BUT MY HUSBAND SAID.......

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  • imchicbad
    imchicbad Posts: 1,650 Member
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    its my Charger Cheerleader uniform thank you. Its not an outfit I have to wear it to the games. really.....:huh:
  • saragato
    saragato Posts: 1,154
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    You really don't need his permission or even his support to do it. The question there is, what will happen if you do decide to go on? In all honesty it is a petty argument to be having and therefore a petty thing to get p*ssy about when you "disobey" (for lack of better term).

    However, if you can catch him with this subject without a fight breaking out, have him list every logical reason he's against it and by logical I mean not anything like "I just don't like it". Basically see his side without the emotional part. If you can reason with what he gives you, then hey. If not, then you know what his feelings are about certain subjects and can be prepared for any future dealings. But if he's so worked up on the angle it's a peepshow that it's putting a strain on your marriage, it's not worth it. If all it'll get you is a chewing out then yeah maybe you can do it anyway but if it's that or him, know where your loyalty lies.
  • imchicbad
    imchicbad Posts: 1,650 Member
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    reaN : I think your right, I wouldnt go do it just to spite him, I have that respect- but, I think I need to think and gather my words- so i dont come off in the wrong way...and him-to cool down (this litterall just happened like an hour ago now), I do want to talk to him about it, but I was so shocked, hes never spoke to me like that befor, so I was speachless and stayed quiet, I fugured its not a good ideal to add gasoline to the fire-so to say. but i think it is insecurity, but I wanted to do it for me, not hey everyone look at me, im sexy look look!- but here all you almost forty and on your way over the hill married mothers, we can do it, kind of thing, and look back and say hey i did this once, crazy fun and laugh, people act like i said playboy or porn- and im not half naked if i do- its a bikini not a thong. sheesh.:noway:
  • entropy83
    entropy83 Posts: 172 Member
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    From a married perspective- is your husband right? Why do you want to do the competition, if you have other reasons than present these to him a logical and calm fashion. If you still want to do it perhaps sit out this round and take him to a show first. He may have a completely different idea of what occurs at these shows and you might too. I don't think this is the end of the world and sometimes men aren't forthcoming with their feelings. Give it time and feelings (his and yours) may or may not change but I don't necessarily believe him not having an initial positive reaction is controlling or not supportive. He may have some insecurities but he may also have some valid concerns. Take time to really understand his perspective first before making a decision. Best!
  • MB_Positif
    MB_Positif Posts: 8,897 Member
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    Just talk to him calmly and rationally about it. Another one of my friends on here (who is married) did a competition recently and said that she HAD to choose to do something so far outside of her comfort zone to really put in all the effort to get the body she wanted. And she was successful because of setting that goal.

    I personally am WAY too much of a wimp to get up on stage like that so I have to set other types of fitness related goals :)
  • SavageRabidBeast
    SavageRabidBeast Posts: 481 Member
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    I say you should do what you wanna do. I think it's kinda rude that he hasn't complimented you at all for all your hard work. You look great btw. Best of luck to you if you decide to enter the competition :)
  • imchicbad
    imchicbad Posts: 1,650 Member
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    entropy: thats was exactly my point. you worded it well. I dont want this to be an argument, it would be selfish of me to just go do what I want. it was something I thought would be fun, and something he WOULD support me with, since he hasnt with anything thus far. I wanted him to see me for once. (now im gonna cry)
  • jungleprincess
    jungleprincess Posts: 11 Member
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    i agree, he is just insecure and jealous of his beautiful wife! do what YOU want to do, this is a goal for your self and well-being, not his, right?? i mean, OMG, you ARE hot (don't get me wrong, i'm am a 100% straight and married woman) but holy crap, does he get on your case for being a cheerleader too? or is he "one of the guys" and ogles at ALL the T & A on the field along with the rest of the guys? If only my body looked half as good as you already do, I'd be in heaven....you go, grrl, do what feels good (to a point, right?)! what guys also don't get (and therefore i don't get why they act like they don't get it) is that everyone needs to feel good, attractive, healthy, etc., whether you're married or not! he should be damn proud of his lady, she isn't afraid of competition, much less, being a sexy cheerleader!! and that's what brings you your confidence in your life...now if he'll reciprocate the same and BE SUPPORTIVE!!
  • entropy83
    entropy83 Posts: 172 Member
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    I wanted him to see me for once.

    Tell him this!
  • imchicbad
    imchicbad Posts: 1,650 Member
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    you know something im so tired of people who think im just some attention hungry plaything or whatever they make up in thier heads (haters) I worked hard on my body, i was borderline diabetic and heart disease and tryglicerides at 224 i was only 35 years old my health was like a 65 year old. I have authritis in my right knee form years of gymnastics, ballet and tap. I was fat, in sweat pants and pony tails, squizing into whatever i could, i was a mess. Pretty face or not, that has nothing to do with why i decided to get healthy, diabetes runs in my family type 1 and 2, my mother had a storke last week, and has been diagnised with type 2 diabetes, do you get it now. I have 3 kids 21, 19 and 13, i watn to live, see my grand kids and grow old. i just wanted one time in my life for my husband to say, that my wife- shes beautiful but shes mine. I feel like such a...you know what, you might make fun of me, think im hot, or even not all that, now imagine your husband or loved one- never complimenting you ever- but notices eveybody else-do you think I feel good, no matter what anyone tells me- im looking for what my husband thinks-does he notice??-he says nothing---am i making any sense here. or am i turning in to a rambeling ninny..:frown:
  • wackyfunster
    wackyfunster Posts: 944 Member
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    Wow, surprised at the number of selfish people in this thread. Doubt any of them are in a happy relationship.

    I am pretty sure my wife would feel the same way as your husband, OP, and I wouldn't blame her. What is the point of showing off to the world? Are you still insecure about the way you look? The only person whose opinion should matter is your SO. Call me old fashioned, but I wouldn't blame my wife for not wanting me to parade around half naked in front of the world.

    Regardless, the answer is not going to be found on an Internet forum, but through honest and open communication and dialogue with your husband.

    Just my 2c.
  • gatecityradio
    gatecityradio Posts: 401
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    your husband sounds like he's full of *kitten*....
  • mrs_deg1983
    mrs_deg1983 Posts: 157
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    I would not even waist my breath trying to explain it. Once he sees you are doing well you might get a good job or something along that line. Guys need to be babied and told their doing a good job just to keep them going strong. We don't need as much although its nice to hear. You go for it girl and show him hes is not number 1!
  • wackyfunster
    wackyfunster Posts: 944 Member
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    you know something im so tired of people who think im just some attention hungry plaything or whatever they make up in thier heads (haters) I worked hard on my body, i was borderline diabetic and heart disease and tryglicerides at 224 i was only 35 years old my health was like a 65 year old. I have authritis in my right knee form years of gymnastics, ballet and tap. I was fat, in sweat pants and pony tails, squizing into whatever i could, i was a mess. Pretty face or not, that has nothing to do with why i decided to get healthy, diabetes runs in my family type 1 and 2, my mother had a storke last week, and has been diagnised with type 2 diabetes, do you get it now. I have 3 kids 21, 19 and 13, i watn to live, see my grand kids and grow old. i just wanted one time in my life for my husband to say, that my wife- shes beautiful but shes mine. I feel like such a...you know what, you might make fun of me, think im hot, or even not all that, now imagine your husband or loved one- never complimenting you ever- but notices eveybody else-do you think I feel good, no matter what anyone tells me- im looking for what my husband thinks-does he notice??-he says nothing---am i making any sense here. or am i turning in to a rambeling ninny..:frown:
    I can definitely understand where you're coming from. That is no way for anyone to feel. IMO you should express all of that to him so he can understand how you feel, what effect his actions are having on you, and what you want from him. Guys are terrible mind-readers, and are raised to not really think about other people's feelings. This is not an excuse, but we can definitely benefit from open and honest communication. I'm sure he would be more supportive if he understood how much it means to you.
  • imchicbad
    imchicbad Posts: 1,650 Member
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    well, it might seem silly, but venting to complete strangers (without tmi) is going to get you honest opinions. plus help me decide how to approach him. its not even the fact that i migh or might not do the comptition, its the fact that it wasnt up for discussion, he treated me like a jerk, and didnt even give me a chance to say anything durring his shock and aw-i just stayed quiet to not add to the fire, you know what im sayiing...
  • mrs_deg1983
    mrs_deg1983 Posts: 157
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    reaN : I think your right, I wouldnt go do it just to spite him, I have that respect- but, I think I need to think and gather my words- so i dont come off in the wrong way...and him-to cool down (this litterall just happened like an hour ago now), I do want to talk to him about it, but I was so shocked, hes never spoke to me like that befor, so I was speachless and stayed quiet, I fugured its not a good ideal to add gasoline to the fire-so to say. but i think it is insecurity, but I wanted to do it for me, not hey everyone look at me, im sexy look look!- but here all you almost forty and on your way over the hill married mothers, we can do it, kind of thing, and look back and say hey i did this once, crazy fun and laugh, people act like i said playboy or porn- and im not half naked if i do- its a bikini not a thong. sheesh.:noway:


    I would say GO FOR IT! You worked hard to stay good looking. I see nothing wrong with that. Its not like you are going to be signing a contract with the bunny ranch or something. Truthfully if i had a body to be happy about my ole man would say go for it.
  • Marper8521
    Marper8521 Posts: 160
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    Ha! I know what the problem is!!! There are two things a brotha don't like: 1) his girly profiling in front of a large group of horny azz men; 2) The ego he will have to compete with from the Cheeeeers!!! Its a curse, we got it from our fathers and it rarely changes through the generations. Last, but not least, he don't want to feel it from his homies!!! Short and simple. Since you are in Cali, he might come around since this is more of a "progressive" state of mind, but you'll have to work him over to get there. Good luck!!
  • wackyfunster
    wackyfunster Posts: 944 Member
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    I would not even waist my breath trying to explain it. Once he sees you are doing well you might get a good job or something along that line. Guys need to be babied and told their doing a good job just to keep them going strong. We don't need as much although its nice to hear. You go for it girl and show him hes is not number 1!
    Wow, bitter much? That is not constructive advice, and will certainly not help her relationship. What are you trying to accomplish with this?
  • ishallnotwant
    ishallnotwant Posts: 1,210 Member
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    Sorry, but I'm gonna side with him. A fitness competition is a "look at me" attention getter. Tell me good reasons why you want to do it other than that, and I might reconsider. Be glad he cares. I would never want my husband parading half naked to show other women "what he's got." But I wouldn't wear the outfit in your profile picture either, so we are surely different. Just giving another view point :D

    I agree.

    OP, you say that your husband says he thinks you're just looking for attention. I'm sure you feel great about yourself but have you asked yourself if he is right? ETA: I see now...
  • FlaxMilk
    FlaxMilk Posts: 3,452 Member
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    Wow, surprised at the number of selfish people in this thread. Doubt any of them are in a happy relationship.

    I am pretty sure my wife would feel the same way as your husband, OP, and I wouldn't blame her. What is the point of showing off to the world? Are you still insecure about the way you look? The only person whose opinion should matter is your SO. Call me old fashioned, but I wouldn't blame my wife for not wanting me to parade around half naked in front of the world.

    Regardless, the answer is not going to be found on an Internet forum, but through honest and open communication and dialogue with your husband.

    Just my 2c.

    I haven't really seen anyone be selfish, just have differing opinions on which side of the fence to fall. One side may consider her husband selfish for not wanting her to do something that will make her feel more confident, another side may feel the way you do about others not seeing her that way.

    (I'm in a happy relationship. :flowerforyou: )

    It could be argued that pretty much any competition is a "look at me" competition. Would people feel the same way if she said she wanted to enter a marathon in the summer and he objected because too many people would see her running in fitness clothing?

    I think the actual non-selfish thing to do would be to have a heart to heart and see the reasons why each person feels strongly and go from there. :heart:

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