Is It Wrong That I Want Attention?

Bahet

Thank you all for your kind words. You're right. I don't know if it was because I'm overweight *Fat* or not but I'm going to conclude that's the reason since it's what I'm used to and the fact when someone more attractive comes around they act completely different. I have a great personality and I am confident. Or at least I think so. It's just so frustrating to see how you're treated differently versus someone that's just as pretty or prettier but with a better physique. And don't get me wrong, I am not losing weight for anyone but myself and to get healthy. I have a specific goal in mind and am not stopping but it's these kind of people that treat me like they do because I am fat that give me that extra push. It ticks me off and makes me work out harder in the gym. It's kind of like I want to shove it in their faces when I get to goal and say "Hey, look at me now. Remember when you never gave me a chance? Well now that you would you don't get it now!" I don't know, maybe that makes me selfish, but whatever. People like that are the ones that give me extra motivation.

Weight actually has little to do with the attention you get. I know she's a celebrity so it's different but look at Queen Latifa. She's beautiful and she's very heavy. But she carries herself well, has a ton of confidence and oozes charisma. Most of the guys I know would rather be with her than Paris Hilton. She's much thinner and probably fitter but she oozes snobbery and doesn't seem at all personable.

You are beautiful. You have gorgeous hair, a cute nose, an absolutely radiant smile, a stunning complexion, beautiful eyes that are so bright and vibrant I'd know you were smiling even if they were all I could see. Yes, you're heavy. So what? You're doing great at changing that. You are absolutely beautiful now but when that weight is gone you are going to be one of those people who turns every head in a crowded room.

Have you ever seen the old Julia Robert's movie Pretty Woman? She plays a hooker who gets picked up by a wealthy businessman. He sends her out shopping so she can be a presentable escort while he's in town. She goes into a shop on Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills in her hooker clothes with ratty hair and they turn her away. She ends up getting all fixed up, her hair done, fancy clothes, etc and she goes back into that shop looking good and carrying a bunch of bags from other stores. She asks the women working there if they remember her and they say no. She reminds them saying "I was in here the other day and you wouldn't wait on me." Then they recognize her. She hoists her shopping bags and says "Big mistake. Big. HUGE. Well I have to go shopping now. Goodbye." and walks out. When you do lose that weight every one of those guys who shunned you is going to be like those women in that store. They are going to absolutely regret not looking past such a superficial and alterable thing as weight and instead seeing the real you and all your potential.

kayemme

i have a really hard time knowing when i'm being "hit on". it's actually kind of a joke now because i'm so ridiculously clueless. so maybe you are being hit on, you just don't know it.

patchesgizmo

I work in a technical field; I often get ignored or put down, not because I am fat, which I am, but because I am not part of the good ole boys network, or the fact that I don't have a deep manly authoritive voice. I have learned a trick, I am now a knowledge source and I do share the information, but I have proven myself over and over again. Only ask a question once, write everything down, become a source of information. When you have a question or you find a problem and they don't listen to you, or give you the correct answer, keep going back, and lead them to where you want to be with the answer. :laugh: And sometimes you just gotta be the ***** and slap them boys into paying attention.

Deedsie

Even when I weighed 80 lbs more than now, I got hit on. I think it has to do more with my personality than my size. I am flirty and silly and give as well as I get (also, I'm married so I'm not an actual threat to bachelorhood.) Maybe guys don't feel comfortable giving you the once over. I know several guys that prefer a little squish to their women. (I have one friend that won't date anyone less than 250 lbs.)

calvert6183

Attention is good if its not taken for granted or becomes addictive. I think its amazing you lost the weight and you deserve to be noticed. Enjoy the new you. Just dont let it get addictive and let it change who you are. So many people value attention more than love. Its the reason why so many people cheat and treat people like crap. You are stunning and will get hit on alot so dont let it change you.

LoriLoves2Run

I've noticed that women who reek confidence will get attention, no matter their size. It is also true that some men (and women) will give more attention to a 'hottie". However, I think this guy in particular is just an *kitten* and didn't want to take time away from his task to help you for whatever reason. He could have just been having a bad day.

People can tell when someone is seeking attention and it is a turn off. You've seen the guy who's talking loudly at a bar trying to get the girls to look at him. To me, that is the ugliest man in the room.

Pomoch325

My feelings about attention, whether it be from men or friends is if they don't have time for me when I am overweight, then they don't deserve me when I am thin.

Also, Maybe you don't seem approachable to guys when you are out? Confidence is a big turn on to some people!

LoriLoves2Run

Great advice, Calvert!

Fit4_Life

Beauty is only skin deep and cosmetic. A personality is what helps make a relationship bond and grow. :bigsmile:

LoriLoves2Run

Guys are block heads. I'd totally hit on you

:grumble:

How do you know for sure he was ignoring you specifically because of your weight, and not 1 of 1000 other reasons?

Yes, it does happen, but maybe you shouldn't jump to that conclusion. Maybe he was just a jerk on principle, and had nothing to do with you at all.

I'm a guy, and I wouldn't ignore you if you were talking to me. I'd give you the same amount of time and attention as everyone else. :flowerforyou:

This!!!!^^^^^^^^

weighlossforbaby

The guy that ignored you sounds like an idiot! You'r a beautiful person!!!! It's human nature to want attention from the opposite sex. People can be judgemental and it's a cruel world.

Rjdj3530

I am not one of those people who gets that kind of attention either. I have always been envious of those who with no effort and on looks alone can command that kind of attention. When I am out with the girls, I get to watch as men hit on them and offer to buy them drinks and I am like their wingman. At the gym there is always someone more attractive than me right there beside me that makes me invisible.

I am just your average chick, not super hot and not ugly. It's not until a guy engages me in conversation a few times that I can tell that they really "see" me. This shouldn't bother me but it does.

I want that kind of attention too. It's shallow I know but I'd love to know what it feels like to walk in somewhere and see that "wow" look on guys faces because of my good looks.

realme56

Unfortunately we live in a time where people are self absorbed in general, distracted driving, the driver that pulls into your lane in the freeway even though there is no one in his/her lane, people that bump into you at stores. People are busy too and just not aware....I have walked right past people I know cause I was totally in my head working on something.

We need to be less hard on ourselves and others. Be yourself and have confidence, that will get attention.

EDesq

I know the title sounds extremely conceited but here is what I mean. I have been overweight my entire life, or as long as I can remember. Being an adult now I have never gotten attention from men. I don't go out often much anymore but when I used to go out to clubs and bars with my friends I would never get hit on or get any kind of flirts from men. I'm also an observer and I notice this at work too. There are a couple of really cute girls at work and they are always getting hit on. I know I am not ugly but I am also not thin and it's really annoying when I am talking asking a question or making a statement and get blatantly ignored. Today I was working and I had to ask a question and the only person that was over in my department that would know the answer was an attractive guy. He played it off like he didn't hear me when in fact I know he did because he looked at me and I was talking loud. I said to him "Excuse me, I know you heard what I asked so please tell me what I need to know." I was super pissed off. I know that if I were thinner he wouldn't have ignored me like that. This isn't the first instance something has happened like that but it just makes me so angry!

Believe it or not, most obese people are actually "invisible." Most are passive because some feel that if they are to assertive or aggressive they will be noticed for the "wrong" reasons, and possibly made fun of. My weight has gotten up to 380 lbs. at one time; I HAVE NEVER BEEN PASSIVE. What ever I needed from anyone at any time I expressed Myself and made it clear, this was when I reported to others and when I had direct reports. It may be that you do not assert yourself enough and people, especially guys won't take you seriously. Add passivity to your youthful age and "dudes" will walk all over you! Sure, guys are going to try and impress women that they are attracted to, but never use that as a way to get your needs met in the work-place. Assert yourself and be serious, talk Directly to whomever it is you are needing help from...DO NOT assume that because YOU put a request for assistance in the "air" someone is supposed to respond to it...Be specific! And stop wanting attention because you are "pretty" the work-place is not the place to want THAT type of attention, it could turn out to be a VERY BAD THING!

Jebbster007

Absolutely perfectly normal human desire to want attention. EVERYone wants attention. Even people who get a lot of it, don't always get it from the people they WANT to get it from, so they want attention too, just probably from different people they're getting it from now. AND, if you rarely get it, yes, you typically want it more than the average person who gets some attention sometimes.

It's also a sad reality that people often judge others by how they look. I know in a perfect world that wouldn't be the case but it is. I know for a fact I've been judged harshly because I'm a fat guy. And the people judging/treating me poorly actually said they were doing it because I'm fat. LOL. So there isn't even a tiny bit of ambiguity about the reason, like others in the thread have suggested for his poor treatment of you. So it sounds like he's just a regular idiot as far as idiots go.

Personally I think you're a beautiful, beautiful young woman and I'm fairly certain you will get hit on soon enough. My slightly bent advice. Wait until you lose all the weight you're going to, have a smokin' hot body, wait for him to come up to you to tell you how awesome you look, blah, blah, blah....hittin', hittin, hittin on you. Then say, I'm sorry.....did you say something? Then walk away.

And Lushaholic gets an honorable mention for the line, "do gummy bears come out of his *kitten*? I think not"....Priceless

sarahrbraun

I don't think it is wrong at all!

I'm an *old* married lady who is almost 70 pounds overweight. Just a smile and a "hey" from the trainer at the desk at the Y can put a smile on my face ( he's cute and like 25).

It isn't always about wanting people to drool over us, its about wanting people to see US, not our flubber.

mrob81

The boys don't flirt. So what? Keep it moving and do YOU. It isn't because of your size, it is all personality and confidence. In your 5 mile radius there happens to be a few ****-balls. Who cares? You are on a mission to change yourself.

comogirl

Giiiiiirrrrrllllll, you are sooo pretty! You should be getting hit on daily. Men are crazy. I know what you mean. I dont really want the attention because I am married but it would be nice if men took notice when I put an effort in to look good and lose weight. Hang in there. Maybe you just need a new crowd to be seen differently!

calvert6183

Great advice, Calvert!

Thank you

mrs_deg1983

Some times you have to make your self noticed. There is always one man or woman that will ignore you just to get to you at the work place. Although i do not want to be noticed at work unless its for my work. Next time you want to ask him something, try not to say excuse me try dropping a heavy telephone book on his desk. If that doesn't make him notice you, he may have a hearing problem. lol

Tangerine302

I agree, you are very pretty! I would say just keep on smiling and being happy and you will attract happy people. The others don't really matter.

ComicBookGeekGirl

I know the title sounds extremely conceited but here is what I mean. I have been overweight my entire life, or as long as I can remember. Being an adult now I have never gotten attention from men. I don't go out often much anymore but when I used to go out to clubs and bars with my friends I would never get hit on or get any kind of flirts from men. I'm also an observer and I notice this at work too. There are a couple of really cute girls at work and they are always getting hit on. I know I am not ugly but I am also not thin and it's really annoying when I am talking asking a question or making a statement and get blatantly ignored. Today I was working and I had to ask a question and the only person that was over in my department that would know the answer was an attractive guy. He played it off like he didn't hear me when in fact I know he did because he looked at me and I was talking loud. I said to him "Excuse me, I know you heard what I asked so please tell me what I need to know." I was super pissed off. I know that if I were thinner he wouldn't have ignored me like that. This isn't the first instance something has happened like that but it just makes me so angry!

Maybe instead of publicly blasting him out, approach him and ask privately? Lay it on thick too if he needs it. "Oh hi ____ someone told me you were an expert on this, so can you help me?" If he refuses to answer than he is a jerk. If someone was loudly demanding an answer of me and getting pissed off, I wouldn't respond either.

CallieM15

Beauty is only skin deep and cosmetic. A personality is what helps make a relationship bond and grow. :bigsmile:

Dudagarcia

Guys are not blockheads. Is just that anyone looks for the one who's compatible with. You've nothing wrong, but the reality we live on might be too harsh sometimes. Pick yourself up and whatever change you make do it for you! Is better to not take attention at all, then take the wrong one, from wrong people. Btw, you're pretty

Very nicely put what a nice guy u r

CouchSpud

lol, I can honestly say I've never been ignored - I have a tendency to freak people out - they are too afraid to ignore me. Also, to be fair, I am a little potty mouthed and strong headed. If I ask you a question and you ignore me (although I always apprroach you in the quiet and private manner first), you can be assured that the next question will be (very audible for everyone in the office) why you would think such behaviour appropriate in the work place?
But then I work in an environment were it's all about communication, so there naturally isn't much sense in not reacting to a direct request

In all fairness though I don;t think it is about your looks, this is about attitude, how outspoken you are and how well you communicate with others. How good you feel about yourself and how secure. Give it a try, walk into work as you are low and no one is interested in you and people will ignore you.. walk in there as if you are the hottest thing right now, upright posture, bright beaming smile, friendly morning... and people will recognise you. We communicate so much via body language

TheBraveryLover

Nothing wrong at all. People tend to not like attention seekers (i.e. attention wh*res) but I think there's a difference between an attention lover and a seeker. I love to get attention so I dress in a certain way, smile a lot, and have a gregarious personality, therefore I get attention and I bask in it. I do not engage in extreme or negative behavior in order to get attention; neither do I crave it.

Nothing wrong with wanting attention, IMO.

catshark209

I know the title sounds extremely conceited but here is what I mean. I have been overweight my entire life, or as long as I can remember. Being an adult now I have never gotten attention from men. I don't go out often much anymore but when I used to go out to clubs and bars with my friends I would never get hit on or get any kind of flirts from men. I'm also an observer and I notice this at work too. There are a couple of really cute girls at work and they are always getting hit on. I know I am not ugly but I am also not thin and it's really annoying when I am talking asking a question or making a statement and get blatantly ignored. Today I was working and I had to ask a question and the only person that was over in my department that would know the answer was an attractive guy. He played it off like he didn't hear me when in fact I know he did because he looked at me and I was talking loud. I said to him "Excuse me, I know you heard what I asked so please tell me what I need to know." I was super pissed off. I know that if I were thinner he wouldn't have ignored me like that. This isn't the first instance something has happened like that but it just makes me so angry!

About being thinner, no not really...I'm thin and I get ignored like that too. But yes I know what you mean, cuz it happens to me all the time.

hyperionguy

It is difficult to say without knowing 100% of the background, but it sounds like the guy is just a jerk period.

I'm sure you are sweet and delightful, but based only on what you said above it sounds like you went into the situation with your guns loaded and a hair trigger. People can sense that. Perhaps there is more history to it, like previous encounters or observations.

It isn't wise to jump to the conclusion that it is about your weight. Two of my best gal friends are significantly overweight but they attract insane amounts of positive attention. I don't know how they do it and I envy them because I wish I could be that way. People just gravitate towards them and they flourish in social situations.

taliasometimes

I understand how u feel.
i get so jealous of other girls at work who get the male attention! it's just as a former *fat person* i keep needing reassured that I am pretty. And i will be honest, when i was big, not a sinlgle guy ever hit on me, and when i lost weight, i get a bit more attention.

so, sad but true. guys are superficial. its always about the skinny. just makes u appreciate the guys who look past the curves and see ur beautiful face and smile

Elizabeth_M

I think you met an example of a blockhead. If he is not going to give you, a human being, the common courtesy of returning your question asked, then he's a jerk - regardless of whether or not you are skinny!! If you were slimmer, would you want to date this guy? Hope not!

I know how you feel though - my friends were always getting hit on - but your time will come. Keep doing what you are doing for you and someone will come along one day and be totally into you. I've had guys want me when I was almost 200 pounds, and guys want me when I was 150. No difference for me because I still had high expectations for who I was going out with, and obviously they found me attractive!!

You go , girl - you are adorable looking, and I am sure a downright sweetheart.