People who can't help themselves

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Replies

  • BAMFMeredith
    BAMFMeredith Posts: 2,810 Member
    People are idiots.

    I would say about 80% of the time that I go grocery shopping, the cashier makes a comment about what I buy. I've gotten "wow this is a lot of really healthy food, but you don't look like you need to go on diet!" or "Do you eat like that all the time? Your whole family? I don't see how you can even stay full eating all those vegetables and stuff" or my personal favorite (when I had my 5 year old with me) "I bet he doesn't like any of this stuff! Why don't you add some ice cream or some cookies in there!"

    That last one pissed me off. 1. Because of course, then I have a 5 year old saying "Mommy can I have ice cream? Mommy can I have cookies??" the entire car ride home, and 2. because NOBODY should be judged for feeding their child nutritious foods.

    Instead of saying what I wanted to say (which would've been "because I actually care about my child's health") I said "We picked out all kinds of fruit together, his favorite are strawberries and bananas, so we got lots of those!" Her response was kind of a "Ohh ok..well...maybe next time..." because she just didn't know how else to react probably.
  • lizziebeth1028
    lizziebeth1028 Posts: 3,602 Member
    ...From making comments

    A few weeks ago I was at Whole Foods picking up some dinner to go, after a workout. I handed my closed box of food to the cashier who weighs it and says "wow you must be REALLY hungry! That's a ton of food!"
    I ask, "Are you really making a judgment about how much I'm eating?"
    She says, "I guess so, yeah?"
    I say, "Okay, thanks for the comment"

    If she had looked inside, she would have seen one chicken breast (with bones) and a bunch of broccoli.

    I've been recovered from an ED that I lived with for two years. Within the past couple of months I've been trying to eat a decent amount of food to keep up with my active lifestyle, and it's comments like this that made me want to crawl into a hole and starve myself in the first place.

    I hate people.

    Congrats on your recovery! Try not to take it to heart, some people are just lame at making conversation! Open mouth insert foot.
  • lizzie82088
    lizzie82088 Posts: 12
    Shame on our society for continuing to have such a f*cked up attitude regarding food, eating, and bodies. It destroys us especially women.
  • jackpotclown
    jackpotclown Posts: 3,275 Member
    ....and people wonder why I'd much rather use the self checkout at the grocery stores.....\m/
  • PughTooFew
    PughTooFew Posts: 44 Member
    I've shared conversations with cashiers before that bordered on rude but I just think they were oblivious to the hurt they were causing and didn't mean to say the things they did, most were 'old school' and spoke their minds freely.

    The most prominent one I remember was at the end of a long shopping spree with my young boys (aged 2 and 3 at the time) and I'd bought them some weekly treats (as in a week's worth of snacks/desserts - they weren't eating it all at once) and when she commented on it I shrugged it off by politely saying "they're young and active and they eat a varied diet so a little of what they like won't hurt them" to which she asked "is that how you were bought up? because if you're not careful they'll end up like you" - clearly meaning fat - OUCH. Not much I could think of to say back to her after that! :(
  • drewbird911
    drewbird911 Posts: 117 Member
    My favorite was the scruffy guy ahead of me at the 7-11 late night, Monster Energy, Duraflame Log and a box of condoms. I thought to myself "Mr. Romance" , but kept my mouth shut, until I got home
  • secretlobster
    secretlobster Posts: 3,566 Member
    My favorite was the scruffy guy ahead of me at the 7-11 late night, Monster Energy, Duraflame Log and a box of condoms. I thought to myself "Mr. Romance" , but kept my mouth shut, until I got home

    That log may be for a very different purpose... D:
  • Jezebel9
    Jezebel9 Posts: 396 Member
    Thanks guys. Yeah I realize that she is ignorant and it shouldn't bother me, but none of us are completely invulnerable to other peoples' comments and even though we know we should shrug it off, it's hard not to take it to heart. Little comments like that as MJ says are tiny pushes toward an ED. They add up. I'm not going to blame anyone else for my ED but I wasn't confident and secure enough to let people's remarks bounce off of me, and it fed my self-doubt. Making comments about peoples' food is so unnecessary, especially when you should be proffessional about someone's groceries. I really wanted to punch her in the face for that.

    Some day, perhaps, in the future, a person will make a careless, ignorant comment like that and you will recognize it as such... but it will slide off. You will be able to say to yourself, "wow, that was a careless, thoughtless remark." Your heart will be strong and as you leave, your thoughts will go elsewhere and by the time you are eating your food, the person and the bad remark will be gone.
    That would be true healing from the ED, and the roots of it.
    I know that is not where you are right now, and yes, that lady had very poor judgement. I am sorry that happened to you.
    Peace~
  • mtkautz
    mtkautz Posts: 218 Member
    My favorite was the scruffy guy ahead of me at the 7-11 late night, Monster Energy, Duraflame Log and a box of condoms. I thought to myself "Mr. Romance" , but kept my mouth shut, until I got home

    That log may be for a very different purpose... D:

    :huh:

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    Now... THAT could get awkward... fast!
  • Yanicka1
    Yanicka1 Posts: 4,564 Member
    One thing that therapy helped me with was to what is said vs what I hear.

    She said it was heavy and you interpreted things with your own filter. We all do it is human nature.
  • Joneisha07
    Joneisha07 Posts: 49
    Don't let things like that get to you girl. People say things to make themselves feel better and disregard the damage they do to others. Just keep doing what your doing and brush "haters" off.
  • xo_morgan
    xo_morgan Posts: 298
    I am a receptionist with a lot of down time, so i do A LOT of reading. one of my BIGGEST pet peeves is when people say "You can read?!?" or "There arent any pictures in that book!" First of all, you dont know me obviously because if you did you would know any down time i get i read. IDK why it makes me so furious but it reaaaallly gets my blood boiling. Oh, because i look a certain way, i must be stupid? Oh, Right. Gotcha.:explode:
  • _Bob_
    _Bob_ Posts: 1,487 Member
    killed-you-3-times.jpg

    lol

    that's awesome, I get this a lot and always have, being a big guy. my favorite was the comments at the starting line of a 10k several years ago. and then the looks I got as the came to finish line to see me there all relaxed after smoking them in the race.
  • rbn_held
    rbn_held Posts: 690 Member
    I don't think she meant anything negative by it either. Just trying to make small talk and evidently she was not very good at it. I think people overreact too much and care too much what people think.
  • BigDaddyBRC
    BigDaddyBRC Posts: 2,395 Member
    Ignorance and the lack of respect is to blame. Both are rampant throughout today's society.

    My suggestion...let negativity roll off the shoulders. The more positive you are, the better life is.
  • BriskisGrl
    BriskisGrl Posts: 461
    I would have reported her. You specifically asked if she was passing judgement. She's on the clock that was unprofessional.
  • SpydrMnky27
    SpydrMnky27 Posts: 381 Member
    Having worked in a retail situation before, I know I said tons of probably really sumb things to people. When you just check people out all day you look for ways to start conversations. It was probably harmless.

    This is kind of what I was thinking.
  • secretlobster
    secretlobster Posts: 3,566 Member
    I do realize she didn't mean anything personal by it, but that doesn't mean it's necessary to make judgmental comments about somene's food. I will readily admit that I'm very sensitive about food, which is the reason why I didn't tell a supervisor. But when I asked "are you really making judgments about what I'm eating" I kind of hoped she would take the STRONG hint that it's unprofessional for a cashier to be making statements like that.

    I don't really care if someone says "hey that's my favorite chocolate bar too!" or "I haven't tried these, are they any good?" - There are lots of ways you can make conversation with someone at a checkout line. But to be completely ignorant that the amount of food someone eats can be a sensitive subject... I don't think there's a great excuse for that.

    I didn't really feel the need to justify myself by showing her that I was paying seven dollars worth of chicken bones and heavy vegetables. I don't think it would have mattered.
  • CookieCrumble
    CookieCrumble Posts: 221 Member
    I think I would have asked her where she was the day 'weighing and measuring' was taught at school. How rude of her - and unnecessary. Perhaps she just is very socially gauche and couldn't think of anything sensible to say. Try not to let it bother you, her opinion is of no consequence at all.
  • kennethmgreen
    kennethmgreen Posts: 1,759 Member
    People don't have the right to judge how much food you're buying.

    YOU know what you're putting in your body. YOU know it was only chicken breast and brocolli. Her opinion shouldn't matter at all (I know, and I understand, that it hurt you).

    She probably looked at you, was jealous that you are damn fine, and wanted to shoot you down.
    I am at odds with the above. It's like a really great sandwich on the worst kind of bread. I very much agree with the middle part, completely disagree with the top and bottom slices.

    People do have the right to judge. And they will (just watch this thread at the judgment toward the cashier in this story). But we have the ability to react in different ways. We do get to choose. It's a distinction that gets lost sometimes, but I think an important one.

    OP, focus on you. Your choices, your life, your reality. You are making good choices. You know you had a healthy dinner. That's what matters.

    Being insensitive or merely curious or just awkwardly friendly doesn't mean someone is stupid or jealous or bad or evil. Focus on what you can change.
  • Qarol
    Qarol Posts: 6,171 Member
    I hate people.
    I need this on a sign, hanging round my neck...I would stencil it on my forehead, but I'd rather have people staring at my cleavage area than my face.
  • TK266
    TK266 Posts: 3,638 Member
    as someone who was a former grocery clerk for 8 years, the checker was out of line. other than saying "Oh,I like that brand" or "Wow, that looks good, I have never had that before. what is is like?" one should never comment on a customer's food.

    funniest late night purchase I say was a couple buying: 2 packs Polaroid film, 2 cans of shaving cream and a package of disposal razors. all the while giggling.

    I managed to keep a professional face until I they got in the car and drove away. :laugh:
  • jmruef
    jmruef Posts: 824 Member
    I undersand the uber-sensitivity to ANY kind of food-oriented comment, having recovered from an ED. And really...making comments on someone's purchases (other than what some people have suggested - "That looks good" or "I've never had this before" is a bit iffy and an extra dose of sensitivity on the part of the speaker woudn't be a bad thing. Some thoughts, though:

    I like to chit-chat a bit when I wait on people. I think I'm a FAIRLY good judge of when it's okay to spend a minute or two in small talk vs when I should be all business, and I try to strike that balance. I'd imagine I'm not the only one. Sometimes, however, the topics of conversation one can think of in an interaction that's only going to last a few minutes are pretty limited. I'm thinking this cashier was trying to be nice and chatty, and this was sort of blurted out without thinking. Painful to hear, but (IMHO) forgivable.

    As far as judging someone for what they eat/don't eat: We all do it but it sucks. I'm not sure I agree that I have the right to judge anyone, or that anyone has the right to judge me. It's no one else's business unless somehow what I'm eating affects them in some clear, tangible way.

    Do I still judge? Well...yeah. Human nature. Maybe I'm just arguing semantics / nit picking, but I can't see that we have the RIGHT to judge, because - well - does that lead to having the right to say something to someone, unsolicited, about what they're eating?

    And: If you've recovered from an eating disorder (or even still suffering from certain kinds of eating disorders) it's not always evident that that's what's going on. Hell, when I was skeletal I hid it with big clothes. The people who would have called me on it (because of lack of tact or abundance of concern NEVER. SAID. A. WORD. Not that I would have been all "Oh, thank GOD you noticed" - I would have been Ms. Denial - but it's hide-able.

    I got off a bit but the above was to say that if someone does not look obviously ill, other people aren't necessarily going to put on their social filters and think about what comments might and might not be safe to make. Which is...okay. From the standpoint of OP, of course it's NOT okay - it's painful and I hurt for you because I know what triggers ED thoughts in my own world. Part of healing (as I'm sure you know) is developing your own filters and making them work for you.

    Eck. I think I've moved off into Ramble-land...
  • m_white
    m_white Posts: 2
    UGH I definately would have given that BIOTCH a peice of my mind......or at least my super strong fist that I've been working on at the gym BWHAHA, ok, really don't let that stuff get you in a place were you USED to be, keep on keeping on, she's prolly just a HATER that she can't eat much since she's not burning calories etc the way you are!! Keep up the good work and strive forward to your goal....maybe you'll get a "pretty woman" moment after reaching a goal and go in and show her how AMAZZZZZING you look even after eating 10 pounds of a dinner :-)

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