Im extremly discouraged because of my MFPfriend/Spouse.

amylynn96

I wanna know if im being too sensitive or if others would feel the same..
Im on a weightloss journey trying to lose 30lbs. As a women whos had kids and never got the weight off right away as some of you know its not easy, it takes a lot with results that just take forever, its a slow process.
My husband started out with me with about 12-15lbs to lose, he was never fat a day in his life just trying to get in better shape and be at a more comfortble weight, well of corse hes a guy and hes pretty active the weight fell off of him hes already reached his goal and still logs and excercises to "mantain"...understandable. However hes at the point where he literally eats an 18oz steak and drinks 6 beers on a saturday night and nothing changes, but he still logs it. Me...i eat a peice of bread i shouldnt and gain five pounds overnight(not literally,you know what i mean). Now im not jealous its not jealously im feeling im proud of him for working hard to get to where he wanted to be, im extremly discouraged when i feel like i kill myself working out and watching carefully what i eat and nothing changes for me. Its irritating to me hes fit and healthy and still feels the need to log it and have positive things to say to other ppl hes friends with (who are also very fit) but doesnt comment on my activity when i feel like i did well. Im discouraged i just feel like im never doing good enough, if he can do it why cant I? I just basically feel like hes being a showoff ,hes sucessful he knows it.. i know it and to me its just being rubbed in my face. He knows i feel this way and just says "sorry, im not trying to be a showoff". When its affecting your mental state and motivation and making you feel bad about yourself, my question is would you delete them off MFP even if it was your spouse? and how would you feel if you were in my situation?

Starsighter78

I get the whole "guys lose weight easier/quicker, etc. and it blows" mentality. It would be extremely frustrating, especially if said male is your spouse. That being said, however, and the place you need to get to is that this is a personal "journey" and you cannot and should not compare yourself with anyone. By making comparisons, especially with someone who is losing quicker than you, you're going to be discouraged and give up altogether. Rather, focus on YOUR progress: how you're feeling, how far you've come, etc. and use that as a motivator. This is a mental game. You can do it! Just keep your focus inward.

thechunkydrummer

My partner is the same... She seems to be able to eat anything and still be trim

I guess the only way is to remember that everyone is different, different metabolic rates and different tenancies to retain weight and although it doesn't feel fair when your eating brown rice and aching from a workout and they are watching TV eating ice cream it's just another thing to beat.

Hang in there dude! It will be all the sweeter when you get to your goal :bigsmile:

amylynn96

I get the whole "guys lose weight easier/quicker, etc. and it blows" mentality. It would be extremely frustrating, especially if said male is your spouse. That being said, however, and the place you need to get to is that this is a personal "journey" and you cannot and should not compare yourself with anyone. By making comparisons, especially with someone who is losing quicker than you, you're going to be discouraged and give up altogether. Rather, focus on YOUR progress: how you're feeling, how far you've come, etc. and use that as a motivator. This is a mental game. You can do it! Just keep your focus inward.

Thank you for the encouragement i know i shouldnt compare to anyone, everyone knows its easier for men than women it sucks but thats just how it is. I literally feel stupid for letting his success bug me, like i said i just feel like i log into MFP and its in my face his encouragment to other fit friends and his loss of another lb he didnt even need to lose. I try to keep up with his workouts and i just cant my body doesnt work like his. If it was any random person i wouldnt even give it a thought but because its my husband it just makes me feel discouraged.

thechunkydrummer

Oh and I'm a guy... I'm not sure if I'm likely to lose it easier or not... Honestly, I don't care... It's coming off either way!

BEAST MODE!

gpstrucker

I understand your frustration, but you really can't compare yourself and your weight loss with anyone else's. Stay focused on your own. If what you are doing isn't working, alter your tactics. You CAN do it.

murphy612

I get the whole "guys lose weight easier/quicker, etc. and it blows" mentality. It would be extremely frustrating, especially if said male is your spouse. That being said, however, and the place you need to get to is that this is a personal "journey" and you cannot and should not compare yourself with anyone. By making comparisons, especially with someone who is losing quicker than you, you're going to be discouraged and give up altogether. Rather, focus on YOUR progress: how you're feeling, how far you've come, etc. and use that as a motivator. This is a mental game. You can do it! Just keep your focus inward.

Yes ^^^ Very well put.

amylynn96

Oh and I'm a guy... I'm not sure if I'm likely to lose it easier or not... Honestly, I don't care... It's coming off either way!

BEAST MODE!

haha BEAST MODE

Gotta admit i like that a guy can relate usually its the other way around.

tinana_RN

If it will make YOU feel better, just delete him. It's mfp, it;s not a huge deal to delete someone you look at every single day, lol. You also can just hide him from your newsfeed... but don't forget, you might be his best support. Don't let his success keep you from finding your own!

My husband also loses weight "easily" and I seem to gain lbs just thinking about food- so I can understand what you're saying.

mes1119

well at least your partner isn't trying to GAIN weight.

My boyfriend is trying to gain weight because he can't seem to keep on weight and therefore eats everything in sight including fast food, soda and cookies/candy/sweets.

it is SOOOOOOO frustrating. I'm over here working my butt off to look good and it seems like I have one bad weekend and gain 4 pounds where if he doesn't eat the proper amount he LOSES weight, without even trying. GAH.

amylynn96

I hear you all loud and clear dont worry about his success and dont compare yourself to anyone else. BUT its my dang husband hes with me every single day we both only workout out at home, we eat the same things, how could you not?? if it was anyone else i wouldnt compare or let it get to me but its in my face all the time :frown:

shimewazaMan

I don't think I could word it better than Starsighter78 did. The only thing I can add is something I read in another post on this site. It has helped me stay focused even when the scale seems to be "stuck" despite my best efforts. Try not to focus on the end goal being weight loss. The end goal should be improving your health and fitness levels in which case there isn't really ever a finish line! If you are in better shape this week than you were last week (and "in better shape" does not necessarily equal "weigh less"), you are doing good! I may not currently weigh what a few months ago I was hoping I would weight at this point or look like I was hoping to look. But I am in SOOOOOOO much better shape! I sparred with a semi-pro fighter last week. There is NO WAY I could have done that a month ago! In its own way, stuff like that is just as gratifying as seeing the reading on the scale go down. I hope this helps some!

amylynn96

well at least your partner isn't trying to GAIN weight.

My boyfriend is trying to gain weight because he can't seem to keep on weight and therefore eats everything in sight including fast food, soda and cookies/candy/sweets.

it is SOOOOOOO frustrating. I'm over here working my butt off to look good and it seems like I have one bad weekend and gain 4 pounds where if he doesn't eat the proper amount he LOSES weight, without even trying. GAH.

yeah that must be frusterating. Last weekend for mothersday we both had a "cheat day" he made me a chicken broc fettachine alfredo, BAD BAD BAD, but we just wanted to let it go for one night, well over the corse of 3 days i gained 5 lbs because of it i swear to god i even paid for it afterwoods and it didnt matter for me, there was no other reason why i wouldve gained like that. oh and i had only eaten half a serving when he ate a whole and ate it again for leftovers, go figure no change.GRRR

girlwithgoldeneyes

Hello,
My husband and I are doing the weight loss journey together as well. He is like your husband, always was fit and just wants to get back in fit shape. I am like you, I struggle with my weight loss and am looking to loose about 80 lbs. He is dropping weight (without much of a change), and I am working my tail off and eating healthy and I am GAINING! How is that fair?!?!?! I can understand how you are feeling, as I am feeling that way right now too. (although hubby is not making a "show" of his weight loss) I would suggest deleting him or modifying (if you can) what posts you see from him. It isnt about what he has done or what he is doing, it is about you. If you feel that seeing his posts are getting you down and making you feel bad, I would do what it takes to not see them. Get friends on MFP that are supportive and that do recognize the hard work you are putting in (I know it isnt easy), but first and for most have faith in yourself! You can do this! You can get healthy! The numbers on the scale dont mean as much as your health. So while you continue to make your body healthier and better by healthy eating habits and exercise he is feeding his body trash which in the long run will catch up to him. Stay strong!
~Christi

irisia99

Maybe you should not be friends with him on MFP. If it's messing with your head, just eliminate seeing his MFP activity.

amylynn96

Hello,
My husband and I are doing the weight loss journey together as well. He is like your husband, always was fit and just wants to get back in fit shape. I am like you, I struggle with my weight loss and am looking to loose about 80 lbs. He is dropping weight (without much of a change), and I am working my tail off and eating healthy and I am GAINING! How is that fair?!?!?! I can understand how you are feeling, as I am feeling that way right now too. (although hubby is not making a "show" of his weight loss) I would suggest deleting him or modifying (if you can) what posts you see from him. It isnt about what he has done or what he is doing, it is about you. If you feel that seeing his posts are getting you down and making you feel bad, I would do what it takes to not see them. Get friends on MFP that are supportive and that do recognize the hard work you are putting in (I know it isnt easy), but first and for most have faith in yourself! You can do this! You can get healthy! The numbers on the scale dont mean as much as your health. So while you continue to make your body healthier and better by healthy eating habits and exercise he is feeding his body trash which in the long run will catch up to him. Stay strong!
~Christi

Ty so much for that Christi, i think that might also be part of the issue is that i really only have him and a few other family memebers on my MFP friends i dont have really anyone in my shoes for friends. I dont get very much motivation or "hey great job today!!" on my activity. i think i may just figure out a way to hide his activity or just delete him all together if its affecting how im feeling about my journey and my motivation then its in my best interest to and i would hope he'd understand that.

AmandaCaswell1982

Look at it this way... When you get to your goal- you'll know you had to work that much harder and you should be that much more PROUD of yourself.

juliaamilee

men loose faster and easier than women. its those hormones and our ability to store that fat so we can breast feed our babies. I am at it alone, my husband is itty bitty small peteite frame. Thank goodness kids took after him. So, they have all the junk food and crap they can eat all day. If I just watch them eat it I gain the weight. Think of it this way, if you lost it and he didnt wouldnt you want to be proud and not gloat but be proud and say look what I accomplished. I am here with you its not fair that its so hard to do it. I have lost 50 and have about 40 more to go. It's frustrating to say the least. hang in there. I get frustrated at those people who lose 60 or 70 in a year and I am at year 2 only at 50.

TheBraveryLover

Wow this is tough. Well, firstly, I've never been the type to compare myself to any person (man or woman) so I'm never discouraged based on how someone else progresses or looks. My motivation is strictly from myself, and that's for many things in my life, not just weight loss. Therefore, I cannot relate to you when you have these thoughts about your mate.

What I can say is that this is YOUR journey, therefore you need to do what helps you to succeed, no matter what it takes. I doubt he's showing off (probably just much more confident than before) but if it might help you *mentally* to delete him off your friends list, I say do it. Talk to him about it first, rationally, about why you're making that decision and I'm sure he'll understand.

You can't help the way you feel and any adjustments you can make in your life and on MFP, you should do if you think it'll encourage you better.

I wish you well in reaching your future goals!:flowerforyou:

katejkelley

Been there! However, here's one of the great things about getting older (in my 50s) - my husband's metabolism is also slowing down. He's just realizing it. He still wants to eat like he's an 18-year-old athlete, but now he carries it around with him and looks six months pregnant all the time. After 36 years of marriage, I'm now the one who looks more fit! Of course, I'm working on him to eat healthier and get more exercise. I'd like him to stick around a long time yet.

amylynn96

Wow this is tough. Well, firstly, I've never been the type to compare myself to any person (man or woman) so I'm never discouraged based on how someone else progresses or looks. My motivation is strictly from myself, and that's for many things in my life, not just weight loss. Therefore, I cannot relate to you when you have these thoughts about your mate.

What I can say is that this is YOUR journey, therefore you need to do what helps you to succeed, no matter what it takes. I doubt he's showing off (probably just much more confident than before) but if it might help you *mentally* to delete him off your friends list, I say do it. Talk to him about it first, rationally, about why you're making that decision and I'm sure he'll understand.

You can't help the way you feel and any adjustments you can make in your life and on MFP, you should do if you think it'll encourage you better.

I wish you well in reaching your future goals!:flowerforyou:

ty for that. i do really appreciate the advice from you all. I feel so so stupid for letting this bother me but im human and its just how it makes me feel. I need more friends and better motivation.

va_va_voom

have positive things to say to other ppl hes friends with (who are also very fit) but doesnt comment on my activity when i feel like i did well. Im discouraged i just feel like im never doing good enough, if he can do it why cant I? I just basically feel like hes being a showoff ,hes sucessful he knows it.. i know it and to me its just being rubbed in my face. He knows i feel this way and just says "sorry, im not trying to be a showoff". When its affecting your mental state and motivation and making you feel bad about yourself, my question is would you delete them off MFP even if it was your spouse? and how would you feel if you were in my situation?

Does your husband encourage and support you in face to face interactions and just not here on MFP or is his lack of support evident in your face to face interactions, too? If it's just here on MFP, try not to take it too personally. My hubby and I are on FB together and he rarely comments on things that I post - mostly b/c we talk about them face to face, so he doesn't see a need to post a reply and I don't comment on everything he posts, either. I'm pretty confident it would be the same on MFP if he were active here, but he very much supports my efforts to be fit/healthy. He, on the other hand, eats whatever he wants and is thin as a rail. Grrr. lol

msjenjenp

Hi,

I say that if it bugs you to the point that you are discouraged and you feel sad every time you read what he's doing on MFP, then you should definitely delete him and get some more supportive friends. You can add me if you like.

Try and focus more on what YOU are doing and feeling proud of your efforts and less on what HE's done or is doing. Be nice to yourself and try to do a little something special for yourself every day. . . a bubble bath, some new nail polish, give yourself a facial, get some new earrings, a new hairstyle. . , whatever it is that makes YOU feel good about yourself.

Give yourself a pep talk. Try and read something uplifting every day (try TheDailyLove.com). Listen to uplifting music or put on some dance music and do a little dance workout to lift your mood. Take a walk and breath and really look at all the beauty in nature. There is much to be grateful for if we pay attention and don't focus on all the negatives.

Please don't be so hard on yourself. Stay with your program and you will achieve your goals.

Remember, you are a beautiful child of God who adores you!

Blessings,

Jenny

va_va_voom

Ty so much for that Christi, i think that might also be part of the issue is that i really only have him and a few other family memebers on my MFP friends i dont have really anyone in my shoes for friends. I dont get very much motivation or "hey great job today!!" on my activity. i think i may just figure out a way to hide his activity or just delete him all together if its affecting how im feeling about my journey and my motivation then its in my best interest to and i would hope he'd understand that.

If you want more cheerleaders, you might need to add more friends. I love cheering on the people on my friends list and I get a decent amount of support in return.

saxmaniac

Have you specifically asked for motivation, encouragement, or help from him? Many men learn never mention a woman's weight at all, positive or negative. It only takes a single interaction like this, from any woman, to turn him off for life:

Man: "Hey, you look good. Did you lose weight?"
Woman: "WHAT! ARE YOU SAYING I LOOKED FAT? HOW DARE YOU!"

tigerlily8045

Maybe you should not be friends with him on MFP. If it's messing with your head, just eliminate seeing his MFP activity.

THIS^^^^

Ripcode

Now im not jealous its not jealously

Sure sounds like jealousy.

DopeItUp

First off, complaining about/being discouraged by the fact that your husband can eat more is pointless. Men are naturally bigger, naturally more muscular and are naturally going to need more calories to sustain themselves. This is just the way it is, nothing is going to change it so you might as well get over it.

Secondly, why not be proud of your husband's accomplishments? Unless he's shoving it in your face and taunting you, he's just happy and proud of himself - absolutely nothing wrong with that. The last thing you want to do is tear him down so that you can feel better about yourself. You say you're not jealous but come on, re-read your posts and pretend that someone else wrote them. You are so jealous your text is practically green. You're talking about how your husband eats whatever he wants, loses weight effectively, gets lots of support, looks good, etc.. These are all things that you are envious of and therefore you are purely jealous.

For perspective, my situation is somewhat reversed from yours. I bust my *kitten* in the gym 5 days a week for over a year now, and my wife has lost 10% more than me just by dieting alone (though she recently just started working out). Am I jealous? Of course not, she's my wife, I'm ridiculously proud of her. I think I brag about HER weight loss more than my own! I love seeing her weight loss ticker go up even though mine has actually gone down recently. You're should encourage, support and be happy for your spouse's success in all areas of life in my opinion.

Long story short, it is your own insecurity causing this problem so your best bet is to find a way to get over it or just delete/hide your husband's feed.

Qarol

Let me get this straight...you want to delete your spouse off your friend list b/c his weight loss was successful, and you haven't reached your goals yet? Do I have that right?

marieautumn

i would get annoyed if my spouse were encouraging others on here, but not me. i would mention it to him...nicely.

marieautumn

Let me get this straight...you want to delete your spouse off your friend list b/c his weight loss was successful, and you haven't reached your goals yet? Do I have that right?

no i think she is getting frustrated that he is supporting others, but not her.