Just need to VENT and advice?

jjh5351

So I had previously lost around 30 pounds on Weight Watchers before the holidays occurred (yes I know, it was months ago.). Basically my last semester of college was a complete struggle, I worked 30 hours a week and had so much going on with school so I rarely had time to do anything. I realize it's not much of an excuse, but I just let myself go to some extent. Now I'm graduated and ready to get back on track to losing what I had gained plus more because I'm getting married in October... But, I can't get my butt back in gear! I try so hard and I start the day out really well, but then I just get LAZY at night and gorge. I know what I need to be doing but I feel like I have no support to do it. I just moved 12 hours from home with my fiance and he works 13 hour days, so when he gets home its around 9 and he just wants to go out to eat or eat junk. I need to learn how to say no, but I don't think I can do it without support. Is anyone else struggling with this? I know it's probably a common struggle, and I really don't want anyone lecturing me about it, I'm not dumb. I know what to do. I just want to know that I'm not the only one out there with this problem and get some people on here to help me through! ALSO! Does anyone else live in an apartment building and do any exercise at home? I'm planning on joining the Y, but until then I'd like to get some exercises I can do at home other than walk my dog. Also C25K is out of the question right now because of my asthma

cwalters1540

I can totally relate to losing weight and gaining it back (plus more) during holidays and stressful times. I always think to myself that I'll start doing what I need to do today but then I feel so tired and lazy it never happens. What does help is reminding myself that I feel better while I'm working out and it's working out that actually gives me energy so I won't feel so lazy once I start moving. Telling myself that sometimes helps but not always.

I don't know where you're located but there are groups out there that get together to walk or work out in parks just so that they don't have to do it alone. Since you moved and your fiance works long hours maybe having a support group like that would motivate you?

I don't live in an apartment now, but when I went to college I was reluctant to exercise in my room because I worried about the noise I'd be making jumping around my room so I ended up doing things like push-ups, sit ups, yoga and pilates.

You are most definitely not alone. I don't know if hearing some of my story helps at all, but I just wanted you to know that I've had the same struggles and I'm overcoming them a day at a time.

vim_n_vigor

Really, you are the only one that can motivate and support you. Don't expect your fiancee, the grocery store clerk or anyone else to monitor your activity or what you put into your mouth. My FitBit really motivates me and helps to keep my activity up which allows me to eat more. You obviously know what you need to do - you did it before. Best of luck!

titsnstuff

I know exactly how you feel. My boyfriend works 12 hours a day and gets back around 8p and just wants to gorge on junk food. To add to that I also have a tendency to eat very little throughout the day but once the sun goes down I become a ravenous monster. I find what really helps is trying to always cook for my boyfriend when he gets home, that way he can't suggest we go out to eat because the food is already there. If you are too tired to cook all the time try cooking meals over the weekends and freezing them, so you just have to heat them up around meal time.

tryinghard71

I won't lecture you because I did the same thing myself. You have to want it more than anything else. Put yourself first. No one is going to care more about your weight or your health more than you. No one. You have to love yourself the most.

cwalters1540

Really, you are the only one that can motivate and support you. Don't expect your fiancee, the grocery store clerk or anyone else to monitor your activity or what you put into your mouth. My FitBit really motivates me and helps to keep my activity up which allows me to eat more. You obviously know what you need to do - you did it before. Best of luck!

I don't think support and encouragement is a lot to ask from the person you're married or engaged to. She's not asking anyone to monitor her food intake but rather to support her desire to live healthier. That's the least a loved one could do.

jjh5351

I appreciate that I'm not alone! I'll have to look into some yoga videos or something like that. I do agree that exercise does help- it's just so hard doing it by myself! Not knowing the area is especially a concern being a small female with little upper body strength lol! I appreciate the advice!

jjh5351

Really, you are the only one that can motivate and support you. Don't expect your fiancee, the grocery store clerk or anyone else to monitor your activity or what you put into your mouth. My FitBit really motivates me and helps to keep my activity up which allows me to eat more. You obviously know what you need to do - you did it before. Best of luck!

Hmm.. I'm sorry but I'll have to disagree- I think that others can motivate and support me. I don't EXPECT anyone to do anything for me, but having a support system makes all the difference in the world- hence, reasons that this website has forums available to ask questions and gain friendships, even if it is just through an online outlet. What is the FitBit? I'm interested in that. I didn't mean to sound rude or anything, I'm just respectfully disagreeing. I appreciate the advice, though.

vim_n_vigor

Really, you are the only one that can motivate and support you. Don't expect your fiancee, the grocery store clerk or anyone else to monitor your activity or what you put into your mouth. My FitBit really motivates me and helps to keep my activity up which allows me to eat more. You obviously know what you need to do - you did it before. Best of luck!

I don't think support and encouragement is a lot to ask from the person you're married or engaged to. She's not asking anyone to monitor her food intake but rather to support her desire to live healthier. That's the least a loved one could do.

He is tired and hungry after a 13 hour day. He loves her, and probably sees nothing wrong with her weight. If she isn't making it a priority for herself, don't expect him to make it a priority for her.

jjh5351

I know exactly how you feel. My boyfriend works 12 hours a day and gets back around 8p and just wants to gorge on junk food. To add to that I also have a tendency to eat very little throughout the day but once the sun goes down I become a ravenous monster. I find what really helps is trying to always cook for my boyfriend when he gets home, that way he can't suggest we go out to eat because the food is already there. If you are too tired to cook all the time try cooking meals over the weekends and freezing them, so you just have to heat them up around meal time.

That's great advice, thank you! I work retail- he does as well- so on my days off it shouldn't be too hard to cook ahead. I think my biggest issue is not wanting to go to the grocery store by myself because he generally pays for the groceries for me, so when he does get home he just wants to go to bed. Have you found any ways to plan ahead for grocery shopping? Do you do your meal plans a week or so in advance? Sometimes I have an issue with doing that because I don't ever feel like eating what I've made!

titsnstuff

Youtube is full of free fitness videos! I highly recommend them. If you are willing to spend some money why not try a class? I like classes because then I can't tell myself: "Oh I'll go later.." because there is no later! Plus, once money is involved I don't like skipping because I am out $15.

Edit: Just saw your response to me. I call Sunday my cooking day. I plan all my meals, including breakfast, and then go grocery shopping. I don't indulge then and buy stuff I won't/shouldn't eat. I've been doing this for two years now so it is easy peasy shopping by myself. It is hard at first, but after a while you really learn how much a week you need to eat. You also save a lot of money.

jjh5351

I won't lecture you because I did the same thing myself. You have to want it more than anything else. Put yourself first. No one is going to care more about your weight or your health more than you. No one. You have to love yourself the most.

I think my biggest problem is that I've been down on myself because I've lost the weight before but I'll admit it, I am sad here! So far away from my family and I just find some comfort in letting my fiance make choices because most days I've been by myself for quite a few hours and I don't feel like dealing with the back and forth of meal choices etc. But thank you- that is great advice! I know my fiance knows that it is important to me to lose weight, so maybe getting him on board and letting him know what is important to me is the best solution.

jjh5351

Youtube is full of free fitness videos! I highly recommend them. If you are willing to spend some money why not try a class? I like classes because then I can't tell myself: "Oh I'll go later.." because there is no later! Plus, once money is involved I don't like skipping because I am out $15.

Edit: Just saw your response to me. I call Sunday my cooking day. I plan all my meals, including breakfast, and then go grocery shopping. I don't indulge then and buy stuff I won't/shouldn't eat. I've been doing this for two years now so it is easy peasy shopping by myself. It is hard at first, but after a while you really learn how much a week you need to eat. You also save a lot of money.

Youtube is awesome, yes, but I live on the 2nd floor and I already curse at my neighbors through the floor for them being loud too! Woops... Maybe youtube has pilates and yoga that I've been ignoring though! I'll see if my fiance knows how to do youtube on the PS3, because Lord knows that I don't. Good point too about the classes- I'll look into that! Maybe I'll try to find a place that is offering some sort of boot camp that works with my schedule!

Good grocery tips too- I'll have to start working on that. Fiance is picky, though, so I'll have to work around that!

vim_n_vigor

Really, you are the only one that can motivate and support you. Don't expect your fiancee, the grocery store clerk or anyone else to monitor your activity or what you put into your mouth. My FitBit really motivates me and helps to keep my activity up which allows me to eat more. You obviously know what you need to do - you did it before. Best of luck!

Hmm.. I'm sorry but I'll have to disagree- I think that others can motivate and support me. I don't EXPECT anyone to do anything for me, but having a support system makes all the difference in the world- hence, reasons that this website has forums available to ask questions and gain friendships, even if it is just through an online outlet. What is the FitBit? I'm interested in that. I didn't mean to sound rude or anything, I'm just respectfully disagreeing. I appreciate the advice, though.

No offense taken. A FitBit is a small device that you can clip to your bra strap or on your pants and it tracks your activity level and number of steps. It also tracks flights of stairs. It really helped me to see how much (little actually) activity I was getting. There is a web site that displays how active (sedentary, lightly active, fairly active, very active hours and percentage of the day). It then helps you calculate how many calories you should be eating. I walk/run longer and faster now and set up goals each week based on my calculations through this site.

Side note - I do know that it is nice to have someone to support you, especially your spouse, or soon to be spouse. Truth is, it doesn't always happen, at least not the way we want them to. If he doesn't see you really working for it, he isn't going to be going after you trying to get you to do it. He may not even feel that you need to lose weight and may feel like he would be pushing you in the wrong direction by saying something like, honey, I thought you wanted to lose weight. Why are you shoveling down wings and beer with me? Have you talked to him about it? I would think that more of your problem right now is new town, no friends in the area and a significant other that is at work very long hours. It is hard to adjust to a new place and new routine.

j77r68

No one on here should lecture you. Pretty sure you do that well enough yourself. Believe me I still do! I would try and do all of your exercise and most if not all of your eating before he gets home. Than when he wants to eat junk you could focus on drinking your water which will fill you up or a healthy snack so you don't eat junk. We can woohoo you all you want but it is still up to you to do it. What helps me is looking in the success story message board. There is always great inspiration on there.
Good Luck

sproeber89

I am going through the same thing you are. I got off the wagon, had lost almost 20 lbs but then stopped doing what I should be doing and I gained about 5 of it back. I am also getting married in October and want to not worry that my dress will be too tight. Last night I got home, planned out my workouts until the end of September. I'm training for a half marathon so that's my workouts for the next three months. I did my first run this morning, and am letting myself enjoy the rest of the holiday weekend, then tomorrow I am back on track with my eating and making sure I'm eating the right foods at the right portions. It's hard for me to cook for my fiance and make healthy things he likes, so I figure if I eat a healthy breakfast and a healthy lunch, I'll just allow myself to eat a normal dinner but in better portion sizes. At least that's what I think will work for me.

Good luck! The biggest thing is remembering WHY you are trying to lose the weight and keep going with that. It's hard but I got a total high off of constantly seeing the scale go down...and then it stopped

chevy88grl

I recently switched jobs - in doing so, I completely changed my schedule (and routine). So, I understand how easy it is to fall off the wagon and how hard it is to climb back on. My best advice is to try and make some meals ahead of time and freeze them. That way when your boyfriend gets home from work, you can pull out a pre-portioned meal and eat something healthy with him even if he chooses to eat fast food or junk food. You can't change his eating habits or choices... you can only change your own.

Also, I know that I will want to eat more at the end of the day (this is a hold over from my days working 2nd shift), so I make sure I eat lighter through the day in order to accommodate the fact that I'll want to eat more later in the day. If you think you'll want to eat more later, eat lighter through the day so you'll have calories left.

As for working out, you could rent a workout dvd from the library or go to a second hand bookstore and buy a couple. If you live on an upper floor and are worried about bothering your neighbors, go down and ask them "Is it okay if I workout between 2-3pm? There may be extra noise coming from my house, but it'll only be for an hour or so". It shows that you respect them and they'll be happy about it.

titsnstuff

It is totally do-able. I am a vegetarian and my boyfriend was very meat and potato kinda guy. I never bugged him, never said anything, but since I do 80% of the cooking and never buy meat he simply stopped eating it while at home. After about a year he realized how little meat he eats now and is actually enjoying it. To encourage picky eaters don't say anything, but lead by example. Cook a yummy spinach and salmon dish and eat it. If it is the warm yummy thing ready to eat, your boyfriend will eat it to.
Just remember: cook it and they will eat.

OpenHeaven

#1 - You can do this!!!!! I understand the whole frustration thing, and it being hard to get motivated. I started out with my eating. I got rid of all of the junk, and ate clean while working out only a couple of times a week. Now that my eating is conquered, I am exercising six days a week, and am LOVING IT!!!

#2 - Talk to your man. Tell him why you want to get fit (not skinny, not "I want to look good in my gown"). Enlist his help!! If he is working crazy hours, and is stuffing his face with junk food late at night, it's probably safe to assume that he could also use some help in the fitness department. DO IT TOGETHER!!!! I moved 2,000 miles away from all of my family and friends, so I understand that it can be difficult to not have a support system. Start cooking healthier meals, banish the bulk of the junk food from your home. If he wants chips and candy, he is going to have to make the trip to buy it. Tell him that you don't want him to eat it around you because this is really important to you. If he truly realizes how this affects you, he will make changes (even if it means that he eats the same things before coming home)!!!

#3 - Joining the Y is a great idea!!

#4 - Apartment exercising - yes I have done it. If you want to do it - DO IT!!!! If your downstairs neighbors feel like the sky is falling, they will let you know, and you can modify your workout at that time. Don't let not knowing stop you!!! If you know them (even if you don't), you could always just go down and let them know, "Hey, I'm really focused on getting fit right now, and I would love to do workouts here at home! At the same time, I don't want to bother you. If it gets too loud, or if you ceiling is shaking, please let me know!!" That lets them know what you are doing, and maybe they won't care since they know you are exercising, and there isn't a live WWF smack down going on above them!!! LOL!!! Also, maybe finding out when they are at work, or what time they get up could be good too. If you are going to worry about it too much, you probably won't be motivated to do it, so either get past that, or go out and find another way to exercise!!!

You CAN DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

jjh5351

Really, you are the only one that can motivate and support you. Don't expect your fiancee, the grocery store clerk or anyone else to monitor your activity or what you put into your mouth. My FitBit really motivates me and helps to keep my activity up which allows me to eat more. You obviously know what you need to do - you did it before. Best of luck!

Hmm.. I'm sorry but I'll have to disagree- I think that others can motivate and support me. I don't EXPECT anyone to do anything for me, but having a support system makes all the difference in the world- hence, reasons that this website has forums available to ask questions and gain friendships, even if it is just through an online outlet. What is the FitBit? I'm interested in that. I didn't mean to sound rude or anything, I'm just respectfully disagreeing. I appreciate the advice, though.

No offense taken. A FitBit is a small device that you can clip to your bra strap or on your pants and it tracks your activity level and number of steps. It also tracks flights of stairs. It really helped me to see how much (little actually) activity I was getting. There is a web site that displays how active (sedentary, lightly active, fairly active, very active hours and percentage of the day). It then helps you calculate how many calories you should be eating. I walk/run longer and faster now and set up goals each week based on my calculations through this site.

Side note - I do know that it is nice to have someone to support you, especially your spouse, or soon to be spouse. Truth is, it doesn't always happen, at least not the way we want them to. If he doesn't see you really working for it, he isn't going to be going after you trying to get you to do it. He may not even feel that you need to lose weight and may feel like he would be pushing you in the wrong direction by saying something like, honey, I thought you wanted to lose weight. Why are you shoveling down wings and beer with me? Have you talked to him about it? I would think that more of your problem right now is new town, no friends in the area and a significant other that is at work very long hours. It is hard to adjust to a new place and new routine.

I'll look into that- I like the idea of using something like that.

But yes, your last statement is completely true, but I've been aware of that which is the unfortunate part. I've been making some friends at work, but the problem there is that they're not striving for a healthy lifestyle either so I have to watch myself very carefully! I think once I get into the new routine, and go on my vacation in a week or so I'll be ready to get back on track completely. For now I'm just going to work hard to get some small changes in.

jjh5351

No one on here should lecture you. Pretty sure you do that well enough yourself. Believe me I still do! I would try and do all of your exercise and most if not all of your eating before he gets home. Than when he wants to eat junk you could focus on drinking your water which will fill you up or a healthy snack so you don't eat junk. We can woohoo you all you want but it is still up to you to do it. What helps me is looking in the success story message board. There is always great inspiration on there.
Good Luck

Ah yes, the success story board is great! That's kind of what started me to getting back to where I want to be! I feel so bad eating before he gets home because he doesn't eat most of the day, but I'm sure he would be fine for it. Maybe I could get him to eat what I eat too by having food already done and ready for him to eat. I've been trying to get the junk out of the house, but if I've already eaten, he can't say "lets just go out!"

RhondaBagley

Find someone, anyone, to be a support. I suggest if you can't find anyone, hire a Personal Fitness trainer to help motivate and hold you accountable until you get past this bump. You CAN DO IT remember how good you feel AFTER each workout!

Misbehavin_Red

I posted this elsewhere, but I think it's a sound reminder....it takes 21 days to make or break a habit, and that's essentially what we're all trying to do here (regardless of what our fitness goals are!). Be kind to yourself as you try to work your way up through those 21 days, and I swear, it'll get easier as you go along!

Oh, and I KNOW we've all heard it before, but it didn't take overnight for those pounds to be gained, won't be overnight that they go away either!

jjh5351

I am going through the same thing you are. I got off the wagon, had lost almost 20 lbs but then stopped doing what I should be doing and I gained about 5 of it back. I am also getting married in October and want to not worry that my dress will be too tight. Last night I got home, planned out my workouts until the end of September. I'm training for a half marathon so that's my workouts for the next three months. I did my first run this morning, and am letting myself enjoy the rest of the holiday weekend, then tomorrow I am back on track with my eating and making sure I'm eating the right foods at the right portions. It's hard for me to cook for my fiance and make healthy things he likes, so I figure if I eat a healthy breakfast and a healthy lunch, I'll just allow myself to eat a normal dinner but in better portion sizes. At least that's what I think will work for me.

Good luck! The biggest thing is remembering WHY you are trying to lose the weight and keep going with that. It's hard but I got a total high off of constantly seeing the scale go down...and then it stopped

Thank you! It sounds like we're just about in the same place! I've been trying to do the healthy breakfast/lunch thing then eating a normal dinner, but it's so tempting to over eat! When are you getting married? Good luck to you too! It sounds like you're on an amazing track with starting the half training, I wish I could run, but this time of year with allergies its next to impossible!

titsnstuff

Great advice lisab0319!!!

jjh5351

I recently switched jobs - in doing so, I completely changed my schedule (and routine). So, I understand how easy it is to fall off the wagon and how hard it is to climb back on. My best advice is to try and make some meals ahead of time and freeze them. That way when your boyfriend gets home from work, you can pull out a pre-portioned meal and eat something healthy with him even if he chooses to eat fast food or junk food. You can't change his eating habits or choices... you can only change your own.

Also, I know that I will want to eat more at the end of the day (this is a hold over from my days working 2nd shift), so I make sure I eat lighter through the day in order to accommodate the fact that I'll want to eat more later in the day. If you think you'll want to eat more later, eat lighter through the day so you'll have calories left.

As for working out, you could rent a workout dvd from the library or go to a second hand bookstore and buy a couple. If you live on an upper floor and are worried about bothering your neighbors, go down and ask them "Is it okay if I workout between 2-3pm? There may be extra noise coming from my house, but it'll only be for an hour or so". It shows that you respect them and they'll be happy about it.

Thank you for the advice, I appreciate it! I think we're all ravenous at night, so eating light through the day is a must. Do you have any examples of what you eat early in the day? I get stuck in the rut of frozen meals and protein shakes, so I always like to see what others like to eat.

That's a good idea with the neighbors, I'll go down and talk to her and see what she thinks! Thank you!

Christine1110

You can lose weight without exercise if you can squeeze it in...They say 70% of weightloss is diet! I stopped eating processed foods and sugar ( I do eat some fruits) and I lost about 20 pounds in less then 2 months, and I only walked. I have felt so good. I'm not saying I will never have any processed foods, but I will not eat many or not often. I'm using the glycemic index to keep my blood sugar from rising.



Good luck with your journey.

donna9089

I know my fiance knows that it is important to me to lose weight, so maybe getting him on board and letting him know what is important to me is the best solution.

Who knows? Maybe getting him on board with your program will benefit him as well as a side effect...

jjh5351

It is totally do-able. I am a vegetarian and my boyfriend was very meat and potato kinda guy. I never bugged him, never said anything, but since I do 80% of the cooking and never buy meat he simply stopped eating it while at home. After about a year he realized how little meat he eats now and is actually enjoying it. To encourage picky eaters don't say anything, but lead by example. Cook a yummy spinach and salmon dish and eat it. If it is the warm yummy thing ready to eat, your boyfriend will eat it to.
Just remember: cook it and they will eat.

He does love to eat... haha I'll try it and see how it goes. I bet you're right and that he will eat what I make... Or he can eat peanut butter!

jjh5351

#1 - You can do this!!!!! I understand the whole frustration thing, and it being hard to get motivated. I started out with my eating. I got rid of all of the junk, and ate clean while working out only a couple of times a week. Now that my eating is conquered, I am exercising six days a week, and am LOVING IT!!!

#2 - Talk to your man. Tell him why you want to get fit (not skinny, not "I want to look good in my gown"). Enlist his help!! If he is working crazy hours, and is stuffing his face with junk food late at night, it's probably safe to assume that he could also use some help in the fitness department. DO IT TOGETHER!!!! I moved 2,000 miles away from all of my family and friends, so I understand that it can be difficult to not have a support system. Start cooking healthier meals, banish the bulk of the junk food from your home. If he wants chips and candy, he is going to have to make the trip to buy it. Tell him that you don't want him to eat it around you because this is really important to you. If he truly realizes how this affects you, he will make changes (even if it means that he eats the same things before coming home)!!!

#3 - Joining the Y is a great idea!!

#4 - Apartment exercising - yes I have done it. If you want to do it - DO IT!!!! If your downstairs neighbors feel like the sky is falling, they will let you know, and you can modify your workout at that time. Don't let not knowing stop you!!! If you know them (even if you don't), you could always just go down and let them know, "Hey, I'm really focused on getting fit right now, and I would love to do workouts here at home! At the same time, I don't want to bother you. If it gets too loud, or if you ceiling is shaking, please let me know!!" That lets them know what you are doing, and maybe they won't care since they know you are exercising, and there isn't a live WWF smack down going on above them!!! LOL!!! Also, maybe finding out when they are at work, or what time they get up could be good too. If you are going to worry about it too much, you probably won't be motivated to do it, so either get past that, or go out and find another way to exercise!!!

You CAN DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#2= GREAT! Love it! He always says that he wants to lose weight, but his job makes it so difficult. I will try to pack more meals for him and I got him a blender bottle for protein shakes. I hope that helps him. Also his new boss is very health focused so maybe that will rub off a bit!

#4- LOL!!! I'll let them know. We'll see what she thinks! Hopefully I can join the Y sooner than later and I don't have to worry about the neighbors!

jjh5351

Find someone, anyone, to be a support. I suggest if you can't find anyone, hire a Personal Fitness trainer to help motivate and hold you accountable until you get past this bump. You CAN DO IT remember how good you feel AFTER each workout!

Oh how I WISH I could afford a personal trainer! I'm going to post a few motivational things around my house. Especially "Remember how good you feel AFTER each workout" because it's so true.