My gosh
hbunting86
Posts: 952 Member
Well
This is slightly random, but nonetheless I'm quite hurt! Obviously like everyone I'm on MFP for a reason - mine is to lose a little weight. My BMI is in the healthy range and I don't excessively eat at all - I'm just not in the shape I was.
Anyway, I said to my boyfriend do you think I need to lose weight?
His reply: I don't know.
What does that MEAN?!
This is slightly random, but nonetheless I'm quite hurt! Obviously like everyone I'm on MFP for a reason - mine is to lose a little weight. My BMI is in the healthy range and I don't excessively eat at all - I'm just not in the shape I was.
Anyway, I said to my boyfriend do you think I need to lose weight?
His reply: I don't know.
What does that MEAN?!
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Replies
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it means he doesnt know what the right answer is (in order not to tick you off) so he's pleading the fifth LOLOLOL0
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it means he's too scared to answer, guys don't like to make decisions if either could be the wrong answer. My boyfriend told me when drunk that he was glad I lost weight because he didn't know what to say to me, he knew I had gained a lot of weight and didn't want me to get to a super unhealthy weight. I still don't think he's happy with the way I look now
but he won't tell me that. 0 -
it means he doesnt know what the right answer is (in order not to tick you off) so he's pleading the fifth LOLOLOL
Yup! I was going to answer exactly the same as that!!0 -
dont' ask if you don't want to hear it! LOL
he probably thinks "maybe" since he's heard you talking about it yourself.0 -
It's annoying as he commented my sister has lost weight and is looking good (I'm 12000 miles away from him at the moment).
GRRR.0 -
I never ask anyone what they think of my looks, weight, or clothing. That's just asking for someone to have hurt feelings.0
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He should know better though really.
I'm 5'3'' and weigh around 130lbs... that's not overweight. I just want to lose maybe 10-15lbs which suits my frame more. The difference was before I had a more active job than at present.
Maybe I'm being overly sensitive and he's just playing safe.0 -
The guy knows a trap question when he hears it. Did you also ask him if your jeans make your butt look big?
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He should know better though really.
I'm 5'3'' and weigh around 130lbs... that's not overweight. I just want to lose maybe 10-15lbs which suits my frame more. The difference was before I had a more active job than at present.
Maybe I'm being overly sensitive and he's just playing safe.
men don't know better (sorry guys) MOST of the time, they have no clue what to say. women tend to go on autopilot and answer "you look fantastic, don't change a thing!" as a go-to response if a friend asks us how she looks. personally, i did not ask my husband ANYTHING about how i looked until i had lost the bulk of my weight. i knew the answer, and i didn't want to hear it. it would have hurt my feelings, and that would have put him in an uncomfortable spot. you should have a "don't ask, don't tell" policy about weight! 0 -
In all fairness to him; you just asked him a loaded gun question. I've seen girls cry at the honesty deal where they want their BF to tell them if they need to lose weight or do I look fat? They get trapped bc too many times girls ask, they tell their honest opinions and boom they're hit with utter craziness and hostility. Your his GF, completely different from his sister. Maybe he didn't know if you needed to or not, maybe he didn't know how you react if he was honest. If your frustrated with him now how would you really feel if he said yes? Ask yourself that. Also in the end, it's about you not him so who really cares what he thinks. You make you happy.0
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Not loaded at all, we work on honesty - I have never asked him about how I look etc. I was reacting to something someone said about 'too much good living'... so I just asked a question. My bf is a chef, he's rather rotund himself and wouldnt care if I said so - I love him for him, if he's happy i'm happy. I was just a bit intrigued with what he said. He's seen me weigh a HELL of a lot less (like anorexic-like tiny) and then normal. It's just confusing for me I guess!0
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Don't ask your BF a question like that. It puts him on the spot and is a no-win situation for him. That is really not fair.0
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I think it is YOU who should know better than to ask. Especially since you say you are not overweight. What you think is what counts.He should know better though really.
I'm 5'3'' and weigh around 130lbs... that's not overweight. I just want to lose maybe 10-15lbs which suits my frame more. The difference was before I had a more active job than at present.
Maybe I'm being overly sensitive and he's just playing safe.0 -
I was asking for an honest opinion - no point bashing me for it... like I said we work on honesty, it's not a loaded question. I was just a bit concerned that he's overly interested in the fact my sister has lost weight and keeps commenting on it.0
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He doesn't want to hurt your feelings honey!!
My fella always said he loved me and found me sexy whatever weight I was, but I think he's secretly happy that I'm slimmer now! :laugh: He would never say though, that's what you do when you love someone! :happy:0 -
I was absolutely not bashing you, just giving you what you asked for--an honest opinion. It was not my intent to come across the way you apparently perceived.I was asking for an honest opinion - no point bashing me for it... like I said we work on honesty, it's not a loaded question. I was just a bit concerned that he's overly interested in the fact my sister has lost weight and keeps commenting on it.
This is obviously a very sensitive topic for you. Please try to read what I said without defensiveness.0 -
I was asking for an honest opinion - no point bashing me for it... like I said we work on honesty, it's not a loaded question. I was just a bit concerned that he's overly interested in the fact my sister has lost weight and keeps commenting on it.
I'm wondering if what you really wanted was reassurance that he finds you attractive? Sometimes people take each other for granted in relationships and need a little nudge to get the compliments flowing again.0 -
He loves you first of all or his response would have been something more like, "hell to the yah".
I would say he doesn't want to hurt your feelings but thinks probably you could stand to either lose a few or get more toned. He loves you no matter what! 0 -
Don't ask if you think you can't handle the answer...0
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I'm curious what your reaction would have been if he would have said "Yeah, it wouldn't hurt if you lost 20 pounds".0
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Or, some guys just don't really have a clue. If you asked him how much you weighed, I bet he'd be way off, in either direction. No concept of weight.
Also, I've learned....don't ask a question if you're not prepared for the answer whatever that may be.
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Lol I'm prepared for the answer good or bad - I don't know isn't an answer is my point!0
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Lol I'm prepared for the answer good or bad - I don't know isn't an answer is my point!
I don't understand why you are 'quite hurt" about "I don't know" if it's just that that is not an answer. (I'm not trying to mess with you, just trying to understand where you are coming from.)0 -
It means it is an unfair question! Only YOU and your DR know if you need to lose weight or get into shape. To a dude you might as well ask him "Does this make my *kitten* look fat"? Totally unfair on him.0
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If he said "yes" to your question he probably thought you would have been hurt, and if he said "no" he probably thought you would not bother exercising or lose any weight. So by saying IDK hes just like i dont know, its what you think..
my 2 cents 0 -
Why would you ask him that unless you truly wanted to know what he thought? What if he had said yes?
Poor guy.0 -
Also a difference between "Do I need to?" and "Would I look better if I did?" I know I don't need to lose weight, but I'd be happier a little bit less with the way I look.0
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He should know better though really.
I'm 5'3'' and weigh around 130lbs... that's not overweight. I just want to lose maybe 10-15lbs which suits my frame more. The difference was before I had a more active job than at present.
Maybe I'm being overly sensitive and he's just playing safe.
This is totally unfair, darlin'. You ask the question, and now you're getting mad at him because he "should have known better" than to answer it? If he had refused to answer at all (which is practically what "I don't know" is, as other posters suggested) would you have been hurt by that too, assuming he wasn't answering in order to hide his opinion that you're HUGE?
Why did you really ask? You say you're prepared for "good or bad" but can you honestly say if he amends his answer to "yes" or even "maybe a little but.." that you're not going to be hurt/angry over that too? It's a set-up I'm not sure he can get safely out of if he tries.
I don't mean to be harsh, I just don't understand why anyone asks questions to which they don't want the answers. Unless there had been some significant change in the way my guy treats me/our physical relationship, I'd never ask this question. Even then, I don't think I'd phrase it that way.0 -
Move on and don't put him in that spot again. Totally unfair. You should give him kudos for not flat out lying to you just to pacify you (which actually seems to be what you wanted).0
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He's probably very happy with the way you are, just panicked and didn't know what to say when you asked
There's never a right answer for it
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