Are your skinny friends less supportive as you drop lbs?

NoSharpei

i have had a strange experience with a number of female frinds and relatives. When I started my diet I was 106.4 kg (234 lbs). I was the fat friend in my group! A the outset, ALL of my friends and family were very supportive.. Fast forward to now. I have lost quite a bit of weight - 18 kg (40 lbs) - and two dress sizes (yah!) The weird thing is that I now find a couple of female friends almost "snippy" over my weight loss. I don't waffle on about my weight loss journey often (dont want to bore everyone), but on the ocassions I do mention an item of clothing being too big or something like that, a couple of friends kind of switch off. Seriously.. what's that about. Have I breached the unspoken "friend covenant" by losing weight and letting someone else be the big girl in our group? has this happened to anyone else?

RCtransformed

Yep me too! I decided to stop expecting their support after being heartbroken many times. I just didn't get it & couldn't wrap my head around what was happening for awhile. I just knew I felt badly & unmotivated when I got home from visiting w/ my friends. At first I was being cheered on to set & try to reach fitness goals & feel good about myself. Why not be the best me I can be while I have a chance to do it? I decided I'm doing this for me & if I don't have support from my family & friends (they all know I've been miserable for the last five years & refuse to buy more than a few items of clothing that fit me at my higher weight). I think this is the best place for you, and you may find, like I did, that support doesn't always come from where you expect it to (as sad as that can be), but you can find it for yourself if you're determined to get to your goals for yourself, no matter what. I think you can do it! Keep going girl. Noone has to live in your body but you, & you deserve to live in your dream body & be comfortable, healthy & happy. Our happiness & fitness is our responsibility & only we can make it happen for ourselves, with or w/o support.

Hope you have a great week & meet all your goals this week. Listen to Fit 2 Fat radio podcasts on iTunes. I find it very inspiring & you might, too.

RCtransformed

Are those your pups? They are too cute!! The one on the left looks like the Lasa Apso I had as a child

NoSharpei

Are those your pups? They are too cute!! The one on the left looks like the Lasa Apso I had as a child

Yes.. and you are absolutely correct. His name is Jake.. and he is an adorable little guy we got from animal rescue!!

VeganPanda

Yes, there is definitely jealousy.

nas24

They are jealous and insecure with themselves. They are nervous of your success, about what to come when you finish your journey. I think you need to be on the look out for new friends and snakes.

RebelliousRibbons

I don't have many friends, but I've found that I get more flak from my family.

Like, no one around here eats or buys healthy food (and I still live with my parents, with no way out--can't afford better food), so I just try to take the bad stuff as moderately as possible and work around the calories to fit my goals, as well as resist temptation as much as possible.

Yet, from my family, I get snarky remarks like "You can't eat that on your "diet".' Or, my sister brags about all she's eaten, and I swear, tries to eat more.

It's just... so frustrating.

Do what I do. Ignore them. They're either jealous of your self-control and desire to better yourself, or bitter people who don't like to see other's succeed.

milkandtea

Yes, it's really unfortunate isn't it? I've been private about my efforts to lose weight because of the negative reaction I got from the few people who knew. Kind of a shame that someone wouldn't support the fact that you're taking care of yourself and working to be healthy.

CeeRawr89

Yep, completely jealous that I look way better in my clothes than they do... haha

But, seriously, one of my friends said to me about my lulu hoodie (It's turquoise and AWESOME) "When you get too small for this, and you are going to sell it, I'll totally buy it!" I was like, what if I want to keep wearing it?!? (I might not, but I thought it was funny) I'm currently one size smaller than her, and I think I see the jealousy arising. As well as some of the girls from work, they are definitely noticing differences in me and how I eat and just in general how well I am doing...

gracefulotus

It's also possible that they are having difficulty trying to figure out how to be supportive without suggesting that you don't already look good. I find that I don't ever want to give a friend the impression that she doesn't look great just as she is i.e. I don't want to encourage her to have a poor body image if she is perfectly happy with herself. So, to be sensitive I try not to comment on that. I've noticed that friends and family members who have had extensive discussions with me about my body image become more sensitive and begin to avoid commenting to me about anything weight related. It's an attempt to not encouage a negative body image. But, this is just my own experience.
I wouldn't take it personally. However, if it is a more negative scenario then I would say that your friends/family are having to grapple with their own body image as your body changes. It's not about you, but probably about how they feel about themselves.

allie7383

I think sometimes it comes from a secret jealousy at the status quo changing. They see you actually having results, which forces them to look at themselves and they may not like what they see. At my highest weight (193), I was about 10 pounds heavier than my good friend. Now I'm about 40 pounds lighter. Very rarely has she said anything about my loss. We spoke about losing weight one night and she had the attitude of, well I've tried everything and it didn't work so I'm just going to accept the way I am. I started to get into it, but backed off to avoid a fight. If she wants advice I'm here for it, as I'm sure you would be for your friends.

abutterflyemerges

Om man do I ever relate to this story! I was 279lbs and now I am 165. I can't tell you the crap I had to hear from the get go! When I got married and announced my marriage at a previous job my closets friends told me I was too fat for my husband! I should start thinking about losing weight because he will defiantly leave me! What a mean thing to say after I just got married! Moving forward and losing weight the jokes shifted toward my husband who happens to be 10 years older than me. She is going to leave you, she is starting to look good giving him a complex. His mother told me when I lost over 100lbs..don't you think you've done enough? Then I had a breast reduction because my boobs decided not to jump on the losing weight wagon so I was smaller with huge boobs. I didn't hear the end of that one. Today my closets friends are happy for my weight loss but tell me I still dressed like I am fat (I love loose clothes) and that I look like a farmer! So what! I am happy farmer! I recently bought some sun dresses really cute ones because my boobs look so nice in them and not hanging past the part of the dress where the boobs are suppose to sit. Proudly I am able to wear these dresses with no bra. Well to shut the haters up I started wearing these dresses and now I am showing too much boob! And I should think about wearing a bra! These are nice dresses that give your top part enough coverage, not low cut or anything but I swear I never win. Since losing weight I have been so happy and feeling so good inside that I have just ignored the comments and stupid things everyone says to me every now and then. Its gotta be jealously or something. My husband on the other hand loves my new body and tells me I am beautiful and so do my two little boys and thats all that matters to me.

gingerveg

I've never been out of a healthy range of my BMI, but I can imagine times when this has happened in other areas of my life especially family dynamics ("Jane is the nurse and NoSharpei is the writer in the family....") Now imagine NoSharpei goes to nursing school....nooo! You have officially rocked everyone's world because you have reminded them that life is in constant flux. And most people like to believe the fantasy that we live on a solid, static planet where nothing changes. Lol good for you for reminding them that life is fluid---that is not a bad thing to remember at all! In fact, the only way to get through life gracefully it is to stay flexible. You are forcing them to face that and to flex a part of themselves that is very rigid at the moment (and that probably feels very uncomfortable to them). But that is their problem not yours. A couple of people can't be everything to us, so if they are not giving you support in this area seek support elsewhere (it looks like you have it here). If they start to do anything to try to sabotage your weight loss then I would drop them as friends. But it sounds relatively harmless at this point. They are just feeling a little uncomfortable adjusting to their (and your) new roles. If they are good friends give it time they will adjust.

Congratulations on all your weight loss successes!

BandedTriaRN

Mine is the opposite, the skinny ppl who were never really friendly to me (tho not "unfriendly") have become super supportive and happy for me but people who were my good friends and close to as fat if not fatter than I was, have all but stopped talking to me at all:( I don't go on and on either but I am HAPPY and if they don't like that then tough! I have posted some photos as I have lost but don't talk about it unless someone asks (my skinny friends). It's so strange and I miss my heavier friends too. I try to reach out but most just kinda ignore me. I guess that I'm in the list which Joy Bauer calls skinny women aka "Skinny Witches" (sub another letter for the W in witches lol):( Maybe I am a constant reminder that they aren't losing? I had to have help myself to lose or NEVER could have kept it off! Oh well, life goes on, wish everyone could be happy with our successes but not everyone will be and that is more about their wars with themselves than their wars with us (so to speak)!

Thena81

ur prob very pretty and get cuter as the weight sheds, damn jealousy!!!

slkehl

The truth is that it's hard to hear a friend talk about their successful weight loss when you're struggling with yours or not happy with how you look. It might be good to steer clear of those topics around certain people.

shoobz

I have one friend who started the weight loss "journey" with me. She is about 140 and I was 196 when we started, so obviously I'm far more overweight than she is, meaning my weight would start to come off more quickly, so when I dropped 15 pounds quite quickly and she didn't lose very much, she became discouraged. Now, all I hear is "why are you bothering" and "why are you losing so much weight". I know it's because she's disheartened, but it's hard not to snap and say "I've lost more than you because all you do is sit around and whine!" It's very hard to hear such negativity from someone who's supposed to be a friend, but it's a fact of life. Unfortunately.

Qskim

The truth is that it's hard to hear a friend talk about their successful weight loss when you're struggling with yours or not happy with how you look. It might be good to steer clear of those topics around certain people.

yep. Sometimes I've been like a reformed smoker driving friends nuts with my blah blah. So I've toned it down costly more to go anyway and I do better if I shoosh. But I have slim supporters and ones who aren't but those who aren't have never been (SIL). Once a b*tch always a b... So are u sure they truely friends?

r3ban1x

I admit that I've been this way when I was younger. As I kept gaining weight with no kids and had a friend get in amazing shape after 5 kids and see her confidence increase while mine was getting worse and needless to say we are not friends anymore as I am still jealous of her success and embarassed by my own failure.

RandyGrunau

Has anyone else had their spouse try to sabotage their success?

RandyGrunau

<a href="http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"><img border="0" src="http://tickers.myfitnesspal.com/ticker/show/1593/3792/15933792.png&quot; /></a><p style="text-align:center;width:420px;"><small>Created by MyFitnessPal - <a href="http://www.myfitnesspal.com">Free Calorie Counter</a></small></p>

knackarsch

Om man do I ever relate to this story! I was 279lbs and now I am 165. I can't tell you the crap I had to hear from the get go! When I got married and announced my marriage at a previous job my closets friends told me I was too fat for my husband! I should start thinking about losing weight because he will defiantly leave me! What a mean thing to say after I just got married! Moving forward and losing weight the jokes shifted toward my husband who happens to be 10 years older than me. She is going to leave you, she is starting to look good giving him a complex. His mother told me when I lost over 100lbs..don't you think you've done enough?

First off, congrats on your accomplishments! You look fantastic, and really... easily 10-15 years younger. Was this a big issue for friends/family with your husband being 10 years older than you? I'm getting married soon with a little bit larger age gap. I worry that dropping weight will make me look young enough to cause a few eyebrows to raise when we're seen together. How about you, did you embrace your inner trophy-wife and not worry about it? Yeesh, it's sooo not me! Haha

futurefitgrrl

It could be that they have insecurity issues. It could be before you lost the 40 lbs they didn't feel threatened by you, now that you have lost the weight, they very well may feel threatened by you. I would just stick to the more supportive friends.

futurefitgrrl

Oh and congrats on your weight loss, that's awesome!

mrob81

I hate on my "friends" and close relatives all of the time. The minute that I act like I am satisfied with their accomplishments, is the minute that they think they finally made it. You aren't done yet. keep going. I'll give props when props are due.

I put friends in quotation above because this only works with my true friends and close relatives. Those other busters get offended and think that I am jealous and not supportive..

shoobz

I hate on my "friends" and close relatives all of the time. The minute that I act like I am satisfied with their accomplishments, is the minute that they think they finally made it. You aren't done yet. keep going. I'll give props when props are due.

There's a difference between telling them to keep going, they're not done yet, and acting like their effort is pointless. One makes you want to work harder. The other makes you want to quit.

NoSharpei

Thank you all for sharing your thoughts and own experiences. Certainly plenty of food for thought... I won't let a little pettiness bother me, particularly considering the fact that I am disturbing the little ecosystem within which my friends and I exist...and, yes, this story is only partly written. I am not done yet . ...and yes, so much support on MFP! xxxx

leslturn8

I am sure chubby people hang out with me cause im fatter and make them look better, they act supportive but hey they act like its a massive struggle for them and I should be able to lose it easier cos im bigger, it gets annoying!

ashshields12

I find this happens to me too. I was given some clothes from a larger friend, and now that they dont fit they seem disappointed that i am not needing them anymore. because i have almost dropped 2 dress sizes. Its very hurtful. Sometimes is easier to find new friends with a similar "lifestyle change" attitude. xx

mrob81

I find this happens to me too. I was given some clothes from a larger friend, and now that they dont fit they seem disappointed that i am not needing them anymore. because i have almost dropped 2 dress sizes. Its very hurtful. Sometimes is easier to find new friends with a similar "lifestyle change" attitude. xx

Yes. Sometimes a change is too much for certain people. It may go as far as a group of people not even liking the same things anymore. Losing weight is about changing lifestyle.

kariberi84

My experience is strange. Its my mom who doesn't seem to be totally supportive. She is 5'2 and over 300lb, but she doesn't ever seriously try and lose the weight. So when I tell her how well I'm doing (10lb in the first 3 weeks) all I get is a very not so happy "cool". I used to try and include her in trying to lose weight and she would do it for a few weeks and then sabotage us both. I'm doing it alone and I know it bothers her. It makes me sad that she acts like this and won't make the change for her self, but I also know that if I keep dwelling on her then I won't ever make it. This has to be about me and no one else or I won't make it.