Lady watcher at my gym

Jess81620

Your probally not the only one who feels uncomfortable. I would definetly tell the front desk.

NewChristina

I would complain too. And I'm not the type to complain about that behavior generally, but if it is really getting creepy... Who knows, he could be dangerous. And you may not be the first to complain. Maybe they need one more complaint to take care of this freak.

kadins_momma07

I would say something just to be safe. Is there anyway you can do it annoymously, like a phone call or something? That way he would have no idea it was you.

This is a good idea ^^...Maybe while you're there working on a machine and you see him, call the gym while youre working out and explain that you're there right now and what you've been observing everytime you come and it makes you feel uneasy about coming to the gym. Do it while you're there, and you know that he's there...otherwise they may not know who the heck you're talking about or they may just blow it off. Being there, at least you'll get to stand back and see if someone talks to him.

BrendarB

also, why not just talk to him?

Katie3784

And you don't think it's at all creepy that you'll watch this guy for an hour each time you're at the gym? You're watching him so closely, you know exactly how many sets and reps he's doing?

Sounds like a case of the pot calling the kettle black to me.

lol

Kristy_Elizabeth

I'm not experiencing what you are, but as you are describing this I doubt I would have even noticed it or if I did that It would have made me uncomfortable. I guess I feel pretty comfortable and safe in a public place like a gym. I guess I'm not seeing the danger of this situation?

GabrielleZelda

This has happened to me before, too. Except the man in question would follow me around and just be suuuper creepy. I finally had it, when I decided to leave the gym and bike home and I realized he had waited for me in the parking lot and was following me in his car! I circled a few blocks to make sure he wouldn't know where I lived until I eventually lost him.

I called the gym and made a formal complaint. They didn't know WHO I was talking about, but the next time he was at the gym with me I made sure to tell the owner herself and made sure she got a good look at him.

I actually never saw him at the gym again! Don't know if they said something to him, maybe he was terribly embarrassed.

Good riddance!

kadins_momma07

I would complain too. And I'm not the type to complain about that behavior generally, but if it is really getting creepy... Who knows, he could be dangerous. And you may not be the first to complain. Maybe they need one more complaint to take care of this freak.

I'm not one to really complain either, I usually just keep my thoughts to myself..BUT, one time I was at my local library by myself and noticed this creepy guy kept getting close to me and not picking up books or acting interested in the library, he'd be near me even if I went all the way to the other side of the library. Then I saw him looking at me through the book shelf and I knew I definitely had to say something...turns out that creepo has done this before to other girls. He actually saw me talking to the library staff and he hid then ran out. Haven't seen the creepo since, nowhere around town actually (thank goodness!!). I'm glad I said something and made his face known to the staff so they can look out for him!

cspence2270

I've heard many times that a person should follow thier instintics, if this guy is making you uncomfortable you should say something. Ask a few of the other girls at the gym if you need too, if you've noticed than they probably have too.

I'm probably way over cautious but isn't that how someone scopes out a victim- they watch them and get their habits down ect... OK I've probably read one too many books but in this day and age- there is nothing wrong with being cautious and aware of your surroundings.

mommy7

My workout partner and I had almost that issue. We just talk to him and it's not so creepy now. He encourages us in our workouts and is a very nice person.

katy84o

That's why I work out at home. Every time you try to leer suggestively at women at the gym someone makes a federal case out of it. Leering suggestively at the woman at home just gets eyes rolled at me.

Hilarious!

IrishChick71

That's why I work out at home. Every time you try to leer suggestively at women at the gym someone makes a federal case out of it. Leering suggestively at the woman at home just gets eyes rolled at me.

This made me laugh. LMAO!!

But seriously... if it makes you or anyone else uncomfortable, say something to the front desk and they will keep an eye on him. Safety first above embarrassment.
But Who hasn't been working out and looked up to find someone watching them? Could be a coincidence or maybe not. As long as they aren't drooling, following me or someone else they don't know about the gym or fondling themselves, I don't really care. I'm there for a reason and being oggled isn't one of them. :noway:

EpiGaiaRepens

Okay, first of all, if he is doing super heavy weight for him, then 2-4 reps with very long rests in between is appropriate. That particular type of workout builds strength and power.

That being said, eyeing all of the female flesh in the place while he is doing his rest between sets is totally inappropriate. Personally, I would very loudly call him on it so that every woman in the place knew to watch out for him. But I'm generally pretty bold. If you aren't as bold, schedule a time to meet with the manager. That way you can talk to them privately to fix the situation.

---

16 years Certified Personal Trainer and Group Exercise Instructor
9 years Certified Sports Nutritionist
Bachelors in Exercise Physiology with a Minor in Nutritional Science
ACSM Certified Clinical Exercise Specialist
NSCA Certified Strength and Conditioning Specialist

^^ this. If he is doing high weights, the reps might be appropriate. but man, in between sets I keep my self busy with stretching! And logging! And well..not eyeing the meat! So I think it's ok to say something.

What a dork that guy is. It would make me uncomfortable to work out near him.

EpiGaiaRepens

Thankfully there is yet to be a law that tells me where I can point my eyes. I'm not saying I support leering, inappropriate comments etc, but looking or even thinking cannot be legislated or controlled. When I'm at the gym I try my best to focus on what I'm doing and ignore my surroundings. It doesn't always work, men are very visual, but I try.

oh, the "men are visual" excuse again. I'd like to point out that women have eyeballs and libidos as well. It's not an excuse for bad behavior.

We're not talking about noticing. We're not talking about a glance and a smile. No one is going to freak out about that. We're talking about leering. We're talking about a patron leaning on a machine and watching a class like it's there for his pleasure. And while it is not legislated, it *will* make women want to find another gym. The people who own the gym may want to keep the money of multiple female patrons than the money of one very unskilled leerer.

LindaLouLu

If you are genuinely uncomfortable, it doesn't matter if he's innocent or not. And if he IS innocent, he will probably be mortified to find out that his actions have bothered someone, and he will alter his behavior accordingly.

I have a real hard time hearing women told "Oh, just let it go" or "oh, don't be so uptight." Your feelings are valid, regardless of whether this is what the man INTENDED or not.

THANK YOU!
There are so many people that refuse to acknowledge creeper behavior (intended or not) "oh, it's normal to look" and then, somehow, when something bad DOES happen, you hear all these...well, you'd have thought someone would have suspected... things, when really, someone DID suspect something, but was afraid to be labeled or pointed out for voicing their suspicions.

So you say something to the desk, one of 2 things is most likely to happen:

If he's innocent? No harm, no foul and he'll be aware of how his behavior appears to others.

Sex offender/murderer in waiting? Perhaps you just saved someone a very bad night.

You never know.....
:noway:

EpiGaiaRepens

If you are genuinely uncomfortable, it doesn't matter if he's innocent or not. And if he IS innocent, he will probably be mortified to find out that his actions have bothered someone, and he will alter his behavior accordingly.

I have a real hard time hearing women told "Oh, just let it go" or "oh, don't be so uptight." Your feelings are valid, regardless of whether this is what the man INTENDED or not.

THANK YOU!
There are so many people that refuse to acknowledge creeper behavior (intended or not) "oh, it's normal to look" and then, somehow, when something bad DOES happen, you hear all these...well, you'd have thought someone would have suspected... things, when really, someone DID suspect something, but was afraid to be labeled or pointed out for voicing their suspicions.

So you say something to the desk, one of 2 things is most likely to happen:

If he's innocent? No harm, no foul and he'll be aware of how his behavior appears to others.

Sex offender/murderer in waiting? Perhaps you just saved someone a very bad night.

You never know.....
:noway:

Not to mention, that if someone is making you uncomfortable, then you have a right to speak up! He doesn't have to be a full on sex offender to be told that his behavior is creepy and not ok.

leilamarchi

While I agree that his money to be there is just as good as anyone else's, good money doesn't excuse him from behaving with respect, and if he's really doing some hardcore staring at the women in the gym, every time he's there, that's just disrespectful.

Nina2723

Okay, first of all, if he is doing super heavy weight for him, then 2-4 reps with very long rests in between is appropriate. That particular type of workout builds strength and power.

That being said, eyeing all of the female flesh in the place while he is doing his rest between sets is totally inappropriate. Personally, I would very loudly call him on it so that every woman in the place knew to watch out for him. But I'm generally pretty bold. If you aren't as bold, schedule a time to meet with the manager. That way you can talk to them privately to fix the situation.

---

16 years Certified Personal Trainer and Group Exercise Instructor
9 years Certified Sports Nutritionist
Bachelors in Exercise Physiology with a Minor in Nutritional Science
ACSM Certified Clinical Exercise Specialist
NSCA Certified Strength and Conditioning Specialist

It's hard for me to know if it is a heavey set for him or not as he is a seemingly fit guy and has to down grade the weight from where I set it, and I'm a super weak. That being said if h'es had an injury or illness then maybe thats his max right?

EpiGaiaRepens

if he has an injury, he doens't need that big of a rest between sets. I injured my shoulder and had to downgrade my BP by a fair amount. I do them, but it feels like a waste of time and I hardly need a break at all. He should be sweating, making fugly faces, and the whties of his eyes should be turning bright red for it to justify 4 reps and 5 minute breaks.

nyteyz82

There is a huge difference between a quick glance and saying to oneself 'She is putting me to shame i need to get my act together' (i do this every now and then and it motivates me to work harder) and glaring at someone for minutes on end.

Nina2723

And you don't think it's at all creepy that you'll watch this guy for an hour each time you're at the gym? You're watching him so closely, you know exactly how many sets and reps he's doing?

Sounds like a case of the pot calling the kettle black to me.

I see the point and knew I'd have several people make such a comment. Generally at the gym I have my eyes closed and am lip singing to my music... but I occasionally will glance around, make eye contact and a brief hello to other regulars... it struck me as odd that every time i looked around he was leaning on something watching the ladies. I brushed it off the first time as maybe he was legit tired.. or maybe a wife was in the class and he was "spotting" her. but after that it gave me the creeps and I pay more attention to my surroundings and yes him when he is there...i'd rather be right about my feelings then cause the guy grief if i'm insane. I keep my eye on anyone that makes me feel off.. espically when i am either alone or with my kids.

turningstar

Men don't always know when they are gawking and staring at women inappropriately. I guess it would depend on how he is doing it. Ask some of the other ladies if they have noticed him. Men stare at me when I lift weights or run, but I don't really care. Now if the guy followed you outside or something....that's creepy.
He has a right to be there, but so do you. If he is making you feel creeped out, talk to management, go to another part of the gym, or go at another time of day.

Of course, you could always walk up and ask him if he likes the view! ;-)

Nina2723

also, why not just talk to him?

I considered it today but the best thing I could come up with to say "oh look, fresh meat" when a new girl came in or " is it better when they run on the treadmill or are streching for yoga" neither seemed approprate. I tend to be rather blunt and non-sugar coating so i keep my mouth shut more often then not... lol

jennadelane

Its really interesting to see the differences in responses between the men and women here. Very telling and kind of disappointing.

If you are uncomfortable, you should voice your concerns with the staff. You don't have to make a big deal out of it with them, just quietly tell them to be on the look out. You're a "paying customer" too and have the right to work out in a safe environment! Good luck! :happy:

IvoryParchment

If he's looking at other women, it's their call to talk to the management. If he's looking at you, it's your call.

If he were staring at me, I would call over, "Did you lose something?" And when he says, "No, why?" I would say, "You just seemed to be looking over here pretty intently for some reason. Never mind."

My experience is the stalking creeps tend to be pretty timid if confronted. They stalk the women they think will fit into their fantasies. Getting scared and asking the management for help may help, or it may not, and if it doesn't, you're going to feel even more vulnerable. If you confront him, he'll likely never stare at you again because you will not be following the script he wants a woman to follow.

sbaldino29

That's why I work out at home. Every time you try to leer suggestively at women at the gym someone makes a federal case out of it. Leering suggestively at the woman at home just gets eyes rolled at me.

U are too funny!

propskat

If you are genuinely uncomfortable, it doesn't matter if he's innocent or not. And if he IS innocent, he will probably be mortified to find out that his actions have bothered someone, and he will alter his behavior accordingly.

I have a real hard time hearing women told "Oh, just let it go" or "oh, don't be so uptight." Your feelings are valid, regardless of whether this is what the man INTENDED or not.

^^^THIS!!

I would wait till I see him again, make a note of what he's wearing, and call the manager right after you leave for the day, with a description. Odds are, they won't confront him right away anyway, but by notifying the manager, it will give him/her the opportunity to observe the behavior and maybe even review security tapes or something.

thedodgeruk

stupid question here

is he in good shape , if he is hen thee is a good chance that this kind of work out works for him , and he "might" be passing the time during sets , if how ever he not then he a ****ing creap

ashlafer

Your gut is probably right. I highly doubt that if he actually needed the break, there is a valid reason for him to watch women and TEENAGE girls work out.

Confront the manager. You will not only represent yourself, but also all the other females who are no doubt creeped out by this guy. Aside from being a pervert/creep, this guy is making gymtime uncomfortable for everyone around him. I really don't think management would approve of a sudden drop in female membership.

In all honesty, I think you should go ahead and confront him about it. No matter if he truly has an ailment/valid reason or not, he is out of place in the way he behaves. Think about it this way: If he's not aware of the discomfort he'd causing (which is a possibility), your confrontation will give him an opportunity to learn and will actually help him.

Start off with what you've been noticing: "Correct me if I'm wrong, but I've been noticing that you've been....." Point out the things he has been doing that make you uncomfortable, and follow up with an open-ended question that gives him an opportunity to at least try to explain himself ("How do you think that has been affecting others?" "How do you think we can change the environment here?")

I know it's uncomfortable confronting others directly (i.e. not through management). You have no reason to feel bad or out of place for confronting him. You are paying just as much money to use the gym as he is, and you are entitled to feel safe and comfortable there.

Plus, you'd be setting a great example for women who are tired of being gawked at but have yet to find their voice and stick up for themselves.

ashlafer

I agree with the confrontation part. But calling somebody out for the first time in front of a large crowd will usually lead to embarrassment and defensiveness. He's going to be too busy trying to get out of the situation to really hear you out. If you're really trying to fix the situation (instead of just embarras him or get revenge or whatever), you should try to abstain from having him shut you out completely because he's embarrassed.

I'd go for a quick private conversation in a public setting. As in, don't be completely alone with this guy, but make sure you're in a hallway or area of the gym where there is less chance that he will worry about eavesdroppers.

That being said, drama doesn't really solve problems. For me, boldness isn't about calling somebody out in front of a large crowd, but rather standing up for yourself in a positive way.