BUT MY HUSBAND SAID.......

imchicbad
imchicbad Posts: 1,650 Member
in Fitness and Exercise
i wanted to enter a finess competition, and my husband lost it, said its just a stupid ideal, and nothing but a look at me show....my feelings are hurt, i was shocked and stayed quiet.................... is he right??

I feel like hes making fun of me now, but hes lost weight, i compliment him hes all for that, and all he does is put me down now-not one compliment...im so confused.

he is older than me by 10 years, but we have been married for 15 years. i just dont get it, jelous of what...who...thats stupid. you know when i first started he was irritated with me until he saw the results- then he jumped on board and lost weight, and i complimented him and cheered him on, he loves it- i am all for supporting him, even if he wanted to compete. but its like he likes all the glory for himself, and has never said one posotive thing to me about my weight loss or fitness NOT ONCE, now its little negative jabs, like today- i can see your ribs (??) no you cant.
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Replies

  • samf36
    samf36 Posts: 369 Member
    He may not want others look at how beautiful his wife has become.
  • FlaxMilk
    FlaxMilk Posts: 3,452 Member
    Not at all! Fitness is a skill like anything else. You have worked hard for your success, why shouldn't you show it off? I won't speculate as to his reasons for saying that, but I say go for it!
  • toysbigkid
    toysbigkid Posts: 545 Member
    It's not fair when one partner doesn't support the other, ask him why and then if it's silly tell him to support you as you would him.
  • toysbigkid
    toysbigkid Posts: 545 Member
    flaxmilk that racoon (profile pic) looks like he ate something bad. lol
  • FlaxMilk
    FlaxMilk Posts: 3,452 Member
    flaxmilk that racoon (profile pic) looks like he ate something bad. lol

    Ha ha I have some great ones of this little guy.
  • meshashesha2012
    meshashesha2012 Posts: 8,329 Member
    maybe he's afraid that now that you're getting all fit and hot you'll find a better looking guy and leave him. honestly i think a lot of men think like this. i know that's why i broke up with my old boyfriend : i couldnt take his negativity and sabotaging ..

    not saying you should break up with your hubby :laugh: just maybe reassure him that you're not going to leave him for someone hotter
  • toysbigkid
    toysbigkid Posts: 545 Member
    worried about maybe someone hotter...if that's the case just reassure him him he's the best in the world, he'll come around
  • imchicbad
    imchicbad Posts: 1,650 Member
    i posted it up top....
  • ironanimal
    ironanimal Posts: 5,922 Member
    You know, it could be that he sees you're in better shape than him or something as asinine as that. Though it's probably because you'll be up on stage in a bikini with a ridiculous tan :P
  • FlaxMilk
    FlaxMilk Posts: 3,452 Member
    Maybe you could just ask him, in a non-angry way, "It seems like me working out bothers you." See what he says. If he dismisses you, then say, "Since it doesn't bother you, I'd love it if you could cheer me on." You win either way. If it does bother him, he can tell you and stop with the petty jabs, and if he says it doesn't, then he has no reason not support you. :drinker: :tongue:
  • imchicbad
    imchicbad Posts: 1,650 Member
    ironanimal: with 10 thousand other women....you know. like whos there really, besides family and friends...and that tan is rediculous lol thanks i needed the laugh.
  • BandedTriaRN
    BandedTriaRN Posts: 303
    you do just what you want, you deserve to have your life and interests! Do what you want to do not what your husband wants (I mean, within reason of course)
  • MyNabbrs
    MyNabbrs Posts: 18 Member
    My hubby is the same way. Always critical, never a compliment. I've supported him through everything, and gotten nothing in return. He is happy when he is the center of attention, and acts weird when someone else is nice to me. You need to do your own thing. Don't look for his support OR approval. Do what makes you feel happy and healthy! It is YOUR body. You are the only one living in it.

    Follow your dreams and ressure him that you're with him for the long haul.
  • imchicbad
    imchicbad Posts: 1,650 Member
    it just bothers me the way he reacted,i was just saying how- you would have thought i said playboy not competition by the way his tone of voice changed.
  • cls_333
    cls_333 Posts: 206 Member
    Sorry, but I'm gonna side with him. A fitness competition is a "look at me" attention getter. Tell me good reasons why you want to do it other than that, and I might reconsider. Be glad he cares. I would never want my husband parading half naked to show other women "what he's got." But I wouldn't wear the outfit in your profile picture either, so we are surely different. Just giving another view point :D
  • meshashesha2012
    meshashesha2012 Posts: 8,329 Member
    OP, please don't try to apply logic to men's insecurities :laugh:

    yeah you may have been married for so long, but maybe he's feeling older and less secure.

    i've just heard way too many guys "joke" about trying to get with a girl before she loses weight and becomes too hot for them or heard too many jokingly say they are going to break up with their gf who's losing weight before she breaks up with them to not think it's not really a joke.

    really it doesnt make sense to me, but maybe that's cus i'm a girl and i've never known another women be intimidated by her partner losing weight because she's afraid he'll run off and find a hotter woman.
  • AntWrig
    AntWrig Posts: 2,273 Member
    Haters gonna hate.
  • LifeChangingExp
    LifeChangingExp Posts: 454 Member
    it just bothers me the way he reacted,i was just saying how- you would have thought i said playboy not competition by the way his tone of voice changed.

    Oh **** him and go do the competition.. ur freaking hot
  • toysbigkid
    toysbigkid Posts: 545 Member
    cls_333...........are you for real?
  • RaeN81
    RaeN81 Posts: 534 Member
    What he said was insensitive but it may indicate some underlying issue. Personally, if my husband had a problem with it, I would not do it--not because I don't have the freedom to do so but because I respect his opinion. What is more concerning to me is that he has not been supportive and encouraging in your weight loss and fitness. You deserve to be loved and encouraged by your spouse and you should tell him how you feel about it. He may think his jabs are being cute or may not realize that he has not told you about how he appreciates the work you are putting in. Honestly, some men are afraid to tell their spouses that they are looking better because they feel it might imply that they did not like or were not satisfied by the way they looked prior to the changes. Talk to him.
  • imchicbad
    imchicbad Posts: 1,650 Member
    its my Charger Cheerleader uniform thank you. Its not an outfit I have to wear it to the games. really.....:huh:
  • saragato
    saragato Posts: 1,154
    You really don't need his permission or even his support to do it. The question there is, what will happen if you do decide to go on? In all honesty it is a petty argument to be having and therefore a petty thing to get p*ssy about when you "disobey" (for lack of better term).

    However, if you can catch him with this subject without a fight breaking out, have him list every logical reason he's against it and by logical I mean not anything like "I just don't like it". Basically see his side without the emotional part. If you can reason with what he gives you, then hey. If not, then you know what his feelings are about certain subjects and can be prepared for any future dealings. But if he's so worked up on the angle it's a peepshow that it's putting a strain on your marriage, it's not worth it. If all it'll get you is a chewing out then yeah maybe you can do it anyway but if it's that or him, know where your loyalty lies.
  • imchicbad
    imchicbad Posts: 1,650 Member
    reaN : I think your right, I wouldnt go do it just to spite him, I have that respect- but, I think I need to think and gather my words- so i dont come off in the wrong way...and him-to cool down (this litterall just happened like an hour ago now), I do want to talk to him about it, but I was so shocked, hes never spoke to me like that befor, so I was speachless and stayed quiet, I fugured its not a good ideal to add gasoline to the fire-so to say. but i think it is insecurity, but I wanted to do it for me, not hey everyone look at me, im sexy look look!- but here all you almost forty and on your way over the hill married mothers, we can do it, kind of thing, and look back and say hey i did this once, crazy fun and laugh, people act like i said playboy or porn- and im not half naked if i do- its a bikini not a thong. sheesh.:noway:
  • entropy83
    entropy83 Posts: 172 Member
    From a married perspective- is your husband right? Why do you want to do the competition, if you have other reasons than present these to him a logical and calm fashion. If you still want to do it perhaps sit out this round and take him to a show first. He may have a completely different idea of what occurs at these shows and you might too. I don't think this is the end of the world and sometimes men aren't forthcoming with their feelings. Give it time and feelings (his and yours) may or may not change but I don't necessarily believe him not having an initial positive reaction is controlling or not supportive. He may have some insecurities but he may also have some valid concerns. Take time to really understand his perspective first before making a decision. Best!
  • MB_Positif
    MB_Positif Posts: 8,897 Member
    Just talk to him calmly and rationally about it. Another one of my friends on here (who is married) did a competition recently and said that she HAD to choose to do something so far outside of her comfort zone to really put in all the effort to get the body she wanted. And she was successful because of setting that goal.

    I personally am WAY too much of a wimp to get up on stage like that so I have to set other types of fitness related goals :)
  • SavageRabidBeast
    SavageRabidBeast Posts: 481 Member
    I say you should do what you wanna do. I think it's kinda rude that he hasn't complimented you at all for all your hard work. You look great btw. Best of luck to you if you decide to enter the competition :)
  • imchicbad
    imchicbad Posts: 1,650 Member
    entropy: thats was exactly my point. you worded it well. I dont want this to be an argument, it would be selfish of me to just go do what I want. it was something I thought would be fun, and something he WOULD support me with, since he hasnt with anything thus far. I wanted him to see me for once. (now im gonna cry)
  • jungleprincess
    jungleprincess Posts: 11 Member
    i agree, he is just insecure and jealous of his beautiful wife! do what YOU want to do, this is a goal for your self and well-being, not his, right?? i mean, OMG, you ARE hot (don't get me wrong, i'm am a 100% straight and married woman) but holy crap, does he get on your case for being a cheerleader too? or is he "one of the guys" and ogles at ALL the T & A on the field along with the rest of the guys? If only my body looked half as good as you already do, I'd be in heaven....you go, grrl, do what feels good (to a point, right?)! what guys also don't get (and therefore i don't get why they act like they don't get it) is that everyone needs to feel good, attractive, healthy, etc., whether you're married or not! he should be damn proud of his lady, she isn't afraid of competition, much less, being a sexy cheerleader!! and that's what brings you your confidence in your life...now if he'll reciprocate the same and BE SUPPORTIVE!!
  • entropy83
    entropy83 Posts: 172 Member
    I wanted him to see me for once.

    Tell him this!
  • imchicbad
    imchicbad Posts: 1,650 Member
    you know something im so tired of people who think im just some attention hungry plaything or whatever they make up in thier heads (haters) I worked hard on my body, i was borderline diabetic and heart disease and tryglicerides at 224 i was only 35 years old my health was like a 65 year old. I have authritis in my right knee form years of gymnastics, ballet and tap. I was fat, in sweat pants and pony tails, squizing into whatever i could, i was a mess. Pretty face or not, that has nothing to do with why i decided to get healthy, diabetes runs in my family type 1 and 2, my mother had a storke last week, and has been diagnised with type 2 diabetes, do you get it now. I have 3 kids 21, 19 and 13, i watn to live, see my grand kids and grow old. i just wanted one time in my life for my husband to say, that my wife- shes beautiful but shes mine. I feel like such a...you know what, you might make fun of me, think im hot, or even not all that, now imagine your husband or loved one- never complimenting you ever- but notices eveybody else-do you think I feel good, no matter what anyone tells me- im looking for what my husband thinks-does he notice??-he says nothing---am i making any sense here. or am i turning in to a rambeling ninny..:frown:

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