woman it happened to..I would have left him in his bar with his pants around his ankles and could have cared less if he got home or not. I would have quit then and there and the next morning be hitting the pavement looking for a new job. I know economy is bad but that does not mean you should stay in a threatening position of employment. Make light of it...go ahead. The drunken boss got away with it this time...next time it could be uglier. I know you painted the small town picture but what kind of backwards small town is it that you are not willing to take care of your own. This is 2012 NOT 1960. Protect the drunken boss and pretend it didn't happen??

I would advise your friend to press charges OR at least find another job. As a man and a gentlemen you might want to mention your boss's bad behavior to him since he won't remember himself (which is hardly an excuse)

You're super angry.

I don't feel like making fun of me, or how I'm dealing with the situation to be very helpful.

Go hit the treadmill.

Wow...Just wow...

DannyMussels

If she's not willing to call the cops, the only real thing I can think of is to quit. Yes she needs the money, but it's not worth risking this happening again. If that's not an option, then someone needs to bring it to the boss's attention, especially if you all assume he doesn't remember. Just make sure she is never left alone with him again. Awful situation, but again, the cops need to be involved, or she needs to quit.

This all makes sense too.

I'd hate to be there this afternoon, I have a feeling they'll both be there at some point. It's a large buidling, a restaurant and bar, front desk and hotel, so it's not like they'll be ALONE-alone today. Just enough to make it uncomfortable.

mmstgr

That's a terrible situation. Maybe ask her how she's feeling, and see what she wants to do. She may have had some time to think about it a bit. Just support her I guess.

lizziebeth1028

first of all, you're right it could have been much worse.

The "right" thing to do is sue the MFer. However, she would ikely have to quit her job in that sceanario. I worked many many years in hospitality and the disgusting truth is that sexual harrasment is rampant. Once I was in the fridge, check my stock levels, turned my head and my co worker had pulled his pants down and his (massive) d*ck was right in my face. So yeah. Been there.

Anyhoo, I found the best way to deal with these situations is head on. If I was her, I'd have a wee sit-down with the boss and one other person (who preferably doesn' work at the bar) I'd say- this is what you did, and if you know what's good for you, it won't happen again. If you ever touch me or expose yourself to me, I'll sue you and tell your wife.

She might be scared about getting fired, but if she doens't make it clear his advances are not welcome, he'll do it again. And if he fires her, she a rock solid case for harassment.

Also, I currently work at the Ministry of Labour (Ontario provincial government). There is a requirement in teh Occupational Health and Safety Act for every workplace to have a posted poilcy outlining how employees can deal with ahrassment issues. She can call the Ministry at 1-877-202-0008 and they will send an inspector..... it might not change much, but it might scare the boss.....

^^^^^ Awesome sound advice! Well said!

DannyMussels

first of all, you're right it could have been much worse.

The "right" thing to do is sue the MFer. However, she would ikely have to quit her job in that sceanario. I worked many many years in hospitality and the disgusting truth is that sexual harrasment is rampant. Once I was in the fridge, check my stock levels, turned my head and my co worker had pulled his pants down and his (massive) d*ck was right in my face. So yeah. Been there.

Anyhoo, I found the best way to deal with these situations is head on. If I was her, I'd have a wee sit-down with the boss and one other person (who preferably doesn' work at the bar) I'd say- this is what you did, and if you know what's good for you, it won't happen again. If you ever touch me or expose yourself to me, I'll sue you and tell your wife.

She might be scared about getting fired, but if she doens't make it clear his advances are not welcome, he'll do it again. And if he fires her, she a rock solid case for harassment.

Also, I currently work at the Ministry of Labour (Ontario provincial government). There is a requirement in teh Occupational Health and Safety Act for every workplace to have a posted poilcy outlining how employees can deal with ahrassment issues. She can call the Ministry at 1-877-202-0008 and they will send an inspector..... it might not change much, but it might scare the boss.....

I think this makes the most sense too. I'm not sure what she's willing to do. Maybe she's talked to someone else, I'm not sure.

I don't think there's an absolute right, or wrong way to go about this. For now, I feel like less is more, in case we/she does the wrong thing too soon.

It's just so bizarre.

iam_thatdude

Its like my dad always used to say....

Never livd in a town of 7k or work with extremely fat or drunk ppl

Well he never said that, I think it was something like u better pay attention in school or u will end up working in a bar in your 30's

sweetsarahj

By reading your news feed updates... I'd have to say you might just have the craziest bunch of co-workers I've ever heard about

Nah, this is just Thunder Bay..... LMAO

DannyMussels

Its like my dad always used to say....

Never livd in a town of 7k or work with extremely fat or drunk ppl

Well he never said that, I think it was something like u better pay attention in school or u will end up working in a bar in your 30's

I work in the bar part-time, it's an extra couple hundred bucks every week.

It's her main job, so she's in a sticky situation about leaving and probably not finding something that pays half as much.

We also have a pharmacist, and one of the nurses that work part-time for us.

Some nights they leave with $400-500 bucks.

myofibril

Your friend should write a statement as soon as possible outlining her full recollection of the events and exactly what was said and done by your boss. It may be uncomfortable for her but it will be invaluable in the event she decides to pursue the matter further.

She should address the matter with your boss and tell him his behaviour is unacceptable, preferably in the presence of an independent party who doesn't work there but she trusts.

What she then decides to do is up to her but the balance of power is with her.

thomassd1969

I had a similair situation, my boss of 2 years was moving out of state and we had a going away party for him a the local hang out. He got wasted and asked me to go outside with him while he smoked. He proceed to to the same thing as this guy. I was in shock. He never touched me but told me he wanted to have sex in the parking lot etc. I told him to knock it off that he was drunk. The next day he calls me and is so sorry for what he did (he couldnt remember half of it) I told him i was totally surprised by his actions and he was lucky I didnt clock him in the jaw. It bothered me but at least he apoligized.