Question for everyone who just settles.

MsTanya77

I think settling is a matter of opinion. I weigh 191 and I'm a size 12 and a size 12 has always been my ideal size. I don't care what the BMI charts say, I don't care what medical professionals say, I know how I am built and I know what size works for me. I work out 5-6 days a week. I eat healthy MOST of the time, but I have my off days like others. I am very healthy, great blood pressure, tons of energy and strength, no health issues and I am very happy. I will not push myself to fit what society has determined is the right body image for me just because I can. I don't care to be thin. Everyone is in different places in their journey and in their life. What may be a priority to one person, simply can't be a priority right to another due their current situation. Some people are fine w/ being overweight and don't wish to lose it, but they have free-will and can make that decision.

lizzybethclaire

I used to want to settle. I settled for being fat and I hated it. I took a look at myself and realized I was miserable being so big. So, I decided that I was going to just lose the weight and not worry about having defined abs, arms, and legs. Now, getting that muscle tone is my goal. Settling made me very unhappy because, like you, I knew I was capable of more. The way I see it, even if I don’t have a beach body at the end of my journey at least I will know that I tried.

farmers_daughter

bump

umachanxo

I think it depends on the persons place in their journey. For someone who has 300 lbs to lose, maybe their goal WILL be 170. And that's what they're working towards right now. They have a long way to go, and may not be thinking about strength training and toning once they get there. Everyone is so different and it's so hard to put everyone into one category.

On the other hand, there may be someone weighing in at 120 lbs and has no desire to tone up. May be because it's too much work and they don't want to do it every day, or maybe they did and then just got out of it.

As for me, I started off my journey around 200 lbs. My goal weight is 135 lbs right now. I don't know what my body will be like when I get there and I may be alright to lose more. My main thing is health when I do this. Initially, I just wanted to get down to a lower weight and be done with it. But now that I see (like you said) how much stronger I am and how much happier - I want to go FURTHER and push myself more. Settling isn't an option for me anymore, even though it may have been at one time.

I'm 5"7 and started this journey at around 38-39-40 (bust, waist, hips) and around 200 lbs and, with much sweat and tears (HAHA!) I've gotten down to 34-27-34 (Weight 147). My goal is to try my darndest to get down to around a 25 inch waist. (If I can do so in a healthy way). And to have toned abs, and a muscular build. Not too bulky, but sexy. (Know what I mean?)

Hope that helps answer your question! To sum up - at the beginning, I was willing to settle. But now that I'm this far in the game, I refuse to settle!

secretlobster

Everyone has a point in any facet of their lives at which they are good enough to be satisfied with their level of achievement. That doesn't mean they are settling. Because I'm a boxer but not a professional boxer, because I'm running 4 days a week and not 7, should I be scolding myself for not trying harder?

There is nothing mentally healthy with the obsession of pursuing the highest level of achievement.

Also, people who have a hundred pounds to lose may look to smaller goals because they are more manageable, and losing 50lbs may only be a start, there is still a lot to be proud of having achieved it.

victoria4321

I don't understand why people find it odd that different people have different goals. When I was in college, losing weight wasn't a goal of mine. I wanted to focus on other things. When I graduated, I didn't have other things to focus on, so weight loss became a goal.

I guess its coming across wrong but the way I see it is losing weight shouldn't be an active endeavor. To say losing weight wasn't your goal, can you conversely say that gaining weight was your goal? If you're just living a healthy lifestyle overall and make taking care of yourself in the most basic sense important then you'd just make healthy food choices overall right?

Now the only exception I'd give here is when it comes to a person with the lack of education on nutrition, which is probably most people. Even for myself it took me a while to learn how to eat right.

I think this may be a matter of semantics. For my purposes, I'm going to define someone who "settles" as someone who does work to become healthier, is willing to become healthier, but "settles" happily at a point that is less than thief "ideal" (meaning someone who is "settling" at 24% body fat or 10 lbs above their "ideal" weight).

Initially, you posted asking why people would "settle" when they could work harder to achieve something closer to ideal or ideal itself. People, myself included, have posted back with a multitude of responses, but the primary theme is that everyone's priorities are different and some people (myself included) are not willing to put body-perfection above all else in the world. That's everyone's own prerogative. Acheiving body-perfectIon requires tremendous commitment, a great deal of effort, a lot of time doing strength training & cardio and eating extremely well nearly all the time. Kudos to those who are wiling to work for that, and even greater kudos to those who have achieved that. That's fantasic and you deserve every bit of praise you receive.

In the post above, you talk about a healthy lifestyle not being an active thing-meaning it's just something you do. And as part of that-wouldn't you just make healthy food choices. Absolutely! But healthy food choices alone are not going to get someone to the "best" they can be. And everyone's limit of how much "healthy lifestyle" they can fit into their life before it becomes an active thought. Essentially-once you reach a point where you must choose between one thing or another (family time or going to the gym for example)-that "healthy lifestyle" grows beyond something you just "do". Choosing to be your optimal, best self is a serious commitment that will require sacrifices. Many of us value things more than we value having the absolute beat possible body we can.

And lastly, I think (although I may be very wrong on this-could be another person with a cute kitten avatar) that you have posted elsewhere that you were never really large-just not as fit as you could be. I'm NOT trying to put a whole fat girl/skinny girl thing out there (really, I'm not)-but for those of us that have been morbidly obese (or even just really obese), just being in a healthily weight range already feels like optimal success. To not have to use the railing to pull yourself up the stairs, to not having your doctor talk about strokes and heart attacks and diabetes and all kinds of other things, to be able to shop in the regular sizes (regardless of what number), to no longer being the fattest person in the room, to having new people you meet never even know you were fat, etc. These are already enormous victories. To achieve "normalcy" doesn't mean settling-it means unequivocal success. Could we go beyond "normal" and get "ideal"? Of course. But just achieving normal is really already a dream come true. Again, not going for a fat girl/skinny girl thing-but someone starting in "normal" maybe doesn't appreciate how absolutely fantastic "normal" can feel. My apologies if this entire part of my ramble doesn't apply.

Ok-that's all-nothing that hasn't really already been said-just felt the need to ramble on for a while.

Wow, that was incredibly well said!

I agree, very well said. I didnt think about it that way. For myself the most I've ever weighed was 175 so while it was enough to make me uncomfortable, I don't know what its like to deal with all the major issues.

byock

I think a lot of people are taking the question wrong. Only you can decide if you are / were settling. If you don't feel you are, then this question wasn't for you. (please correct me if I'm wrong)

For me, I realized I was settling. I was about 70lbs overweight, and knew I should lose weight, but it wasn't a priority. I woke up one day and decided it was time to change. It was all laziness and procrastination. Once I committed to change, I started researching and started counting calories.

I realize now what I was doing to myself. I have tons of energy and feel great. Lifestyle has changed and I will be counting calories the rest of my life and I'm ok with that.

sweetpea129

Well we had this discussion but i'll answer again

What is settling to you isnt settling to other people. Not everyone finds the same look attractive. I know what i find attractive for myself. If i'm within a normal weight range for my height then i dont consider that settling at all. I want to be a size 8-10 in jeans. Thats not unhealthy, that puts me in a normal weight range. So, basically it comes down to everyone has different ideas of what is healthy/settling.

Also, priorities are another key issue. Spending time at a gym/weight training/etc. isnt something that i want to spend my time on. I would rather spend the time with my husband and babies in the evening when he gets home than to go to the gym. So, basically i'm saying that i would rather be of average weight and spend more time with my family than to be in a gym in what others would consider "tip top shape".

WillPowerYes

I think settling is a matter of opinion. I weigh 191 and I'm a size 12 ....

This points out another interesting dieting fact. "Clothes size" is not always an indicator of body shape/size. I am 150 lbs and wear a size 14. (Of course, I'll do the next size up if needed, if it prevents any fat rolls or love handles from showing.)

Although the quoted poster might be, say a 6' tall woman, in which case, the pounds will be distributed way differently than me at 5' 6".

OK, back to the thread topic.

futiledevices

I don't think I'm "settling".. I gave up working out at the gym a few months back due to financial issues. I know I could be exercising more right now, but I'm not. Not because I don't want to reach my goal, but because there are so many other things going on in my life.

Pebble321

It's an interesting question - I guess I could ask why you feel that you HAVE to be faster, stronger, thinner etc... will that make you happier and healthier? Or will it make you miserable because you are never good enough? Never fast enough? Never as strong as someone else?

For me - I'm going to be happy if I can keep my weight around 70kg (I'm 5'4" and that is just above the high end of the BMI healthy range for my height). I've had a check up with my doctor and all my test results were "so normal they are boring" so I don't have concerns about my health. I'm training to run a half marathon, I'm fitting into size 12 (US size 8 pants).
All of these are great achievements for me, and I just don't think it is necessary for me to have to fit into size 10 or size 8 pants or run 42km instead of 21. Those things won't improve my life or my health - so what's in it for me?

The thing that I really do want to achieve is to establish good eating habits and behaviours so I don't put weight back on. I'm 46 and I can't tell you how many times before I've lost weight - only to regain it again because I didn't change the habits that made me fat in the first place. So, my goal for now is to establish really good habits that keep me at a healthy size for life.

That might be "settling" to the OP - but it is a huge challenge and will be a huge victory for me.

OP, I wish you all the best in your quest to be "better" - I hope that doesn't mean that you will be forever unhappy because you just aren't good enough.

slkehl

It's an interesting question - I guess I could ask why you feel that you HAVE to be faster, stronger, thinner etc... will that make you happier and healthier? Or will it make you miserable because you are never good enough? Never fast enough? Never as strong as someone else?

That's a good point. I feel like trying to be my best physically won't necessarily make me happy. It's a balance. I'd rather enjoy a potluck with friends without logging once in a while that be absolutely rigid. I'd rather run than lift, because it brings me joy. And so on...

I find my happiness in my relationships with other people, through gaining new knowledge, through my faith...all these are enhanced through good health. I'll have more energy and more confidence. But having a healthy lifestyle is means to this, rather than the end. My goal is to be happy, not to be fit. Being fit will help me get there. But it's not worth it if I'm missing out on what gives me the most joy in life.

victoria4321

It's an interesting question - I guess I could ask why you feel that you HAVE to be faster, stronger, thinner etc... will that make you happier and healthier? Or will it make you miserable because you are never good enough? Never fast enough? Never as strong as someone else?

For myself I guess I'd say I don't feel like I HAVE to do all these things but I do feel like I have to try. I'll never know how good I could have done something until I failed it. It would be the same in my career, with life and anything else. I may not be able to do certain things that seem difficult but I'll never know until I make the attempt and fail trying. I'm not comparing myself to anyone else but myself in that case. If I try to be better than I last was at anything there's always that chance that I'll surprise myself too.

There could be something that at one point I thought "there's no way that I can do this". I'd be crazy to never try though, I think it would be settling if I did this. To just be complacent with whatever current state I happen to be at but never trying to see how things could be at the next level. Plus if you get to a point you don't like its not like you can't always tone it down. If you think you're running too much you can always run less. If you're at work at you find yourself working too hard, you can tone that down too. At the end of the day you know if its something you wanted to do, then you're definitely capable.

ZoeyRobinson

I used to weigh 198 pounds. My doctor wanted me to weigh 98 pounds. I worked my butt off (literally) and dropped to 115. I felt horrible. Absolutely horrible. I always felt like i was going to pass out. I cannot explain why but i did. So I gained weight and went up to 135. I felt amazing. Unfortunately, I had to have multiple hardcore surgeries all clumped together and my doctors told me no working out for 2 years. Well, in those 2 years I went back up to 165 and since working out I gained another 5 pounds. My goal is to be 145. So you may say I am settling but that is my happy and healthy number.

Also, I have been unemployed for a long time. I even moved to another country to find a job. After applying to over 300 places I went into a deep depression. So I gave up on applying for awhile.

In all honesty, sometimes it's easier to not bother than to do it and fail.

shaynak112

I know I could be a lot stronger, thinner, etc. than I am right now. But that is not the #1 thing in my life. Why do I have to be perfect at that too? I have so many other priorities in my life. It's more important for me to be good at other things. I'm content with my weight. I'm working on being more athletic. I guess I just have other priorities.
Plus, I honestly don't like the look of girls who are SUPER in shape. Just isn't attractive in my opinion. I prefer curves on a female.

Elizabeth_C34

I have no intention of settling for being overweight and fat. I settled for being obese for far too long already. I plan on living the rest of my life as a fit healthy woman living as well as I can.

That being said, I think people have different visions for themselves and what they consider to be their "ideal" body shape or type.

victoria4321

I know I could be a lot stronger, thinner, etc. than I am right now. But that is not the #1 thing in my life. Why do I have to be perfect at that too? I have so many other priorities in my life. It's more important for me to be good at other things. I'm content with my weight. I'm working on being more athletic. I guess I just have other priorities.
Plus, I honestly don't like the look of girls who are SUPER in shape. Just isn't attractive in my opinion. I prefer curves on a female.

I'm just as curvy, if not more curvy, when I'm In better shape. I think a lot of people are mistaken when they think fit and muscular means no curves. (assuming that's what you meant by "SUPER in shape".

Josie_lifting_cats

I agree with those who said priorities.

I can work out.... Or read my kids a story.

I could get a gym membership and go in the evenings.... Or eat dinner with my family.

I can pick up my kids from daycare, bring them home and then go for a bike ride..... or stay home and talk to them about their day.

I could lift weights.... Or play with my camera.

I could run.... Or do some laundry.

I could go to Zumba.... Or work more on my business.

I could never eat more than my bmr.... Or have wine and awesome lunches with friends.

For me, it's not that high of a priority. I care about what I look like with clothes on because I'm not running around naked. If my husband isn't impressed with my body the way it is, where I'm happy, so be it. 10 pounds from goal weight = me to caring that much.
Those are my priorities.

kdeaux1959

If you're capable of doing a lot more, trying harder, doing better, why are you content with just settling?

I always see people saying they'll be happy at a bigger size or whatever even when it's not a healthy size for them. Or women who say they don't care to strength train. What I'm wondering is if you could be fitter, stronger, faster, look better, be more healthy, etc, why wouldn't you want to try it at least?

Its fine if you try it and it just doesn't work out for you because at least you tried. I'm more curious about the people who aren't even interested in putting in the effort.

***Just to throw out, please don't turn this into a big argument thread because I'm genuinely curious. For myself, my original goal weight was 135 once. When I got there and realized I was capable of more I decided to give it a try. And by capable of more I don't mean I'm just trying to drops pounds all willy nilly. I want to have more strength, endurance, and look better naked.

I agree with you. That being said, my first goal was 170... Then 190.... Now 225... This is not because I am settling though. 170 is mid point of my BMI... But for me, I think that is too thin... Been there, done that. Then I changed it to 190 (still within range but above the mid point)... Then I saw a picture of a 6'3" man who had achieved what I feel that I want to achieve... He HAD been 187 but regained some weight and added muscle. His weight was 225. Therefore, that is my current goal... However, if when I get there, I am not satisfied with it... I'll change it. I want to be the best I can be. I want for once in my life to have at least a moderately athletic build... I want to do this for me. So a long story short... I agree.

kdeaux1959

Concerning the priorities post... This is an issue that we may have to face... I know today I did not work out. I had to work. I had to get some furniture moved and so on. Thankfully as for family time, we ALL enjoy getting out and going to the YMCA and working out and doing things... We do it together as a family ... It fits in our schedule. SOMETIMES, that works. Balance in all things.