How mean would it be ...
mruszaj
Posts: 105 Member
So I just recently ended a 5 year relationship with a man who I thought I could change. He was involved in a European crime ring and was trying to pressure me to marry him in order for him to receive legal status, because he was going through deportation proceedings.
He's a good guy, treated me very well, but I couldn't get past his involvement in crime and also his illegal immigrant status.. especially since he was trying to force me to marry him since I am a US citizen.
Anyways, I finally thought to myself that I would never want to start a family or be involved with a man who is involved in organized crime, and I finally broke free of him a few days ago.
So, the question is : Although I am kind of upset, I feel like his constant texting/calling is upsetting me and getting in the way of my fitness journey.. SO, how mean would it be if I changed my phone number completely, and also cut off/delete any shared accounts, such as : netflix, bank accounts, etc etc?
I just keep thinking of that Gotye song, "somebody that i used to know", where he says " No you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records And then change your number.."
It sounds so bogus
He's a good guy, treated me very well, but I couldn't get past his involvement in crime and also his illegal immigrant status.. especially since he was trying to force me to marry him since I am a US citizen.
Anyways, I finally thought to myself that I would never want to start a family or be involved with a man who is involved in organized crime, and I finally broke free of him a few days ago.
So, the question is : Although I am kind of upset, I feel like his constant texting/calling is upsetting me and getting in the way of my fitness journey.. SO, how mean would it be if I changed my phone number completely, and also cut off/delete any shared accounts, such as : netflix, bank accounts, etc etc?
I just keep thinking of that Gotye song, "somebody that i used to know", where he says " No you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records And then change your number.."
It sounds so bogus
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Replies
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If I were in your situation, being 'mean' is the last thing I would be worried about. As far as I can see, you have no compelling reason to maintain contact with this guy, and there are dozens of excellent and obvious reasons to cut off contact with him.
Don't worry about what Gotye thinks. I don't think his song was referring to a situation like this.0 -
Yes, you're right.
Damn you gotye for your misleading lyrics! lol0 -
"He's a good guy"
Realy?
That is not the defintion of a good guy.
Change your number, move and change your name if you have to.
Best wishes on your fitness journey. I hope you can start over and focus on being healthy and happy.0 -
"He's a good guy"
Realy?
That is not the defintion of a good guy.
Change your number, move and change your name if you have to.
Best wishes on your fitness journey. I hope you can start over and focus on being healthy and happy.
I agree. Erase him and anything that reminds you of him from your life. You will be better off.0 -
He's a criminal who was trying to pressure you into marrying him for immigration purposes and you're worried about hurting HIS feelings?
Block, dump, delete. No contact. Period.0 -
Make a 180 degree turn the other way.
Bad news! Find a bad *kitten* dude to replace him!
Go to the gym, heck, go to a couple of different gyms and pick up some ripped and buff dude, but he has to be nice. Dont get another weirdo. Who cares if he was nice to you, its easy to be nice to a girl when you have money to spend on her. Go get a marine or army ranger, or something. Go get a mans man.0 -
"He's a good guy"
Realy?
That is not the defintion of a good guy.
Change your number, move and change your name if you have to.
Best wishes on your fitness journey. I hope you can start over and focus on being healthy and happy.
I know it must sound crazy after the previous description! lol. But he always treated me pretty well, he was just involved in all the crazy stuff.
But I guess you are right, our choices define us as either good or bad, and clearly he was bad if he was involved in crime and attempted marriage fraud .. lol0 -
Yes, change your number, throw away unopened letters that may come in, and move on. Not to be mean, but to give yourself peace of mind. You will drive yourself crazy if you don't break it off-- completely. Best wishes.0
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He's a criminal who was trying to pressure you into marrying him for immigration purposes and you're worried about hurting HIS feelings?
Block, dump, delete. No contact. Period.
LOL it sounds so horrible when it is repeated back to me. Jeez, boy was I stupid for 5 years. In my defense, I didnt find any of this out until 3.5 years into the relationship. by that time, i was stuck !0 -
Why are you so worried about being mean to this guy? Of course he was nice to you, he wanted a marriage to make him a citizen!
DO whatever you can to erase your past with him. Who knows, whatever illegal crap he's doing my fall back on you.0 -
that's not at all mean that's called living your new life - separately, since you're broken up and all...0
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Shhhhh itttttt. Like I think you need to do more than just change your number. More like your identity!0
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Make a 180 degree turn the other way.
Bad news! Find a bad *kitten* dude to replace him!
Go to the gym, heck, go to a couple of different gyms and pick up some ripped and buff dude, but he has to be nice. Dont get another weirdo. Who cares if he was nice to you, its easy to be nice to a girl when you have money to spend on her. Go get a marine or army ranger, or something. Go get a mans man.
A man's man would be nice
My sister and I joke that if i were to go on a first date, the initial conversation would go like this
1.) Are you legally residing here in the USA?
2.) Do you possess a stable, legal form of employment?
3.) If yes, well you've surpassed my standards!
LOL . horrible.0 -
Is this a serious question?0
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I like the "Bogus" part.....0
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Be mean and stay free or you may be singing Akon's, I'm locked up....0
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I would say change it and erase him from your life, but I know how everyone is asking why you care about his feelings but I mean you were together for FIVE years lol thats a long time! So of course you dont want to hurt his feelings and its better said than done, but I say lose contact 0
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Alot of people change their phone numbers and discontinue any accounts they shared with someone while in a relationship. If you are not intending on being friends with him (which doesn't sound likely) and he consistently texts/calls you it is not "low" "mean" or anything to cut off completely with him.
The relationship is over, there is nothing connecting you to him (I.e kids, or divorce proceedings etc..) to keep in contact so why not clean your hands of him and start a new.0 -
Cut off contact. It will help you get over him faster too. You are right that this is not the kind of person you want around if you are trying to start a family. Congratulations for you for getting the courage to stand up to that. I understand it can be very hard and you want to over look those kind of things, because in their heart you know they are good.
Changing your phone number is extreme because it might make it difficult for other friends to get in touch, so if you don't do that you need to ignore his calls and texts 100%. Any response from you will give him the message it's OK to keep contacting you.
Definitely cut off all of the other shared accounts though, you don't want to have creditors calling you because he gifted 100 netflix accounts to all of his best friends! I am a big believer that you should keep all money separate until marriage.0 -
You shouldn't worry about being mean, you should worry about him getting worried you will go to the FBI. He may want to silence you before you can speak.0
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Look at it as losing an instant 180 pounds or so! 0
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Shhhhh itttttt. Like I think you need to do more than just change your number. More like your identity!
Ha, right! Thankfully I wasn't involved in any of that stuff, so I think I'm ok.0 -
You make me feel ugly. Damn youre gorgeous....0
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Haha I love it!!0
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There's no right way of dealing with a break up. You should do what you feel you need to to get through it. Nothing mean about that, you'd just be putting yourself first.
Look after yourself 0 -
There are about a half a dozen sarcastic/funny things I could say here, but since I realize you're hurting, I'll try to keep them to a minimum.
The first one that comes to mind is - screw changing the number, etc. WITNESS PROTECTION! (Hell, I'd love to start over....)
Seriously, though - he might have "treated you well" and all of that - but he was PRESSURING YOU into doing something. I don't care if it was something as simple as getting a boob job, dying your hair, or driving the getaway car...PRESSURE is NOT GOOD!
I understand the hurt. I applaud you heartily for doing something good for yourself and your future. He was involved in CRIME? um....yeah....changing your number and disassociating with him is probably a VERY GOOD idea!
Besides, if I listened to every line from every breakup song I've ever heard I wouldn't know whether I should take him back, take back the Jag I bought him, ruin him financially, or steal his dog and ride off into the sunset. So - it's just a song. It's there to sell records and make money. Protect yourself FIRST, girl!0 -
Sever the ties.0
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Ditch the guy, keep up with the fitness, you are gorgeous and can find another man who will still treat you well, but is not a criminal!! You can do it girl!!0
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You have to do what you have to do! You should worry about you. I was in an abusive relationship for almost 13 years. I thought I could change him. He left me because I wasn't skinny. Not saying I was perfect in the marriage either.
But, him leaving was the bset thing. I can live the way I want. And so can you. you deserve better than organized crime and lying. If you have kids or want them, thats not the life for either of you.
Its was nice to want him to change for the better because you say passed the bad stuff. But, don't let people drag you down- in anything!0 -
He's a criminal who was trying to pressure you into marrying him for immigration purposes and you're worried about hurting HIS feelings?
Block, dump, delete. No contact. Period.
This. Run the other way and don't look back.0
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