Husband is constant opposition!!
Replies
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http://www.thegraciouspantry.com/
http://cleaneatingmag.com/
There are bound to be recipes on there he will eat. I found its not that hard to make clean versions of things like beef stew, meatloaf etc.
Also I made clean peanut butter cookies the other day and they were so good a 3 year old scarfed down three of them as if they were Girl Scout cookies
1 cup peanut butter (all natural is cleaner/healthier)
1 tsp vanila extract
3 packets Stevia
1 egg
Blend and scoop out tablespoon size balls onto cookie sheet. Flatten with a fork and bake at 350 for about ten minutes0 -
Make him cook his own food. It is 2012 and guys are able to enter the kitchen now. I know for some this might be a crazy idea, but I see it all the time on the electric picture box, men in the kitchen....cooking their own food....who would've thought! Anywho, marriage is about teamwork, if you can't even work on this together....well, I hope you all don't have kids yet...
Yeah, I agree with this but more often than not men are dealing with controlling women who may say they want help in the kitchen but then complain about it when they get it. If she is not cooking for him, she loses some of her perceived control over him. If he cooks for himself and still eats unhealthy food, she will still be resentful - guaranteed. It's not as much about the food he is eating; it's that he is not on board with how she envisions he should be living his life.0 -
I've read through as many of the replies as I could and I have to say that most importantly, I respectfully disagree with those who said to leave it alone and keep working on yourself. He's your husband and life partner, and he's going to die a lot sooner than you if he continues to live the way he is. My husband is the same way, and it's not as much the fact that we also end up spending way more on separate foods, as much as it is the fact that I need him to also be healthy WITH me and want to stop treating his body like a trash can. Not everyone will agree with this advice but I feel like, especially if the budget issue is important, you need to try and be the one to put the foot down on the *kitten* food. Sit down, prepare yourself a list of important reasons and detailed "whys" and then have the conversation with him. And, I didn't hear whether or not you do, but ESPECIALLY if you happen to have kids, you are the one who is in the right and has priority to buy chicken breast and vegetables over chef boy r dee and cheetos. It's your family, and his too, but sometimes someone has to be strong enough to make the change if one person is falling into terrible and unhealthy habits.
As far as inspiration, well, just keep working on yourself and although you should focus on health rather than looks...if you start looking more and more fit and amazing I am telling you, he will become jealous or disheartened and that will be a little eye-opener for him!0 -
Solution A : take his debit card or take the money out of the bank or take the money and put it in a savings account....
Someone would just allow this to happen???0 -
just to share with you my wife thinks that i'm stupid, insane, impractical when i started this journey. she even told me that i'm boring. so i just did what gonna do, eat clean, workout then eventually she's seeing the result that's until then when she supports me... hope you can learn form my experience.
i'm married for 20 years and i would say it's a challenge, adjustment period will never end and both of you need to figure out how the two of you will work together.0 -
Sometimes we find out the one we chose is not really the right one. Sounds like he is on a totally different path and refuses to lean anyway but his own. Seems so selfish especially when it comes to your health and possibly extending your life togther. It also sounds like you have been more than accomodating, and it has finally worn on you. Maybe therapy and possibly a trial separation...0
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This is a rather easy fix... If he won't eat what you cook and goes and spends more money on food from a gas station... Big problem....
Solution A : take his debit card or take the money out of the bank or take the money and put it in a savings account....
Solution B : Don't give him no play... I don't care who it is, if your old lady isn't putting out your going to do what it takes to get some... Its called MALE INSTINCT
Yes, because being a thieving, manipulative, tyrannical, uncommunicative, frigid sociopath is the answer.0 -
My boyfriend is the same way!
I grocery shop every week. If he comes with me, he can pick out whatever crap he wants and we split the bill. If he doesn't come with me, he's on his own.
I also prepare my meals every Sunday so I have no excuses not to eat healthy throughout the week. If he wants to eat my food, fine, if not, he's on his own with that too.
He's a 31 year old man, not a child, so he can fend for himself. I've tried to get him to eat better and he doesn't want to so I don't worry about it anymore. As long as he doesn't get in my way of living a better life he can eat whatever he wants.
This works for us, maybe it will work for you guys too
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Explain to him that the path he is on will lead to ED. That will wake him up.0
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This was my husband after our first couple months of being married. I realized I had gained 30 pounds just being happy and eating the way he did so I changed my diet. I've always been a runner and it was just my eating habits that really contributed to such massive weight gain. He would also not eat much during the day and then binge when he got home and he claimed to not be able to drink water unless it was ICE cold. He always went for the soda. He was NOT okay with veggies or any kind of "healthier" options at first. I used to do what you did and keep pressing the issue and then he would get mad and round and round we would go.
Then one day I decided it was enough. I figured he is an adult and he can figure it out himself. Not because I don't love him and want him to be healthy, but I felt like I was becoming his mother and that was not okay with me! We agreed to fix ourselves our own dinners, or we made items that we could each put together separately (like taco night, we'd make the meat and beans and everything separately and then we'd each make our own plates). I always buy my healthy stuff and he buys what he wants. We shop together and try to budget so that we each get equal amounts of the stuff we want. Over the past few months, I have seen him making healthier choices on his own. He now drinks more water and eats more veggies. I even caught him on the treadmill a few times!! I never really bring it up anymore. If he offers me stuff that is too high in calories for me, I say thank you, but I think I'll have - insert healthier option here- and he understands.
Hang in there and try to be patient. My husband has noticed I have more energy and I feel more confident and I think he's thinking he may want to feel that way too... try to lead by example and treat him with love. Hopefully he will come around. Plus, if he does it on his terms, then he'll be more likely to stick with it. Best of luck!!0 -
Sometimes it's hard to say things to a loved one, I certainly know! My family was furious when I became a vegetarian and just couldn't understand. It's been seven years since I turned vegetarian and now my mother no longer eats meat and my dad (who would only eat fast food) now has kale chips! My parents are both naturally slim with high metabolisms so their weight wasn't an issue...but cholesterol was!!
**Point being, you should consider printing out your feelings from this message board and some of the POSITIVE criticisms that have been said..this might be a little reality check for him and show him that his actions are truly hindering something really great that will impact both of you in the long run. It might help him hearing it from strangers with different view points..and to read what you're actually thinking.
It's hard when no one supports you, but worth it. It took a couple years but my family (all of 'em, even my friends!) are healthier because I stick to a 'clean' diet and encourage them to try new, healthy dishes.0 -
This sounds like a very frustrating situation. Unfortunately when someone acts like a child and only wants to eat candy and chips, treat him like one. He can shop for his own groceries and make his own meals OR he can eat what you make and what you buy. OR go to bed hungry. You cooking your adult husband a seperate dinner because he is a picky eater is ridiculous. Unfortunately this situation is going to cause some friction but you cannot let his poor behavior hold you back. That is unfair to you. Get it girl.0
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I agree with zandrellia! Stand your ground. It'll be tough but you can do it!! Hey, your having a really tough time now...sounds like it can only get better. Keep being the "health nazi" (even tho you are not really). He'll come around at least a little but it may take time. Be patient, strong and confident. Keep up the good work with your health goals.
Are you a mom? What would you do if it were your son or daughter would you let them be this with you? Demand the same respect from your husband. I don't mean in a tyrant kind of way but be firm. Don't give up on what you believe to be in the best interest for you both in the long run.
I wish you lots of luck!0 -
I read your post and my heart aches. I wish I would have had the chance years ago to think like you in worrying about my health... and with my husband's ..... so things might be different today.....but I dont have that luxury.... and now am widowed.... healthy now...but alone. I wish things were different...that we both could be healthy together....enjoying this "newness" i feel in being healthy for the first time in my life.
My husband and I ate pretty much anything we wanted..twasnt healthy at all and junk was a main staple. We stayed away from docs and grew in size over our 25 years together....not to mention had health issues....but kept our heads in the sand and neglected everything. That came to a gringing hault in september 2009. His story is on a site I built in his memory... http://penile-cancer.ca under Curtis' Wish.
Needless to say all efforts to regain health was lost for him....and I continued on after his death in July of 2010 on my journey to health. I could not go backwards after watching his struggle for every bit of life that he couldnt regain.
Neglecting health is something that one doesnt realize sometimes until too late. I know many of us have the thought of being untouchable...that it wont happen to me.... but things do happen.... and when we finally do realize it's too late. Dont let it be too late for yourself...and I hope your husband doesnt either.
First, HOLY CRAP congratulations on your AMAZING weight loss!!!!
Second, while my husband supports me, he doesn't eat well and I fear he will end up on the same road as your husband did with the same end result. It absolutely breaks my heart into a million pieces to think of having to spend 1 day on this earth without him. I admire your strength and your courage to take this journey alone.0 -
I have a large family. 4adults and two children in the house at the moment. I actually do cook 3 meals, or i shoudl say have 3 diffrent choices for dinner. I am anew vegan, so you can imagine they are not jumpin on board with me. One thing I do is to cook extra for myself. For example, I made some cajun red kidney beans 2 days ago, so i will have them for lunch today, then freeze the rest. I am currently cooking up some wild/ brown rice.. about 4 servings. I have also in my fridge about 5 yams i cooked off yesturday. And some frersh veggies Ill cook up thi evening. So I then will have .. yams, rice, fresh vegies.. and red beans. Ill not have to cook for myself for a few days. I hope this makes sense. tonight for their dinner i am making Pasta, and a meat sauce. There will be left overs. And as a back up if they want they can have sandwich/ canned soup. Tomarrow night I will probably make shepards pie for them... and so they will have a few choices on that night. And so it cycles on...
Also, my husband is starting to eat some of my dinner choices. I am a good cook, and he is interested by new recipes Im trying. or things I think to put together. Anyways I hope this helps.
Josette0 -
Explain to him that the path he is on will lead to ED. That will wake him up.
LOL! And...each 15lb lost increases "organ" length by an inch!
http://voices.yahoo.com/size-matters-weight-affect-penis-size-568388.html0 -
My ex-husband did the same thing to me and notice I said ex-husband. Anytime I started to try to care about my health he would control the finances and grocery shopping and he would buy nothing but junk. Even though he would not admit it I know he knew if I gained more self-confidence and felt better about myself then I would leave him. But I left him because that was only a portion of it. He was extremely emotionally abusive. He weighed over 450 lbs by the time I left. I was at 406 at my heaviest. I gained over 75 lbs being married to him. Just leaving the situation and not changing my habits I even started losing because I was not as depressed and overwhelmed being with my family again and those who truly loved me.
The only solution I would say for now is to tell him that since he doesn't agree with living a healthier lifestyle and putting his health and longevitiy as an important objective then you will have to split the grocery budget and he will be responsible for his own grocery shopping. Then try your best to work with your budget and make things and cook for yourself that may tempt him. Keep plugging away and don't give into his immaturity. But you can't control what they did. I am happier being away now and it was hard hearing how my ex then started losing weight after I was gone. Like I didn't matter enough for him to do it with me but for someone else. But that is no longer my concern. What's important is my happiness and my walk with God now. Hang in there! 0 -
Lots of good info and suggestions here and some less than desirable ones too. Here's my two cents. I had this happen to a friend of mine whose husband was just as bad. Except if he didn't like the meal, he'd just order a large pizza and eat it in front of her.
One day I jokingly suggested that she make them one last garbage meal. And at desert, she tell him that this was her last crappy meal, she's doubled his life insurance and serve him a pound of lard with a Twinkie stuck in the middle and covered with chocolate.
She did it a week later.... And it worked... He got off her case and started looking at the whole process a bit differently. They still have a few bumps along the way, but hey! Who doesn’t?
Nevertheless, I suggest that you try some of the other “work with” suggestions first. I feel for you and wish you the best of luck.0 -
I have a similar situation with my husband. He has always been overweight and has increased in size and the last 11 years we have done it together. Congestive heart failure runs in his family and diabetes runs in mine. A year ago we got our blood drawn for health fair and I started doing the research when we got our results back. In a lot of areas he was good and I was bad and visa verse. I flipped because I was on the verge of becoming diabetic. I had all the starting signs. Plus he had all the signs of heart issues. I started harping on him really bad and in turn he got mad and resentful. Eventually after the mud cleared I sat him down and told him I loved him with all my heart, no matter what size but I am getting healthy for our life and our children. I told him I didn't want to raise our kids by myself nor did I want to be alone after they were gone. I told him I wanted to have a life with him after kids and at this rate it wasn't going to happen. I also told him that I will be cooking healthier and buying healthier things. I didn't give the option of buying his own stuff. Plus he hates the store. And there is where I have left it.
He has since lost 50lbs he tells me. I don't look it's not my business. I have noticed that his clothes are fitting better and he can fit into clothes he hasn't been able to in a long time. I have made changes slowly and try to incorporate more vegetables and lower fat things in our diets. His is pretty accepting about it and will tell me flat out if he won't eat something. It makes it hard with the kids at times but he does help me get them to try it at least. Some times he makes his own food if he doesn't want what I have cooked. Most times he will eat a portion and ask me not to make it again or makes suggestions on what he thinks may help it. The majority of the time I don't tell him that it is a healthier meal and he never questions it he just eats it. He does ask for ice cream and chocolate but in moderation. Overall his diet has improved. It is not the super healthy but at least it is progress.
What worked for me is when I stopped nagging and laid it on the table of how I felt and I took his feelings into consideration. It took us awhile to get to that point and it continues to be a work in progress on both sides. You two will figure out that balance and find a way to make it work for you. A friend of mine went cold turkey on her husband and said this is how it is going to be so there with their diet and her husband accepted that however that is not how my husband or my marriage works so that is why I say you have to find what works for the two of you with cooperation on both sides.
You be the example and keep trying new things. Eventually he will join you I'm sure. Stay strong and continue the path you are on. These trials will not always be easy but they will only make you stronger.
Good luck to you and your hubby!! Feel free to add me for added support!0 -
@yoovie, You are awesome. Three favorite meals on repeat? LMAO!![...]
My only advice to you is to put up with what you can put up with and focus more on your own joy in changing your life. So his meal is all shades of brown and orange and white. Yours is a rainbow and probably some beautiful subtle savory flavors that you can be proud of creating. I would throw myself into making even more amazing and bautiful and healthy meals for mself and just give him his three favorite meals on repeat.
if he has to have spaghetti every damn day, after a while he may start looking harder at your plat which you are thoroughly enjoying.
Succeed in spite of him. Yo are worth the effort, no matter what names and insults he slides your way.
Best of luck honey!!0 -
@yoovie, You are awesome. Three favorite meals on repeat? LMAO!![...]
My only advice to you is to put up with what you can put up with and focus more on your own joy in changing your life. So his meal is all shades of brown and orange and white. Yours is a rainbow and probably some beautiful subtle savory flavors that you can be proud of creating. I would throw myself into making even more amazing and bautiful and healthy meals for mself and just give him his three favorite meals on repeat.
if he has to have spaghetti every damn day, after a while he may start looking harder at your plat which you are thoroughly enjoying.
Succeed in spite of him. Yo are worth the effort, no matter what names and insults he slides your way.
Best of luck honey!!
Obviously there is a severe lack of understanding here.
If I was this womans husband and she made me my three favorite meals every day I would call that heaven.
What ? You mean every night I get a choice between a Burger and Fries, Pizza and Mexican food ? Where do I sign up I would say?
Yeah not effective not advised. If it was the same meal every day yeah sure that might get old but I could eat pizza every day in my former fatter self.0 -
Obviously there is a severe lack of understanding here.
If I was this womans husband and she made me my three favorite meals every day I would call that heaven.
What ? You mean every night I get a choice between a Burger and Fries, Pizza and Mexican food ? Where do I sign up I would say?
Yeah not effective not advised. If it was the same meal every day yeah sure that might get old but I could eat pizza every day in my former fatter self.
I disagree, the idea would be that if the spouse is unwilling to change, she should make things he does like that won't break the bank, since budget is a concern of hers. It's not her responsibility to make him eat healthier, just like it's not his responsibility to let her boss him around and take away his debit card or throw out food he purchased or other such nonsense. Being a spouse != being a parent. Your job is to support each other, not dictate how the other lives their life.0 -
I use to feel this way about my family constantly sabotaging my ability to eat healthyby bringing unhealthy foods into the house or on nights and weekends, monopolizing my exercise times. I finally had to accept this was never going to stop, I could give into them and give up on myself, I could try to hide by running away and move out (this thought did cross my mind several times), neither were viable solutions. So, in the end I decided I would just suck it up and tough it out, its 100% up to me, sure there will always be the valid emergency and you wont have time to prepare properly for those and one day off track wont ruin anything but overall you have complete control over your own life if you decide to take it. Keep doing this for youl, eat healthy, workout, and let husbands, children, other family and friends, know you love them but that you are putting you first and they are going to have to pitch in and take care of themselves and eachother, however they see fit. They will hate it, they will complain and keep bringing home junk, they will try to get in your way, just keep marching on and never look back and you will get to your goals, feeling proud and happy you did, never stop, they will still love you in the end. Gotta fight the good fight even when you get hit hard from the last place you expected it, home. Good Luck!0
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Hi,
It seems like right now you can only help yourself. In any relationship the couple tend to project their own feeings onto others instead of introspecting and seeing themselves for who they are. Your husband isn't really oppossing you per say. He's opposed to eating healthy and changing his lifestyle in any way. Because you are changing and trying to lead a healthier lifeystyle he feels threatened by you. You can't control him, and you can't control the fact that he has a lot of years of bad eating habits carried down probably for generations in his family. All you have real control of is yourself. Don't get discouraged. Hang in there. Let him eat whatever he wants, don't nag at him. It only drives him further away, and it only makes you feel sad and frustrated. Make the two meals if you have to, to keep the peace. I believe that he will eventually see your progress as something good and he will role model your behavior. Focus on the people that do support what you are trying to accomplish. Good luck.0 -
There's alot of good advice in this thread but I also alot of comments I had to cringe at. Honestly anyone not having this problem with a mate/spouse should count themselves lucky. It's VERY common and definitely not something you just ditch your mate over.
That said I don't think there is one simple solution. I offered by advice about freezer cooking but by that I just meant do what you can to make this easier on yourself. I also agree with having him keep his junk food out of the way in one place.
One thing I want to point out is no matter how much somebody may want to lose weight, most people resist if they feel like they are being forced into somebody elses journey. I used to feel like this with my mom....I wanted to lose but I wanted it to be MY idea and I wanted the credit for it. Not sure I'm explaining this well but my husband has always been more supportive when I wasn't pushing. He's my best friend and a wonderful husband but he's stubborn like that.
So here's my other thoughts and advice of things I tried that worked:
1) Like other people said, have him go with you shopping for himself. But I don't mean make him go buy all his own food. With my husband we'd shop together and then I asked him to go grab whatever snacks and things he wanted that I don't eat. Some may see this as enabling but my husband ate less junk when given a CHOICE.
You'll also save money on him not going to the corner store.
2) Also like suggested, ask him to put all his junk food in one place as much as possible and out of your sight. Obviously freezer stuff is harder.
3) The one thing I would try to push him on, the ONLY thing, is the water. Pick one battle and this one you can justify. It's taken me several years but I finally got my husband to drink water and he finally chose to cut out soda on his OWN. He drinks it on occasion but it is the one thing I did stop putting in the house.
4) This may not be possible with schedules but if there is anyway you can get him to eat a meal earlier in the day this will help ALOT. Even if you served the equivalent to a denny's grand slam breakfast, he's still better off than going all day without eating and making up for it at the end of the day.
So yea....work on him eating earlier and drinking water and the rest just do your best to work around. Trust me, you just gotta throw alot of love on the situation and take it a day at a time because a power struggle over this will only hurt you both and most likely wear you down till you are thrown off track.0 -
This is a rather easy fix... If he won't eat what you cook and goes and spends more money on food from a gas station... Big problem....
Solution A : take his debit card or take the money out of the bank or take the money and put it in a savings account....
Solution B : Don't give him no play... I don't care who it is, if your old lady isn't putting out your going to do what it takes to get some... Its called MALE INSTINCT
Yes, because being a thieving, manipulative, tyrannical, uncommunicative, frigid sociopath is the answer.
Exactly!!!!!!!!0 -
It sounds like you are very fustrated. I would suggest to get creative with meals that would satisfy the both of you. Buy potato chips that are sweet potato, make vegetable lasagna, or pizza with tons of vegetables. Are they any vegetables that he does enjoy? Work with what vegetables and fruit that he will eat. However, he may not be ready to make a change just yet, but talk with him to see an agreement of healthy foods that you both enjoy so you will not have to spend so much money on buying groceries.0
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One thing I know I wouldn't do in this situation: I wouldn't enable this kind of behavior.
I know it's tough. My husband is rather similar. I told my husband point blank that I intend to eat healthier, lose weight, and gain muscle so I can be a fit individual who lives a long and happy life. He says he is on board but... I get the sighing and the nit picking at the meals, too. I don't feel sorry for him. I told him that if he wanted to eat unhealthy foods he had to make his own meal plans, go to the grocery store, buy his own foods, and prepare his own meals - while still working and supporting this family. Also, there will be less money for hobbies - no video games, no movie night with the guys, whatever. It's not my job to support his bad habits, if he wants to act that way he can make his own sacrifices to do it. Make him work for his unhealthy lifestyle and realize just how much you really do for him.
Luckily, my husband isn't as verbal with his insecurities as yours is. Saying you're a health nazi and that you're obsessed with your health while implying that isn't any way to live is only him putting his own problems onto you. He's scared. I would seek therapy so that you can work on communicating through this and hopefully bring him to the realization that if he just lets you help him while helping yourself it can benefit him greatly in the long run.
I guess I certainly have been an enabler. I guess it made me feel guilty to not provide any food for him, but I do. I provide him with healthy food, which I'm sure any person on this site would love to have someone cook them healthy meals every night! I admire your standing your ground with your husband. I need to take note.
Let me pose THIS question, just to play "Devil's Advocate" here.
Outside of food issues, have you changed? In other words, do you reach the point where you no longer like to do the activities you used to, because of the concern that unhealthy food will be there?
A lot of guys oppose a wife/girlfriend eating healthier, because it means she won't want to hang out at the bar, or go out to eat at favorite places, etc. anymore.
What it boils down to, is a lot of guys would rather have a fat girl who is fun to be with than a thin girl who doesn't want to do anything fun.0 -
Dude. Can I RELATE. lol. We are married to the same guy, it seems. I too have to have two grocery lists...you're nicer than me, though. I make ONE healthy dinner, and if he doesn't want it he can cook something for himself or starve. I don't care. haha. I know that's not nice, but I refuse to make macaroni and cheese and hot dogs when I can't eat it. It's just unnecessary temptation. I can tell you this though: After over a year of keeping up healthy habits, mine has finally started to accept that I'm not the fast food-craving, junk food-hoarding, unhealthy girl that I was when we met. Good luck to you...I hope it gets better.
I'm not saying he's right, but maybe he LIKED that girl.
My wife and I are doing this together, which makes it a LOT easier. See some of my other posts, but I think a lot of guys fear that the woman they love is going to turn into someone they don't like, or who doesn't like them. It's not just the "she's gonna leave me for a hotter dude" fear, it's far more than that.
IF my wife were doing this and I weren't, or vice versa, I could see that being an issue.
Perhaps reassuring him that, aside from food, you're still the same person could help?0 -
Explain to him that the path he is on will lead to ED. That will wake him up.
LOL! And...each 15lb lost increases "organ" length by an inch!
http://voices.yahoo.com/size-matters-weight-affect-penis-size-568388.html
OK, well from experience I *KNOW* that's BS!0
This discussion has been closed.
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