Im extremly discouraged because of my MFPfriend/Spouse.
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I would tell HIM how you feel. Tell him you need more encouragement. That's part of being married.0
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There is a lot of good advice here. I will only add: your marriage is more important than your weight. Don't delete him. Instead, talk to him.
Stay on the Journey0 -
It sounds like you're being a little over sensitive combined with the fact that you seem envious of your husband's ease of success. It doesn't sound like he is doing anything wrong or hurtful.0
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A 16oz ribeye is only about 1,000-1,200 calories. Just sayin.0
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De-friend him here. You don't need an internet site causing problems in your relationship.
Second, try not to compare yourself to him or anyone. All people are very different. All you are doing is making yourself more frustrated. Keep up the good work. Compete only with yourself. You've got this.0 -
I kinda find your post and your attitude towards your spouse a bit insulting.
Why do you feel the need to jump on him just because he has had success? Has he done anything to inhibit your success?
You are upset he is still logging? Have you ever thought that the reason some people STAY in shape is because they continue to monitor their health and fitness levels.....FOR LIFE? Not just when you need some drastic change.
I can understand your desire for him to support you more, but you really should rethink your entire attitude towards him.0 -
I wanna know if im being too sensitive or if others would feel the same..
Im on a weightloss journey trying to lose 30lbs. As a women whos had kids and never got the weight off right away as some of you know its not easy, it takes a lot with results that just take forever, its a slow process.
My husband started out with me with about 12-15lbs to lose, he was never fat a day in his life just trying to get in better shape and be at a more comfortble weight, well of corse hes a guy and hes pretty active the weight fell off of him hes already reached his goal and still logs and excercises to "mantain"...understandable. However hes at the point where he literally eats an 18oz steak and drinks 6 beers on a saturday night and nothing changes, but he still logs it. Me...i eat a peice of bread i shouldnt and gain five pounds overnight(not literally,you know what i mean). Now im not jealous its not jealously im feeling im proud of him for working hard to get to where he wanted to be, im extremly discouraged when i feel like i kill myself working out and watching carefully what i eat and nothing changes for me. Its irritating to me hes fit and healthy and still feels the need to log it and have positive things to say to other ppl hes friends with (who are also very fit) but doesnt comment on my activity when i feel like i did well. Im discouraged i just feel like im never doing good enough, if he can do it why cant I? I just basically feel like hes being a showoff ,hes sucessful he knows it.. i know it and to me its just being rubbed in my face. He knows i feel this way and just says "sorry, im not trying to be a showoff". When its affecting your mental state and motivation and making you feel bad about yourself, my question is would you delete them off MFP even if it was your spouse? and how would you feel if you were in my situation?
Sounds like you need to change your thinking entirely. Why not use his success as motivation. You can do this. Looks like you lost as much as he has so far BUT, you had more to lose. You are not him and you never will be. He probably is sorry but this is YOUR problem, not his.0 -
One important thing here is, try to look at things from his point of view. Does he deserve to not be able to keep himself on track and positively motivate others because you are struggling? It isn't his fault your bodies burn and store fat differently. He can't make you loose weight faster, he can't make you be able to eat whatever and still be "fit". There is nothing he can do to make your situation better. Did you try specifically telling your husband you need him to motivate you more? Maybe he doesn't really understand that you want him to congratulate you on your small goals and NSV (non scale victories), that they are important to you. Some times it can help to spell things out and not assume someone "gets" what you need. l!
In the end it may just be best for all parties if you delete him or block his posts from MFP. I suggest talking to him and explaining why before you do it of course. At the end the hardest part of loosing weight can be that it really is up to you and you alone. You are directly responsible for your success or failure in any situation. If you know your body can't recover fast or well from a "cheat meal" but your husbands will ... expect that and use that to weigh whether a "cheat" is worth that much to you. Remember if life was fair none of us would be overweight in the first place ;-p
This is about accepting responsibility for your own actions good or bad. Sure things in life will make us weak and we all stumble and give in. Don't guilt yourself, as one MFP said on a post I read before... "If you fall just pick yourself back up and carry on, remember, the race is in front of you not behind you."
Be your own motivator! Also, don't forget there are so many awesome MFP people on here who are wonderful and may just be going through the same exact thing.0 -
Sadly, the worst thing you can do as a woman is compare yourself to a man. Men have higher metabolisms, don't store fat like we do, and most of the men I know can eat whatever they want as long as they are active.
I don't think he INTENDS to hurt you but maybe you need to separate yourself from him in terms of fitness goals if you're having a hard time with your self-esteem because of it. I don't discuss fitness with my SO of 7 years - I have fitness goals with a couple of real-life friends and the MFP community, and we probably have a better relationship because the competition doesn't come between us. Your SO doesn't need to be a motivator in every aspect of your life, I've learned that my friends are a much better support group because we have more similar goals.0 -
If it will make YOU feel better, just delete him. It's mfp, it;s not a huge deal to delete someone you look at every single day, lol. You also can just hide him from your newsfeed... but don't forget, you might be his best support. Don't let his success keep you from finding your own!
My husband also loses weight "easily" and I seem to gain lbs just thinking about food- so I can understand what you're saying.
THIS!!!!!! ^^^^ agree!!!0 -
He does have the right to be proud of himself. You should support him in that. It seems it's always harder for women to lose weight than it is for men, but hang in there. It's natural to be a little jealous when he is able to eat and drink what he wants without worry. You might tell him it's making you uncomfortable, but don't make him hide his happiness for achieving his goal. Personally, I think you were lucky to have someone to support you and participate with you.
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God, if my boyfriend would log in everything he eats, it would be well over the allowed calorie intake. He literraly can down a whole meal, then 20 minutes later he goes back to the kitchen and eats another full meal. And then some snacks and beer and whatever he's having next.
However, a man's body is so much more different than a woman's body, especially after a woman's had children. I wouldn't even dream to compare my body to my boyfriend's. He has a perfect body. Even though he eats soooooooo much. Me...well, I am working on it!!! But I will never compare myself to him and the way he eats. Don't worry about it too much.0 -
Are we married to the same man? Seriously, my husband is in perfect shape and can eat what he wants. I need to lose 30 lbs also and have been at the gym 5 days a week, hired a trainer who works me so hard I have to drive home from the gym using my teeth to steer, and nutritionist who put me on a regimen that I feel like is the closest thing to anorexia ethically allowed yet, if I lightly cheat, even once, I have to find a shoehorn just to get in my skinny jeans.
My husband eats like crap (last night he had an entire box of white pasta with a whole jar of sauce and at least a cup of melted mozz on top...oh yeah and that was at 10 p.m., after dinner!) and it doesn't seem to matter. What annoys me most is when he skips a lunch because he is busy at work. I want to slap him for that, because I am starving all day, trying to keep up, and he can just forget about food whenever he wants (probably because he knows he can eat anything he wants, at anytime and it won't effect him).
It's not jealousy, it's frustration, which is exacerbated by my hunger haha. I'm mad at myself that I can't get in shape fast enough and it stings even more when I look next to me and dude's got a Taco Bell Big Box on his lap with a salsa smear on his six-pack abs. I feel like we started to get in shape together and now he's just leaving me in his dust.
I hear you girl ! Men are not the best workout pals for women trying to lose weight. A girlfriend would chat with you about goals or how much it stinks, even if she reached her goal, a guy tries to give you tips and advice which is not what we ladies really want from our workout buddy. We want a friend to workout with, not a trainer, we hire trainers so we can hate them and their perfect bodies after a workout and not have it follow us to the bedroom haha.
I just figure he can't give what I need at this particular part of my journey (not his fault) so I ended up calling a girlfriend and we are helping each other and griping about the male metobolic rate together. I also eat my dinner before him now and just have water at the table when he sits down to eat so, that way we can still have a "dinner time" but, I won't be tempted by his plate. I changed other things in my routine based on his behavior without him really knowing about it. That way I don't upset him when he realizes how not helpful he is to my goal and I stay on track.0 -
only?!A 16oz ribeye is only about 1,000-1,200 calories. Just sayin.0 -
You are not being honest with yourself about your feelings. You are jealous that is why you mentioned it, and his success doesn't effect you. You need to work on your feelings of self-worth and acceptance. That is the real issue. What does it mean about you that you haven't been as successful with your weight loss? You are having some serious negative emotions that you are unwilling to work through and unfortunately it seems that is leading you to try and isolate yourself, instead of dealing with your emotions about the situation.0
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You don't need to delete him, but you can hide his feed...that may make it easier. That being said, however, I think there is a bigger picture to think about. Something for you to work on with self esteem etc. but I'm no therapist. I wish you the very best of luck on this journey of self care.0
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My thoughts on this one are
1....you have lost 14 pounds you should be proud thats an awesome achievement
2...You are not grossly overweight ...just not happy with your present weight
3...You should not compare yourself to your hubby (incase you had not noticed hes a man and your a women )
4...This is your own private journey and its personal to you ...comparing yourself to others is not healthy for you
5...Why worry about his lack of support ...is he really your crutch or your partner you enjoy life with.
6..Men think differently to women its a well known fact lol0 -
My husband is a big guy and he has horrible eating habits. I am trying to at least keep it healthy at home but when he is at work (he works out in the field so he drives a lot) he LIVES at Whataburger. YUCK! Anyway, I struggle everyday with my weight loss and making better choices, etc. A few weeks ago, he gets on the scale and says "man, I am gettin fat, I need to lose some weight". He cuts down on the Whataburger and turns loose of the Cokes and BAM! He is down 20 pounds. Almost instantly. Its enough to make me scream! I took me 4 months of blood, sweat, tears, logging, counting, charting, researching, etc. to lose 20 lbs and I wouldnt eat Whataburger if you paid me!!! It's so not fair but thats just the way it is. Hang in there and focus on YOURSELF and your goals. It's frustrating but you can do it. If having him as an MFP friend bugs you, delete him.0
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It's just a fact of life. I run a lot. My husband runs very little (and is a little heavy). And he could still beat me in a race if he wanted. They have muscle. They have testoterone. We have brains. hehe No sense being envious, it's a guys' world. The guys have it made.
I would remove him as a friend though. I don't even have facebook for all reasons you discussed. Just made me miserable.0 -
I'm sorry that your husband is "blessed" with the ability to eat steak, drink beer AND lose weight - that's gotta be hard to watch. Do you both eat the same foods at home? Perhaps he would be more willing to eat foods at home that are a pinch better for your diet goals. He can eat what he would like during the day, but at dinner time it's a team effort. There's definitely ways to compromise. For example, if it's steak night, you can take the smaller cut and have a heavier serving of veggies while he takes the bigger one and less veggies. OR if you both are going to eat what you want, then I would stop tracking his diary. You don't need to look at it, you pretty much know what he eats anyway, at least at home.
I would also focus more on your MFP friends that are in the same boat as you, such as women around your age with a similar weight loss goal. They will be more understanding and supportive in the long run - they know what it's like!
In conclusion...men suck LOL. Just kidding
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I can see why you are frustrated and upset but don't give up. Hang in there.
Also, I say just hide his comments. 0 -
My wife's been struggling with the same thing on and off. What she's finding is that she has to cut out refined sugars completely (or at least, as much as possible) and get her sugars from fruits and the like. I mean, I'm just "throwing the spaghetti against the wall" here on this one. It's making a huge difference for her already as she's been losing weight. But yeah... even one cheat day seems to have a massive impact. It sucks. :-( I feel bad because my body will lose a pound in a day without too much effort, but she finds herself struggling.
I just don't get it... but we both keep reminding ourselves that our bodies are all unique and we have to work with it step by step, each individually. For her, I just have to help support her on the no sugar thing!0 -
Sometimes stress plays a part in weight loss. I would be so frustrated if it was my husband,I woulddelete him from mfp. Take care,hang in there!0
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I would be concerned about "healthy lifestyle" and not just weight-loss. When I shifted my focus from losing weight to being healthy consistently, my perspective changed. The consequences of unhealthy eating will be far more serious than just weight gain; i.e., high cholesteral, high blood pressure, heart disease, diabetes, arthritis, and the list goes on and on.0
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Ty so much for that Christi, i think that might also be part of the issue is that i really only have him and a few other family memebers on my MFP friends i dont have really anyone in my shoes for friends. I dont get very much motivation or "hey great job today!!" on my activity. i think i may just figure out a way to hide his activity or just delete him all together if its affecting how im feeling about my journey and my motivation then its in my best interest to and i would hope he'd understand that.
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yup......get some new friends......like me.......I struggle too :ohwell: :sad: :bigsmile:0 -
Sounds like you need to change your thinking entirely. Why not use his success as motivation. You can do this. Looks like you lost as much as he has so far BUT, you had more to lose. You are not him and you never will be. He probably is sorry but this is YOUR problem, not his.
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Thanks! I thought I was seeing things...I too saw that you lost as much weight as your husband (14 lbs or so) at this juncture. You seem to be losing at approximately the same rate. Be proud of yourself. We are. Can you believe that you are half way there? That's 14 lbs less that you have to lose, face in the mirror, &/or squeeze into your clothes. Happy dance!!! I wouldn't "defriend" your husband on MFP. That's too easy. Life is full of challenges and people with whom we don't always agree or like how we perceive their behavior to be. Its all in your power to react in a positive way to your surroundings. Be proud of yourself and your accomplishments in the weightloss, fitness, and other areas of your life. Making a better YOU is never easy, but ALWAYS worth the effort. Be strong. Many of us on MFP are supportive but sometimes that support comes in the form of offering each other a moment of inner reflection. God bless!!0 -
I completely agree with whoever said part of this journey is mental. IT TOTALLY IS. My loving, but sometimes inconsiderate hubby made a comment to me 6 weeks ago about losing weight.. I took it so personally, I cried for a whole day, but then I thought, screw u. I CAN do this. I will show you! The first week was typically difficult changing all my habits, but now its part of the "game" the journey, the mental state of saying, you cant tell me I cant do this cuz I am strong and I can!.... well im nearing the 25lb mark and I am proud of myself and my "big mouth" hubby is too.... really, you live with your husband, why would you need him to be a friend on mfp? If its hurting your mental game. hide him. and be strong enough not to visit his page. Dont let the mental part of this journey win! YOU CAN DO THIS! 0
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You know he can see this post, right?0
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I wouldnt bother if i were you,my husband is a marathon runner.but he is hardly regular with his daily workouts,maybe once in 2 weeks he goes for a long run.He eats every other kind of food,hogs chips and fries and all kinds of crap,where i religiously workout everyday,eat clean and all,he seems to maintain very well,i dont lose a single pound.Its not fair-but you should compare.His genetic are different from mine,the sooner youll realise that youll be happier.Instead try pairing up with him/lifting with him,let him guide u,act like ur putting the power to train u in his hands,If it shows reasults goofd for you bith,if it does not sooner or later he will realise its not as simple as he shows off 0
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You can hide his posts on your news feed. I did this with someone who was annoying me -- honesty here.
My husband is losing faster and easier than me too. He is on sparkpeople though. Sometimes a little distance is good.
Make your own MFPs and quit following his every post.0
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