How to dress for dinner...

13

Replies

  • rossi02
    rossi02 Posts: 549 Member
    Growing up, hats were not allowed to be worn inside of my grandparents' house... so no chance of anyone wearing them at the dinner table. It wasn't as big of deal at my parents house, but my dad only had his hat on if he was heading outside, or just walking in. More times than I can count, I had cousins get their hats flipped off their heads by the older males if they forgot to take them off after coming inside.

    I do think most people are too casual these days. I get wanting to be comfortable and all.. but (maybe this is more of a girl's perspective), it makes it feel more exciting when you are taking the time to get all dressed up before going out.
  • k8blujay2
    k8blujay2 Posts: 4,941 Member
    I never understood the hat at the dinner table rule. People get so bent out of shape about it you'd think you just kicked their dog or something. It's not hurting anybody, it's not offensive or annoying. Well, people get annoyed but for no valid reason. Why should I take my hat off and show my hat head just because of some old school rule?

    And if people are dressed down for dinner I just assume they were out and about and didn't have time to come home and change, or didn't really care. If someone wants to get their panties in a bunch about something I'm wearing that's their problem, I really couldn't care less.

    But if you have a reservation to a nice place (nicer than "the olive garden" (in the voice of Howard's mom on The Big Bang Theory)), why wouldn't you get cleaned up and not have the hat head? Seriously, if I was out on a date that required a reservation, I sure as heck wouldn't be "out and about" up until the time... But many people feel that it's a respect thing. They feel it's disrespectful to wear a hat indoors. It's a tradition as old as shaking hands... yet we still do that.
  • k8blujay2
    k8blujay2 Posts: 4,941 Member
    I went to a wedding a couple weeks ago and a handful of guests were in jeans! At a wedding ceremony in a church! I have no idea what is wrong with people.

    You should have been to mine... my father has been residing in California (you would think Hawaii though)... and you would think my Uncle just came back from one of their bajillion cruises him and my aunt take every year.
  • kayemme
    kayemme Posts: 1,782 Member
    http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=233458

    "The simplest explanation I've heard (subject to the above disclaimer!) is this: hats are meant to protect the head from hazards like heat and rain outdoors. To leave one's hat on indoors could be misconstrued as an insult to the host ("Your home does not feel safe to me") or an act of ignorance ("I didn't realize that my hat had a purpose, I was just wearing it").

    "Think of a hat as halfway between an umbrella and a jacket. Now imagine someone sitting down to a meal your mom cooked: they're still wearing their outdoor coat and with a wet umbrella leaning against their chair, still open. It's not really "rude", but it's certainly out of place. Someone at the table would almost certainly say "why don't you take off your coat and stay a while?" and all would have a laugh at their expense."
  • kayemme
    kayemme Posts: 1,782 Member
    There are different rules for women who wear decorative hats because those hats are not meant to be outdoor protection. They're treated more like accessories.
  • k8blujay2
    k8blujay2 Posts: 4,941 Member
    should we go back to the time where people got dressed up for dinner at home? and while we are at it lets bring back "finishing classes" for the ladies. a proper lady wears gloves to dinner right?

    You know what... that might not be a bad idea... there are way too many rude and selfish people, in general, these days... There is absolutely nothing wrong with manners and etiquette... It's a show of respect to everyone around you (in general).
  • k8blujay2
    k8blujay2 Posts: 4,941 Member
    There are different rules for women who wear decorative hats because those hats are not meant to be outdoor protection. They're treated more like accessories.

    That and because we are supposed to cover our heads.... to be honest, I think it would be cool if hats for women came into fashion... I find them quite fascinating and would totally rock them if I didn't get weird looks... *lol*
  • k8blujay2
    k8blujay2 Posts: 4,941 Member
    Urg! Don't get me started on table manners :P Everytime I see someone chew with their mouth open or have elbows on the table I cringe a little bit.

    My parents sent my sister to an etiquette class cause she had bad table manners, etc. My grandma seemed to drill mine into me pretty well and I got the old wooden spoon to the back if I didn't sit/stand straight. I know it's old fashioned but there's soemthing nice about treating meal times asspecial times. If you're going out its on a date or something fun/special... its nice for it to be special. Even at home (while I don't expect dressing up) it's nice to treat it as a great time to catch up with my loved ones and have table manners.

    My Grandmother still qoutes Emily Post to me.
  • budhandy
    budhandy Posts: 305 Member
    There are different rules for women who wear decorative hats because those hats are not meant to be outdoor protection. They're treated more like accessories.
    so double standards are ok?
  • kayemme
    kayemme Posts: 1,782 Member
    There are different rules for women who wear decorative hats because those hats are not meant to be outdoor protection. They're treated more like accessories.
    so double standards are ok?

    it's not a double standard: a man''s hat is not an accessory.
    if a woman's hat is a functional hat (say a baseball cap), it is also not an accessory and should be removed.
  • ShanR77
    ShanR77 Posts: 287 Member
    I grew up a military brat and hats were definitly banned from the table. I was also raised that hats come off in the house. I have brought my kids up with the same manners i was taught. I look around and see all these kids and their lack of manners and wonder what has become of everything.
  • ShanR77
    ShanR77 Posts: 287 Member
    a hat to dinner is just simple and plain bad manners, be it in high end place or a dive diner. The restaurant doesn't perceive it's self to be high end, as I am sure they would ask or request politely that they remove them. A tiny bit of culture is just too much hard work for some folks, it seems.

    ^^^ This^^^
  • VoodooLuLu
    VoodooLuLu Posts: 636 Member
    one person wearsa cap that might annoy you
    i get annoyed when theres screaming kids in the restaurant everyone has something that annoys someone else
    yet it happens nothing we can do bout it ... but get over it...
  • PaveGurl
    PaveGurl Posts: 244 Member
    is it possible they didn't realise ahead of time it's a more upscale place?


    One evening, my sweetie and I were out running errands - I had on a sweatshirt, ancient baggy cords, and Vans on, for the sake of visuals - when we realised it was waaaaaayyy past dinner time, and holy cats we were hungry. So we stopped in a restaurant we happened to be passing. As we were being seated, we realised we were super-under-dressed, but we were so hungry by that point, we didn't want to try to find something else. Generally speaking, I like to dress for dinner, so I was mortified! But on the other hand: hey, life happens when you're busy making other plans, and it was an incredible dinner I might not otherwise have had.
  • jazzalea
    jazzalea Posts: 412 Member
    it's a matter of respect.... people go to a fancy restaurant for the ambiance.... that's why we pay 50 bucks for three tiny potatoes some parsley with some dressing drizzled over it.... and if we're gonna pay 50 bucks for a meal... we don't wanna see some guy in a t shirt stuffing breadsticks up his nose :)
  • mrmanmeat
    mrmanmeat Posts: 1,968 Member
    I never understood the hat at the dinner table rule. People get so bent out of shape about it you'd think you just kicked their dog or something. It's not hurting anybody, it's not offensive or annoying. Well, people get annoyed but for no valid reason. Why should I take my hat off and show my hat head just because of some old school rule?

    And if people are dressed down for dinner I just assume they were out and about and didn't have time to come home and change, or didn't really care. If someone wants to get their panties in a bunch about something I'm wearing that's their problem, I really couldn't care less.

    It's a sign of respect, pretty simple. You should be able to respect the people you're having dinner with enough to take your hat off while eating. If not, it's fine, doesn't affect me - I just end up better off in the end.
  • karenjoy
    karenjoy Posts: 1,840 Member
    My Canadian husband has a thing about wearing caps, he is the only man of his age who wears one here, as the only other people who wear baseball caps at ALL are teenage boys who want to pretend to be hard or cool, he wears his hat inside, its a good job my Mum is not alive she would put a flea in his ear, hats are a NO AT ALL INSIDE as far as I am concerned and tshirts are not something to wear out for a meal,. even if its to a pub, I like a man who makes an effort to look nice, and this might be a cultural thing, because to me, smart casual means nice clothes, including a shirt and tie, and to HIM it means a clean tshirt and jeans...
  • angeldaae
    angeldaae Posts: 348 Member
    Logically, I know that what others wear has no impact on my own dinner. However, I feel like it does impact my overall dining experience.

    If I put on my best dress and heels, do my hair and makeup, and my husband puts on a tie and/or a coat, I want to *experience* fine dining. That includes the ambiance that a room full of well-dressed (and well-mannered) people brings.

    I also feel that people act as they are dressed. People without enough respect to dress appropriately for an occasion very often also lack the respect to conduct themselves accordingly.
  • jching29
    jching29 Posts: 163
    You know, I don't think it really matters how a person dresses, as long as they aren't wearing stained or dirty clothing. There's a ritzy place called Daniel's Broiler here in Seattle, and my mom and I used to go for lunch and supper there quite often. One day, I noticed that a lot of the people there were dressed up pretty spiffy...nice dresses, heels, suits. And I asked my mom why they were dressed up so nicely when "it's only Daniel's." She told me that different people have different ideas of what expensive restaurants should have as a dress policy...but, she also told me flat-out later on that only the people who can't afford to do Daniel's as a regular thing dress up for it, which I totally understood.

    Above all, though...wearing hats indoors is rude, and uncouth. His mother should have slapped him, if she'd been there.
  • melbot24
    melbot24 Posts: 347 Member
    Oh god...who cares?

    I like to look nice, I like my boyfriend to look nice.

    As for everyone else..who gives a frack.
  • angeldaae
    angeldaae Posts: 348 Member
    There's a ritzy place called Daniel's Broiler here in Seattle, and my mom and I used to go for lunch and supper there quite often... she told me flat-out later on that only the people who can't afford to do Daniel's as a regular thing dress up for it, which I totally understood.

    Wow.

    Just wow.
  • Debbe2
    Debbe2 Posts: 2,071 Member
    Oh god...who cares?

    I like to look nice, I like my boyfriend to look nice.

    As for everyone else..who gives a frack.

    For me, this^^^
    If they can pay for it and aren't being loud and obnoxious I probably wouldn't notice.
  • fbmandy55
    fbmandy55 Posts: 5,263 Member
    As far as dress goes, I don't really care if someone is wearing cargo shorts and a tee. I like to dress up and look nice but I would probably wear some yoga pants and a tee shirt to the mall also.

    BUT I too was brought up where men do not wear hats at the dinner table, in a church or during the national anthem.
  • Roadie2000
    Roadie2000 Posts: 1,801 Member
    I never understood the hat at the dinner table rule. People get so bent out of shape about it you'd think you just kicked their dog or something. It's not hurting anybody, it's not offensive or annoying. Well, people get annoyed but for no valid reason. Why should I take my hat off and show my hat head just because of some old school rule?

    And if people are dressed down for dinner I just assume they were out and about and didn't have time to come home and change, or didn't really care. If someone wants to get their panties in a bunch about something I'm wearing that's their problem, I really couldn't care less.

    It's a sign of respect, pretty simple. You should be able to respect the people you're having dinner with enough to take your hat off while eating. If not, it's fine, doesn't affect me - I just end up better off in the end.
    Well, first of all, I'm just playing devils advocate because I hardly ever wear hats, but I wouldn't find it the least bit disrespectful if someone was wearing at hat while eating with me. WTF would I care, there are plenty of ways to be an *kitten*-hole, wearing a hat isn't one of them. Personally I would rather look at someone's hat than their nasty *kitten* greasy hat head.
  • BigDaddyBRC
    BigDaddyBRC Posts: 2,395 Member
    No matter where you are, unless a restaurant states that it is a dress attire, wear what you want and dont look back. Just reserve your own interpretations of others to your head.
  • Laces_0ut
    Laces_0ut Posts: 3,750 Member
    $100 for 2 people really isnt that much(you could spend that at a national chain like Fridays if you have a few drinks). so for me i wouldnt put too much thought into what i wore to a place like that nor would i care what others were wearing. id probably wear t shirt, shorts and flip flops.

    if i was on a date or it was at a nice restaurant i would certainly think about my attire.

    It's not a HUGE amount, but for two people w/ 1-2 drinks, it's a decent price.

    $100 at Friday's? Maybe if you get two apps, two entree's, two desserts, 4-5 beers a piece and tip $20. lol

    2 $20 entree plus a $10 app and 4 $6 drinks each. not too hard to do it at a place like Fridays. but who the hell would want to eat there? LOL :) id rather spend it at the sushi place th OP mentioned :)
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,021 Member
    I agree that dressing well is a sign of respect for yourself, as well as the people around you. But I do judge people based on how they are dressed. You don't have to be wearing Armani or Balenciaga to impress me, but I absolutely believe that the way you dress is a reflection of who you are. If you walk into Ruth's Chris wearing jeans, a t-shirt, and flip-flops, I will think less of you. If you can afford to eat at a place like that, you can afford to dress for a place like that, and you are CHOOSING not to, for no reason other than the fact that all you care about is your own comfort. You may be a very nice person, but the impression you are making is "I have no sense of occasion, and I don't care at all about anyone else around me."

    I like getting dressed up, even if it's not an upscale restaurant, but in fancy places, I do think it hinders the atmosphere for people to walk in wearing very casual clothing. You are not just paying for food in those places. You are paying for an experience.

    And hats should be removed the second you enter a building. A hat is to protect your head from the elements. It is not a fashion statement (for a man, anyway).
  • bexy_27
    bexy_27 Posts: 28 Member
    I don't really pay attention to other people when I go out, unless they happen to be babies. :-)
  • reactor25
    reactor25 Posts: 146 Member
    Where I live, it is casual all the time. So I am just more excited to see people actually dressed for dinner. Dressing up is "out."

    This is true for me, too! Always casual here, so I love to see people dress up :)
  • mrmanmeat
    mrmanmeat Posts: 1,968 Member
    You know, I don't think it really matters how a person dresses, as long as they aren't wearing stained or dirty clothing. There's a ritzy place called Daniel's Broiler here in Seattle, and my mom and I used to go for lunch and supper there quite often. One day, I noticed that a lot of the people there were dressed up pretty spiffy...nice dresses, heels, suits. And I asked my mom why they were dressed up so nicely when "it's only Daniel's." She told me that different people have different ideas of what expensive restaurants should have as a dress policy...but, she also told me flat-out later on that only the people who can't afford to do Daniel's as a regular thing dress up for it, which I totally understood.

    Above all, though...wearing hats indoors is rude, and uncouth. His mother should have slapped him, if she'd been there.

    I'll refrain from name calling.

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