Confession

2

Replies

  • gingerveg
    gingerveg Posts: 748 Member
    That is not too high, I'd just pay it off and then have a conversation with him about $. I don't know what you spent the $ on, but maybe you need to set up a separate account for buying stuff. Even if it is just for play, everyone should have some play money. The best thing is to be honest with yourself (and your partner) about your habits, see what you can afford to keep doing, and then just go from there with making a plan together. I don't think he needs to know what is in your account once you set it up, that is your business. But if you pool your money then I think he should at least know you have one and that joint money is going into it.

    To answer your question, no I don't keep secrets from my SO. We probably don't tell each other every little thing that we do each day but we don't purposefully keep secrets either. With that said, we don't over share either (some things are best left to the imagination). But he knows all the important things my passwords, accounts, etc. I know all of his. If we have a problem we talk about it. We don't lie (even the hard stuff) or keep secrets and we have one of the best relationships I know of (15 years and we are still deeply in love :)
  • Jade17694
    Jade17694 Posts: 584 Member
    Is it bad that my advice is to figure out how to pay it off yourself without having to 'fess up????
    PATTI!
    You're doing the best thing by owning up to it. The dread you're feeling is the worst part. And while it's no small amount of money it's also not the end of the world. A few months of being dedicated and you'll get it paid off.

    What??!!! It's not like he asked about it and she lied. He doesn't even know about it. If she can pay it off, why tell him? Now, if she can't pay it off on her own, she's going to have to tell him. Maybe I only like confessing to priests, Brett. Ever think of that? :wink:

    Because what happens when he finds out they she didn't go to him and 'fess up? Because he will. Sorry to be a downer but everything comes out in the end. Things will be even more ugly.

    To the OP: good luck hun, i'm sure he'll appreciate your honesty :smile:
  • jcamby
    jcamby Posts: 200 Member
    Your replies mean alot to me....but yeah I can't keep this secret anymore. I will come to him with a plan in mind. Wish me luck.
  • Iansmommy123011
    Iansmommy123011 Posts: 872 Member
    Sounds like my parents. Well my mom has two different bank accounts that my dad isn't on or knows about. Unless he does and doesn't say much. They don't get along to well anyways.
  • skullshank
    skullshank Posts: 4,323 Member
    secrets secrets are no fun,
    secrets secrets hurt someone.
  • jcamby
    jcamby Posts: 200 Member
    Send him a text message that says "Honey, I'm sorry I racked up lots of money on a secret credit card. My bad :-( Ill make it up to you! :-) LOL"

    The :-( and :-) and LOL will make him forgive you.


    ^^If only it was that easy! LOL
  • cutchro
    cutchro Posts: 396 Member
    My Husband had secret CC multiple ones over the years.... between that and other things we are now in the process of a divorce. I have realized I cannot trust him as much as he has said he would stop, change, whatever... always came back to the same ol' mess!
  • 7funnygirl7
    7funnygirl7 Posts: 1,176
    Honesty is the best policy! You will feel so elated after it is all done...Good Luck. :smile:
  • april_beth
    april_beth Posts: 616 Member
    thanks for reminding me to pay on my "overdraft protection" line of credit...that only i know about...
  • macpatti
    macpatti Posts: 4,280 Member
    Because what happens when he finds out they she didn't go to him and 'fess up? Because he will. Sorry to be a downer but everything comes out in the end. Things will be even more ugly.
    I was just offering another suggestion. If she could pay it off and then tell him, that would probably have gone over better. I wasn't suggesting she not pay, not tell, and let it ruin their credit. Good grief.
  • MinkyMoo13
    MinkyMoo13 Posts: 354 Member
    I think you should tell him i was in a similar situation and was robbing Peter to pay Paul. You can't be married/in a relationship and have secret debt as it will come out one day.. Its much better in the open. Once i told OH about my debts i felt like a weight had been lifted. I'm not due to be debt free by the end of the year. If you are struggling to pay it back i seriously suggest you get some free debt advice best thing I ever did.
  • Bippie252
    Bippie252 Posts: 14
    I wish you the best but you should be prepared for him to question your honesty in other areas. Nature of the (relationship) beast, I guess.
  • billsica
    billsica Posts: 4,741 Member
    thanks for reminding me to pay on my "overdraft protection" line of credit...that only i know about...

    ^^^ do this.
  • Cliffslosinit
    Cliffslosinit Posts: 5,044 Member
    No matter how you break it to him...you're fooked.

    How long can you hold your ankles? You know in case you drop something.:wink:
    And true to MFP just offer him a taco:wink::wink:
  • chickabee5
    chickabee5 Posts: 90
    Lol sorry but I'm siding with the minority here. Do you really have to tell him? 1600 is hardly a big deal anyway? If you tell him it'll only make him not trust you. It's not like a bad secret, it's just a little white lie ... and I mean, he doesn't even know does he? So it's hardly a lie at all ... I think telling him about the credit card will just make things worse. Just my opinion ;)
  • BEERRUNNER
    BEERRUNNER Posts: 3,046 Member
    Meh... just be honest about it. My DH and I both have our own credit cards that we both use at our descretion.... We just are honest about how much is charged to them... especially if one asks.

    I agree with her
  • kel7298
    kel7298 Posts: 1,542 Member
    Good for you that you are able to get a credit card in your name only. You need to build your credit individually just like anyone. I personally don't see the big deal here. You are a grown responsible woman. You applied for a credit card to build your credit score. To do this successfully, you need to carry a small balance ($1600 is small). You never know if something might happen in your life where only your credit record comes into play.
  • hiker282
    hiker282 Posts: 983 Member
    Divorce!
  • CakeFit21
    CakeFit21 Posts: 2,521 Member
    I'm incapable of keeping secrets from my husband. I just have this irrational need for him to know all the good, the bad, and the downright ugly about me. That way, when he continues to love me, I know he loves all of me.

    this this this.
  • kimber0607
    kimber0607 Posts: 994 Member
    I think it is more about the principal of the situation..than the amount of money racked up
    Affects trust and other areas of the relationship
    would just come out with it clean and up front make no excuses
  • saxmaniac
    saxmaniac Posts: 1,133 Member
    Good for you that you are able to get a credit card in your name only. You need to build your credit individually just like anyone. I personally don't see the big deal here. You are a grown responsible woman. You applied for a credit card to build your credit score. To do this successfully, you need to carry a small balance ($1600 is small). You never know if something might happen in your life where only your credit record comes into play.

    Incorrect - you don't need credit cards (revolving credit) to build credit. Fixed-price installment loans and bill payment history will work.

    I carry ZERO credit card balance, and I had no problem getting a home loan for a second house. Score is well over 800.
  • beach_please
    beach_please Posts: 533 Member
    Why don't you tell him you did something REALLY bad like make out with his brother or embezzled money from your job? Then, when he gets all pissed say, "Ha, I'm just kidding but I do have $1600 in credit card debt that you don't know about". In fact, I think I'm gonna try this tactic next time I get myself into a pickle. :smile:
  • onedayillbeamilf
    onedayillbeamilf Posts: 966 Member
    My advice would be to quit taking out credit cards in your name and maxing them out behind his back.
  • macpatti
    macpatti Posts: 4,280 Member
    My advice would be to quit taking out credit cards in your name and maxing them out behind his back.

    Ya think?
  • Auspiciousgirl
    Auspiciousgirl Posts: 89
    Good on ya for coming clean!! Telling him before he finds out (because yes, the truth does tend to come out!!) takes courage and shows good character. This will be a difficult conversation, but it will probably help to build even stronger trust in your relationship. I wish you good luck :heart:
  • tyoung8
    tyoung8 Posts: 115 Member
    Responses were hilarious!

    But unless you guys pay all of your bills together and share money. I would keep it to myself and pay it off.
  • dlyeates
    dlyeates Posts: 875 Member
    Expect them to be mad and to not trust you......for a very long time. Expect to have to show receipts to prove that you are trustworthy. Expect to cut up the card and really come clean.....and they may not believe other things too....don't be mad about it!!!

    I would also highly recommend you get the book "The Total Money Makeover" by Dave Ramsey about how to get out of, and stay out of, debt. It saved my husband and mine financial futures!!!!

    Good luck.....they will be mad and they have a right to be. Don't get mad back....you did something wrong!!! Accept it and figure out how to move forward together!!!
  • onedayillbeamilf
    onedayillbeamilf Posts: 966 Member
    Good on ya for coming clean!! Telling him before he finds out (because yes, the truth does tend to come out!!) takes courage and shows good character. This will be a difficult conversation, but it will probably help to build even stronger trust in your relationship. I wish you good luck :heart:


    How much of that wine did you drink before you came up with this? Somehow I don't see "Honey, I've racked up almost $2,000 in debt behind your back" ending in "Wow baby, that really took courage for you to tell me. I feel so much closer to you now.".
  • lour441
    lour441 Posts: 543 Member
    If you both have your own money and your own credit cards then don't worry about it. Just pay it off.

    Sounds to me like you guys share funds though and you have been hiding this from him. If so, you are in varying levels of trouble depending on what you spent the money on. If you spent it on hookers and blow for him you are probably in pretty good shape. If you spent the money on crap for the guy you are sleeping with on the side you probably have issues.
  • nas24
    nas24 Posts: 880 Member
    If no one knows, it never happen. There are just some things ill die with. Hubby knows i had a crazy life, and he feels better not to know details. Smart man :wink:

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