Lady watcher at my gym

Nina2723

Hey there guys. I was just looking for some advice on the best way to handle this. There is a man at the gym I go to who is reguarly there but never seems to really work out. He will do 2-4 repititions on any given machine then walk around for 5 minutes before doing 2-4 on another one. He will do this for a good hour, which would be understandable if he had an injury or illness, however he spends more time watching the ladies and even teen girls working out and doing the yoga/pilaties (sp?) classes then anything else. It could be my imagination but I've noticed him doing it for about 2 weeks now.
I'd go to the desk in the gym however I know he's aware I've seen him "observing" the sights, so if someone speaks to him right after he seems me talking to the staff he will know it was me that said something. Plus i don't want to cause him grief if he really just does need that kind of break between sets...

titianwasp

Say someting to the front desk, so at least they'll keep an eye out. It may be nothing, or he may be a super creep. Let the mgmt of the facility decide if they feel his behavior is acitonable.

FammaMel

I would say something to the front desk/management. If your not comfortable saying something while you are there then maybe on your way out that way you will not have to encounter any awkward situations.

Cynkane

I would say something just to be safe. Is there anyway you can do it annoymously, like a phone call or something? That way he would have no idea it was you.

myfitnessnmhoy

Write a note to the front desk with a general description of the guy and drop it in their suggestion bin or in the mail. If he's doing this as a routine habit, the staff can keep an eye out for it and ask him to behave without it being associated specifically with a talk you had with the front desk.

mfpcopine

I would say something to the desk; make an anonymous call if necessary. I remember taking an aerobics class many years ago and two teenaged boys where just standing there gawking, which was incredibly rude -- we're weren't there to put on a show. What's even sadder is there was some women who I think didn't mind. Objectification anyone?

What with the stupid outfits that some women wore and the machine-like pace and feeling like a reject from a chorus line audition, I hated aerobics.

julieh391

Yep. I'd tell someone working. Odds are they won't say anything to him, but they'll keep an eye on him.

TrainingWithTonya

Okay, first of all, if he is doing super heavy weight for him, then 2-4 reps with very long rests in between is appropriate. That particular type of workout builds strength and power.

That being said, eyeing all of the female flesh in the place while he is doing his rest between sets is totally inappropriate. Personally, I would very loudly call him on it so that every woman in the place knew to watch out for him. But I'm generally pretty bold. If you aren't as bold, schedule a time to meet with the manager. That way you can talk to them privately to fix the situation.

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16 years Certified Personal Trainer and Group Exercise Instructor
9 years Certified Sports Nutritionist
Bachelors in Exercise Physiology with a Minor in Nutritional Science
ACSM Certified Clinical Exercise Specialist
NSCA Certified Strength and Conditioning Specialist

dmpizza

Don't hesitate to say something at the front desk.
Obviously women at a gym can be very eye catching(I know I have my favorites too!), but this guy is clearly not even making the effort to workout.
Make that point clear to management.

TexanThom

Sounds like maybe you are stalking him. JK..lol

sunkissedxo20

I would say something just to be safe. Is there anyway you can do it annoymously, like a phone call or something? That way he would have no idea it was you.

Love this idea! I think you should definitely CALL ...make sure you ask to speak to someone that can actually do something about it (i.e the manager!) Good luck!!

Muldactus

I think to some extent, it's natural to enjoy looking while you're at the gym. When I was part of a gym, I enjoyed looking at the fitter women, both because they looked great and because it was good motivation. And I'm sure most women enjoy looking at the fit men as well.

That said, if someone is spending more time gawking, staring and oggling than they are working out then yeah, that's bound to be uncomfortable and I'd definately encourage you to say something to the staff about it. If you're uncomfortable with the idea of him linking you with it, then the next time he's there completely ignore him - no eye contact, no noticing him staring or anything else. When you happen to interact with a staff member for something else - a towel, a drink, a shake or whatever, then mention him and explain your discomfort and concerns. And, as been previuosly posted, you can always say something to a staff member as you're leaving so that you're not there for any accusatory glances when staff does speak with him.

SusieQ8393

Creepy! I have seen a few of them at the gym from time to time, as well. I think making the phone call to the manager, like previously suggested, would be the best route. That way it is anonymous, and hopefully the manager will speak to him and either curb the behavior or oust him from the gym.

Susan

saraht131

He might just need long reps. Even if he does, eyeing up all the ladies is pretty pervy behaviour. If you don't like it, you need to deal with it because you should stand up for yourself. If you can't say something to him yourself, tell the front desk.

TheAncientMariner

Sounds like maybe you are stalking him. JK..lol

I agree with this, not even kidding though. He pays to be there like anyone else. He can look at who he wants as long as he isn't touching anyone. I would be too busy working out to notice who is looking at who, as that is not my prerogative. You can have management harass him (or not), but understand that his money to be there is just as good as anyone else's. Based on what you have described as his workload, especially with pilates and yoga, it seems to me that he is putting in work the same as everyone else. I go to a gym where "bros" are found in very high numbers, and it's clear whose there seriously and whose there socially. It's not my place to pass judgement though because they pay just like I pay. I'm the guy that people see walking through the parking lot at the grocery store, with my kids, and people lock their car doors anyway (just to be safe) so I know what it feels like to be singled out when you've done nothing wrong. Please be careful and make sure that his behavior is one of harassment, not just glancing a little harder than what is comfortable for you.

Nina2723

Thanks for all the advice guys you rock... I've had the feeling to say something i just didn't want to be the one that gets the guy labled as a creeper if he's innocent. Then again I'd never forgive myself if I didn't say something and he ended up following a girl home or something. I think i will mention it to the staff when I sign up for my next class.

Nina2723

Sounds like maybe you are stalking him. JK..lol

I agree with this, not even kidding though. He pays to be there like anyone else. He can look at who he wants as long as he isn't touching anyone. I would be too busy working out to notice who is looking at who, as that is not my prerogative. You can have management harass him (or not), but understand that his money to be there is just as good as anyone else's. Based on what you have described as his workload, especially with pilates and yoga, it seems to me that he is putting in work the same as everyone else. I go to a gym where "bros" are found in very high numbers, and it's clear whose there seriously and whose there socially. It's not my place to pass judgement though because they pay just like I pay. I'm the guy that people see walking through the parking lot at the grocery store, with my kids, and people lock their car doors anyway (just to be safe) so I know what it feels like to be singled out when you've done nothing wrong. Please be careful and make sure that his behavior is one of harassment, not just glancing a little harder than what is comfortable for you.

Exactly my concern on why i havent said anything.. however he doesn't participate in the classes just leans on a piece of equipment and watches. As for me stalking him,, hardley..lol but I understand the comment..makes sense.. the only reason it caught my attention was because everyone else in the gym is moving and doing stuff and theres one person at a standstill. I also notice when the ladies hop on a machinne and just sit and read a magazine without doing a single rep. I'm not saying theres anything wrong with a quick glance at an attractive person, most if not all of us are guilty of it... however i couldn't seem myself standing there just watching.
Also I have a daughter and i know if i caught a man looking at her the way he does the ladies at the gym.. he wouldn't make it out of the bulding. lol

tasmin21

If you are genuinely uncomfortable, it doesn't matter if he's innocent or not. And if he IS innocent, he will probably be mortified to find out that his actions have bothered someone, and he will alter his behavior accordingly.

I have a real hard time hearing women told "Oh, just let it go" or "oh, don't be so uptight." Your feelings are valid, regardless of whether this is what the man INTENDED or not.

Mom2rh

Sounds like maybe you are stalking him. JK..lol

I agree with this, not even kidding though. He pays to be there like anyone else. He can look at who he wants as long as he isn't touching anyone. I would be too busy working out to notice who is looking at who, as that is not my prerogative. You can have management harass him (or not), but understand that his money to be there is just as good as anyone else's. Based on what you have described as his workload, especially with pilates and yoga, it seems to me that he is putting in work the same as everyone else. I go to a gym where "bros" are found in very high numbers, and it's clear whose there seriously and whose there socially. It's not my place to pass judgement though because they pay just like I pay. I'm the guy that people see walking through the parking lot at the grocery store, with my kids, and people lock their car doors anyway (just to be safe) so I know what it feels like to be singled out when you've done nothing wrong. Please be careful and make sure that his behavior is one of harassment, not just glancing a little harder than what is comfortable for you.

Not quite true. Even if he pays to be there, if his behavior is inappropriate, or makes someone uncomfortable, the gym has an obligation to investigate and perhaps remove him.

I have been in that situation at the gym where a man was very obviously leering at the women in a group class I was participating in. The instructor went and got security and he was removed from the gym.

Another incident happened in the hot tub where a male member, paying member of the gym, exposed himself to some children in the hot tub. Yeah. He was found through the security cameras and I believe charges were brought against him.

Just because you pay to go to the gym doesn't mean reasonable standards of behavior shouldn't be required.

GasMasterFlash

I'm watching you right now.

bagge72

Sounds like maybe you are stalking him. JK..lol

I agree with this, not even kidding though. He pays to be there like anyone else. He can look at who he wants as long as he isn't touching anyone. I would be too busy working out to notice who is looking at who, as that is not my prerogative. You can have management harass him (or not), but understand that his money to be there is just as good as anyone else's. Based on what you have described as his workload, especially with pilates and yoga, it seems to me that he is putting in work the same as everyone else. I go to a gym where "bros" are found in very high numbers, and it's clear whose there seriously and whose there socially. It's not my place to pass judgement though because they pay just like I pay. I'm the guy that people see walking through the parking lot at the grocery store, with my kids, and people lock their car doors anyway (just to be safe) so I know what it feels like to be singled out when you've done nothing wrong. Please be careful and make sure that his behavior is one of harassment, not just glancing a little harder than what is comfortable for you.

That's not really how it works unfortunately. Just because he is a paying member of something doesn't mean he gets to make people feel uncomfortable, and the OP should definitely tell the front desk how this makes her feel, and they can make him aware of how he is making other paying members feel. What happens to you at the grocery store with your kids isn't the same thing, that is just people stereo typing, and being rude. It would be like if you were going around to peoples cars, and looking into the windows instead of actually shopping.

Scott613

Is he breathing hard when he leers or is his breathing deeper after his 2-4 reps?

hiker282

And you don't think it's at all creepy that you'll watch this guy for an hour each time you're at the gym? You're watching him so closely, you know exactly how many sets and reps he's doing?

Sounds like a case of the pot calling the kettle black to me.

gseburn

Thankfully there is yet to be a law that tells me where I can point my eyes. I'm not saying I support leering, inappropriate comments etc, but looking or even thinking cannot be legislated or controlled. When I'm at the gym I try my best to focus on what I'm doing and ignore my surroundings. It doesn't always work, men are very visual, but I try.

sjohnny

That's why I work out at home. Every time you try to leer suggestively at women at the gym someone makes a federal case out of it. Leering suggestively at the woman at home just gets eyes rolled at me.

BryGuy2

I would definitely say something to them. Maybe do it at a time that he isnt there, or ask them to wait to say something that way it doesnt look suspicious. Hopefully they are trained enough to deal with those situatons to not make him feel bad if he isnt doing it, but also get him to stop if he is doing that.

Sumo813

Okay, first of all, if he is doing super heavy weight for him, then 2-4 reps with very long rests in between is appropriate. That particular type of workout builds strength and power.

That being said, eyeing all of the female flesh in the place while he is doing his rest between sets is totally inappropriate. Personally, I would very loudly call him on it so that every woman in the place knew to watch out for him. But I'm generally pretty bold. If you aren't as bold, schedule a time to meet with the manager. That way you can talk to them privately to fix the situation.

This was my thinking as well. Heavysets are generally 4 rep MAX. So that is entirely possible. But the creepin peepers... depends on how bad it is. Could just be paranoia? But chances are, it most likely isnt, and that means others have likely already noticed and said something, and perhaps the gym doesn't see it as an issue. Maybe chat with some of the women in the locker room... "Oh my God, this guy totally gives me the creeps." Chances are, you'll find you arent alone.

senyosmom

mention it to management on your way out. that way, if they approach him you are long gone. Plus, if you noticed Im sure others have too...

rmhand

You probably won't be the first person to tell the front desk. If he has other complaints then they will take action.

BrendarB

For sure, if it's heavy sets, then 5 min rest inbetween is normal. When I do heavy sets or try for a 1rep max, then walking around inbetween is normal - and if he's looking at people, so what? what else is there to look at in a gym? If he's singling someone out, or ssomeone feels threatened, that's different, but if he's just looking around inbetween sets, I don't see anything wrong with that.

SexyCook

I completely know how you feel....I have reported 1 older guy before at my gym....He would come around and stare right in your face...and I mean folds hands and all..It was so uncomfortable.. Look back at you in the mirror and when you speak would turn his head.....many had already reported him....I was also asked about a guy that would come on to african american girls in an unpleasant way...but the guy never had he would just look at me and smile so that didnt bother me.... It is crazy some of the things that go on in the gym...especially when you are not revealing all your goodies... Possibly speak with the gym owner or staff...