Where do you draw the line with flirting?

aplusgeek

Are you freaking serious? Your boyfriend told you another girl is hotter than you and you're still with him? He must be rich or have a giant $&@$ lol cause seriously come on, your boyfriend should think you're the most beautiful woman in the world.

I guess this is basically an advice thread.

I've been with my boyfriend for 5 months and it's my first relationship. At the beginning, he would always flirt with this girl from work on Facebook, speaking to her every night before bed, telling her how cute, adorable and even attractive she was. He'd even tell me how adorable she was, 'more adorable than you' etc.

I obviously told him it hurt my feelings, but if he really liked this girl to just end things with me because it wasn't fair but he swore he didn't have feelings for her and promised to stop speaking to her & doesn't even talk about her (particularly because he thinks I don't like her - which isn't true, I don't know her!)

Anyway last night I saw him facebooking her again. I don't even know what was said but it hurts to know that he's that selfish that he doesn't CARE if he hurts my feelings to begin with.

On top of that, there's another girl who he tells me used to be interested in him that he always messages to come out on the weekend. I caught him telling this girls friend that he 'likes' her and when his friend told him to shut up because he was taken he said 'oh uh not in that way!' to cover himself up.

I don't know if I'm over reacting or if it's okay or not that he's acting this way towards other girls, particularly when he's hardly ever affectionate to me because he's 'been hurt before'. So HONESTLY MFP peeps, am I overreacting and being a paranoid, jealous, crazy girl - or should I be hurt? How would you handle this?

I promise I won't get upset if you call me crazy, we're girls - we're supposed to be, right? Lol!

jayayach

umm why are you with him?? sounds like a douche bag!

^^ agreed

shkytalhick

Dump his pathetic *kitten*

Motivation

As a guy, Ditch him because he's a retard and doesn't care about anyone but himself! He's not worth your time.
As someone just reading your story, I continue to say don't stick around he's still not worth your time. He's lying to you when he says he isn't interested in her and that's not a healthy way to be in a relationship. You can do way better.

P.S.

Don't take him back, doesn't matter how much he begs. He'll do it again.

gayje

So I'm not just being crazy, paranoid?

I thought that maybe he was just ignorant and doesn't realize that it's the wrong thing to do & doesn't mean to hurt me on purpose..

He IS ignorant! And mean and selfish and crazy himself for thinking that you will put up with him and his flirting. He's giving you the "perfect out", take it. Like the OP said...you're self esteem will thank you for it later.

kayemme

omg, how i wish i could pack all my 40 years of knowledge into your 20 years of life.

when i was 20, i was so unsure, too! and when you're 40, you'll think, "wow, how I wish I could pack all my 40 years of knowledge into her 20 years of life!"

You are very pretty, but even if you weren't, you should have no reason at all to feel insecure in a committed relationship. If your boyfriend's actions make you feel insecure, then you need to reconsider the boyfriend or reconsider your insecurities. Decide which one it is, then eliminate it from your life. You'd be lucky if it was your insecurity, but it's probably your boyfriend.

I wish you the best of luck, seriously.. and don't worry. There are so many amazing and nice guys in the world. I only wish I had time to date them all!



k

Motivation

Are you freaking serious? Your boyfriend told you another girl is hotter than you and you're still with him? He must be rich or have a giant $&@$ lol cause seriously come on, your boyfriend should think you're the most beautiful woman in the world.

In her defense, she did say it's her first relationship. It's a learning process, but we're here to teach her that it's not ok to have to hear it.

LoveBaseball61

Your BF is an A-hole. That shows he has absolutely no respect for you at all. Dump him and Facebook! It's nothing but trouble.

Tristis

You're bf sounds really...uhm...douchey,

You don't deserve to be treated that way.

This being your first relationship, you may not know better, but seriously...he is very disrespectful. You don't need that.

Jamie2007

"A Boy makes his girl jealous of other women, a MAN makes other women jealous of his Girl!"

Sounds like you need to ditch the boy and find a man!

So well stated!! Love this!

mrs_deg1983

Flirting (or coquetry) is a playful activity involving verbal communication as well as body language by one person to another, indicating an interest in a deeper relationship with the other person. Usually, flirting is therefore, either seriously or jokingly, intended to be interpreted as a romantic or sexual overture. A female flirt, especially a young one, is sometimes called a coquette; a male one, a womanizer or player.
Flirting usually involves speaking and behaving in a way that suggests a mildly greater intimacy than the actual relationship between the parties would justify, though within the rules of social etiquette, which generally disapproves of a direct expression of sexual interest. This may be accomplished by communicating a sense of playfulness or irony. Double entendres, with one meaning more formally appropriate and another more suggestive, may be used. Body language can include flicking the hair, eye contact, brief touching, open stances, proximity etc. Verbal communication of interest can include the vocal tone, such as pace, volume, intonation. Challenges (teasing, questions, qualifying, feigned disinterest) serve to increase tension, test intention and congruity.
Flirting behaviour varies across cultures due to different modes of social etiquette such as how closely people should stand (proxemics), how long to hold eye contact, and so forth.[1] However, ethologist Irenäus Eibl-Eibesfeldt found that in places as different as Africa and North America, women do exactly the same prolonged stare followed by a head tilt away with a little smile.[citation needed]

If he works with her it will be more if it is not already. if it was just on line it wouldn't bother me so much.

mrs_deg1983

Heres the thing, He does that so he can claim there is nothing going on.... BUT! If the opportunity arises he WILL cheat! He is keeping all options open, and has you sitting there acting like a noodle when he wants you! Take pride in YOURSELF! Thats what you are here on this site for, to get that confidence you feel is missing!! Lose the guy and find yourself a guy who appreciates you for who you are!!

Just my 2 cents!

Agreed!

muffin_shufflin

Heres the thing, He does that so he can claim there is nothing going on.... BUT! If the opportunity arises he WILL cheat! He is keeping all options open, and has you sitting there acting like a noodle when he wants you! Take pride in YOURSELF! Thats what you are here on this site for, to get that confidence you feel is missing!! Lose the guy and find yourself a guy who appreciates you for who you are!!

Just my 2 cents!

Agreed!

Also agreed! He's comfortable. He knows he has you. But he's obviously not mature enough or just doesn't want a serious relationship. Leave him before he leaves you. You'll be happy you did.

Sarahbara76

OH SWEETIE- Your not crazy , he is rude, When Andy and I 1st started dating he was still in love with his ex , they talked every day and even exchanged I love yous.. I went through that crap for 4-5 years. I have tried to forgive him but I never can forget it or the pain I experienced from it so early on in the relationship, I feel like I had stolen him from her.
I am 9 years in and can't leave him now. Especially since he told her to bug off so he could focus on us and that means a lot to me but I also feel bad for her. Maybe she was always the one for him.

anyway -get out while you can and before your 10 years in and trapped

ScientistStudy

Pfft, get rid of him. No one needs someone like that in their life.

sktllmdrhmz

So'd you dump him yet?

RUNNER48WH

"Danger, Will Robinson! Danger!"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:brokenheart:

saxmaniac

If you want monogamy, don't date people who obviously aren't into it.

This isn't hard.

Il_DaniD_lI

At the beginning, he would always flirt with this girl from work on Facebook, speaking to her every night before bed, telling her how cute, adorable and even attractive she was. He'd even tell me how adorable she was, 'more adorable than you' etc.

edit to remove my harsh comment..

Il_DaniD_lI

Now I feel like a jerk. Sorry.. just .. leave him is my opinion.

1Kristine1

"A Boy makes his girl jealous of other women, a MAN makes other women jealous of his Girl!"

Sounds like you need to ditch the boy and find a man!

Love this

onequirkygirl

You have no reason to be jealous, because he sounds like a troll. But why are you wasting your time with him? Get jealous when a classy guy you're in love with meets another girl and breaks your heart.....but you sound soo much better than this guy.

He sounds like an attention *kitten*. Is he insecure?

KCoolBeanz

"A Boy makes his girl jealous of other women, a MAN makes other women jealous of his Girl!"

Sounds like you need to ditch the boy and find a man!

Best. Response. Ever.

ECA67

"A Boy makes his girl jealous of other women, a MAN makes other women jealous of his Girl!"

Sounds like you need to ditch the boy and find a man!

Best. Response. Ever.

Agreed !

rmartin72

You Honestly Deserve a lot better man and you do not have to put yourself in that situation.

BigBrewski

Run don't walk...RUN and make sure you log the calorie burn in MFP

On the serious side, some people are ok with the partners flirting (I am NOT) and it seems like your not and that is ok. The fact that you told him it bothers you and he didn't change his actions (sorry men don't change, i know i know I might get flamed for that but hey I am a man) says that he doesn't care about you.

There are many fish in the sea go find one that fits you and ALWAYS takes your feelings into consideration just like you take their feeling into consideration.

-my two cents

BigBrewski

oops needed to hit quote not reply...wanted to say good quote about the boy vs man comment