Don't Be So Rude
Merrilies
Posts: 32 Member
In the last 2 years, I've lost over 3 stone in weight - 42 pounds to my American friends - and I'm now lucky enough to be at the perfect weight for my height and body frame. I've got this checked out by my doctor and he said I'm an ideal weight - not under or over.
However, so-called friends and even some of my family think it's okay to say to me ' you need to eat more'.
How bloody rude!
Would they say to someone who was overweight, 'you need to eat less', no they wouldn't, so why do they feel that they have to tell me to eat more? Is it jealousy or just concern because I'm smaller than I've been for a long time?
Why can't people just be happy for me that I've managed - and succeeded - to lose weight. I'm fitter now than I've been for years and have even been able to come of my blood pressure medication as my doc says I no longer need it so I'm medication free - the first time in over 15 years!
I wish people would think before they open their mouths.
However, so-called friends and even some of my family think it's okay to say to me ' you need to eat more'.
How bloody rude!
Would they say to someone who was overweight, 'you need to eat less', no they wouldn't, so why do they feel that they have to tell me to eat more? Is it jealousy or just concern because I'm smaller than I've been for a long time?
Why can't people just be happy for me that I've managed - and succeeded - to lose weight. I'm fitter now than I've been for years and have even been able to come of my blood pressure medication as my doc says I no longer need it so I'm medication free - the first time in over 15 years!
I wish people would think before they open their mouths.
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Replies
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Good for you!! This is wonderful. I can't explain people's behavior. They think they can comment in any way they want to under the guise of helping you. I'm sorry this is happening. If you can ignore them, all the better. You did what you needed to do and you're perfectly fine. Again, congratulations.0
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I think it's concern. People, especially family and friends, get so used to how someone looks that when there's a change, it rocks their world. They don't understand the changes you've made. You should take it as a compliment that you've managed to stay dedicated and make the changes you wanted. You are awesome! :flowerforyou:0
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I think people respond in this way because they might perhaps be used to the size you were before - whenever people lose weight, family members and friends may sometimes put it down to something to be worried about because they are so used to you the way you were. If you are conscious enough to check with a doctor, and know that you are fine - then your family and friends must understand that it is your life to live and you are living it well and sensibly!0
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Would they say to someone who was overweight, 'you need to eat less'...
Oh yes they would, too. They would indeed.0 -
Congrats on your weight loss! I really hate hearing things like this, honestly, I think it's jealousy. Unless you're starving yourself to lose weight (which you obviously aren't), then they have no right to say anything like that to you. Definitely rude! Other than the obvious visual proof, the fact that you no longer need your BP medication is obvious proof that you're perfectly healthy. Stick with it and ignore them, you're awesome!0
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Thanks for the replies
I have told these people - several times over - that I am fit and healthy and my doctor confirms it, but I still get the 'you need to eat more' or 'have a piece of cake' comments - grrrr!
I'll just ignore it. They'll get used to the way I look eventually and hopefully stop.0 -
Congrats on your loss. As for other people telling you how to manage your body, if they are not a licensed professional disregard their statements. You are eating healthy and your doctor says there does not see to be a problem. Maybe next time call that person out on it.0
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Good for you! Clearly you know how to take care of yourself and eat at this point!0
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Would they say to someone who was overweight, 'you need to eat less'...
Oh yes they would, too. They would indeed.
Very true! I had someone (a stranger) sarcastically tell me the other day when I was eating lunch at the park with my kids "maybe eat less and exercise more". I was mortified and very angry. People have no consideration.0 -
There is that old saying that you TEACH people how to treat you.
There comes a time in a person life when what other people think or say doesn't matter.
It is what you think and say to yourself is what really matters.
Hugs....0 -
Thanks for the replies
I have told these people - several times over - that I am fit and healthy and my doctor confirms it, but I still get the 'you need to eat more' or 'have a piece of cake' comments - grrrr!
I'll just ignore it. They'll get used to the way I look eventually and hopefully stop.
Maybe they will take a hint and help themselves by not eating the cake either! lol0 -
Congratulations! People are just rude and want to make others as miserable as they are. Keep up the great work!0
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families love with food, they're uneducated.0
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However, so-called friends and even some of my family think it's okay to say to me ' you need to eat more'.
How bloody rude!
Would they say to someone who was overweight, 'you need to eat less', no they wouldn't, so why do they feel that they have to tell me to eat more? Is it jealousy or just concern because I'm smaller than I've been for a long time?
Good point, that is rude, but people say "you need to eat less" all the time with their words and even actions. If you want to talk about how people's perception of your weight frustrates you, fine, but don't act like overweight people have it so much better. They're judged, mocked, excluded from opportunities and often unable to find, or have to pay more for nice clothes. It's great that you are at a healthy and attractive weight now, but why do you have to compare your struggle with what fat people go through?0 -
Unfortunately a lot of people have a warped sense of what a "healthy weight" is whether it's been because of media or just what they've been brought up with. So someone who's fine may be seen as dangerously thin or just too thin for their personal attractiveness and family and friends seem to always be the first to pipe up and squawk.
My father's side of the family is like that. I often got many "You need to try this diet" comments from relatives I barely knew simply because I was family and we were Italian and therefore mouthy and opinionated. I'm sure if I ever see any of them when I'm done they'll turn around and try to shove ten lasagnas down my throat. Don't take it personally and if it bothers you just thank them for their concern but tell them that you never asked for their insight and you're happy where you are regardless.0 -
congrats on your weight loss. you are an inspiration. I agree with the poster who said people are just rude. if your doctor confirms you are healthy then you just press forth. perhaps you are one of the people I need to help me learn how to be healthy0
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I didn't even know that losing weight could help your blood pressure, but after having to take medication every day for so long it must be wonderful to not have that worry anymore.
As for the rudeness, I had a great-grandmother that whenever I would visit would immediately tell me "You're so fat!" (I was 15 years old and 135lb at the time.) And my dad would always get told that he was too skinny. She also believed that both problems could be solved with cabbage, but I digress. People don't think before they speak. My sister, for example, is underweight and she is so tired if hearing how skinny she is. People make jokes because they think since she's not fat she won't be offended.
I can't wait to be where you are. I'll probably be a little rude myself though. Anyone comments on my size and I WILL reciprocate.0 -
Whatever you do don't listen to them. I was raised in an overweight family and at one point I started working on getting healthy. I was at an ideal weight for my height and everyone said I was too thin. I started gaining weight again and have regretted it ever since. I'll never make that mistake agian!0
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Yep rude. I got down to target (in fact below what my target is now) and i had one friend thatused to get right on my nerves "you look old", I look younger than you and Im nearly 10 years older..... feck off cowbag and get some of that lard off your *kitten* and unwrinkled jowls...... I wish Id said just that rather than ***** footing around0
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Personally..I think people should just mind their own flippin business. If no one asks your opinion..keep your mouth shut.
You worked hard to get the weight off..ignore them..and be proud in your new body:-)0 -
I am so happy for you!
I also feel your pain. I am still 15 pounds over weight, but I hear from my family all the time that I have lost too much weight. I am the only one of my siblings that is not a diabetic or that does not have hypertension. My mom constantly comments on my weight but wouldn't dare give them a hard time about theirs. When my mom tells me that I am too skinny I want to respond with, Too skinny for what? Too skinny for diabetes? Too skinny for hypertension?0 -
I think people have become so accustomed to our significantly fatter population that they don't know what a healthy weight looks like. Except for those with eating disorders, thinner is almost always healthier than fatter. I also think people that know you can feel really threatened when you take control of your health and by your new confidence. It is their own insecurity. I personally haven't really had that experience, but I have seen it and it really is all about them and their issues. You should feel smug.0
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I know it isn't easy, but try not to take things people say so seriously. When it comes down to it all that matters is how YOU feel and what your doctor says. Both of you know your body more intimately than family, friends, strangers. WAY to go for being medication free. I honestly with I could be med free too, but I'm female and well isn't going to happen anytime soon for me.0
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What matters is your health and that you feel good about yourself. Obviously, you've had it confirmed by an expert that you are in a good range for a person of your height. You feel good too, and YOU know your body best. Those people just need to understand that if your body needs more food, you will take that signal...NOT them. Way to go though, that is something to be proud of!0
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Oh my friend, I definitely think it is RUDE!!!
In my opinion, I think it would mostly stem from jealousy. People who are not happy with their weight, who are not at their ideal weight, and people who are just plain overweight tend to get jealous. I feel the old saying "misery loves company" is so true. I know personally. When I was thin, as I had been my whole life until I was about 20, and even that, when I had lost almost all of my weight back in 2003, I had a couple of people who said they were happy for me but seemed to sabotage or try to sabotage me all of the time. They were much heavier than I, and I could feel the jealousy radiating off of them (not being conceited at all, it's the honest truth). I worked hard to get where I was, and working even harder now to get where I want to be, and I know you have too. YOU know your body and what matters is how YOU feel and what your personal doctor says. The opinions of family, friends, strangers - even doctors who don't know you or your health, does not matter at all. I am so proud of you and it is so awesome that you have accomplished your goal! Ignore the nay-sayers and the jealous people out there. Don't allow them to bring you down - and remember this, they can't bring you down unless *you* allow them too.
Ignore them. Remember you rock!! :-)0 -
If you want to talk about how people's perception of your weight frustrates you, fine, but don't act like overweight people have it so much better. They're judged, mocked, excluded from opportunities and often unable to find, or have to pay more for nice clothes. It's great that you are at a healthy and attractive weight now, but why do you have to compare your struggle with what fat people go through?
Not comparing, and when did I ever say that overweight people have it much better? I didn't say that once in my post, so please don't berate me for something I didn't even say!
I've been on both sides of it now - I've been fat and am now slim and still have people being rude, so was just trying to show that it's not just overweight people who struggle - some people will always be mean to others because of how they look - whether they are deemed to be fat, thin, wear glasses or whatever. Why can't we all just be kind to one another?0 -
congrats on your weight loss...another success story...I love it!!
I have been told by other members on MFP to eat more...never thought Id be overweight and hear the words."eat more"0 -
Yes they are bloody rude. Maybe they just need to get used to seeing the new you. That takes time for some people, especially when the green eyed monster rears its ugly head. I would actually go off at them and say "enough is enough. Enough with the comments, Im a healthy weight, Im happy and overall im healthy, so why make me feel like s#@t about it everytime I see you? Be happy and supportive, thats what I need!!" LOL or something like that. Sorry, just got super angry reading your post, people that say stuff like that really piss me off!! You look great and if you feel great and you're happy thats all that matters :-)0
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I'm SOOOO sorry. People either criticize or they get jealous. Damned if you do and damned if you don't! KUDOS to you that you are off your blood pressure meds and are healthy! that si AWESOME! You should be very, very proud!!! Pat yourself on the back and remind yourself of how far you have come. 0
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yeah don't worry you are not alone here, this time last year i was 225lbs and dianosed with a rare blood cancer and told i would be dead within a year if i kept living like i was, if i improved my life and stopped drinking alcohol and smoking cigarettes it would probably range from 7-15 years, since then i was on 4 months chemo that didn't work and layed around waiting to die for about 3 months,i finally got out of my depression and in the past 5 months i have lost 65lbs and most of my body fat,i stay active and last week was told by my doctor that if i continue my life the way i am now (excercise and eating healthy,which keep in mind i eat 3,000 calories a day) then his best guess is i will probably die of old age before my cancer kills me because everything i have been doing is keeping my blood levels where they need to be....no medication....now i tell you this story because my mom has been with me during every one of my 100+ doctor visits and she knows how much i eat (which is 12 times a day - about 250 calories each) and she STILL said to me "make sure you don't over do it" (talking about excercise) and "how much more weight are you going to lose,you look too skinny" so i really think it is just that people have a mental image of how you are "supposed to look" because thats what you have looked like for so long,as well as an article i read a while back saying how most people (americans more so than others) when asked what is a healthy weight range for yourself, most picled a number in the obese category, i think the number was something like almost 80% of people, so i think over time we all just got so comfortable being obese that anything other than that seems wrong,and when we lose weight and feel great (and think we look great too) no one else is on that same page with us and it still looks so wrong to them...also on a side note i generally don't care what people think so i started making it a game for me,when someone says something negitive about my weight,i'll say something about thiers
for example when my mom told me "don't over do it" my immediate reply to her was "don't under do it" followed by a smile and walking away 0
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