for those who are entirely comfortable in their skin...

Options
2

Replies

  • BeautyFromPain
    BeautyFromPain Posts: 4,952 Member
    Options
    OK, ASAP doesn't have to mean tomorrow, but definitely get people that get you down, out of your life. Long term goal - the day you need never say 'hello' to them again.

    Everything that you're currently doing, it's a means to an end. The studying is fabulous as it does open up the world to you. The working is brilliant for getting you out, meeting people and keeping you busy.

    Mini targets are also always good. And helping others will help yourself majorly, as you improve their life, and the gratitude is guaranteed to make you stand up taller cos You did that; You made their life better.

    Challenging yourself is great too - realistic goals, so when you reach them, you're awesome. If you think of something you definitely want to do, but it'll take ages to get there, break it up with mini-goals along the way so you don't get disheartened. And you WILL drag yourself to a better place and then you can turn around and stick two fingers up at whoever's been grinding on you - but chances are when you're there, you'll just pity them and move on.

    Yeah, I did move out when I was 16, moved back in when I was 18 due to unforseen circumstances. I have got goals... I am studying to become a Personal Trainer and after our course finishes in december a friend of mine and I are planning to own our own business near the beach (about a 4 hour drive from where I currently live). Gonna be amazing, but I always find myself comparing myself to the other girls' in the course for some reason which all weigh like 20kgs less than I do. Also that means I won't need to see them except for christmas.
  • BeautyFromPain
    BeautyFromPain Posts: 4,952 Member
    Options
    another problem is that i am also being called different names at work though so not really a happy place... been trying to find a new job but it's impossible with the job cuts here atm
  • Roeri011
    Roeri011 Posts: 77 Member
    Options
    Fat pictures of me are like pictures of Big Foot, the few that exist are blurry or have an obstructed view. There are days I can't look in the mirror and see myself but see the person 40 pounds heavier I used to be. It doesn't matter that my jeans are 3 sizes smaller or I'm wearing tops I couldn't fit in before. I've grown to hate my scale because each week it tells me I lost weight but I still hate my body. Things I do love about my body is I have a muscle line on my forearm at the right angle in the right light and my bicep makes a little bump when I flex. I'm sick of losing weight and still hating my body. I'm now focusing on building muscle instead of "weight loss". I want to give myself more things I love about my body. Am I entirely comfortable in my skin? No, but I'm working on it.
  • REET420
    REET420 Posts: 160 Member
    Options
    Not me sometimes I'm afraid to leave my house.
  • dreamingchild
    dreamingchild Posts: 208 Member
    Options
    The short answer is by doing a course of a cognitive therapy called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (aka ACT). There are some good books on the subject by Russ Harris.

    This therapy aims to shift your focus from your feelings of not being good enough on to the steps you need to take to build a life worth living. It's simple yet very profound.

    Good luck.

    thanks i will be looking up this author.
  • victoria4321
    victoria4321 Posts: 1,719 Member
    Options
    I'm not sure how I reached it but I feel like I've just always been comfortable. So yes I was one of the fat people in a two piece at the beach lol. Maybe you should find other qualities about yourself that you really like that isn't external. Even a really good looking person will eventually age and not be at their peak so something else has to make you love yourself in the long run.
  • MissGraziano
    MissGraziano Posts: 52
    Options
    I've struggled with low self esteem, depression, and anxiety my entire life. Somehow in this past year I overcame all of it, I don't even need medication anymore. This is how I did it:

    1. Daily exercise I think had a lot to do with boosting my mood and confidence, but that's not the kicker for me.

    2. I had this feeling kind of just slap me in the face. I realized how lucky we are to live in a universe that spontaneously created life. Every single life form is absolutely amazing. The fact that we came from nothing and we live and breathe and die and life goes on is just so insane to me. I know it sounds weird and nerdy but that's what got me to overcome about 15 years of major, major depression. Life is not about what we look like... it is about living. The birds and the trees and the oceans and the sun and moon and sky.. Everything is so beautiful! It's hard not to be happy when you look around and see the perfection in the natural world. So when you look in the mirror don't be ashamed at anything you see.. you are a miracle! You are amazing and and we are all so perfect and beautiful and lucky to be here! There is nothing wrong with you. Take the life you have and make something beautiful out of it! :)
  • kschr201
    kschr201 Posts: 219 Member
    Options
    I'm finally reaching that point, even though I'm nowhere near the body I want. I'm just proud of what I've done so far. Who cares if it's not perfect - there was a lot of sweat and hours that went into this :D And I remind myself of just that when I feel like the "gentle giant" next to everyone around me.

    and confront the toxic people about their hurtful words or get out of each other's lives...
  • BeautyFromPain
    BeautyFromPain Posts: 4,952 Member
    Options
    I'm finally reaching that point, even though I'm nowhere near the body I want. I'm just proud of what I've done so far. Who cares if it's not perfect - there was a lot of sweat and hours that went into this :D And I remind myself of just that when I feel like the "gentle giant" next to everyone around me.

    and confront the toxic people about their hurtful words or get out of each other's lives...

    i have confronted them, hasn't changed anything.... i can't afford to move out :/

    but yes way you're thinking does absolutely make sense!
  • Dragonnade
    Dragonnade Posts: 218 Member
    Options
    OK, ASAP doesn't have to mean tomorrow, but definitely get people that get you down, out of your life. Long term goal - the day you need never say 'hello' to them again.

    Everything that you're currently doing, it's a means to an end. The studying is fabulous as it does open up the world to you. The working is brilliant for getting you out, meeting people and keeping you busy.

    Mini targets are also always good. And helping others will help yourself majorly, as you improve their life, and the gratitude is guaranteed to make you stand up taller cos You did that; You made their life better.

    Challenging yourself is great too - realistic goals, so when you reach them, you're awesome. If you think of something you definitely want to do, but it'll take ages to get there, break it up with mini-goals along the way so you don't get disheartened. And you WILL drag yourself to a better place and then you can turn around and stick two fingers up at whoever's been grinding on you - but chances are when you're there, you'll just pity them and move on.

    Yeah, I did move out when I was 16, moved back in when I was 18 due to unforseen circumstances. I have got goals... I am studying to become a Personal Trainer and after our course finishes in december a friend of mine and I are planning to own our own business near the beach (about a 4 hour drive from where I currently live). Gonna be amazing, but I always find myself comparing myself to the other girls' in the course for some reason which all weigh like 20kgs less than I do. Also that means I won't need to see them except for christmas.

    Well this all sounds brilliant. I also had to move back home due to unforseen circumstances so I can totally appreciate the agony of losing all that freedom - and if your parents are anything like my mother, being put down for not staying away and giving her her house back.

    If you compare yourself to the other girls, try and beat them. Not on being sooper skinny, but on the aspects of the course. You'll end up doing better on the course, you'll get in shape quicker, you'll garner some respect so long as you beat them with good cheer and the drive of keeping on trying until you succeed is absolutely fundamental to life. And who cares if they're skinnier - they're probably not, and if they are, they're probably just as paranoid.

    It's little things, but every time you're comparing yourself to someone else on one thing, find a different angle. Ultimately, you're your own person, but when self-esteem is so based on how you see yourself in relation to everyone else, if you can go "you may be thinner, but I can lift more and I have better banter with clients", then you've got an edge back.
  • km_jenn
    km_jenn Posts: 107
    Options
    I think there is a lot more to it then body image, although that is a major part. It's like a cycle... your body image makes you feel bad about yourself, when you feel bad about yourself you get depressed, when your depressed you think negatively. You let things affect you differently, you perceive things differently and react differently to situations. These affect on you can damage relationships and cause a host of other issues in your life. It gets hard to really decipher where things begin and end.

    I would encourage you to work hard at your goals. That is one of the small things in life we control. Eat right, exercise... and most importantly, be proud of yourself. Appreciate yourself for all your efforts, and determination. That will be the start to not only the weight loss goal you have, but build the confidence needed to help you get to that happy place, that allows you to embrace life. Good luck hun, hope that helps!
  • Dragonnade
    Dragonnade Posts: 218 Member
    Options
    Also, given you've moved out once, it does get easier to get along when there's distance between you. I get on fine with my mother, until I've been home for a couple of days - then at each other's throats. She used to call me fat when I was 16, and now thinks I'm mad for doing MFP and can't understand - me, who I am now! Which is her problem, and she's entitled to her opinion, but that doesn't make her any less wrong in that opinion.

    Try not to be riled by comments. If you've confronted and it doesn't work, it likely never will. Acceptance that someone's an idiot with their own issues is huge. Because though hurtful, their opinion becomes meaningless. I care more if a stranger insults me than if my mother does, because I know she doesn't understand anything about me and her opinion is therefore flawed ab initio.
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
    Options
    I'm sorry you have someone who's putting you down. That just sucks. But realize they say that because... THEY SUCK. It's their ugliness - on the inside - that causes them to say that, and it has nothing to do with you.

    But that's the thing about self-esteem. It doesn't, shouldn't, have anything to do with what other people say. It's about you and how you feel. That's where the "self" part comes from. :wink: And it's a process. Little by little, you care more about how you feel about yourself, and less and less about how other people might perceive you.

    And I don't know if anyone is ever COMPLETELY comfortable. Everyone has insecurities and hangups. Even as stunning as a young Pam Anderson was when she was first in Playboy, she still thought, "You know what? I'd look better with even BIGGER hooters." Being truly comfortable with who you are isn't about thinking "I'm the hottest girl ever," it's "I'm a worthwhile person and deserve just as much happiness as anyone else."
  • BeautyFromPain
    BeautyFromPain Posts: 4,952 Member
    Options
    Also, given you've moved out once, it does get easier to get along when there's distance between you. I get on fine with my mother, until I've been home for a couple of days - then at each other's throats. She used to call me fat when I was 16, and now thinks I'm mad for doing MFP and can't understand - me, who I am now! Which is her problem, and she's entitled to her opinion, but that doesn't make her any less wrong in that opinion.

    Try not to be riled by comments. If you've confronted and it doesn't work, it likely never will. Acceptance that someone's an idiot with their own issues is huge. Because though hurtful, their opinion becomes meaningless. I care more if a stranger insults me than if my mother does, because I know she doesn't understand anything about me and her opinion is therefore flawed ab initio.

    Nah. Fair sure I'm not talking to her once I move out for good.
  • Dragonnade
    Dragonnade Posts: 218 Member
    Options
    That's fair enough! I keep in touch for my dad's sake - and to hit her up for money. Callousness is its own reward? ;)
  • robbiejay1971
    robbiejay1971 Posts: 33
    Options
    It's just hard when you are told constantly that you are an ugly, selfish b!tch like every day of your life...
    You need different people in your life!
  • cspong
    cspong Posts: 260 Member
    Options
    Even though I've barely lost any weight, I'm happy in my skin. I'm just not healthy, lol. My self-esteem spiked when I started taking care of myself. Exercising made a huge difference because it made me feel better.

    My husband is probably the biggest reason I'm so confident. While I DONT think anyone needs a man to feel good, I do think that who you have around you can really make or break your self-esteem, at least while you're trying to build it.

    If you're around negative people all the time, it's hard to think positively, especially about yourself.

    Just my two cents.
  • Lleldiranne
    Lleldiranne Posts: 5,516 Member
    Options
    I know how you feel my low self esteem wont change until my body changes.

    even though my body has changed though, my self esteem hasn't. it's more than skin deep...

    In my experience, until you feel good about yourself, no amount of body change will make you feel good.

    I would suggest focusing on the you inside first. What do you like about yourself? Are you smart, funny, caring, etc? (There are some good qualities, you know there are!). Then pick a feature or two that you really like. A nice smile, pretty eyes, etc. Also look at things you do well - are you musical, a good swimmer, artistic...
    It's going to be a process, and you will have to work at it. You have to actively change how you think about yourself. Tell yourself what you like about you. Whenever you start hating on your looks, replace it with the good things about you. Put up signs on your mirror, your closet door, your fridge, over your tv, where ever you will see them a lot, that say "I am special" or "I love me" or something else like that. It's cheesey but it works! It takes at least 21 days to change a habit, but if you've been hating your appearance for a long time, plan to be working on loving yourself for a while, too.

    Hang in there. Many of us are (or have been) in a similar situation. It can be changed!

    (Note: I'm not ENTIRELY comfortable in my skin, but I'm working on getting there...)
  • LUVNME94
    LUVNME94 Posts: 34
    Options
    I suffered from low self-esteem for a long time and it can be overcome. I went on a spiritual, physical, and mental journey of healing. For me it first started with my spiritual life. I needed to connect with God and find my path to peace. I had to get an understanding of who I was and whose I was, now I am not talking religion I am talking live my life for Christ. I realized that in order to love me I had to love the one who created me. Then I started to heal and find uncover where the low self-esteem came from, some was childhood trauma, others resulted from bad relationships. Once I started to cover the source I could heal in the inside,

    Then I worked on the outside. I began to live healthy by working out and making better food choices and I have gone from a 20/22 to a 12/14 which is great start. Although my body is not perfect I love me and that cannot be taking from me. I walk with confidence and I still have some things that I need to deal with but I finally don't care what others think, it is all about me.

    I am finishing my master's degree to keep my mind strong. Discipline in every area of your life is essential. So I discipline my spirit by spending quality time with God. I discipline my body by eating healthy and working out on a schedule. I discipline my mind by concentrating in school, reading new things on a regular basis, and focusing my thoughts to weed out the negative and think positive.

    Living my life whole: Mind, Body, and Soul!
  • manderann
    manderann Posts: 189
    Options
    It's just hard when you are told constantly that you are an ugly, selfish b!tch like every day of your life...

    Sounds like the problem lies with other people, not within yourself. Ditch the downers.

    Smile often. Your facial muscles send messages to your brain, so when you are smiling, you are actually more likely to be happy. :smile: :happy: :bigsmile:

Categories