Husband is constant opposition!!

ScullyKel

Hi There! I understand and feel your pain. I was in a relationship that sabotaged all of my efforts to loose weight for a very long time. When I finally went to the "diet doctor" she suggested several things that worked overall and eventually brought my ex (yeah he's an ex now) to an understanding of my attempts at a healthier lifestyle:

1) Create a COMPLETELY SEPARATE area in the pantry for his snacks/bad things that you are tempted by and put a child lock on it . This way anyone that goes into the area has to make a concious effort to get into and eat the bad stuff. Just another trick to keep yourself mindful of the things you are putting in your body and give your mind a minute to ask "should I be eating this?"

2) Lead by example and emphasize how much better you feel due to your choices in food and exercise, etc. when you talk to him about your day. Try to give it a positive spin instead of a nagging guilt about his own choices. People are more apt to change bad habits when inspired by someone they love.

3) Calmly discuss how his actions make you feel and hinder your progress to make your life better and healthier. If he's not responsive to a heart-to-heart conversation about something as simple as that, then you may need to seek a professional counselor. He may have some underlying body/image issues that he isn't willing to share with you because he's uncomfortable about talking about them.

I'm sure you can figure out something that works for you. And all the advice given here has been excellent . Good Luck and stick to your guns. Only your actions can sabotage your efforts to loose weight. The people around you can make it harder, but just set your mind to it and you can accomplish your goals.

rcbeck99

One thing I know I wouldn't do in this situation: I wouldn't enable this kind of behavior.

I know it's tough. My husband is rather similar. I told my husband point blank that I intend to eat healthier, lose weight, and gain muscle so I can be a fit individual who lives a long and happy life. He says he is on board but... I get the sighing and the nit picking at the meals, too. I don't feel sorry for him. I told him that if he wanted to eat unhealthy foods he had to make his own meal plans, go to the grocery store, buy his own foods, and prepare his own meals - while still working and supporting this family. Also, there will be less money for hobbies - no video games, no movie night with the guys, whatever. It's not my job to support his bad habits, if he wants to act that way he can make his own sacrifices to do it. Make him work for his unhealthy lifestyle and realize just how much you really do for him.

Luckily, my husband isn't as verbal with his insecurities as yours is. Saying you're a health nazi and that you're obsessed with your health while implying that isn't any way to live is only him putting his own problems onto you. He's scared. I would seek therapy so that you can work on communicating through this and hopefully bring him to the realization that if he just lets you help him while helping yourself it can benefit him greatly in the long run.

This!!

HelloDan

So we know the bad side, but what motivates your husband, and what does he enjoy?

Finding somehting that motivates him, is likely to be the best way to make change. Is there somehting he has always wanted to do that requires being healthy, or is he competitive?

I am fortunate in that I've always been and active and healthy person, and so is my wife, so perhaps my view isn't normal, but I think if he had a hobby that is active or had some kind of competition he may tend to be motivated to get healthy to help this.

For instance, if you guys took up an activity like tennis, would it motivate him to get fitter and healthier if you were beating him easily? Does he have any friends that have active hobbies, so he could go and do something like play basketball (I want to say rugby really, but that's not popular enough in the US yet!) with friends or a local team?

I know you said you don't have kids yet, but would that motivate him? I don't mean having kids right now, I mean considering the future ideas of setting an example and encouraging them to be healthy, playing with them (Like climbing frames and monkey bars in a playground etc..) or even just simply being alive as they grow up?

Sorry my post is a bit disjointed, I kind of just typed thoughts as they came into my head. One thing that has been mentioned and that I agree with, is that I think the carrot is likely to bring better results than the stick in this scenario.

ArroganceInStep

(I want to say rugby really, but that's not popular enough in the US yet!)

There are tons of men's clubs all over, particularly in major cities on the coasts. More are popping up every day.

HelloDan

(I want to say rugby really, but that's not popular enough in the US yet!)

There are tons of men's clubs all over, particularly in major cities on the coasts. More are popping up every day.

For sure, I even nearly played for one too.

However from the viewpoint that England has around 2.5million registered players and the US has about 90 thousand, I would consider it not very popular, especially when you consider that the US has a population of about 300 million and England has about 70 million.

Are you a fan or a player (or both - not mutually exclusive!)?

Apologies for going off topic.

Jugie12

I totally agree - pull what my mom did: You can eat what I cook or you can go hungry! He'll get it eventually. Cook healthy meals that help you get to your goal. He will have to get over the insecurities and man up. Do NOT give up your health to support his bad habits!! Your health and bangin' bod will be contagious!

deniseg31

Just come home and yell:

THIS IS THE HEALTHY EATING TRAIN, GET ON IT, OR GET UNDER IT!

Then when he starts to say something just start yelling

WOO WOO!

Yeah, that didnt work for me either, but it was fun to say.

LOL

LOL! Hilarious!!! :laugh:

ScientistStudy

Pfft! I wouldn't make his meals, I'd tell him if he wants food he makes it himself or he eats whats being made by me because its not fair for you to have to cook 2 meals. Same of the food shopping!

tgh1914

That's a tough situation - but it sounds as though he has no desire to change his eating habits, so trying to force him today what you eat is only going to cause friction.

If it was me I would just stop discussing it - do what you need to do, don't put any pressure on him to change. If he wants to add or takeaway from the meal, thats his decision. At least by cooking healthy meals you are providing the option for him to change when he is ready to.

I agree with this ^^^. Actions always speak louder than words. And, frankly, I think sometimes folks will even rebel against words if it's perceived as nagging or whatever. It's gotta be a decision from him.

I can tell you that over time you can def find a good middle ground if you work on it. I'm the husband that's kind of on the other side. Although I wouldn't say my wife eats unhealthy, I def choose a more strict eating & fitness lifestyle, especially during spring/summer. But I don't put that burden on her to accommodate me. She does most of the shopping, but it's up to me to get my requests on her list before she goes (and I usually have to be pretty specific). And often I also do a separate shopping run, but those are usually smaller. On weekdays I tend find out what the plan is for dinner ahead of time & I either have small adjustments (like substituting one of the sides) or I've learned to help her with a minor adjustment to the cooking (like throw in an extra chicken breast that won't get topped with a bunch of extras or make one the rolls wheat instead of white which I already purchased). She's fine with those minor adjustments. Also, on the weekends I do a lot of the cooking. I've found a lot of things that are good enough for me and the kids will eat too. So my wife appreciates those times. And if she just can't cook & they all want pizza or something, she just lets me know a while before hand & I make due with my own stuff.

But it's been a work in progress. And I've had to learn to think ahead & plan ahead so it doesn't just put the burden on her at the last minute (which she won't). So it can be done, just takes mutual efforts.

ArroganceInStep

(I want to say rugby really, but that's not popular enough in the US yet!)

There are tons of men's clubs all over, particularly in major cities on the coasts. More are popping up every day.

For sure, I even nearly played for one too.

However from the viewpoint that England has around 2.5million registered players and the US has about 90 thousand, I would consider it not very popular, especially when you consider that the US has a population of about 300 million and England has about 70 million.

Are you a fan or a player (or both - not mutually exclusive!)?

Apologies for going off topic.

Played tight head prop in high school and college (PSU). Will be getting back into it once my work circumstances allow for it.


Back on topic. For everybody saying 'eat what I cook or go hungry and deal', what's to stop him from saying 'well I'm an adult so f*** you I'll buy what I want and stock the fridge with whatever the hell I feel like and I'll eat whatever I damn well feel like. That would be my reaction to that sort of ultimatum (in case you missed it, I'm stubborn). Whether or not you 'win' this fight doesn't matter, you end up spending so much energy on it and one or both of you could just wind up resentful of the other. Why not try to work together so you're both happy (or at least less pissed at each other).

I do most of the cooking in my house, particularly the sunday bulk batch for lunches for the week. I try my best to account for both of our dietary tastes when I'm cooking, and usually come up with a middle ground where we're both happy.

It's a bit more work than 'I'm cooking what I want, you can eat it or you can p*** the f*** off', but it keeps both of us a bit happier at the end of the day.

Dave198lbs

love, honor and OBEY.

katejkelley

Here's my recommendation: if you do the grocery shopping and cooking, you get to decide what the meals are. If he wants junk, he has to go get it himself. I will bet you anything, if it's not always in the house, he won't eat as much of it. I only cook one meal. If others don't like it, they can fend for themselves.

mtaylor33557

love, honor and OBEY.

I think in our vows we said "Love, honor, and respect" .. I think we both said that.

ArroganceInStep

love, honor and OBEY.

I think in our vows we said "Love, honor, and respect" .. I think we both said that.

Check out Bill Cosby's standup routine

abcmom03

I think our husbands must be one in the same

MJ7910

This is slighly off topic but doesn't it just bother you to buy thngs you know are so unhealthy! like buying regular sodas. 160 calories a can and there is nothing in it but sugar. i think of it as "sugar water" secretly when i pick some up for my husband. it is so bad! it kills me to buy candy too. but i do it for him... and then i end up regretting it because i might take some. soda probably is the one that kills me the most though. why drink your calories?

HotAshMess

I can relate....my boyfriend says corn, and potatoes are vegatables. He only eats iceberg lettuce, SMOTHERED in Western dressing, with cheese, croutons and nuts. It's been a struggle. Any time I would try to use a sugar substitute, something other than real butter, fat free/light/sugar free he would do this thing where he'd roll it around his mouth, smash it against the roof of his mouth (with it open, of course) and then tell me it tasted funny or the texture was "weird". It's been a real big problem. Oh...not to mention that I am a binge eater who gravitates towards sweets first, salt second....and he would bring in donuts, cookies, cakes, ice cream, soda....just ridiculousless all the time. I even posted on the board (much like you have). After months of feeling sabotaged and feeling upset, I finally confronted him. I told him I was sick of having the garbage in the house. I was sick of being fat and feeling gross. And I was sick of feeling like he didn't respect me and didnt want me to have the things that I wanted (being healthier) and that I wasn't going to buy him his own food anymore. I told him things might taste different and be different, but that doesn't make them bad and he needed to deal with it or take care of himself-somewhere else- because I wasn't doing the dual dinner routine anymore.

One night while talking, he finally admitted that he is the heaviest he's ever been and doesn't like it. We had a talk about how he needs to be doing things in moderation and actually acknowledging the things he eats. So I got him on MFP. He refused to log anything himself (he made me do it) and only did it for 2-3 days and then quit. BUT I have noticed some changes...he doesn't complain when I mess with the food a little, he even tried light dressing (he wasn't ready for fat free). It's all about making small changes, one at a time. I'd definitely stop making him his own dinner. Make ONE healthy dinner...if he doesn't like what you make then let him make his own, if he wants to add cheese or whatever, let him. But I would stop doing everything to enable him. Let him fend for himself or make the changes he desires in his food, but don't go out of your way to do it.

mmsilvia

Maybe sit down & talk to him about it. My husband is a total junk food freak. The unhealthier the better to him...lol!! My husband would eat my healthy dinners but, after dinner he would eat cookies, chips & ice cream because he was starving. Truth was he wasn't starving and his weight started to climb.

He realized that his clothes were all getting tighter and now he helps cook health dinners. He doesn't buy as much junk any more (he is taking baby steps instead of buying chips & cookies he is buying frozen yogurt & granola bars).

Lately he has even worked out with me. Granted he is only doing it once or twice a week but, you have to start some where.

You can't make him change but, a day might come in the future (be it near or far) when he realizes it's in his best health interested to eat healthier.

sarahrbraun

Unfortunately trying to change someone's eating habits is nearly impossible. However that does not mean you should give up on him. He has to come to the realization himself that he is damaging his body but often that doesn't happen until there is a health scare. Just keep loving him and slowly and gently offering him new foods. My guy won't eat "green stuff" but there are heaps of other things like mushrooms, pulses, potatoes etc. that he likes. A difficult situation for you, money wise and health wise for him and I wish you luck.

^^^^ this^^^ My husband *says* that he wants to get healthy, etc, but he eats lots of junk. we have been a member at the local Y for over 3 months and he hasn't set foot in there but once--I have been there probably 50 times. Every night he asks "what's for snack?" I have been attempting to keep healthier options at home for him to snack on--cashews, yogurt, whole wheat bagels, etc

temsabi

Maybe talk to a counselor or church leader about it if you find that it comes between your relationship or your health. Men can be pretty brain dead and sometimes it takes a mediator to call them out on their actions in order for a guy to see how clueless and insensitive they can be. The fact that your husband is sooooo dependent on junk food and his family suffers from some major health problems, I wouldn't be surprised if there's something more to it than just "he doesn't like vegetables". Junk food has been a part of his life since birth, and to go all granola all of a sudden means admitting his family was doing it wrong this whole time. That's not easy to admit to.

If talking to a counselor about it is too touchy-feely for you, try you hardest not to let your husband get to your head and just get to be the buff, healthy person you want to be. He'll eventually see how happy, healthy, and good looking you are in that state and ask you for tips

I definitely understand being worried about his health. My brother was on the junk food/supplements kick for years. It ruined his body. He was a body builder but his diet gave him such bad issues he now can't have a family and had to have a breast reduction. Processed food really not only affects our waistline, but has a MAJOR effect on our genetics!! I wish you luck with your husband! You're doing great and you look absolutely fab in your pictures