Friends in the RED - to delete or not to delete??

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  • beyondjupiter
    beyondjupiter Posts: 247 Member
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    being new, what does being in the "red" mean?

    I'm new here too but I am assuming "in the red" means going over on calories, or basically not meeting daily goals.

    I think, personally, it is a little bit much to cut someone for not meeting their goals. At least they are logging their food? I agree with others that they need support the most.

    I recently did not log on for a few days or maybe a week because my husband and I just separated and I just sunk myself into a hole. I didn't log on for anything. Imagine how I would feel if I did log back in and my friends had left me too because I was having a hard time?

    If you need more supportive friends, add them. However, I don't think unfriending people because they are having a hard time with life or meeting their goals constitutes the definition of a friend on your part. Why not message them and see if you can offer any help?
  • netchik
    netchik Posts: 587 Member
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    For me it's two months, unless I know why they aren't on. Almost a year here, and the trend seems to be more than 2 months and they are never coming back. Those who have sought out the same friends again when they made a fresh start.

    to the people getting snotty with the OP, I think it was a fair question. Those of use who are here every day are looking for like minded people which in most cases includes the same amount of committment. A week out because you're on holiday is fine, but for most of us this is not a part-time venture.

    i have no opinion on those who do come back when it's convenient for them, if it works for them, that's great!!
  • thetrishwarp
    thetrishwarp Posts: 838 Member
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    I always double check their profile to make sure I didn't miss them saying "going on a 6-week vacation with no computer, be back then!" or something. Barring that, I delete after a month of inactivity, unless it's someone who I had a very supportive relationship with in the past, in which case I send a message.
  • leopard_barbie
    leopard_barbie Posts: 279 Member
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    It's not that simple really is it? It depends what their calorie goals are for a start. At the moment I have my calorie goal set to maintenance so that I can easily see what my weekly calorie deficit is so with the odd exception I should never be in the red, even if I'm not actually losing. Everybody has different goals for their weightloss, I would read their comments and statuses and support them unless you feel they are having a negative impact on you in any way.
  • charanne52
    charanne52 Posts: 88 Member
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    being new, what does being in the "red" mean?
    '
    It means that the person has not been logging in to MFP. Under the Friends Category the last log-in date is listed under each name and if they do not sign in on a daily basis the last date they did log in is highlighted in red.

    I'd be inclined to delete people from my friend's list if they have been absent for longer than three months.
  • SassyCalyGirl
    SassyCalyGirl Posts: 1,932 Member
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    I send them a PM before I delete asking if everything is ok-but if they are not logging in they don't see the message. I only delete people that don't offer me the same support I offer them.
  • Qarol
    Qarol Posts: 6,171 Member
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    Just checked...I have 10 friends in the red...a few of them, I know why. The oldest one, I will NEVER delete :cry:
  • donna_glasgow
    donna_glasgow Posts: 869 Member
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    I just posted this on my wall last night lol

    friends who haven't logged in for months, what do you do with them?, delete them or leave them on your friends list........... I don't like to delete ppl in case they fell off the wagon and come back and really need supportive friends but I also don't want a huge friends list of ppl who are never here as I noticed a few ppl in posts saying that they don't friend ppl who have lots of friends ......... ... maybe I think too much about it :-/

    Ive decided (after a few comments) to leave them till they go 3 months then delete

    I feel bad deleting ppl who might just be the ones that need the support more ..... but if they dont log in for 1/4 of a year its unlikly I can help them :)
  • Family_Man
    Family_Man Posts: 53
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    Plus a lot of people will state on their profile what well get someone "deleted".
  • AreneeG31
    AreneeG31 Posts: 256 Member
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    I clean up my friends list regularly. I give them a month of not logging in and then I delete them. I just did this yesterday and three of them had deactivated their accounts. My thinking is if they havent logged on in a month then they arent utilizing the site for what ever reason and if the come back the can resend a request if they still want to be a friend on here. Im sure there's no hard feelings.

    Do whatever you think is best.
  • NoAdditives
    NoAdditives Posts: 4,251 Member
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    I keep my friends, no matter what. I try to be as supportive as possible, even when they aren't logging in. While I was pregnant last year I didn't log in for a few months. I was sad to come back to find that some of my favorite friends had dropped me. I don't know what goes on in other people's lives, so I don't always know why they aren't logging in. But, if they decide to come back, I'd like to be there for them.
  • rchupka87
    rchupka87 Posts: 543 Member
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    Delete. I go through and delete people every few days. When I get a friend request, I give everyone a chance. I've never said no. I give it a few days, and if there is no communication, no interaction, no support from either party, then I delete them. The way I look at it, what's the point. I get daily support from the people I have truely made friends with on here. The people that don't log in, or DO log in, but make no effort to be a part of my journey... well, they are just another random picture of a stranger on a list of people.

    Maybe I am mean, or whatever, but this is MY journey. Either you want to be a part of it, or you don't.

    Good luck dear!!!
  • quilteryoyo
    quilteryoyo Posts: 6,042 Member
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    I don't know if you need to delete them or not. That is up to you. But before you do, do you know by how many calories they are going over? I mean, I've been in the red a couple of times when I was over by less than 50 calories. And, I can go over by 300 or so and still be losing weight. It is just a guide, after all.

    Sorry, I thought red meant going over in calories, not having not logged in for a long time.
  • Lane1012
    Lane1012 Posts: 211 Member
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    I would simply ask myself, why did I add this person in the first place. If there's no value to having them on there then get rid of them.
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
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    Just a thought... Maybe its your friends in the RED who really need more support.

    How can they be supported when they aren't using the site?

    OP, generally, if I have a friend in the red, I will visit their wall and try to encourage them to come back. They might still get e-mail notifications. If they don't come back after a few attempts, then I just cut them loose.

    Also, if they are in the red and we never interacted much, then I just figure that they won't miss me.
  • jennifer52484
    jennifer52484 Posts: 888 Member
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    If someone hasn't logged on in 20+ days I will usually check out their page and see if they are away or if they closed their account. I went through my friends list the other day with the intention of deleting all people who haven't logged in in awhile. I clicked on one and she had just lost her husband in a car accident. So, I would do it on a person to person basis. Some people have much more important things going on in their life, like mourning the loss of someone dear to them. Make a judgement call. Or if you really feel bad, send them a message saying, add me when you log back on. Good Luck!
  • MsNewBooty83
    MsNewBooty83 Posts: 1,003 Member
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    thats depends on alot of things...just being in the red isnt such a big deal, but if theyre just 'dead weight' on your list...then axe 'em! i can be in the red for weeks and still be losing, i know this (not that i have tested that at all, lol) also, some ppl intentionally increase their calories (maybe they havent adjusted?) but if its just from eating strainght crap food and they havent been losing, or exercising, or trying or commenting etd...its time to say bye! maybe make an attempt at giving a little encouragment and see what comes back to you, if nothing, then axe! i delete inactive friends...i figure as long as theyre still logging, then its something!?!!
  • melscrum
    melscrum Posts: 27
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    A couple of months ago I was the girl who didn't log in for a little over two weeks. I was dealing with a lot of stress from family issues that came up and end of year projects and finals, and was working nearly 40 hours too. It happened all at once and I didn't give notice that I would be gone. When I came back a few weeks later after things settled down, I went to message someone who I drew a lot of support from and I found that they had deleted me. That kind of hurt me, because I considered that person to be a great friend and someone who I drew support and motivation from a lot but at the same time I understood her point of view as well since I did not give a notice that I would be gone for a few weeks and we had not been friends for very long.

    I say that a couple of weeks is not enough notice, because you never know what could've happened to cause that person not to log. A car accident, severe injury of some sort, a sick child, etc. But if it's been more than a few months, then chances are they are not coming back anytime soon and if they do they would be more likely to understand why they have fewer friends.
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
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    being new, what does being in the "red" mean?
    "has not logged in so many days"

    This is what I assumed was meant by 'in the red'. If you are a diary nazi, then you can feel free to cut me anytime you feel like. I don't hang with diary nazis.
  • BPayton27
    BPayton27 Posts: 626 Member
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    I delete inactive friends, but not because they were "in the red" in their diaries. What people put in their mouths is their own business. As long as we're supporting each other, that's what matters to me. Those are the people that need the most support. Honestly, I don't even look at my friends' food diaries. I closed mine months ago and stopped allowing it to post to my wall. Not because I have anything to hide, but because I wanted to keep myself accountable and not rely on other people. Other people aren't on my shoulder all day making the right decision for me. Eventually we all have to do it on our own.

    Deleting someone because they're overeating (they may not be.....some of MFP estimates are a little bogus i.e 1200 a day) is a little extreme. Be more concerned with those undereating bordering on eating disorders.

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