Support/guidance or hurt feelings?

sthomasx7

Thanks.

jr1985

Maybe don't even make it about weight at all... but about the whole family making family choices... Maybe all go skating as a family, or on walks, to play frisbee, volleyball, etc... 'fun' exercise doesn't seem as much like exercise...

As far as healthy food choices... We always had to eat whatever Mom cooked when we lived at home whether we liked it or not... buying and cooking healthy food choices for your whole family should help... and not having the bad stuff in the house... for me, if I want Ice cream or something, I need to go to TCBY and just have ONE serving and not keep it in the house or I will eat a whole container of ice cream all by myself in just 3 days if I keep it at home

kaetmarie

I agree with what was already said, but I'll add (or say again!!) that leading by example will go a long way. Remain positive, do it together, and focus on getting healthy -- not to a certain weight or size.

Best of luck to you and your daughter!

SweetSammie

Be careful. These things need to be her decisions, not yours. If she is a people pleaser, be careful to balance praise for fitness accomplishments with praise for other accomplishments. I was JUST like your daughter, and even though my parents were super supportive, my mom was overweight, they told me I was beautiful at every weight, we ate dinner together, ect., ect., ect.,, I ended up with severe body image/borderline ED issues around your daughter's age. I started out overweight (size 16, 5'3-ish), and dieted down to a size 6 or 8, plus grew an inch in less than a year. I never really KNEW I was thin, I always felt like the chunky girl. However, the amount of praise I received for the weight loss, from EVERYONE (mainly people other than parents) outstripped any praise I received for getting my first job, being a straight A student, volunteering with the smaller kids at church, helping around the house...
I just finished my master's degree and got a new job, but losing 15 lbs STILL feels like a bigger accomplishment. I really believe I would have been better off if I had never started to diet at that age, because I yo-yo-ed from then on, starving and cheating, until a few years ago when the yo-yo stopped, even though I was eating about 1000 calories a day. I finally stopped dieting, started eating, and this is my first round of healthy weight loss and it AMAZES me that I can eat 1500 calories or more and still lose weight.
Just be really, really careful.

bevsdietfor2011

I really agree with everyone else as to what to do but one suggestion I would make is to ask her to go on walks/bike rides/exercise with you to help YOU get in shape and then she will feel like what she is doing is helping you and not all the focus is on her. I also agree with the idea of just getting her some brochures that you can go over together so that you BOTH can avoid diabetes etc. I believe also she will follow in your footsteps and that it will be easier if it is done as a partnership thing and not all about her losing weight.

My daughter is 24, a single mom and she lives at home with us and she is also overweight and I keep talking to her and it doesn't work but now that she is seeing me losing she is "jealous" (her words not mine) and she lost over 2 lbs this week.

I hope this helps. Please feel free to add me as a friend, chat with me or whatever you need!!! You both can do this!!! HUGS!!!

jcstanton

Maybe don't even make it about weight at all... but about the whole family making family choices... Maybe all go skating as a family, or on walks, to play frisbee, volleyball, etc... 'fun' exercise doesn't seem as much like exercise...

As far as healthy food choices... We always had to eat whatever Mom cooked when we lived at home whether we liked it or not... buying and cooking healthy food choices for your whole family should help... and not having the bad stuff in the house... for me, if I want Ice cream or something, I need to go to TCBY and just have ONE serving and not keep it in the house or I will eat a whole container of ice cream all by myself in just 3 days if I keep it at home

Yes, I meant to mention this as well. DON'T single her out. My mom used to do that to me and it was very damaging. There were different rules for me regarding food that didn't apply to my brothers. It was very damaging to my self image. It's one thing to offer incentive for making healthy choices and leave the choice in her hands. It's another thing entirely to make her live by a different standard than the rest of the family. If you're going to implement healthy eating standards in your household, make sure EVERYONE abides by them.

atsteele

Thanks for lots of supportive posts. She loves volleyball and plays on local team but when it's not vball season, she's done. I try to point out that as she gets to high school, she will have to work out all year to particpate at that level. She just loves the couch and TV in the off season.

We have seen a pediatric endocrinologist and met nutritionist in her office to keep check on her sugars and she actually lost weight at first. It is time for revisit this summer and her weight is back up. She is very aware of her size, especially when we shop. Fortunately, so far, she is pretty self-confident and loves her curves

I've already cleaned out the kitchen/pantry for myself and stopped having sodas in the house (I crave them). I'll try the bengal tea and cinnamon for summer. I think I have her summer filled up so she will not be home much. I'm trying to give her different options to see what she likes (swimming, tennis, walking, jogging, softball) and even have some exercise DVD's because she doesn't want to do Zumba with the "old" people. I know teenagers are always tired and sleepy but I also know she will have more energy if she gets moving. Let the summer begin.

I would suggest instead of taking control of everything that is in the kitchen, that she have some say. I would take her grocery shopping with you so that she can decide what she likes to eat and maybe let her have one thing that isn't healthy (ice cream bars or some naughty treat). Denying her of all goodies isn't going to help her in the long term. She needs to learn to make good choices in the grocery store and on a daily basis at home. I would also let her pick out recipes with you from websites such as skinnytaste.com and cook together. It's a great way to spend time together and learn a healthy new dish.

Being healthy shouldn't be a chore. If it is viewed this way, who would want to do it? Eating healthy and exercising should be something that she actually enjoys. Help her find what form of exercise works best for her. Keep discussions of food and exercise positive and interesting and it will be something that she can live with for the rest of her life.

beanerific518

Watch documentaries with her like "Supersize Me" and "Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead". That might help to open her eyes about her eating choices. Also, see if you can help her find an activity (i.e. hiking, roller blading, etc...) or sport that she enjoys and encourage her to get involved and active. Try to find ways to make learning to make healthy choices fun and engaging. Set up a chart and tell her that, over the course of the summer, she gets a nickel for every serving of fruit or veggies she eats (up to the maximum recommended per day), a quarter for every day that she doesn't eat any junk food or fast food, a nickel for every 8oz of water she drinks, and 50 cents for every hour of exercise (i.e. walking, jogging, calisthenics, strength training, aerobics, etc...). Then tell her that the money she "earns" can be used toward her back-to-school shopping in the fall.

I really like this one!

I was an overweight teen and my mom tried everything to encourage me to lose weight. The only form of exercise she knew was walking and step aerobics which I found tedious and dull. Healthy eating wasn't a lifestyle - it was a bland boring diet that left me hungry all the time. Show her that exercise in its many forms can be fun and that healthy eating can be delicious and filling.

It took me until I was 29 to turn things around. Hopefully you will be able to inspire your daughter to make these changes sooner. Thank you for being such a caring mother - she will appreciate it more than you will ever know :-)

Crochetluvr

My DD has been overweight most of her life. My ex and I tried everything we could....he even made her go to Curves (after the divorce) and she hated it.

She is still overweight but she is active. She is an aide in a kindergarten class and moving constantly. She rides her bicycle where she can. This summer she head the K summer camp program at her school and will be moving even more and OUTSIDE....in New Orleans.

I just decided that she is an adult now and there is nothing I can say to her to make her want to lose weight. It has to be HER decision. You cant force anyone....even a kid....to lose weight. You can supervise what they eat at home but not when they arent. My DD's friend was overweight too....he mother had her eating crazy healthy at home....they the girl would go out and have pizza and pasta and anything junky she could get in her mouth. It was not having a b/f that finally got the girl to straighten up. You can lead a child to healthy food, but you cant make them eat. All you can do is your best.

michaelgilstrap

She's old enough to possibly appreciate some of your childhood stories, talk to her about those conversations you had as a kid and the feelings you had because of them. Share that they hurt you, and let her know it's ok to feel those things. Anyway, I'm thinking/hoping that you can build some better communications, so she can look at you as someone who understands and is a kindred spirit and not just someone ragging on her all the time.

That with all the other fabulous advice I see, different doctor, removing temptations from house, funner activities, education. I know how hard this journey is at 38, I can't imagine how hard it would be for a child.

Prettylittlelotus

When I was her age, I was going through the same exact thing. My Dad got me to start jogging with him. I would only be able to go a few feet at a time, but his encouragment of "to the next sign" "to the light post and you're done!" were the boost I needed. he also told me the names he was called and bullies that came after him in school, and how he didn't want to see that happening to me.

That's really sweet. Kind of made me choke up a little bit. No Joke.