for those who are entirely comfortable in their skin...

BeautyFromPain

How have you reached this point in your life?

I have been trying and trying for the past year to try to accept my whole self, flaws and all but do not seem to be making any progress at all. Has anyone overcome massively low self esteem and how...?

I grimace at myself when I even look in the mirror and I cannot leave the house without makeup. I want to be able to change this.

BrownEyedDiva

I know how you feel my low self esteem wont change until my body changes.

iceqieen

Still a way to go, but feel much better about myself than often before. It sounds cheesy but looking in the mirror and complementing myself, focusing on the things I do like (physical and mental). When I feel like there's nothing I like I must force myself to find *something*

NSVs have helped me a bunch.. to be able to run, or do certain moves in aerobic classes and such makes me feel awesome.

Basically trying to develop a positive narcisistic attitude instead of the negative selfimage :P

selfishshellfish

The short answer is by doing a course of a cognitive therapy called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (aka ACT). There are some good books on the subject by Russ Harris.

This therapy aims to shift your focus from your feelings of not being good enough on to the steps you need to take to build a life worth living. It's simple yet very profound.

Good luck.

mummma

i dont know if its that easy... i dont think that by getting to my goal weight ill be entirely comfortable in my own skin.. but i may feel a whole lot better in clothes lol.

heres a pic of me from 2005... even then i wouldnt wear a bikini on the beach....

BeautyFromPain

I know how you feel my low self esteem wont change until my body changes.

even though my body has changed though, my self esteem hasn't. it's more than skin deep...

goldfinger88

I feel I'm quite comfortable in my own skin. But I think part of that is that I'm older and older people tend to accept themselves more as their are than younger people. While I'm losing weight so I'll be more fit and perhaps look a bit better in the mirror, I could stay where I am and be comfortable with it. I think the best thing anyone can do to help themselves is to learn to accept themselves, flaws and all, without reservation. If we can't accept ourselves, how can we expect others to?

And, I'm not sure it's something you can "try" to do but something you have to learn to do. I remember when large women, women with curves, were admired. Women who were thin were looked on as "lower class" and unattractive. It was a point of distinction for a woman to be heavy. So, in a way, regardless of where we are in our weight loss or our life, we can consider ourselves at a good place. The best way to be a peace with yourself is to never, never compare yourself to others.

Dragonnade

10 years, faking it till I made it, and having some of the best friends in the world - most of whom were found online through shared interests.

It's been so long, I can barely remember how I stopped being suicidal - I just sorta realised one day I either went ahead or did it, or I picked myself up and changed my life. Chose the latter, worked stupidly hard, and now I find myself looking at my life in disbelief because I'm so proud of what I've achieved.

I don't really know how to advise, but what worked for me was identifying what was wrong and ways to fix it and being a determined s0d who refuses to give in. Ever. And if I don't like what I'm doing, is it really worth doing it?

I can offer hugs and well wishes of good luck though, and assurances that learning to love yourself is the greatest thing you can do, for everything that comes with it

05HeatherLouise05

I more or less went from "Not giving a Cr@p" to "Proud to be me whatever the case may be". I didn't really have a Low point. But i hope you start feeling better about yourself, because body image is as much about your mind as it is your body, maybe more so.

impyimpyaj

I just read an article in Whole Living about living without a mirror. This woman did an experiment where she did not look at her reflection for 30 days. She realized by the end of it that she still had flaws, and she still did not love those flaws, but she didn't *think* about them anymore. They were there, and it was ok, because she was thinking about other things. When I read that, I realized that's kind of where I am. I don't love my flaws. I don't love my saggy belly and my stretch marks. I don't love my uneven, acne-prone skin. I don't love my feet. There are a lot of things about me that I don't love. But I'm to the point that I just don't think about them anymore. I'll notice them in my reflection, and I'll think, "Man, that's a bummer." But then I just move on. Because I'm more than bad skin and stretch marks. I have a lot to offer the world. And I've learned that most people don't even see all that stuff, especially the people who care about me. They see me for ME, not for my physical flaws.

It also helps to realize that nobody is as perfect as you see in the magazines, not even those models/actresses/singers. They're all Photoshopped beyond recognition to look that perfect. The reality is, some of them have acne scars and stretch marks. Some of them have "bingo wings" or flabby butts. And if you ever ran into them on the street with no makeup, you'd see that. But we only see the highly edited version of them. EVERYONE has flaws and things they'd like to change. The trick is to realize that there is more to you than those things, and stop thinking about them so much.

gpstrucker

At 50 years old, yeah I am comfortable with myself, warts and all. I have never suffered from a self esteem problem anyway, but these days I am quite happy with who I am.

BeautyFromPain

It's just hard when you are told constantly that you are an ugly, selfish b!tch like every day of your life...

Pokermom10

For me the answer is an unequivicol (sp?) YES. Are there still things about me I want to change, certaintly. Being older (I'm 43) helps. But I really just decided one day that low self esteem was not getting me anywhere so why not try to change my attitude. It took a while (a few years) of acting confident on the outside before I actually was confident on the inside, but now I truly am confident. Self esteem is something you give yourself, not something anyone else can give you or take away from you. Concentrate on the positive, ignore the negative, hold your head up high and walk down the street like you own it. People will notice and you will start to change.

If you have a bad day, don't dwell on it. Every new day is a new chance to have a good day.

Head up, boobs out and SMILE. You are worth a million bucks. Act like it.

Pokermom10

It's just hard when you are told constantly that you are an ugly, selfish b!tch like every day of your life...

Get this person out of your life -- asap.

impyimpyaj

It's just hard when you are told constantly that you are an ugly, selfish b!tch like every day of your life...

Well, if someone is telling you that, you're gonna need to get that person out of your life. Or, tell them to eff off. If neither of those are an option, do positive affirmations with yourself, so whenever you hear that, either spoken aloud or just remembering it, you tell yourself, "I am beautiful, I am worthwhile, I have a lot to offer the world."

Another thing that might help is to get out into the world and volunteer. Do some community service at a soup kitchen or a nursing home or an animal shelter. Somewhere that you can do good for others just by giving your time. Doing good for others is always a good self-esteem boost.

BeautyFromPain

It's just hard when you are told constantly that you are an ugly, selfish b!tch like every day of your life...

Get this person out of your life -- asap.

I can't unless I wanna go live in my car again.
There is more than one.

BeautyFromPain

It's just hard when you are told constantly that you are an ugly, selfish b!tch like every day of your life...

Well, if someone is telling you that, you're gonna need to get that person out of your life. Or, tell them to eff off. If neither of those are an option, do positive affirmations with yourself, so whenever you hear that, either spoken aloud or just remembering it, you tell yourself, "I am beautiful, I am worthwhile, I have a lot to offer the world."

Another thing that might help is to get out into the world and volunteer. Do some community service at a soup kitchen or a nursing home or an animal shelter. Somewhere that you can do good for others just by giving your time. Doing good for others is always a good self-esteem boost.

I have told them to eff off many times, hasn't made any difference. I was going to volunteer but since I'm working full time and studying full time atm decided to sponsor a little boy from Africa instead

lacroyx

It's just hard when you are told constantly that you are an ugly, selfish b!tch like every day of your life...

Get this person out of your life -- asap.

I can't unless I wanna go live in my car again.
There is more than one.

\ o=
as for me nope. not one bit. I been faking it as well. probably the biggest reason I am Forever Available ( alone just sounds negative, lol) I don't care what others see, think or say. It does help a bit when others say they are happy, proud, encouraged, inspired etc etc by my weight loss. I just focus on myself and put myself out there as an example to encourage others. maybe someday but not right now that's for sure.

impyimpyaj

It's just hard when you are told constantly that you are an ugly, selfish b!tch like every day of your life...

Well, if someone is telling you that, you're gonna need to get that person out of your life. Or, tell them to eff off. If neither of those are an option, do positive affirmations with yourself, so whenever you hear that, either spoken aloud or just remembering it, you tell yourself, "I am beautiful, I am worthwhile, I have a lot to offer the world."

Another thing that might help is to get out into the world and volunteer. Do some community service at a soup kitchen or a nursing home or an animal shelter. Somewhere that you can do good for others just by giving your time. Doing good for others is always a good self-esteem boost.

I have told them to eff off many times, hasn't made any difference. I was going to volunteer but since I'm working full time and studying full time atm decided to sponsor a little boy from Africa instead

Good! I'm assuming these people are at home, yes? So try to stay out of the house when you can. Do your studying at the library or in the park when possible. Or go to a Starbucks and camp out -- you don't have to drink coffee if you don't want to. Order a tea and sit and study. Take walks when you have free time. Just go home to make food and sleep. There's no reason you have to be around to listen to that crap more than necessary.

MLgarcia3

I've finally come to that point in my life.. I don't know if it's because I'm older and know better, or because of what lifting weights has done to my body.. But one main thing I've learned is to surround myself with supportive people. And to not be afraid to cut any drama out of my life. I've been much happier since then and definitely choose my friends more wisely now.

Dragonnade

OK, ASAP doesn't have to mean tomorrow, but definitely get people that get you down, out of your life. Long term goal - the day you need never say 'hello' to them again.

Everything that you're currently doing, it's a means to an end. The studying is fabulous as it does open up the world to you. The working is brilliant for getting you out, meeting people and keeping you busy.

Mini targets are also always good. And helping others will help yourself majorly, as you improve their life, and the gratitude is guaranteed to make you stand up taller cos You did that; You made their life better.

Challenging yourself is great too - realistic goals, so when you reach them, you're awesome. If you think of something you definitely want to do, but it'll take ages to get there, break it up with mini-goals along the way so you don't get disheartened. And you WILL drag yourself to a better place and then you can turn around and stick two fingers up at whoever's been grinding on you - but chances are when you're there, you'll just pity them and move on.

BeautyFromPain

OK, ASAP doesn't have to mean tomorrow, but definitely get people that get you down, out of your life. Long term goal - the day you need never say 'hello' to them again.

Everything that you're currently doing, it's a means to an end. The studying is fabulous as it does open up the world to you. The working is brilliant for getting you out, meeting people and keeping you busy.

Mini targets are also always good. And helping others will help yourself majorly, as you improve their life, and the gratitude is guaranteed to make you stand up taller cos You did that; You made their life better.

Challenging yourself is great too - realistic goals, so when you reach them, you're awesome. If you think of something you definitely want to do, but it'll take ages to get there, break it up with mini-goals along the way so you don't get disheartened. And you WILL drag yourself to a better place and then you can turn around and stick two fingers up at whoever's been grinding on you - but chances are when you're there, you'll just pity them and move on.

Yeah, I did move out when I was 16, moved back in when I was 18 due to unforseen circumstances. I have got goals... I am studying to become a Personal Trainer and after our course finishes in december a friend of mine and I are planning to own our own business near the beach (about a 4 hour drive from where I currently live). Gonna be amazing, but I always find myself comparing myself to the other girls' in the course for some reason which all weigh like 20kgs less than I do. Also that means I won't need to see them except for christmas.

BeautyFromPain

another problem is that i am also being called different names at work though so not really a happy place... been trying to find a new job but it's impossible with the job cuts here atm

Roeri011

Fat pictures of me are like pictures of Big Foot, the few that exist are blurry or have an obstructed view. There are days I can't look in the mirror and see myself but see the person 40 pounds heavier I used to be. It doesn't matter that my jeans are 3 sizes smaller or I'm wearing tops I couldn't fit in before. I've grown to hate my scale because each week it tells me I lost weight but I still hate my body. Things I do love about my body is I have a muscle line on my forearm at the right angle in the right light and my bicep makes a little bump when I flex. I'm sick of losing weight and still hating my body. I'm now focusing on building muscle instead of "weight loss". I want to give myself more things I love about my body. Am I entirely comfortable in my skin? No, but I'm working on it.

REET420

Not me sometimes I'm afraid to leave my house.

dreamingchild

The short answer is by doing a course of a cognitive therapy called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (aka ACT). There are some good books on the subject by Russ Harris.

This therapy aims to shift your focus from your feelings of not being good enough on to the steps you need to take to build a life worth living. It's simple yet very profound.

Good luck.

thanks i will be looking up this author.

victoria4321

I'm not sure how I reached it but I feel like I've just always been comfortable. So yes I was one of the fat people in a two piece at the beach lol. Maybe you should find other qualities about yourself that you really like that isn't external. Even a really good looking person will eventually age and not be at their peak so something else has to make you love yourself in the long run.

MissGraziano

I've struggled with low self esteem, depression, and anxiety my entire life. Somehow in this past year I overcame all of it, I don't even need medication anymore. This is how I did it:

1. Daily exercise I think had a lot to do with boosting my mood and confidence, but that's not the kicker for me.

2. I had this feeling kind of just slap me in the face. I realized how lucky we are to live in a universe that spontaneously created life. Every single life form is absolutely amazing. The fact that we came from nothing and we live and breathe and die and life goes on is just so insane to me. I know it sounds weird and nerdy but that's what got me to overcome about 15 years of major, major depression. Life is not about what we look like... it is about living. The birds and the trees and the oceans and the sun and moon and sky.. Everything is so beautiful! It's hard not to be happy when you look around and see the perfection in the natural world. So when you look in the mirror don't be ashamed at anything you see.. you are a miracle! You are amazing and and we are all so perfect and beautiful and lucky to be here! There is nothing wrong with you. Take the life you have and make something beautiful out of it!

kschr201

I'm finally reaching that point, even though I'm nowhere near the body I want. I'm just proud of what I've done so far. Who cares if it's not perfect - there was a lot of sweat and hours that went into this And I remind myself of just that when I feel like the "gentle giant" next to everyone around me.

and confront the toxic people about their hurtful words or get out of each other's lives...

BeautyFromPain

I'm finally reaching that point, even though I'm nowhere near the body I want. I'm just proud of what I've done so far. Who cares if it's not perfect - there was a lot of sweat and hours that went into this And I remind myself of just that when I feel like the "gentle giant" next to everyone around me.

and confront the toxic people about their hurtful words or get out of each other's lives...

i have confronted them, hasn't changed anything.... i can't afford to move out

but yes way you're thinking does absolutely make sense!

Dragonnade

OK, ASAP doesn't have to mean tomorrow, but definitely get people that get you down, out of your life. Long term goal - the day you need never say 'hello' to them again.

Everything that you're currently doing, it's a means to an end. The studying is fabulous as it does open up the world to you. The working is brilliant for getting you out, meeting people and keeping you busy.

Mini targets are also always good. And helping others will help yourself majorly, as you improve their life, and the gratitude is guaranteed to make you stand up taller cos You did that; You made their life better.

Challenging yourself is great too - realistic goals, so when you reach them, you're awesome. If you think of something you definitely want to do, but it'll take ages to get there, break it up with mini-goals along the way so you don't get disheartened. And you WILL drag yourself to a better place and then you can turn around and stick two fingers up at whoever's been grinding on you - but chances are when you're there, you'll just pity them and move on.

Yeah, I did move out when I was 16, moved back in when I was 18 due to unforseen circumstances. I have got goals... I am studying to become a Personal Trainer and after our course finishes in december a friend of mine and I are planning to own our own business near the beach (about a 4 hour drive from where I currently live). Gonna be amazing, but I always find myself comparing myself to the other girls' in the course for some reason which all weigh like 20kgs less than I do. Also that means I won't need to see them except for christmas.

Well this all sounds brilliant. I also had to move back home due to unforseen circumstances so I can totally appreciate the agony of losing all that freedom - and if your parents are anything like my mother, being put down for not staying away and giving her her house back.

If you compare yourself to the other girls, try and beat them. Not on being sooper skinny, but on the aspects of the course. You'll end up doing better on the course, you'll get in shape quicker, you'll garner some respect so long as you beat them with good cheer and the drive of keeping on trying until you succeed is absolutely fundamental to life. And who cares if they're skinnier - they're probably not, and if they are, they're probably just as paranoid.

It's little things, but every time you're comparing yourself to someone else on one thing, find a different angle. Ultimately, you're your own person, but when self-esteem is so based on how you see yourself in relation to everyone else, if you can go "you may be thinner, but I can lift more and I have better banter with clients", then you've got an edge back.