My sister is getting on my last nerves [rant/needs advice]

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  • AndiJoy812
    AndiJoy812 Posts: 236
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    First, I want to apologize if I came across as harsh -that was not my intent. I am actually very concerned for your family. It sounds as if a lot of people are making excuses for her behavior...and my concern is what happens if she really does hurt someone? How would you feel if that happened and you did nothing?

    The police will most definitely come if there is a domestic disturbance or if she is assaulting someone. And yes, they can also take her to an ER and put her on a 48 hour psych hold, where they will have professionals come in and evaluate her. If she were to act out of control at all in their care, that is what they do. And as far as CPS is concerned, if your brother is not living in the same home, it is a non-issue. But they could give your family some resources for intervention. I am not one to call CPS - but I am also a mandatory reporter. Sometimes you have to make tough calls.

    I guess the question is what are you willing to do? In this case, there are only a few choices - but you are the one that has to live with the choice that you make. You can ignore it and leave in the fall and not worry about it; you could discuss your concerns in an adult manner with your parents and you all come up with a family plan that is acceptable to everyone; you can email your concerns to her psychologist - because even if she can't "talk" to you, once she has something in writing from you it is documentation of some sort and she has to address it (if she's worth her degree anyway). If you do that, it would help if you are very specific with dates/times/quotes from your sister that makes it appear that you are taking this very seriously and not just making things up. If you do that, you should probably let your Mom and Dad know that you are writing to her; or you can make some phone calls to agencies that can help - like the police or CPS.

    Whatever you do, it is on you. You have to live with the results of your actions and be able to sleep at night. I honestly wish you the best of luck.
  • smartandtrim
    smartandtrim Posts: 123 Member
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    We've tried calling the police. Once again, they do not come unless the person is homicidal or suicidal. Especially if that person is a 14 year old girl. She knows what line not to cross and she doesn't cross it. She's been evaluated for mental illness. Nothing. Outside of the home, she is perfectly normal and sweet, so losing control is not an issue. She has a therapist and a psychiatrist. We're trying to fix things.

    I would contact the therapist, but I have no way to get her email address or phone number. I've discussed this in an adult manner with both of my parents, and they know my concerns are real, but they worry about the level of harshness I have towards her/
  • TylerJ76
    TylerJ76 Posts: 4,375 Member
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    but they worry about the level of harshness I have towards her/

    I am too.
    She needs help, it's obvious

    You and your family need to get her help, if her current therapist is not helping, then get another. Go to family counseling if need be.

    Things like this take time, and effort for everyone involved. I am sorry that your sister acts this way, I really am. But your level of harshness is painfully obvious, and not helping anyone
  • twistofcain
    twistofcain Posts: 190
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    Sometimes, you just have to strangle a b1tch.
  • arickim
    arickim Posts: 137
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    call the cops when she is showing her big bad self....haul her off and press charges. she will learn a lesson or i would even knock her down a few notches also.
  • xHelloQuincyx
    xHelloQuincyx Posts: 884 Member
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    I'm currently in school for guiding child behavior and child psychology, i could be totally wrong but it sounds like your sister had more problems growing up than a lazy eye. sounds like she was abused (maybe metally?) gah... this probably wont help much, and in my non professional oppinion i would just not let her get away with it anymore. i would just be like 'excuse you, what did you say?" if she didnt revise what she said i would just think of a few things i would say ahead of time that would put her in her place.
    "Your actions and hate speech will no longer be tolerated. you have made it blatantly apparent that you are in need of some form of help. Should your actions not illustrate an improvement, more serious interventions will be required. Do you fully understand me?" is what came to mind. should she just blow that off, i would make her go to counceling with both parents and psyc evaluation alone. 48 hr lock up and she would be begging to come home. once she comes back (if she did) i would just not tollerate any form of disrespect.
  • BlueDahlia77
    BlueDahlia77 Posts: 77
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    Speak to a social worker because it sounds like your sister's violent tendencies make her a danger to herself and others. This may mean that she has an undiagnosed psyciatric condition that needs more than just talk therapy.

    Most importantly, you need to speak with your parents calmly and explain that they need to break their cycle of enabling her behavior. They may not want to admit that she's so bad, but let them know that you see her manipulating them and it is not something you want happening anymore.

    Good luck with this summer, though. I truly do hope that your sister is able to get better.
  • korsicash
    korsicash Posts: 770 Member
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    YOU ARE AN 18 YEAR OLD ADULT!!!! With this said you do not need your father's permission to alert a health official to a behavior that can cause others OR ones self harm. Do not let her bully you and by the way although she is a teen there is something called assault. Catch it on camera or have someone witness her abusive language and behavior. Get her help before she really goes off the deep end. BTW I get migraines due to a chemical imbalance and I never have threatened to kill, or abuse my family. I even care for my three old son with love and compassion through the blinding pain of a migraine that has me crawling to take care of him. So don't let her use the pain as an excuse.
  • BlueDahlia77
    BlueDahlia77 Posts: 77
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    She needs help, that is obvious. Probably a lot more then what she is getting...

    People act out in different ways, it's sad and I feel bad for all you going through this.

    What she doesn't need, is a sister saying the things that you're saying about her

    She's only looking for advice. Please do not judge her or assume that she is exaggerating the situation.
  • TylerJ76
    TylerJ76 Posts: 4,375 Member
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    She needs help, that is obvious. Probably a lot more then what she is getting...

    People act out in different ways, it's sad and I feel bad for all you going through this.

    What she doesn't need, is a sister saying the things that you're saying about her

    She's only looking for advice. Please do not judge her or assume that she is exaggerating the situation.

    & I gave advice
    I never said that she is exaggerating the situation
  • hedgiie
    hedgiie Posts: 1,245 Member
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    i'm sorry to for this trying times for you. i admire that your staying strong such that your not losing yourself hence getting fit and going to school.

    speaking from the point of view of a parent, mind you i'm a parent for 20 and 10 both boys. it's their responsibility to keep the family strong and intact no matter what the problems would be. yes, there are times that your parents might decide to leave the problems but that's not the right way to do it. however, seeing that your sister is having a therapy, i can see progress here. but i don't understand why your not allowed to talk to a theraphyst, i'm guessing is that it might intrude the treatment or progress or to minimize the impact perhaps there are good reason for that.

    i'm guessing that your sister is younger? perhaps it's just some adolecent problems? anyway, there are probably all sort of reasons and it is too complicated. so whatever you read, take it with the grain of salt.
  • LuLuSUPER
    LuLuSUPER Posts: 189
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    Sometimes, you just have to strangle a b1tch.

    EXACTLY!! You dont need to run tel the cops, therapist, your neighbor or anyone. Catch her off by herself one day and whoop that *kitten*! obviously no one has ever stood up to her. when she flare up again , you flare up again and let her know its not goin down like that when she is dealing with you!

    i wish a younger sibling would act like they can run the whole house, it would be a brand new day when they woke up!
    She has no understanding of consequences and taking advantage of you and tour ill father. beat that *kitten*:explode:
  • BlueDahlia77
    BlueDahlia77 Posts: 77
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    but they worry about the level of harshness I have towards her/

    I am too.
    She needs help, it's obvious

    You and your family need to get her help, if her current therapist is not helping, then get another. Go to family counseling if need be.

    Things like this take time, and effort for everyone involved. I am sorry that your sister acts this way, I really am. But your level of harshness is painfully obvious, and not helping anyone

    Again, the OP is not being harsh. She's seeking advice and unsure of what to do.
  • emccand
    emccand Posts: 195 Member
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    Wow your sister sounds crazy, and your parents sound like they would rather pretend the problems arent there then deal with them. I feel so bad for you. Can you go live with your mom? That way you would be away from your sister, and you can still make plans to spend time with your dad just the 2 of you so you dont have to be around her. I agree with some of the other posters, tell her off and/or kick her *kitten*, she is your sister and she needs to be put in place. Next time she physically assaults you call the cops and tell them you want to press charges, dont take no for an answer, you have a right to press charges if someone is abusing you. Maybe a little tough love is what she needs, tape her acting like a biotch and post it on fb for all her friends and teachers to see.... that might change her attitude a bit.
  • reddi2roll
    reddi2roll Posts: 356 Member
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    Now, in my honest opinion, she can only treat you how you LET her treat you. Make it clear you won't tolerate the nasty and immature behavior, walk away, move out, go live someplace else. Don't do anything for her, but do protect yourself. Life is tooo short to live with someone like that.

    This. Toxic people like to spread their toxin to everyone else so everyone can be as miserable as they are. You don't have to accept that behavior and if you do you are sort of enabling her to continue.

    I am sorry that your family has experience such upheaval and there are probably some valid reasons for your sister's behavior but valid reasons are not a justification for the behavior to continue. Hopefully, with continued therapy, maturity, and a lack of people accepting her behavior she will realize there are other, more positive ways, to get attention. If not she will be saddled with a life long drama and unhappiness. When she is acting appropriately let her know by interacting with her that you like her when she acts in a positive way.

    So, it is really up to YOU to change YOUR behavior when HER behavior is not acceptable. If you can't leave your current living situation you might need to put a lock on your door so you are not available to her unless she is positive and supportive and you may need to let her know why you are doing this so she understands that in order to be able to have a relationship with you her behavior needs to change.

    Good job trying to get healthy again and good luck with your sister.
  • 2jayjaysmom
    2jayjaysmom Posts: 248 Member
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    I know this might sound simple but has anyone ever really really asked her why she is acting this way?
    Just ask then sit and actaully listen to her...If she is "normal" outside of the house then she may feel like she is not getting enough attention at home. She may resent the fact of the new child (brother being adopted) and just not know what to do about it. the fact that you are peacefull with him maybe the reason she is mean to you.

    You may need to talk to someone also...Tell her even though you are mean to me I still love you, then show her/act like you really love her. You don't have to like how she acts to still love her. With your parents divorcing this may also be hard for her to deal with emotionally. 14 is still a child and yes she maybe aware of the things she is doing but not really understand how to deal with her emotions. When you sit back and look at it---when she is acting this way ALL of the attention is now on her....

    Hey little sis--I don't like the way you are acting but I still love you---Hey Sis why are you acting so mean lets talk about this

    Yes she will not want to at first but if you keep it up and she feels that you are being "real" about it she will start to talk

    Side note: unhappy people do/say/act in unhappy ways
  • Lauren8239
    Lauren8239 Posts: 1,039 Member
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    Has her behaviour gotten worse since your father got sick?
  • TylerJ76
    TylerJ76 Posts: 4,375 Member
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    I know this might sound simple but has anyone ever really really asked her why she is acting this way?
    Just ask then sit and actaully listen to her...If she is "normal" outside of the house then she may feel like she is not getting enough attention at home. She may resent the fact of the new child (brother being adopted) and just not know what to do about it. the fact that you are peacefull with him maybe the reason she is mean to you.

    You may need to talk to someone also...Tell her even though you are mean to me I still love you, then show her/act like you really love her. You don't have to like how she acts to still love her. With your parents divorcing this may also be hard for her to deal with emotionally. 14 is still a child and yes she maybe aware of the things she is doing but not really understand how to deal with her emotions. When you sit back and look at it---when she is acting this way ALL of the attention is now on her....

    Hey little sis--I don't like the way you are acting but I still love you---Hey Sis why are you acting so mean lets talk about this

    Yes she will not want to at first but if you keep it up and she feels that you are being "real" about it she will start to talk

    Side note: unhappy people do/say/act in unhappy ways


    This is the best post in this thread....Thank you.
  • jenlarz
    jenlarz Posts: 813 Member
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    14 year old girls tend to think they are alone in how they feel. Its just part of the teenage years. She has been given lots of attention and little boundaries. Your parents divorce and dads cancer and a move to a new place pull her out of the limelight and she maybe doesn't know how to find attention the right way. Also, if she is been always given what she wants and people start imposing limits on her it can be felt like the love is also being pulled away. There are so many things behind behavior like this. It is sad and frustrating when it feels like you can't do anything. I say try and ignore the bad behavior and encourage more positive things.
  • samf36
    samf36 Posts: 369 Member
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    If she is causing you physical/mental harm then contact the local woman's crisis center. You deserve a place to stay that is safe and free of harm.

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