Would you date someone if......

Jude1064
Jude1064 Posts: 83 Member
edited December 19 in Chit-Chat
If a person that never gave you the time of day when you were fat asked you out when you became thinner...woud you go? I don't know what I would do. It makes me mad that they judged me and wouldnt date me then, but now they have suddenly realized what a great person I am. What's your opinion?
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Replies

  • mmstgr
    mmstgr Posts: 578 Member
    Maybe they just weren't physically attracted to you before. We're all only human. *shrug*
  • Kimberly602
    Kimberly602 Posts: 9
    Maybe they just weren't physically attracted to you before. We're all only human. *shrug*

    I agree.
  • PlunderBunneh
    PlunderBunneh Posts: 1,705 Member
    Maybe they just weren't physically attracted to you before. We're all only human. *shrug*

    Unfortunately, this.
    We can spend forever preaching "it's what's on the inside that counts!" but you don't go across the bar to ask someone out because their personality was beautiful.
    Most of the time, relationships are founded on a basic mutual physical attraction. I'm sure you were beautiful in your way before you lost weight, but perhaps not in his way.
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
    Relationships are built on mutual attraction emotionally and physically. But it always start with physical attraction. I learned this very hard way.
  • JBsCrazyGirl
    JBsCrazyGirl Posts: 337
    Maybe they just weren't physically attracted to you before. We're all only human. *shrug*

    I agree.

    so what if you gain your weight back for one reason or another?

    I would want someone, who would have always been attracted to me.
  • lynn1982
    lynn1982 Posts: 1,439 Member
    Maybe they just weren't physically attracted to you before. We're all only human. *shrug*


    I completely agree with this. I guess it's not politically correct to admit, but even from the other side, I don't want to date someone who is over weight... (I actually had an incident recently where I was set up on a blind date with a guy who is obese. He seemed really nice, but has very unhealthy habits - eats poorly, smokes, and is not active at all. I'm not interested in someone like that, and I definitely wasn't physically attracted to him.)
  • emmamcblain
    emmamcblain Posts: 342
    Losing weight can change a lot of the ways people view someone. For instance, you could have gained noticeable confidence. They may see that you've dedicated yourself to something, and find it admirable. Or maybe they just prefer that kind of body image, i.e. they prefer smaller, leaner frames over larger ones. Like it's been already said, we're only human, but there's a lot of different possibilities as to why they could be more interested.
  • Silverkittycat
    Silverkittycat Posts: 1,997 Member
    Maybe they're wiser now? Hold on to that anger and you might miss out on something good. :smile:
  • Jersey_Devil
    Jersey_Devil Posts: 4,142 Member
    sure. give it a shot. if it doesn't work out, whats the worse that can happen? a bad date?
  • Serah87
    Serah87 Posts: 5,481 Member
    Nope!!!!!....if I wasn't good enough than, than I'm not good enough now!!! JMO....
  • hiker282
    hiker282 Posts: 983 Member
    There are any number of reasons they didn't ask you out before. Weight could have been one of them. A lack of confidence could have been another. It isn't attractive if they only saw you stuffing your face. They might have been active and they wanted somebody who they felt there would be a reasonable chance of being able to do what they wanted to do if they asked you to accompany them.

    Don't assume that it was just because it was you were fat, though there could be any number of correlating reasons. Give it a chance and see what happens.

    Even if the date goes terribly, at least you'll have a story to tell.
  • bp716
    bp716 Posts: 68 Member
    so what if you gain your weight back for one reason or another?

    I would want someone, who would have always been attracted to me.
    [/quote


    this+++++]
  • amandavictoria80
    amandavictoria80 Posts: 734 Member
    True, maybe he just wasn't attracted to you before. And that's ok.

    But what if you gain weight? You already know he isn't attracted to you with extra weight. And weight gain can happen for many reasons beyond your control. That could be a major problem.
    You shouldn't be in a relationship where you have to worry about those kinds of things.

    Personally, I just couldn't do it.
  • Il_DaniD_lI
    Il_DaniD_lI Posts: 1,593 Member
    No way. I would want someone who thought I was sexy when I was bigger and even sexier now (i.e. my boyfriend). hehe

    ETA: I was never really "big". My opinion would change if I went from very overweight to this I think..
  • bjshields
    bjshields Posts: 677 Member
    My question is, what do YOU think of HIM? His opinion of you should not be the deciding factor. If he's a good guy who was not attracted to you before, that's one thing; if he's a jerk about weight, that's quite another. Good luck!:smile:
  • mznisaelaine
    mznisaelaine Posts: 2,262 Member
    Probably not... If he didn't like me when I was fat, I wouldn't want to risk the chance of being with someone who felt that way then. And what if I somehow gain weight again or something and then he doesn't find me attractive anymore. That would suck.

    It's like the whole, "Oh 'now' you are pretty" kind of thing. I am better off being with someone much better. :)
  • DesireeLovesOrganic
    DesireeLovesOrganic Posts: 456 Member
    No. What if you marry and then have babies and get stretchmarks (or saggy boobs) or a hormone problem or something where you gain weight (even if only temporarily?)

    I do think attraction matters but to not give the TIME OF DAY prior seems kind of a-hole-ish to me. I can see being MORE attracted to someone who loves themselves enough to make healthy changes and to not let themselves totally go but not even the "time of day" I would be leery about.
  • amandavictoria80
    amandavictoria80 Posts: 734 Member
    sure. give it a shot. if it doesn't work out, whats the worse that can happen? a bad date?

    Uh......the worst that can happen is she falls in love with him, gains weight for some reason and then gets her heart broken.

    ;)
  • Bakerchk
    Bakerchk Posts: 424 Member
    If you asked me this when I was "fat" I would've said, heck no! If they don't like ALL of you, then screw them! BUT... now, living a healthy lifestyle and spending some much time and energy focusing on how to live that way and how to stay fit, I understand why people can be not attracted to someone who is out of shape or "fat". Right now, I probably wouldn't date someone who doesn't work out and eats unhealthy, because for one, I think it would be too hard for me, and their habits would bring me down, and for two because I want to live a healthy lifestyle with a partner. And raise my children that way. So I can see how someone could do that.
  • likeschocolate
    likeschocolate Posts: 368 Member
    If a person that never gave you the time of day when you were fat asked you out when you became thinner...woud you go? I don't know what I would do. It makes me mad that they judged me and wouldnt date me then, but now they have suddenly realized what a great person I am. What's your opinion?

    "If they never gave you time of day" -- sounds like they weren't even interested in being a friend or going out in a group with you.

    So, no. Fundamentally : fat or thin, we're the same person. We may make better eating decisions, but other things, e.g., intellect, kind heartedness, religious views, humor, political views, financial habits, etc. usually do not change much with weight loss.

    The body is the shell. The real person lives inside. My 2c. :smile:
  • amandavictoria80
    amandavictoria80 Posts: 734 Member
    No. What if you marry and then have babies and get stretchmarks (or saggy boobs) or a hormone problem or something where you gain weight (even if only temporarily?)

    I do think attraction matters but to not give the TIME OF DAY prior seems kind of a-hole-ish to me. I can see being MORE attracted to someone who loves themselves enough to make healthy changes and to not let themselves totally go but not even the "time of day" I would be leery about.

    Completely agree with this!
  • YassSpartan
    YassSpartan Posts: 1,195 Member
    I totally would. I'm realistic and just the same way I'm super attracted to to fit women, I would understand if the girl wouldn't pay attention to me when I was out of shape until now that I'm in shape.
  • BigDaddyBRC
    BigDaddyBRC Posts: 2,395 Member
    NOPE.

    Anyone that is so superficial they can't find out who the person is doesn't deserve my Epicness.
  • beatnik236
    beatnik236 Posts: 120 Member
    I ask myself this question a lot because when I am thinner I get a lot more attention; Frankly, it pisses me off. I literally have had people tell me what a great person I am but "I am going with your friend." I do not place blame on them though. I personally do not find overweight men attractive so it would be very hypocritical of me to not to accept the same treatment from others. It sucks but life isn't fair. I say if they find you more attractive now and you are attracted to them, then go out with them. What do you have to lose?
  • Jersey_Devil
    Jersey_Devil Posts: 4,142 Member
    it could also be possible that your personality has changed. Maybe you show more confidence and he like that. Also, with time people change and grow up. I am now friends with people from high school who i never even dreamed of being friends with back then. People evolve. But also you can reverse the situation-- some people who aren't in shape eventually work their *kitten* off to get the body of their dreams and then THEIR personality changes for the worse and THEY become the *kitten*. I dunno. I say just give it a shot and if it doesn't work, nothing bad can come out of it.
  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
    Of course I would. I am not attracted to overweight men, I don't expect men to to have been interested in me when I was overweight. Now that I look better, I take better care of myself and work at looking attractive. So yes, I would without any problem.
  • Stella_Leigh
    Stella_Leigh Posts: 189 Member
    No. What if you marry and then have babies and get stretchmarks (or saggy boobs) or a hormone problem or something where you gain weight (even if only temporarily?)

    I do think attraction matters but to not give the TIME OF DAY prior seems kind of a-hole-ish to me. I can see being MORE attracted to someone who loves themselves enough to make healthy changes and to not let themselves totally go but not even the "time of day" I would be leery about.

    THIS!
  • meshashesha2012
    meshashesha2012 Posts: 8,329 Member
    it all depends if i liked them or not. i dont accept dates with just any guy just because he asks, regardless of my weight :laugh:

    anywho if i werent into him anyway, then hell no. if i were then yeah.
  • grimm1974
    grimm1974 Posts: 337 Member
    Relationships are built on mutual attraction emotionally and physically. But it always start with physical attraction. I learned this very hard way.

    It depends on the person. Only one or two of my relationships started with a physical attraction. The woman I married started with an emotional attraction. I'm not saying I did not find her attractive because I did. However, our relationship started out of an online friendship and emotional bond. It was quite awhile before I even knew what she looked like. You could argue that if I didn't find myself physically attractive, then I would have ended it. However, that would be no different than breaking off a relationship that started by a physical attraction and ended after you could not bond emotionally. For me, I dated women I was physically attracted to. I had relationships with those I was emotionally bonded to.
  • Athena98501
    Athena98501 Posts: 716 Member
    I would not at all, but it's something only you can decide for yourself.
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