Real Question for Men!
Replies
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tie him to the bed and sit on his face until he satisfies you !!!!!!0
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Some people have asked about other aspects ... he is not on medications, but he probably should be for depression. I am in the mental health field myself, and I know it when I see it. He was also raised in a highly physically abused household and has a hard time with ANY type of intimacy, such as touch, hugging, kissing, etc. He's improved in that area dramatically since we've been together. I'm the first relationship he's had in 10 years, and he says he's avoided it because he feels like he is 'broken' after what he went through as a kid. He has never been to counseling for it, and he should, but I don't see it happening.
Some people are attracted to people who have alot of problems, and would not be interested in someone who has fewer problems... Anyway, nothing wrong with this "it is what it is" as Belachick always says....You are not a nurse or social worker are you?0 -
I didn't read all the prior posts so sorry if I duplicate things. You have only been together a year? Honey, you should be in the honey moon stage of your relationship. Even if my husband doesn't want to have "sex" it never stops him from satisfying me. Get out, run and don't look back. Find someone who loves all of you! That may not be what you want to hear but believe me, when you find the right partner it makes it all worth it.
What would you tell your daughter if she came to you with this dilemma? From what you've said you would bascially tell her that she isn't worth it and she needs to do what ever it takes to make him happy. BS!
And you look young... Do you want kids? Although I know everyone is different (so I don't need a lecture). I gained 70 pounds with my daughter and getting that additional weight off was hard. How are you going to feel after having kids and knowing what he thinks of "extra weight"?0 -
If you have issues now they will get 10x worse when you get married. I think if he's saying it's your job to please him and he doesn't feel the need to please you then you will never change that. Be prepared for that attitude forever because he'll always have an excuse no matter how much weight you lose.0
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NO excuse for his behavior! Hire someone to take him out and beat him like a government mule. Then change the locks. Work on being the best you that you can be. Maybe it won't be long until you actually meet a human male instead of something from the animal kingdom.
Tom
:-)
^^^Seriously LOL'd... Like almost fell out my chair from laughing so hard!
And I was thinking the exact same thing.... OP, I really think this is something you should end. If your self esteem isn't much (which, with what you've described is why I'm thinking he started dating you in the first place. Poor esteem=easy to control) and he's throwing these types of comments your way, it's only going to get worse.
Good luck to you sweetie. I wish you the very best. :flowerforyou:0 -
sorry hun but your boyfriend is a f**king douche bag! "finish losing your weight if you want me to be more intrested in that" ??? tell him your not going down on him till he can last longer that a minute. you should probably not waste anymore of your time or energy in trying to please him, find someone who loves you how you are now, not someone who is gonna hold your goals over your head like a dog treat to get you to do what he wants0
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If you met him when you were 60 lbs heavier and he is suddenly complaining after all this time that you no longer turn him on and that if you lose weight he will "satisfy" you. Honey... drop him like a hot rock. I work in a job field where I am one of the few women and I've worked around nothing but guys for years. If a man loves you, he sees past all your flaws and accepts them. If he loved you from the start or was attracted to you and thats changed, its highly unlikely it will change back. You should be with a guy that loves you and wants you for exactly who you are right now. Change for yourself, for your confidence, and never ever for any man. Besides when you become smoking hot and healthy... you really gonna still want him? Take charge of your life, his choice is whether he's gonna be man enough to stay in it and keep you. Good luck!0
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i wish u all the best trying to sort out ur problems u did make him sound bad in ur question so thanks for clearing it up ,the issues are oviosly more deep then i previousy thought n i think as a couple support eachother n be patient ,n if ur not happy move on also i would delete this thread as its not nice for ur man to have ur sex details on net isnt very nice so delete this thread n support eachother hope it works out
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I'm going to take a stab in the dark here, and I might be totally way out of line. But how much porn does he look at? everything you described in your post suggests he may be addicted to porn and covering up by saying you turn him off. Porn addicts (male) will often avoid sex because #1 they can't get it up or keep it up or #2 have trouble with PE. They often won't kiss or engage in foreplay that doesn't directly benefit them....you don't have to kiss a laptop...
Lots of guys who prefer porn to the real deal will say they don't want sex with you because you aren't attractive enough. But the REAL truth is that they are avoiding intimacy and their own hand is alot easier than doing all the work with a real person. The worst part is that being with a chronic porn user will destroy your self esteem.
Sorry if I'm being too graphic for you. And it's not my intention to offend.0 -
Every relationship has their ups and downs, and people are not always on the same page regarding what they feel their partner should be giving (or accepting). It happens. You talk about it, you compromise, you move on.
But the minute people starting guilting each other into doing something because IT'S YOUR DUTY AS A WOMAN, or his duty as a man, whether we're talking about doing the dishes and taking out the trash, or making enough to support the family and regular BJs, the respect is obviously gone.
He has issues that you can't fix. Why not go on your own, and continue the work your are doing on yourself? Then maybe find a man who is strong enough to be your equal.0 -
I'll keep this simple after reading our first and second posts, your b/f is a selfish *kitten*, time to move on and find someone who meets your needs and is willing to carry their half of the deal. Also, before you meet someone else, either get your drinking under control or stop, even if it is just once a week, by your own admission it sounds like you have a problem with it.0
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tie him to the bed and sit on his face until he satisfies you !!!!!!
Oh my god that is priceless.0 -
Girlfriend. As a thick (" ") girl myself, let me tell you something completely objectively: there are men out there who would wait in line to jump you, who would love your curves because they think curves are sexy! You are unlucky to be with someone who pressures you to change for the wrong reasons - HIS reasons, HIS pleasure - not your reasons: your own self-esteem, your health, your quality of life.
That troubles me. He troubles me. No matter HIS issues, look at how he is making you think about yourself: as someone who is inadequate. Do you think that when you lose this weight that his sexual feelings towards you would immediately change? I don't think that would be the case. It seems like he has some kind of a complex going on here (not to be offensive).
In my opinion, you're not inadequate, he is. If he was wiling to be your partner, he would engage in more giving and less taking. He would try to please you, and would be more open to appreciating you for who you are, not how you look. I get that attraction is important, but because you guys are in a relationship I'm going to assume that there's at least some of it there...it's your life, you deserve to be happy.0 -
So, if he's not physically attracted to you, how is it that you're living together? You're not supporting him or anything are you? Cuz the only other answer I can come up with is he's gay and just hasn't admitted it yet.
Ditto0 -
IMO, Lose the weight and dump that loser.... and lose the weight for you not him.... You surely deserve better!
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So, if he's not physically attracted to you, how is it that you're living together? You're not supporting him or anything are you? Cuz the only other answer I can come up with is he's gay and just hasn't admitted it yet.
Ditto
My vote is that his other woman is porn.0 -
I'm going to take a stab in the dark here, and I might be totally way out of line. But how much porn does he look at? everything you described in your post suggests he may be addicted to porn and covering up by saying you turn him off. Porn addicts (male) will often avoid sex because #1 they can't get it up or keep it up or #2 have trouble with PE. They often won't kiss or engage in foreplay that doesn't directly benefit them....you don't have to kiss a laptop...
Lots of guys who prefer porn to the real deal will say they don't want sex with you because you aren't attractive enough. But the REAL truth is that they are avoiding intimacy and their own hand is alot easier than doing all the work with a real person. The worst part is that being with a chronic porn user will destroy your self esteem.
Sorry if I'm being too graphic for you. And it's not my intention to offend.
i belive what u are saying
read this
SOLO SEX (MALE AND FEMALE *kitten*)
Those who achieve insufficient satisfaction from sexual intercourse and
return to *kitten*, or never give it up, the torments are great.
Everywhere they look, their friends are unashamedly enjoying the pleasures
of normal sexual relationship. No part of society caters for them and they
are even cowardly shy to campaign for "Masturbators Liberation." Sex life
for most of them is fairly empty.
One of the most humiliating problems that the constant male masturbator
suffers from when he attempts to have sexual relationship is premature
ejaculation or the failure to maintain an erection. When he is masturbating,
he tends to reach his orgasm as quickly as possible, but in sexual
intercourse he normally has to attempt to control his excitement, which can
impose a great strain on a person who indulged in self-abuse over a lengthy
period.
Therefore people who continuously *kitten*, lose out all round. The
physical pleasure becomes reduced to a natural act like urination, or
excreting, and at the back of their minds there is an awareness that they
are missing on the real pleasures of life. No adult can honestly claim to
*kitten* without a guilty feeling of complete uselessness. *kitten* is
merely an exhaustive, rather than constructive undertaking, resulting in
nothing but total loss. Once orgasm has been achieved there is Nothing else
left, except for a feeling of complete emptiness.
The following extracts from the writings of a dignified physician of the
Unani medicine will give one some idea of the damage done through
*kitten*: "Most often, students, bachelors or widowers and hypocritical
godly persons are its victims. It is such an evil practice that has ruined
many families and many more are being ruined today. The lack of manly vigor
and decline in the standard of young men's health is evidence enough for
this horrible social evil, eating into the vitals of an otherwise healthy
nation. If only our young men could foresee the consequences of this evil at
their own hands bring on them! It can be said with some certainty that
eighty percent of our young men are the victims of *kitten*. This
accursed practice affects equally the heart, the brain, the liver, the
stomach, the kidneys along with the reproductive organs. This practice makes
the muscles and the nerves of the reproductive organ sagging and lifeless.
Accumulation of fluids in the veins makes it unfit for its normal function.
There is extreme feebleness in the power of erection. The heat of the
friction between the delicate muscles of the organ and the tough hide of the
hand damages the former beyond repair." (Miftahi, Modesty and Chastity in
Islam)
Following the excitement which accompanies *kitten*, comes the feeling
of shame, anger, humiliation, and the sense of futility. This sense of
guilty and humiliation deepens as the years go on, into a suppressed rage,
because of the impossibility to escape. The one thing that it seems
impossible to escape from, once the habit is formed, is *kitten*. It
goes on and on, on into old age, in spite of marriage. And it always carries
this secret feeling of futility and humiliation. And this is, perhaps, the
deepest and most dangerous cancer of our civilization. Instead of being a
comparatively harmless vice, *kitten* is certainly the most dangerous
sexual vice that a society can be afflicted with, in the long run.0 -
I'm going to take a stab in the dark here, and I might be totally way out of line. But how much porn does he look at? everything you described in your post suggests he may be addicted to porn and covering up by saying you turn him off. Porn addicts (male) will often avoid sex because #1 they can't get it up or keep it up or #2 have trouble with PE. They often won't kiss or engage in foreplay that doesn't directly benefit them....you don't have to kiss a laptop...
Lots of guys who prefer porn to the real deal will say they don't want sex with you because you aren't attractive enough. But the REAL truth is that they are avoiding intimacy and their own hand is alot easier than doing all the work with a real person. The worst part is that being with a chronic porn user will destroy your self esteem.
Sorry if I'm being too graphic for you. And it's not my intention to offend.
i belive what u are saying
read this
SOLO SEX (MALE AND FEMALE *kitten*)
Those who achieve insufficient satisfaction from sexual intercourse and
return to *kitten*, or never give it up, the torments are great.
Everywhere they look, their friends are unashamedly enjoying the pleasures
of normal sexual relationship. No part of society caters for them and they
are even cowardly shy to campaign for "Masturbators Liberation." Sex life
for most of them is fairly empty.
One of the most humiliating problems that the constant male masturbator
suffers from when he attempts to have sexual relationship is premature
ejaculation or the failure to maintain an erection. When he is masturbating,
he tends to reach his orgasm as quickly as possible, but in sexual
intercourse he normally has to attempt to control his excitement, which can
impose a great strain on a person who indulged in self-abuse over a lengthy
period.
Therefore people who continuously *kitten*, lose out all round. The
physical pleasure becomes reduced to a natural act like urination, or
excreting, and at the back of their minds there is an awareness that they
are missing on the real pleasures of life. No adult can honestly claim to
*kitten* without a guilty feeling of complete uselessness. *kitten* is
merely an exhaustive, rather than constructive undertaking, resulting in
nothing but total loss. Once orgasm has been achieved there is Nothing else
left, except for a feeling of complete emptiness.
The following extracts from the writings of a dignified physician of the
Unani medicine will give one some idea of the damage done through
*kitten*: "Most often, students, bachelors or widowers and hypocritical
godly persons are its victims. It is such an evil practice that has ruined
many families and many more are being ruined today. The lack of manly vigor
and decline in the standard of young men's health is evidence enough for
this horrible social evil, eating into the vitals of an otherwise healthy
nation. If only our young men could foresee the consequences of this evil at
their own hands bring on them! It can be said with some certainty that
eighty percent of our young men are the victims of *kitten*. This
accursed practice affects equally the heart, the brain, the liver, the
stomach, the kidneys along with the reproductive organs. This practice makes
the muscles and the nerves of the reproductive organ sagging and lifeless.
Accumulation of fluids in the veins makes it unfit for its normal function.
There is extreme feebleness in the power of erection. The heat of the
friction between the delicate muscles of the organ and the tough hide of the
hand damages the former beyond repair." (Miftahi, Modesty and Chastity in
Islam)
Following the excitement which accompanies *kitten*, comes the feeling
of shame, anger, humiliation, and the sense of futility. This sense of
guilty and humiliation deepens as the years go on, into a suppressed rage,
because of the impossibility to escape. The one thing that it seems
impossible to escape from, once the habit is formed, is *kitten*. It
goes on and on, on into old age, in spite of marriage. And it always carries
this secret feeling of futility and humiliation. And this is, perhaps, the
deepest and most dangerous cancer of our civilization. Instead of being a
comparatively harmless vice, *kitten* is certainly the most dangerous
sexual vice that a society can be afflicted with, in the long run.
Interesting article. I've read a couple books on porn addiction. It is actually the # 2 reason for divorce in America today....right behind money being number one. What's sad is that it can become an actual addiction. People lose everything- jobs, homes, and their families to Internet porn addiction every day. Very sad. I'd be curious to see what OP's BF does for a living.0 -
I am a social worker.
I know about myself that I will never be attracted to people without problems.0 -
I am a social worker.
I know about myself that I will never be attracted to people without problems.
What does your BF do for a living?0 -
THIS! LOL! You made my day:))NO excuse for his behavior! Hire someone to take him out and beat him like a government mule. Then change the locks. Work on being the best you that you can be. Maybe it won't be long until you actually meet a human male instead of something from the animal kingdom.
Tom
:-)0 -
My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year, and we live together. When we got together, I was about 60 pounds heavier, but have since worked that off. I still have about sixty pounds to go, and I am working on it, but in the meantime I've been dealing with a really draining issue.
My man admitted after a lot of fights over why we never have sex that he is "not really a sexual person, and has to work himself up to it," and is constantly "tired and stressed out over his work." He told me then that if I wanted things to improve, I should just accept that my physical appearance improving would help "make him more motivated" to over-come these things. He also says I drink too much (once a week) and that when I get drunk I turn into a different person and he doesn't want to be intimate with me for a while. This is probably fair, and I am working on that.
Part of me thinks this sounds fair, because I understand that men are visually oriented, and he really never has much of a sexual drive, and I think that's partly because he has PE issues (sorry if that's TMI) that he admits make the act unpleasurable for him (and probably emasculating). Some improvements have come along, surely, with his willingness being more frequent, but we go for long periods of time where he turns me down or ignores my suggestions, and then when I don't bother to satisfy his needs for a while, he will either ask for it, or lay little guilt trips down about how he hasn't been getting any attention. Only twice in a year of dating has he ever made a single effort to satisfy me, and when asked, he says: 'Finish losing your weight if you want me to more interested in that." Last night, when I told him this one-sidedness was messed up and that he had no right to ask me for something he wasn't willing to give, he said he didn't understand why that was a problem, and then said that that was partly my responsibility as a woman.
I am 5'8, 204 pounds, and no, I don't think I look good naked, and have no self confidence. So, is this fair of him? I fear answers that say: This guy is a loser, get out - because I don't want to. Most other aspects of our relationship are great, and he's a good person, but I don't know if I am being treated in a way that implies a man is just being honest where many men would simply think this and not say it, or if I'm deluding myself.
What do I do? Please be honest about how men really think!
wow. kudos to you for bringing this to an internet forum.0 -
NO excuse for his behavior! Hire someone to take him out and beat him like a government mule. Then change the locks. Work on being the best you that you can be. Maybe it won't be long until you actually meet a human male instead of something from the animal kingdom.
Tom
:-)
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Gov't mule0 -
Why kudos to me for bringing it to an internet forum?
And my boyfriend works in tech support for a big company, and has a degree in software / web design.0 -
This had bad news written all over it. I know you wanted advice from men but I couldn't resist.
A third party can't understand the entirety of the situation even with your detailed report, but it doesn't sound like a fit. No one can tell you what to do, but I would urge you to consider why you're with this person if he doens't make you feel desireable and attractive. I have lots of overweight friends who's men are just crazy about them because they love them for who they are!!! Don't settle. Ask yourself why you like being with this person? And if you start blaming yourself "he'll like me if I'm skinnier"...that's not a healthy relationship dynamic.
Good luck.0 -
I can't tell you what you should do but if it were me and my partner was acting this way, I would not stay with him. I'm me, this is what I look like, take it or leave it. If he chose the later, I'm pretty sure there'd be someone else out there who would happily accept - actually, not just accept, but LOVE - me as I am. I could never spend my life bending over backwards to change myself until I finally fit someone else's idea of perfect but was no longer the real me at all.0
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I don't want to be mean, but AS A MAN... Your question has waaaaaaaay too many words.
Love it!0 -
tie him to the bed and sit on his face until he satisfies you !!!!!!
LMAO.... If it doesn't work, at least he'll be out of your hair.0 -
he say's he's "not really a sexual person, and has to work himself up to it,"
That quote right there tells me he is a liar and shallow. He's a man. Men might be visual creatures, and sex might be the way that women hold the interest of men, but there is a deeper psychological bond. It's called love. Tell him to look it up sometime.
Beyond the relationship you are in, which is toxic in my humble opinion, you need to concentrate on you.
You cannot change someone else, but you can change yourself. Being healthy and living the life you were meant to live will not happen in a negative environment. You will continue to have image and weight issues if you do not change how you see yourself. If your partner cannot be positive and help you beyond his own issues, he will only pull you down.0 -
Personally I wouldn't dream of saying anything like that to my wife or SO. As a partner, it is your job to make the person feel good about themselves. Some of these comments are just plain rude and un-called for.
I can't say I've ever had any PE issues, but as a guy I can understand why this would feed into his insecurities and as a consequence he may be transferring this to you through the form of personal attacks (about your weight etc). This, probably without him even consciously realising it, is his way of coping by offloading the guilt.
This is where the personality differences come into it. If I were in that position I'd be likely to make sure my partner was 'satisfied' first, then any PE issues become less important.
To be honest I'm not sure what to suggest to you here, but in my opinion this behaviour, regardless of the underlying causes, is still not acceptable.
Agreed!0
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