Support/guidance or hurt feelings?
sthomasx7
Posts: 21 Member
Need opinions - As an overweight parent trying to work on getting healthier myself and set a better example, I am torn on how to help my teenage daughter. This did not seem to be an issue with teenage boys, so I am struggling with a teenage girl's mood swings and self-esteem. She is 13 and has put on quite a bit of weight since puberty and Dr. is concerned about her sugar levels. How do I let her know I am concerned about her health, not her size.
So where is the line between:
1 - guidance/leading by example, helping her to make better choices on diet, giving her opportunities for more exercise, etc, being supportive.
2 - making her feel bad about her weight, being dictator over her food, forcing her to exercise, crushing her self esteem and sending her into eating disorder.
She already doesn't want to go back to Drs. office because they always bring up her weight. I know it is their job but work with me here people. I don't disagree with daughter because I feel the same way at Dr. office - I always tell nurse to take my blood pressure BEFORE she weighs me because it will go up when I get near the scales. I'm trying to teach her that watching your diet is NOT a diet but a lifestyle change of healthy food choices and getting moving. And of course she sees all the quick fixes that are shown on TV so I worry that she may try one of those on her own as she gets older.
It's hard when I hear myself telling her these things, but I know personally they are hard to do on a daily basis or I wouldn't have to be on this site myself. I have issues from things said to me when I was her age but in hind site, perhaps my parent was just trying to help me make better choices and I took it all wrong but it still hurt.
How do I help and not hurt?
So where is the line between:
1 - guidance/leading by example, helping her to make better choices on diet, giving her opportunities for more exercise, etc, being supportive.
2 - making her feel bad about her weight, being dictator over her food, forcing her to exercise, crushing her self esteem and sending her into eating disorder.
She already doesn't want to go back to Drs. office because they always bring up her weight. I know it is their job but work with me here people. I don't disagree with daughter because I feel the same way at Dr. office - I always tell nurse to take my blood pressure BEFORE she weighs me because it will go up when I get near the scales. I'm trying to teach her that watching your diet is NOT a diet but a lifestyle change of healthy food choices and getting moving. And of course she sees all the quick fixes that are shown on TV so I worry that she may try one of those on her own as she gets older.
It's hard when I hear myself telling her these things, but I know personally they are hard to do on a daily basis or I wouldn't have to be on this site myself. I have issues from things said to me when I was her age but in hind site, perhaps my parent was just trying to help me make better choices and I took it all wrong but it still hurt.
How do I help and not hurt?
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Replies
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I realize this is a touchy situation. A good way to start without having to have much conversation at all is eliminate some of the bad choice options from your cabinets. If you are in charge of the shopping and cooking, everyone in your household will have to eat what you buy or cook. If you hear complaints, tell everyone you are cooking for your health and they get to come along for the ride.0
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Focus on the health aspect. I agree with the previous poster, take charge of the kitchen and don't let in unhealthy food.
Take the time to go on walks with your daughter, bike rides, play tennis, basically any type of a hobby that gets the two of you moving together.
At 13 she is definitely aware of being bigger than the girls around her, and it probably makes her really uncomfortable and she doesn't like to be called out on it. But she also may not know how to fix it. If she sees you looking slimmer she will want to follow your example, but you need to have a positive attitude about the process.
And find a new doctor, one that knows how to talk to her about her weight without making it seem like something that is completely drastic. Maybe a doctor that suggests more activity and veggies.0 -
If the doc is concerned about sugar levels maybe some diabetes education? Not scare tatics just some information on what it can do to you and what steps there are in treating it0
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Everyone has said pretty much what I was going to:
Remove bad food options.
Exercise WITH her - doing FUN things! As a Zumba instructor I'm of course really partial to that, but walks, tennis, bike rides, a game of tag, swimming, playing catch/frizbee....there are so many options!
One thing I think I would do if I were in your position - instead of ice cream try frozen yogurt or sherbert. You know kids are NOT going to want to eliminate sweets from their diet - so instead of being a dictator about it, offer healthier choices. Keep fresh fruit in the house - melons are great in the summer. Add a touch of Coolwhip (it's also great frozen!) once in a while as a "special" treat.
One fun "dessert" that I have enjoyed - and did this with my ex's kids - get those little Ziplock reusable containers for dressings and such. Fill the cups 2/3 with Jell-O mix (as prepared on the package). Once solidified add Coolwhip to the top. Now you have about 6 pre-made dessert cups that she can take with her to school! Or you to work!
PM me if you'd like more food ideas for kids....I have a bunch!
By the way - once she sees BOTH of you getting healthier and slimming down, she will probably be less inclined to use those "fad diets" or "quick fixes" she's seeing on TV. Spending the summer with both of you getting healthier and in better shape will be great - when she goes back to school she will have begun to see these positive changes and may go back with a renewed sense of confidence!
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Focus on the health aspect. I agree with the previous poster, take charge of the kitchen and don't let in unhealthy food.
Take the time to go on walks with your daughter, bike rides, play tennis, basically any type of a hobby that gets the two of you moving together.
At 13 she is definitely aware of being bigger than the girls around her, and it probably makes her really uncomfortable and she doesn't like to be called out on it. But she also may not know how to fix it. If she sees you looking slimmer she will want to follow your example, but you need to have a positive attitude about the process.
And find a new doctor, one that knows how to talk to her about her weight without making it seem like something that is completely drastic. Maybe a doctor that suggests more activity and veggies.
I definitely think maybe a new doctor would be in order. A second opinion would be good. If she is uncomfortable around her doctor she is going to have a negative association when it comes to dealing with her health. I know as a kid I was always more comfortable around female doctors with really sweet personalities. You can set up consultations with pediatricians without her being present if you look for a new one and feel out their approach when it comes to those things. I actually take my kids to the same pediatrician I saw as a kid because I liked her so much!
I would opt to make changes with what foods you buy and cook. Cook healthy but look for recipes that are maybe more kid friendly if she's a picky eater and try to find things that she'll love to eat. Does she like to swim? Maybe you can buy her a pool pass or a membership to a YMCA or Rec center and encourage her to go have fun! When I was that age I was a water log during the summer lol0 -
How do I help and not hurt?
Your daughter will not learn so much from what you say with words- as what you do- to her and to you. She will learn her worth from how you treat her and how you treat you.
So... focus on the positive- only. Don't let the seductive bad foods in the house, and if she asks why it is because "I love you."
Get her to help you with your work out, or bicycling or swimming. When she does one push up, even on the knees- PRAISE her mightily. Tell her how impressed you are with her accomplishment. Kids love sports- find one she likes and do it with her. She wants your attention, which I know, is in great demand from everyone and everything. But giving it to her tells her she is very important, loved, valuable = better self esteem.
We don't get self esteem from ourselves. We get it from the start with how others treat us... that is where we learn our worth.
Children, and people in general, respond so well to praise... positive attention. It is why MFP works- She will want to hear the praise again, and in time, she-herself will feel proud of making healthy choices and of her physical strength... and mental strength.
Try to catch her in the act of making healthy choices- and when you do, immediately praise her and reward her. The praise is usually enough, but fattening, sugary foods feel rewarding- so, healthy rewards are nice to offset the competition.
Good luck.
Thanks for being a good mom.
8)0 -
This is my worst fear. I have gone over this scenario in my head, just in case this happens to my daughter. My main piece of advice is to be empathetic but HONEST. I am presuming that your daughter is smart enough, and self-aware enough to know that she doesn't look or feel as good as she could. Your job (all of our jobs really) as a parent is to be the example for our children.
Start talking to her about how YOU feel about your weight, explain to her that you are the only one in control of your own weight loss/gain. It is not easy to be an overweight 13 year old girl, but it's also not easy to be an overweight adult. The good news is, that if you and your daughter start to live healthier together, you will be able to bond over the success you accomplish together. She will be happier, healthier and her self-esteem will skyrocket.
Don't be harsh or critical, just be honest.
"It isn't healthy to overeat, it isn't healthy to eat processed foods, it isn't fun to be overweight. So let’s fix it together! Let's learn, train and succeed at becoming the strongest, healthiest people we can be."0 -
Oh! I forgot. Bengal Spice Tea- delicious, naturally sweet, and excellent at taming the blood sugar issues. Does not have to be 'brewed' or refrigerated. Just get a glass jug and put a tea bag in it, she can drink it throughout the day or with meals.
Cinnamon:
http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2010/10/12/more-evidence-cinnamon-helps-control-blood-sugar.aspx0 -
My daughter is 15 and I have the same issues with her. She now weighs more than I do. She over eats everything, since she was small we don't keep anything unhealthy in the house because it would be gone as soon as we weren't looking. She sneaks food and refuses to do anything active. I am at a loss as to how to help her. She is so defiant in every aspect of her life, but her weight is really the thing that I worry about the most.
I hope you get some good ideas/suggestions because I would also like to know the answers
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I agree this is a tough topic. I too was overweight at puberty and suffered "bullying" with name calling and being the last to be picked for teams in phys ed class.
I would suggest that you talk to her about healthy lifestyle that you would like to lead and ask her to help you and the two of you could be a "healthy mom/daughter" team. shop together/plan weekly meals together/ cook together /get her on my fitness pal/ join WW meetings together / exercise together / join zumba together or get dvds from the library to exercise to / go on walks before or after dinner
I did this with my mom and we were very successful. now I am 45 and after a couple years of sedentary lifestyle - some weight has come back and that is why i am on mfp - we were successful and it built healthy habits for me0 -
Be honest with yourself and her. Not all the time but most of the time becoming overweight is a condition of our situations and surroundings if we can come to an understanding with those things it makes it easier to change the bad habits that caused us to gain weight to start with. Tell your daughter how you became overwieght and tell her how you feel with yourself and why you want and need to make changes. Then she can understand that you love her and it is out of consern for her future that you want her to start to change things before it becomes too difficult. Work together, support each other. It is hard to get time with teenagers that don't make them feel like your invading their space. So make time together enjoyable so they will look forward to it and both of you feel better about the changes to be made. Fixing Healther meals without calling them "Diet Meals" also helps, no one like feeling forced in to something and Diet just means Lose Weight and it is so much more than that it is a "Life Change".0
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Hi, I just saw your post on trying to help your teen age daughter. When my daughter was a teenager she was about 30 lbs over weight. WE all exercised except her. Now she did play on the volley ball team and keep active on a cabbage ball team in the summer but that just wasn't enough. Her brothers even tried talking to her because they were athletic and knew she needed to lose weight also. All it did was make her mad and hurt her feelings..
I had to step back and let her make her mind up. It was a very hard thing to do. I just would go walking/jogging with my friends in the evening and ask if she wanted to come..We kept trying to be an example for her and have her think it was a fun/good thing to do for herself.
Nothing seemed to work. It wasn't untill she turned about 26 years old that she got this ecoli problem and it forced her to lose weight because she couldn't eat anything and keep it in her system for long. She basically got off Meat and started being a vegetarian. She lost about 60 lbs. But that lasted about a year. She then started gaining back again. She is now almost the same weight as she was before she lost the 60 lbs. She does try to exercise some but not consistant. I feel very bad for her because she is a beautiful woman with a weight issue.
All Im really trying to say is until she feels like she has the WANT to, you can only do so much. Sometimes being around girls or peers will help her get on track..Other times its a self image thing.
I would try to build up her image with love and help her feel secure in you.That you love her no matter what. She will catch on eventually and try to do something for herself. If she has been to the Dr and they say that her thyroid is find and hormones are fine then its just something she has to decide for herself. Shaming her only makes it worse.
I feel for you because diabetes runs in our family and we have to be weight conscious. Sugar Conscious..Cholesterol Conscious. My daughter is even on this all natural kick right now and still isn't losing weight. It really comes back to portion control and calories and exercise. She is looking up things on the internet all the time now. It is in her own way and own timing that she is working on her weight and health. She is 31 now..
I wish you the best. Just try to encourage her as much as possible..
Roberta0 -
Can't think of any other ideas, but something I thought I would point out. I know someone who has a daughter who they helped with weight loss over a summer, the girl had a major boost of self esteem when returning to school in the fall and so many of her classmates didn't know who she was. When she told them, they gave her so much encouragement and support that it helped a ton to keep her going on her weight loss. She has kept the weight off too.0
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Be a parent and a friend. Be her biggest support/ motivator.
Lead by example but don't be so "on fire" that it seems too hard to follow your lead.
Be honest with her.0 -
it's a tough balance for sure! I have 2 daughters (aged 12 and 13) the oldest LOVES gym class and does her best to beat her times when running or doing any activity - she's a typical oldest child I suppose and very competitive... right now she's doing 6 pack abs in 6 weeks (Jillian Michael workout) to look good in her swimsuit for summer (she's slim, but not skinny, eats well - better than me since she loves raw veggies and fruit and I don't something about the texture yuck but that's a whole other story lol!) we can discuss weight and how much food and what is better for you (I'm jealous of her metabolism lol I used to be just like her - eat whatever I wanted and stay slim)
having said all that, my 12 year old daughter could care less about exercise - she eats a healthy balance of food but doesn't put much effort into gym or has no need/want to exercise at home at all... she's about 10 lbs heavier than her sister and has a bigger (not huge just a bit of a) belly but it doesn't bother her 'right now' - she's not a teenager YET but will be attending jr high in September and I know how mean teenage girls can be about weight! she could care less (so frustrating!) about talking about weight/health/food
we are planning some long walks, bike rides, swimming at the lake and such for the summer... also have a plan to get everyone (including hubby tho he hates the idea) drinking water and not buying juice the whole summer long...
good luck with your daughter - make sure to stress healthy lifestyle not diet0 -
When I was her age, I was going through the same exact thing. My Dad got me to start jogging with him. I would only be able to go a few feet at a time, but his encouragment of "to the next sign" "to the light post and you're done!" were the boost I needed. he also told me the names he was called and bullies that came after him in school, and how he didn't want to see that happening to me.Need opinions - As an overweight parent trying to work on getting healthier myself and set a better example, I am torn on how to help my teenage daughter. This did not seem to be an issue with teenage boys, so I am struggling with a teenage girl's mood swings and self-esteem. She is 13 and has put on quite a bit of weight since puberty and Dr. is concerned about her sugar levels. How do I let her know I am concerned about her health, not her size.
So where is the line between:
1 - guidance/leading by example, helping her to make better choices on diet, giving her opportunities for more exercise, etc, being supportive.
2 - making her feel bad about her weight, being dictator over her food, forcing her to exercise, crushing her self esteem and sending her into eating disorder.
She already doesn't want to go back to Drs. office because they always bring up her weight. I know it is their job but work with me here people. I don't disagree with daughter because I feel the same way at Dr. office - I always tell nurse to take my blood pressure BEFORE she weighs me because it will go up when I get near the scales. I'm trying to teach her that watching your diet is NOT a diet but a lifestyle change of healthy food choices and getting moving. And of course she sees all the quick fixes that are shown on TV so I worry that she may try one of those on her own as she gets older.
It's hard when I hear myself telling her these things, but I know personally they are hard to do on a daily basis or I wouldn't have to be on this site myself. I have issues from things said to me when I was her age but in hind site, perhaps my parent was just trying to help me make better choices and I took it all wrong but it still hurt.
How do I help and not hurt?0 -
I agree..Self esteem is a big issue here.0
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My daughter is 15 and I have the same issues with her. She now weighs more than I do. She over eats everything, since she was small we don't keep anything unhealthy in the house because it would be gone as soon as we weren't looking. She sneaks food and refuses to do anything active. I am at a loss as to how to help her. She is so defiant in every aspect of her life, but her weight is really the thing that I worry about the most.
I hope you get some good ideas/suggestions because I would also like to know the answers
I was exactly the same way when I was a kid. It wasn't until I went to see a councilor when I was in my 20s for something comepletly unrelated (I thought - after a really bad break-up) that I figured it out. My eating had nothing to do with food - it was my complete lack of self-esteem, and it was a problem I had been struggling with (and still am) since I hit puberty. I would suggest getting your kid to talk to someone (a councilor or other professional) who knows about self esteem and body image. Once I started feeling better about myself as a human being, I started seeing that my weight was a problem and that I needed to do something for my health.
I really wish my parents had done that for me, instead of just nagging me all the time (and the nagging was about more than just my weight, but that's another topic for another time). I love my parents, but they handled it all wrong. I'm old enough now to know it's not really about the food, but now every meal has become struggle, and no one wants to live like that.
As for the original poster, I would add to everyone's suggestions about controling the food in the house by suggesting that you get her interested in a sport she likes (my parents tried to force me into all kinds of team "girl" sports when what I would have been really happy doing was martial arts or cycling or running, so I just stopped being active all together), even if it's just walking the dog every night. It might take a while to figure it out, but, again, I wish someone would have done that for me. Also, it won't hurt to include her in the decision making process about food. Take her shopping with you and include her in reading labels and being aware of what she puts in her body. Again, going back to my childhood, I was told things were "bad" but that just made me want to sneak them. No one ever taught me about calories or sugar/fat or why you shouldn't eat a whole box of Oreos.
Hope all that helps!0 -
Thanks for lots of supportive posts. She loves volleyball and plays on local team but when it's not vball season, she's done. I try to point out that as she gets to high school, she will have to work out all year to particpate at that level. She just loves the couch and TV in the off season.
We have seen a pediatric endocrinologist and met nutritionist in her office to keep check on her sugars and she actually lost weight at first. It is time for revisit this summer and her weight is back up. She is very aware of her size, especially when we shop. Fortunately, so far, she is pretty self-confident and loves her curves
I've already cleaned out the kitchen/pantry for myself and stopped having sodas in the house (I crave them). I'll try the bengal tea and cinnamon for summer. I think I have her summer filled up so she will not be home much. I'm trying to give her different options to see what she likes (swimming, tennis, walking, jogging, softball) and even have some exercise DVD's because she doesn't want to do Zumba with the "old" people. I know teenagers are always tired and sleepy but I also know she will have more energy if she gets moving. Let the summer begin.0 -
Watch documentaries with her like "Supersize Me" and "Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead". That might help to open her eyes about her eating choices. Also, see if you can help her find an activity (i.e. hiking, roller blading, etc...) or sport that she enjoys and encourage her to get involved and active. Try to find ways to make learning to make healthy choices fun and engaging. Set up a chart and tell her that, over the course of the summer, she gets a nickel for every serving of fruit or veggies she eats (up to the maximum recommended per day), a quarter for every day that she doesn't eat any junk food or fast food, a nickel for every 8oz of water she drinks, and 50 cents for every hour of exercise (i.e. walking, jogging, calisthenics, strength training, aerobics, etc...). Then tell her that the money she "earns" can be used toward her back-to-school shopping in the fall.0
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Thanks.0
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Maybe don't even make it about weight at all... but about the whole family making family choices... Maybe all go skating as a family, or on walks, to play frisbee, volleyball, etc... 'fun' exercise doesn't seem as much like exercise...
As far as healthy food choices... We always had to eat whatever Mom cooked when we lived at home whether we liked it or not... buying and cooking healthy food choices for your whole family should help... and not having the bad stuff in the house... for me, if I want Ice cream or something, I need to go to TCBY and just have ONE serving and not keep it in the house or I will eat a whole container of ice cream all by myself in just 3 days if I keep it at home0 -
I agree with what was already said, but I'll add (or say again!!) that leading by example will go a long way. Remain positive, do it together, and focus on getting healthy -- not to a certain weight or size.
Best of luck to you and your daughter!0 -
Be careful. These things need to be her decisions, not yours. If she is a people pleaser, be careful to balance praise for fitness accomplishments with praise for other accomplishments. I was JUST like your daughter, and even though my parents were super supportive, my mom was overweight, they told me I was beautiful at every weight, we ate dinner together, ect., ect., ect.,, I ended up with severe body image/borderline ED issues around your daughter's age. I started out overweight (size 16, 5'3-ish), and dieted down to a size 6 or 8, plus grew an inch in less than a year. I never really KNEW I was thin, I always felt like the chunky girl. However, the amount of praise I received for the weight loss, from EVERYONE (mainly people other than parents) outstripped any praise I received for getting my first job, being a straight A student, volunteering with the smaller kids at church, helping around the house...
I just finished my master's degree and got a new job, but losing 15 lbs STILL feels like a bigger accomplishment. I really believe I would have been better off if I had never started to diet at that age, because I yo-yo-ed from then on, starving and cheating, until a few years ago when the yo-yo stopped, even though I was eating about 1000 calories a day. I finally stopped dieting, started eating, and this is my first round of healthy weight loss and it AMAZES me that I can eat 1500 calories or more and still lose weight.
Just be really, really careful.0 -
I really agree with everyone else as to what to do but one suggestion I would make is to ask her to go on walks/bike rides/exercise with you to help YOU get in shape and then she will feel like what she is doing is helping you and not all the focus is on her. I also agree with the idea of just getting her some brochures that you can go over together so that you BOTH can avoid diabetes etc. I believe also she will follow in your footsteps and that it will be easier if it is done as a partnership thing and not all about her losing weight.
My daughter is 24, a single mom and she lives at home with us and she is also overweight and I keep talking to her and it doesn't work but now that she is seeing me losing she is "jealous" (her words not mine) and she lost over 2 lbs this week.
I hope this helps. Please feel free to add me as a friend, chat with me or whatever you need!!! You both can do this!!! HUGS!!!0 -
Maybe don't even make it about weight at all... but about the whole family making family choices... Maybe all go skating as a family, or on walks, to play frisbee, volleyball, etc... 'fun' exercise doesn't seem as much like exercise...
As far as healthy food choices... We always had to eat whatever Mom cooked when we lived at home whether we liked it or not... buying and cooking healthy food choices for your whole family should help... and not having the bad stuff in the house... for me, if I want Ice cream or something, I need to go to TCBY and just have ONE serving and not keep it in the house or I will eat a whole container of ice cream all by myself in just 3 days if I keep it at home
Yes, I meant to mention this as well. DON'T single her out. My mom used to do that to me and it was very damaging. There were different rules for me regarding food that didn't apply to my brothers. It was very damaging to my self image. It's one thing to offer incentive for making healthy choices and leave the choice in her hands. It's another thing entirely to make her live by a different standard than the rest of the family. If you're going to implement healthy eating standards in your household, make sure EVERYONE abides by them.0 -
Thanks for lots of supportive posts. She loves volleyball and plays on local team but when it's not vball season, she's done. I try to point out that as she gets to high school, she will have to work out all year to particpate at that level. She just loves the couch and TV in the off season.
We have seen a pediatric endocrinologist and met nutritionist in her office to keep check on her sugars and she actually lost weight at first. It is time for revisit this summer and her weight is back up. She is very aware of her size, especially when we shop. Fortunately, so far, she is pretty self-confident and loves her curves
I've already cleaned out the kitchen/pantry for myself and stopped having sodas in the house (I crave them). I'll try the bengal tea and cinnamon for summer. I think I have her summer filled up so she will not be home much. I'm trying to give her different options to see what she likes (swimming, tennis, walking, jogging, softball) and even have some exercise DVD's because she doesn't want to do Zumba with the "old" people. I know teenagers are always tired and sleepy but I also know she will have more energy if she gets moving. Let the summer begin.
I would suggest instead of taking control of everything that is in the kitchen, that she have some say. I would take her grocery shopping with you so that she can decide what she likes to eat and maybe let her have one thing that isn't healthy (ice cream bars or some naughty treat). Denying her of all goodies isn't going to help her in the long term. She needs to learn to make good choices in the grocery store and on a daily basis at home. I would also let her pick out recipes with you from websites such as skinnytaste.com and cook together. It's a great way to spend time together and learn a healthy new dish.
Being healthy shouldn't be a chore. If it is viewed this way, who would want to do it? Eating healthy and exercising should be something that she actually enjoys. Help her find what form of exercise works best for her. Keep discussions of food and exercise positive and interesting and it will be something that she can live with for the rest of her life. 0 -
Watch documentaries with her like "Supersize Me" and "Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead". That might help to open her eyes about her eating choices. Also, see if you can help her find an activity (i.e. hiking, roller blading, etc...) or sport that she enjoys and encourage her to get involved and active. Try to find ways to make learning to make healthy choices fun and engaging. Set up a chart and tell her that, over the course of the summer, she gets a nickel for every serving of fruit or veggies she eats (up to the maximum recommended per day), a quarter for every day that she doesn't eat any junk food or fast food, a nickel for every 8oz of water she drinks, and 50 cents for every hour of exercise (i.e. walking, jogging, calisthenics, strength training, aerobics, etc...). Then tell her that the money she "earns" can be used toward her back-to-school shopping in the fall.
I really like this one!
I was an overweight teen and my mom tried everything to encourage me to lose weight. The only form of exercise she knew was walking and step aerobics which I found tedious and dull. Healthy eating wasn't a lifestyle - it was a bland boring diet that left me hungry all the time. Show her that exercise in its many forms can be fun and that healthy eating can be delicious and filling.
It took me until I was 29 to turn things around. Hopefully you will be able to inspire your daughter to make these changes sooner. Thank you for being such a caring mother - she will appreciate it more than you will ever know :-)0 -
My DD has been overweight most of her life. My ex and I tried everything we could....he even made her go to Curves (after the divorce) and she hated it.
She is still overweight but she is active. She is an aide in a kindergarten class and moving constantly. She rides her bicycle where she can. This summer she head the K summer camp program at her school and will be moving even more and OUTSIDE....in New Orleans.
I just decided that she is an adult now and there is nothing I can say to her to make her want to lose weight. It has to be HER decision. You cant force anyone....even a kid....to lose weight. You can supervise what they eat at home but not when they arent. My DD's friend was overweight too....he mother had her eating crazy healthy at home....they the girl would go out and have pizza and pasta and anything junky she could get in her mouth. It was not having a b/f that finally got the girl to straighten up. You can lead a child to healthy food, but you cant make them eat. All you can do is your best.0 -
She's old enough to possibly appreciate some of your childhood stories, talk to her about those conversations you had as a kid and the feelings you had because of them. Share that they hurt you, and let her know it's ok to feel those things. Anyway, I'm thinking/hoping that you can build some better communications, so she can look at you as someone who understands and is a kindred spirit and not just someone ragging on her all the time.
That with all the other fabulous advice I see, different doctor, removing temptations from house, funner activities, education. I know how hard this journey is at 38, I can't imagine how hard it would be for a child.0
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