I need a hug and some advice

ConnieSG

Somebody needs what you have to give. It may not be your money; it may be your time. It may be your listening ear. It may be your arms to encourage. It may be your smile to uplift. Who knows? Maybe just like that little baby, putting your arm around somebody and letting him or her know that you care can help begin to heal that person’s heart. Maybe you can give a rescuing hug

calvert6183

Big Hug...
You....deserve...better...move on, treat yourself as you would your best friend. You owe it to yourself..

Ok its this that irritates me. I see you and others have said this. First of all you dont know either of them so you cant judge. This is the generic lazy that implies he is a jerk. Have more respect, this guy is her best friend and she loves him. There are always two sides of the story. You dont know the whole story. Just saying this. Women dont always deserve better just because they are a woman. Woman deserve good things because of how they treat others, whats in their heart, and are smart enough to stay away from bad boys.

Sorry about that. Its obvious that you both have done and said things to make this a very complicated situation. It seems you care about him and he means the world to you but this is the thing. People who care about each other cant have sex without feelings getting involved over time. What you need to do is have a heart to mind conversation with yourself and with him. No one on here is going to be able to have the answer for you because we dont know the whole true story. Im sure there are many variables to why you both have been on and off again and only you two know the answers. Talk to him, if you cant then you wont get anywhere.

Stop touching his willie for now. if all you want is friendship and you decide you want more or just focus on friendship then you are going to have to talk to him. You have to. His willie will want to say hi but dont you touch him. Talk and talk and get it out in the open. The whole saftey net thing is a logical way of thinking if two people are just having sex with no commitment so I do see why he would say that but in your case it could be that you both were/are scared to move on or maybe there is a reason why you both stayed around.

People need to learn that being best friends is awesome and needed for a great relationship. Thats whats wrong with today, people dont even like the person they are dating and are not friends. You both are already best friends, now you just need to it down and not be scared and talk about how you both feel. You wont be able to predict the future and never will have a contract but if you two decide that you both owe it to each other and try to date then go with the flow, no pressure, no talking about the future, just enjoy each other and let it build.

He has feelings for you two, if he didnt then he wouldnt have been in your life for so long. DOnt listen to many other women by making you think he is bad or not good enough for you, their answer is to always move on and then they wonder why marriage ends in divorce. Its normal for people to be confused or not know what they want, it doesnt make them a bad person. Sometimes the best answer is not to move on. You have a deep friendship and a desire, thats more than most marriages these days. Dont give up, just talk to him and leave his willie alone until you both have truely talked about things. You seem like an amazing person who is nice. I wish you luck and hope that you get all your answers.

Lozze

Stop touching his willie for now. if all you want is friendship and you decide you want more or just focus on friendship then you are going to have to talk to him. You have to. His willie will want to say hi but dont you touch him. Talk and talk and get it out in the open. The whole saftey net thing is a logical way of thinking if two people are just having sex with no commitment so I do see why he would say that but in your case it could be that you both were/are scared to move on or maybe there is a reason why you both stayed around.

Haha, yes I definitly need to stop having sex with him. That's the advice I'm getting from people here and IRL (well the IRL friends both started with 'I told you so')

There are definite feelings there for both of us. You can't be best friends and have sex and NOT have feelings. We are definitly each other's safety nets.

And just to be clear (cause I don't think I was) he is the one who is saying we need to stop having sex. And why I'm sad. Because I know there is no future there and I think that's what is hurting the most. Hence 'Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough' being on repeat right now.

calvert6183

Im sorry for your situation. It sucks. People saying i told you so and judging should have more respect. You are already hurt and dont need disrespect. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be with someone you care about and its human to be physical with them also. They need to stop, they are not perfect. Actually there are many on here that def shouldnt be giving advice.

Maybe he just doesnt want to hurt you or is confused. You just need to talk to him. Just because someone says something doesnt mean its what they truely wants. I have experience this kinda before. I tried to set someone free once because I was confused and didnt want to hold them back. I felt like I wasnt going to make them happy. We talked about it and reliezed that there was too much there to let go. Maybe its the love will set you free thing or maybe its just there isnt anything there but either way you both owe it to each other to talk and in my opinion unlike others here, I think you both should go for it.

If you love him, I dont believe in giving up on love and fight for what I want. I dont believe in giving up on someone who is your best friend that is more just to start over dating new people who want to play games. Hang in there and keep your head up. Hope only works with action so go get him.

Lozze

We did just have a D&M through text and I asked him if he loved me and got the 'I love you as a friend but not in a romantic way' So I now know. I honestly don't know if I love him as more than a friend but there's definite love there.

calvert6183

I would have rather you seen his eyes and honeslty, you both have alot to talk about and owe it too each other. You two have spent too much time together just to end it with a text. If that is his answer then you need to respect that I guess and distance himself from him. Im not saying move on to play with other willies like other women but I think you should take time for you and just be free and focus on you and enjoy it. If he starts texting I miss you and I wanna see you which prolly will happen will make things hard for you so you two need to set boundaries and rules and repsect them and that def should be one of them. There is nothing wrong with saying those things but too many people say it when they are lonely.

Legals81

Been there and done exactly that. When it all ended I knew it was for hte best but it still hurt. Really hurt. We tried to be friends for a few months but then he moved on and started dating someone else and that was a really tough time for me. In the end, after months of torturing myself, the only thing I could do was to cut him out of my life completely, no calls, no text, delete from facebook twitter etc and although it was hard because I still missed him, once I did that, I started to feel more myself again and one month later I met the love of my life, someone who loves me as much as I love them.

You need to take time to let yourself get over it. Dont worry about the cals! Just look after that heart of yours for the moment.

Kerri_is_so_very

Sounds like a Joan Jett situation "Hate Myself for Loving You"....

Runs to iTunes to download this immediately :drinker:

sho3girl

(((HUGS)))
Advice? Eat only GOOD ice cream, stuff that is made of sugar, cream, and flavour....and that's it. None of this "dexomethal solphate" crap.
Eat it slow. Savour every moment.
Then compare the good stuff to the crap. That is the difference between a real relationship and what you've been doing. Sure, it seems good enough, but it ain't the same.
You deserve the good stuff.
((more hugs))
[/quote

I love this analagy /..... ((((HUGHS)))))) to you too

Lozze

Thanks everyone for the advice.

I'm not going to cut the friendship. I'm already 'grieving' for the loss of intimacy. I don't make friends easily so losing one of my best friends would be devastating for me. I'm not saying it's something I'll consider but at this point in time I can't do it.

lkcuts

The biggest thing I learned was , to have a meaningful relationship, you both have to love each other . One can't love and the other who does not, but don't want to hurt the other person, continues to muddle through the relationship to not be the bad person. maybe they are hoping there will be something to trigger feelings, I don't know.
You are better off , to heal, over time, to get away and stay away..Just talking from experience. If you can't talk it out, Don't ignore the red flags he throws you will know because when they are thrown, you will be left confused and not understanding why they did what they did if they really want to be with you,he is saying one thing and doing another..RED FLAG. Its time to move on...Oh and btw.. big hug I sympathize with your situation and hope you can sort out what you need to do.

MissTomGettingThin

:flowerforyou:

sa11yjane

You know, I believe that if someone really is Mr Right then one would not have trials and tribulations and 'games' along the way. He probably is right, you are possibly security blankets to each other and it will be really really hard letting go of someone who has played such a big part in your life. But by giving so much time to him, you are not giving yourself the opportunity to meet that one person with whom everything will just seem sooooo right. Believe me, you are a long time married, hang on until that really special man comes along. Your current man sounds like Mr will-do...but I have a feeling that there is someone more right for you out there. Go and open up a carton of Haagen Daaz or Ben & Jerry's, crack open a bottle of wine, allow the tears and get ready for a long grieving period. It will be worth it in the long run. Lots of love, hugs and kisses to you and I wish you well xxxxx

zazzyrenee

It is okay to cry your eyes out. At some point it is better for you to let go if this relationship is truly not going anywhere. For women sleeping with men there is a huge risk to take because we are programmed through our chemical responses to fall in love with someone we are sleeping with on a consistent basis (this is a general statement cheaters and whatnot aside). My advice for any woman who is single is to read a book called "have the relationship you want." It was a great book and taught me about myself and how to be confident and self assured.

1. I closed the door on my previous relationship that was not going anywhere and actually kept me in chains for 3 years even though I couldn't see it at the time.
2. I BALLED my eyes out and okay I prayed to God to help me through it.
3. I read the book.
4. I was feeling angry and just needed to let loose for a night. I went to Karaoke with my stepsister and Voila, the met the man of my dreams.

I know it sounds stupid that I attribute finding my guy because of the book, but I realized all the mistakes I was making and the bad vibes I was sending out and that stuff. And I found this book because it was advertised on facebook (haha!). It was an e-book and you can go to the website they have and just get the free newsletter if you would like. Rori Raye - havetherelationshipyouwant.

Everything will be okay. Big HUGS!

AlicynH

You deserve to be loved. Find someone who will treat you with respect. You need someone who will love you with his whole heart, not just when he wants sex. Sending hugs your way. :flowerforyou:

zazzyrenee

Just a little more advice, if you read my other post, the reason why I was in chains for 3 years is because I held onto someone as friends without the intimacy. They were my own chains. I believe in you. I believe you can let this person go completely. The band-aide effect ~ rip it off completely, it might hurt less than going piece by piece.

I believe in you. Hugs.

AlicynH

My friend had this on her FB page and I just had to share it with you.

To all the girls who are in a hurry to have a boyfriend or get married, a piece of Biblical advice: “Ruth patiently waited for her mate Boaz”. While you are waiting on YOUR Boaz, don’t settle for any ofhis relatives; Broke-az, Po-az, Lyin-az, Cheatin-az, Dumb-az, Drunk-az, Cheap-az, Lockedup-az, Goodfornothin-az, Lazy-az, and especially his cousin Beatinyo-az. Wait on your Boaz and make sure he respects Yoaz.