Compliments

maab_connor

Here's the thing, I'm seeing a lot of it lately, those of us who are quite literally working our *kitten* off can't take compliments. I include myself in this. And ppl as a species (with a few notable exceptions) cannot verbalize what we mean very well.

I know that we spend so long not happy w/ how we look, that we build up a thick skin to every comment or look that we just THINK is judgemental. we're so busy judging ourselves for so long, that we simply ASSUME that everyone else is too. we spend so long there that when we come out of it, I think we're still stuck in the "what's THAT supposed to mean??" anger.

how do we move through this? how do we get to a place of accepting compliments and words of encouragement from strangers? I think that's a HUGE part of this. that's the mental half of it. the physical is hard work. but so is the mental.

so here's what i've tried to do - and maybe it won't work for you, but it works for me - I ask myself how I would take the comment if it was said by my mom. or my best friend. whoever it is in your life who tells you the ABSOLUTE truth even when it sucks. put those words in their mouth in your head and hear it again.

I think that ppl as a whole are happy to see someone succeed... well, most ppl. some ppl just suck. but for the MOST part, ppl are trying to be encouraging. even when the words they choose are... not the best.

try to hear the intent. try to hear the positive. b/c that's the place we're all heading, right?

76tech

:flowerforyou:

Awesome post.

parys1

This is exactly right. Beautiful, maab. :flowerforyou:

Jules2Be

AtotheMEN!

mslack01

Love it!

Contrarian

I like this post, and I agree. Generally, people have good intentions, and the world is a happier place if we accept that fact and believe that they mean us well.

chm2616

love your post! great attitude! :bigsmile:

Amo_Angelus

I agree wholeheartedly with this

JoyousRen

Maab. You rock.

MyFeistyEvolution

12skipafew99100

I do agree but it just occured to me that if someone is proud of me for losing weight , were they ashamed when I was heavier?

Expialidojess

Maab, FTW! :flowerforyou:

smilingchica

Such an encouraging post because as someone that has been heavy all my life, I STRUGGLE with receiving compliments!!! MFP has been a crucial part of changing this behavior because it's essentially complete strangers being let into your healthy eating/exercise behaviors and making comments on the good, the ba and the ugly.

Thanks Maab for this sweet post :flowerforyou:

BrettPGH

Maab I give you the absolute highest of compliments in whatever form is acceptable to you.

:flowerforyou:

maab_connor

I do agree but it just occured to me that if someone is proud of me for losing weight , were they ashamed when I was heavier?

if you're proud of Michael Phelps for winning a gold - were you ashamed when he walked up to the pool?

afigueroa_pr

Family Guy quote:

-I saw your picture in Scientific American. You looked great!

-Oh please where my face was half asleep?

-Ugh, Just take the damn compliment!!

LOL

12skipafew99100

I do agree but it just occured to me that if someone is proud of me for losing weight , were they ashamed when I was heavier?

if you're proud of Michael Phelps for winning a gold - were you ashamed when he walked up to the pool?

haha good point

trijoe

I do agree but it just occured to me that if someone is proud of me for losing weight , were they ashamed when I was heavier?

I say, "No." They see the weight loss and somewhere in their heads, they realize it took a lot of hard work to make that happen. They're recognizing the achievement (weight loss) while also recognizing the effort it took to get there.

sevsmom

That's how my negative brain works, too. Kinda sad. Should just enjoy the compliments. :-)

kayemme

it's simple: learn to say "thank you"

12skipafew99100

I do agree but it just occured to me that if someone is proud of me for losing weight , were they ashamed when I was heavier?

I say, "No." They see the weight loss and somewhere in their heads, they realize it took a lot of hard work to make that happen. They're recognizing the achievement (weight loss) while also recognizing the effort it took to get there.

I can see that

Nailrep

Here's the thing, I'm seeing a lot of it lately, those of us who are quite literally working our *kitten* off can't take compliments. I include myself in this. And ppl as a species (with a few notable exceptions) cannot verbalize what we mean very well.

I know that we spend so long not happy w/ how we look, that we build up a thick skin to every comment or look that we just THINK is judgemental. we're so busy judging ourselves for so long, that we simply ASSUME that everyone else is too. we spend so long there that when we come out of it, I think we're still stuck in the "what's THAT supposed to mean??" anger.

how do we move through this? how do we get to a place of accepting compliments and words of encouragement from strangers? I think that's a HUGE part of this. that's the mental half of it. the physical is hard work. but so is the mental.

so here's what i've tried to do - and maybe it won't work for you, but it works for me - I ask myself how I would take the comment if it was said by my mom. or my best friend. whoever it is in your life who tells you the ABSOLUTE truth even when it sucks. put those words in their mouth in your head and hear it again.

I think that ppl as a whole are happy to see someone succeed... well, most ppl. some ppl just suck. but for the MOST part, ppl are trying to be encouraging. even when the words they choose are... not the best.

try to hear the intent. try to hear the positive. b/c that's the place we're all heading, right?

I think you are SOOOO right on this!! And GREAT advice too for learning how to accept compliments!! It DOES depend on who gives them to me too. Some folks act like they ar coughing up crap when they try to say something nice. But others make my day when they say something that makes me feel good about myself!

myofibril

Thanks for the insight. That makes sense.

I give and receive compliments quite regularly in RL so it was a cause of quite some consternation for me when I did so on MFP that posters started running for the hills...

chachita7

Awesome post!!!

I believe a lot of it has to do with thee fact that there are many who are only working on the physical aspect of health and not tuning into the emotional and mental as well... then there are others who get stuck on the how far they still have to go rather than celebrating the how far they have already come...

juliecat1

Love it Maab!

it's simple: learn to say "thank you"

This is my somewhat forced way to handle it for now. I want to tear the compliment down and excuse it away. But thank you is nicer to myself and to the person doing the complimenting. So that's where I'm staying for now.

10acity

I love it!

I'm still putting "you have such a pretty face" right up there with "when are you due?" but most of the time, people are really just trying to be nice. A wise person (my father) told me a long time ago that being unable to take a compliment is not only unattractive, it shows immaturity. It was a lesson I had to learn, but after he said that I made a conscious effort and now I say: bring 'em on!

Good post. :drinker:

Jugie12

Yes!! I'll take a true compliment any day!

yoovie

I think it's because accepting a compliment feels like it's a little too close to becoming a vain self-indulgent attention *kitten* (not saying this is correct- just an involuntary reaction) and we try so hard to be humble for fear of becoming a skinny btch, we dont want to provoke hubris or bad karma, or haters or anything else negative for our work. The day we believe someone when they tell us we are beautiful is the day we get our face run over by a truck for being so pompous.

at least that's how it feels to me.

Vanity is a delicate thing. So easily slipping into narcissism. Scary sht.

Every once in a while, I dabble in a little vanity, playing silly games and such on here about who's hot or fit or has a cute face, etc. Sometimes I'll put up a provocative-ish picture. Unfailingly, those are the days some woman jumps up in here and damns us all for making fat people feel bad about themselves when we are supposed to be lifting them up.

So I get a compliment.
I feel kinda good.
I play a bit.
I get yelled at.
I end up apologising for not thinking badly of myself for those five minutes.
Since not everyone feels good about themselves yet... how dare i?

Im sorry

"Wow you look beautiful today."

"Shutup- stop making fun of me.... "

BrettPGH

Every once in a while, I dabble in a little vanity, playing silly games and such on here about who's hot or fit or has a cute face, etc. Sometimes I'll put up a provocative-ish picture. Unfailingly, those are the days some woman jumps up in here and damns us all for making fat people feel bad about themselves when we are supposed to be lifting them up.

So I get a compliment.
I feel kinda good.
I play a bit.
I get yelled at.
I end up apologising for not thinking badly of myself for those five minutes.
Since not everyone feels good about themselves yet... how dare i?

More than anything I wish this would just stop. It's beyond belief to me that a fitness website, which is so great at encouragement and support, could be so awful to people who have actually succeeded. The next jealous, small, petty person I see trying to tear someone down for accomplishing their goals is going to catch hell from me. I'm sick of it.

jackpotclown

Every once in a while, I dabble in a little vanity, playing silly games and such on here about who's hot or fit or has a cute face, etc. Sometimes I'll put up a provocative-ish picture. Unfailingly, those are the days some woman jumps up in here and damns us all for making fat people feel bad about themselves when we are supposed to be lifting them up.

So I get a compliment.
I feel kinda good.
I play a bit.
I get yelled at.
I end up apologising for not thinking badly of myself for those five minutes.
Since not everyone feels good about themselves yet... how dare i?

More than anything I wish this would just stop. It's beyond belief to me that a fitness website, which is so great at encouragement and support, could be so awful to people who have actually succeeded. The next jealous, small, petty person I see trying to tear someone down for accomplishing their goals is going to catch hell from me. I'm sick of it.

AGREED ^ \m/

BrettPGH

AGREED ^ \m/

NO /w\!