Friends in the RED - to delete or not to delete??

NoAdditives

I keep my friends, no matter what. I try to be as supportive as possible, even when they aren't logging in. While I was pregnant last year I didn't log in for a few months. I was sad to come back to find that some of my favorite friends had dropped me. I don't know what goes on in other people's lives, so I don't always know why they aren't logging in. But, if they decide to come back, I'd like to be there for them.

rchupka87

Delete. I go through and delete people every few days. When I get a friend request, I give everyone a chance. I've never said no. I give it a few days, and if there is no communication, no interaction, no support from either party, then I delete them. The way I look at it, what's the point. I get daily support from the people I have truely made friends with on here. The people that don't log in, or DO log in, but make no effort to be a part of my journey... well, they are just another random picture of a stranger on a list of people.

Maybe I am mean, or whatever, but this is MY journey. Either you want to be a part of it, or you don't.

Good luck dear!!!

quilteryoyo

I don't know if you need to delete them or not. That is up to you. But before you do, do you know by how many calories they are going over? I mean, I've been in the red a couple of times when I was over by less than 50 calories. And, I can go over by 300 or so and still be losing weight. It is just a guide, after all.

Sorry, I thought red meant going over in calories, not having not logged in for a long time.

Lane1012

I would simply ask myself, why did I add this person in the first place. If there's no value to having them on there then get rid of them.

UsedToBeHusky

Just a thought... Maybe its your friends in the RED who really need more support.

How can they be supported when they aren't using the site?

OP, generally, if I have a friend in the red, I will visit their wall and try to encourage them to come back. They might still get e-mail notifications. If they don't come back after a few attempts, then I just cut them loose.

Also, if they are in the red and we never interacted much, then I just figure that they won't miss me.

jennifer52484

If someone hasn't logged on in 20+ days I will usually check out their page and see if they are away or if they closed their account. I went through my friends list the other day with the intention of deleting all people who haven't logged in in awhile. I clicked on one and she had just lost her husband in a car accident. So, I would do it on a person to person basis. Some people have much more important things going on in their life, like mourning the loss of someone dear to them. Make a judgement call. Or if you really feel bad, send them a message saying, add me when you log back on. Good Luck!

MsNewBooty83

thats depends on alot of things...just being in the red isnt such a big deal, but if theyre just 'dead weight' on your list...then axe 'em! i can be in the red for weeks and still be losing, i know this (not that i have tested that at all, lol) also, some ppl intentionally increase their calories (maybe they havent adjusted?) but if its just from eating strainght crap food and they havent been losing, or exercising, or trying or commenting etd...its time to say bye! maybe make an attempt at giving a little encouragment and see what comes back to you, if nothing, then axe! i delete inactive friends...i figure as long as theyre still logging, then its something!?!!

melscrum

A couple of months ago I was the girl who didn't log in for a little over two weeks. I was dealing with a lot of stress from family issues that came up and end of year projects and finals, and was working nearly 40 hours too. It happened all at once and I didn't give notice that I would be gone. When I came back a few weeks later after things settled down, I went to message someone who I drew a lot of support from and I found that they had deleted me. That kind of hurt me, because I considered that person to be a great friend and someone who I drew support and motivation from a lot but at the same time I understood her point of view as well since I did not give a notice that I would be gone for a few weeks and we had not been friends for very long.

I say that a couple of weeks is not enough notice, because you never know what could've happened to cause that person not to log. A car accident, severe injury of some sort, a sick child, etc. But if it's been more than a few months, then chances are they are not coming back anytime soon and if they do they would be more likely to understand why they have fewer friends.

UsedToBeHusky

being new, what does being in the "red" mean?

"has not logged in so many days"

This is what I assumed was meant by 'in the red'. If you are a diary nazi, then you can feel free to cut me anytime you feel like. I don't hang with diary nazis.

BPayton27

I delete inactive friends, but not because they were "in the red" in their diaries. What people put in their mouths is their own business. As long as we're supporting each other, that's what matters to me. Those are the people that need the most support. Honestly, I don't even look at my friends' food diaries. I closed mine months ago and stopped allowing it to post to my wall. Not because I have anything to hide, but because I wanted to keep myself accountable and not rely on other people. Other people aren't on my shoulder all day making the right decision for me. Eventually we all have to do it on our own.

Deleting someone because they're overeating (they may not be.....some of MFP estimates are a little bogus i.e 1200 a day) is a little extreme. Be more concerned with those undereating bordering on eating disorders.

Caitlinhappymeal

delete! IMHO 78 friends are too many to offer genuine support too, i have 30 and its manageable and we all interact, if anyone goes into the red i send them a message asking if everything is ok and offer support and encouragement, some respond saying thanks it was just what they needed, and some don't, those that fall into some don’t category are deleted and this gives me a vacancy for somebody more worthy of my time and support xx

clairyfairy247

I personally delete them. If they are new to MFP, go on it for 3 days and then haven't been back on for 3 months, I get rid.

Saying that, if it is someone who has been supportive to me or someone I chat to regularly and then they are inactive for 3 months, I would probably keep them. It doesn't do any harm to keep people around. It's not like there is a limit to how many friends you can have!

sisterlilbunny

I don't care if someone goes over red on their daily diary. I'm not their mom or the diet police. They're here for a reason. I'm not going to judge, just support.

beccyleigh

have you clicked into their profile?. I had one guy I had been supporting & getting comments on my profile from who didn't log in for a few days, I clicked into his profile to see if he has made a note about going away & his profile had been deactivated. Needless to say I cleared him off my list. Maybe do the same, see if they have made note about going someonwhere or being busy but generally I give everyone 7 days without notice.

TexanThom

78 friends...How many do you need for support? Not trying to be a jerk, but I have trouble keeping up with the dozen or so I have.

solarpower03

I delete inactive friends and those who don't comment, leave constructive feedback and I continue to do so for them. So, no non-reciprocating friends are on my list.

_hi_hat3r_

Delete

cloggsy71

I delete 'most' red friends... but some long term ones I keep, I do a MFP cull every so often to.


Feel free to add me


PEACE

Ditto!

P.S. Come on England!!!

RobinvdM

This may sound cold, but the people you add to your friends list are supposed to be as much of an example and support network for YOU as you are supposed to be for them. IMO you are allowed to friend or defriend anyone you want to from your list, especially if you know they aren't trying or are doing things in their diet that you totally disagree with. (IE someone weighing in at 270 setting their calorie goal for 1200 a day just to lose weight faster as opposed to in a more healthy way.)

Going in the red once in a while happens to all of us. If people are constantly in the red (day after day after day, for 7 days straight let's say..) and they are griping about inadequate weight loss, then to ME they aren't serious about losing weight, and no amount of input is going to change the numbers for them.

I feel that if you have left a message or two over the course of time encouraging them to drink more, or make better food choices, etc and they persist in doing it their own way and you don't feel good about it, then drop them. You are by no means obligated to babysit any adult on here or be upset with yourself for wanting to surround yourself with better examples that you hold yourself to.

TamaraGraceS

I love this! I don't delete for that reason. We are here to support and feel what kind of friends are we if we only think of ourselves. Those are the people who one day might give up cause there was noboby there to support them. My luv for my MFP girlfriends is unconditional.

Just a thought... Maybe its your friends in the RED who really need more support.

myf1101

I have a cull every couple of weeks and if someone has been in the red for more than 2 weeks then I delete them, unless they have previosly said they are away.

wwoelbel

Do you know them outside of MFP? If not, what purpose does maintaining a friendship without any communication serve? Tossing someone that you regularly chat with if they dont show up for a few days maybe a bit premature but ditching Bob565 (sorry Bob if you are a real user) who you have never directly communicated with and has not logged in for a month is no loss and without some level of communication, there wasnt a supportive relationship to begin with.

Executive summary: Maybe.... It depends....

UsedToBeHusky

I love this! I don't delete for that reason. We are here to support and feel what kind of friends are we if we only think of ourselves. Those are the people who one day might give up cause there was noboby there to support them. My luv for my MFP girlfriends is unconditional.

Just a thought... Maybe its your friends in the RED who really need more support.

Again, I repeat the question... how can they be supported if they do not use the website?

Oh... and support goes both ways... if they aren't using the site, then they aren't supporting me.

KBGirts

I'm in the red almost everyday.... and still losing. What difference does it make?

Shweedog

I love this! I don't delete for that reason. We are here to support and feel what kind of friends are we if we only think of ourselves. Those are the people who one day might give up cause there was noboby there to support them. My luv for my MFP girlfriends is unconditional.

Just a thought... Maybe its your friends in the RED who really need more support.

Again, I repeat the question... how can they be supported if they do not use the website?

Being in the red means they have gone over on their calories. They ARE using the site...

UsedToBeHusky

I'm in the red almost everyday.... and still losing. What difference does it make?

The OP meant in the red with days logged in.

balddonnie

Consider each person as an individual, make your choice based on the person not the fact that they are in the red.

KBGirts

I'm in the red almost everyday.... and still losing. What difference does it make?

The OP meant in the red with days logged in.

Oh.... nevermind. Okay!

beccyleigh

^^^ wrong kind of in the red!

Faye_Anderson

I think you and all the other users who have posted the same question today should friend each other then you won't have to worry about friends who don't log on. How many times can a question get posted in a day?