Disappointment from others

heartkeeper

You should be WAY proud of yourself! You Rock! (send your mom an ice cream cake *giggle*)
:flowerforyou:

hanneberries

I think it /is/ hard to talk to parents about it. She's been going on about wanting me to lose weight for a really long time, so I think she was hoping that I would have started right away, and that it would have been faster.

She had this grand idea when she told me in March to start losing weight, that if I lost 20lbs by July 1st, she'd give me x amount of money. Which was a nice motivator, but, I realised soon that it would be near impossible for me to reach that goal in a healthy manner, and now that I'm so far off, she's disappointed. But I did tell her straight out that losing weight is a mental thing, as well as physical. Mentally I didn't care until May - meaning that while maybe I would diet one day, the next I wouldn't, and so from March - May, I gained a couple pounds. But now I'm trying to make a lifestyle change, and that takes time.

She responded by saying we could delay the last weigh in until August 16th when she gets back from her Holiday, but at the same time, I don't see that happening. I'll be happy to be down a healthy 10lbs by then. I think I can do that if I work hard, especially with it now being summer and I can garden and whatnot.

It's frustrating that she seems to think that 20lbs is a small goal, but really, it's not. IMO that's one of my part goals, where I'll be really proud of myself, and will likely have a me party (a party by myself) (eh eh eh the muppets)

Thank you all for your warm words and support. It definitely puts me back in the right state of mind.

mphlab

Relatives can be the worst! Tell her to pick up 16 sticks of butter & haul them around! 4lbs is nothing to be dissapointed in! You should be proud! I am dissapointed in her for being so unsupportive to you- she should know better! When I first saw my mother in law after a lost 5-10lbs she did nothing to help me or compliment me. After 6 months and 29 pounds she is very complimentary now... I wanted to shout " No thanks to you" I am one of those people that is very contrary. If you tell me I should - I won't just to spite you.Even if it is not in my best interest. But as someone said - this is for you - not her. It took me to my 40s & getting married to be able to ignore relatives. I smile & nod & then do whatever the heck I want to. At first I would fight back but I learned that she thought the way she was going to think & I was just wasting my breath.

I gained after I adjusted my calories up to over my BMR but now I am back on track. It is so much more important to do this right than quickly. You will also avoid loose skin. Chin up - you ROCK! Check out the Eat More 2 Weigh Less Group - they are very helpful.

sl1ngsh0t

I tell them to eff off. even if it is my mother.

Ralphrabbit

My mother spent her life criticising my weight & had a go at every opportunity!
In the last 18 months of her life she was unable to say anything as I lost 6 stone & she was unable to say something nice so had to shut up. She died last month, unable to notice my weight loss but it remained her problem not mine. Plenty of people that I have far more respect for have been kind, supportive & complimentary. That's nice but I am doing it for me & I am reaping the benefits!!
Do it for you & reward yourself!

Maude_Lewbowski

I've been on MFP for about three weeks, and have been committed to making a lifestyle change since. I've tested out different levels of calories, having started out at 1200, but working out every day to bring it up to about 1450, and then last week I tried starting at 1450, and working up to 1600. In that week, I gained 1lb, though whether that was because I had eaten a lot right before I went to bed and [cough] hadn't had movement before I weighed myself, or what, I'm not sure. Possibly also the muscles working, but I'm not sure. I was disappointed, but that's just how it goes sometimes.

However, my Mum has been all "interested" (aka obsessed) with my weight, and so she asked me today how much I had lost up to now, and I said, with the added weight, 4lbs. And she flat out said she was disappointed in me. Like it was my fault, and hadn't been working hard enough! I don't know /why/ I've only lost 4lbs, but considering it's only been 3 weeks, though I was disappointed because I had gained from last week, I still haven't gone back up to my original weight, and I'm pleased with that. Slow and steady wins the race, yet her disappointment hits hard.

How do you deal with disappointment from others? I don't like disappointing people, but should I just let it roll off my back? How do you do that?

Guilt from friends and family doesn't fly with me. If they have issue then that's THEIR issue. I don't take anyone else's inventory and I can't stand when people take mine. I think you're making progress coupled the fact that you are stickng with it shows you're dedication. Don't let anyone get you down (unfortunately) even if it's family.

myfitnessnmhoy

She had this grand idea when she told me in March to start losing weight, that if I lost 20lbs by July 1st, she'd give me x amount of money. Which was a nice motivator, but, I realised soon that it would be near impossible for me to reach that goal in a healthy manner, and now that I'm so far off, she's disappointed. But I did tell her straight out that losing weight is a mental thing, as well as physical. Mentally I didn't care until May - meaning that while maybe I would diet one day, the next I wouldn't, and so from March - May, I gained a couple pounds. But now I'm trying to make a lifestyle change, and that takes time.

She responded by saying we could delay the last weigh in until August 16th when she gets back from her Holiday, but at the same time, I don't see that happening. I'll be happy to be down a healthy 10lbs by then. I think I can do that if I work hard, especially with it now being summer and I can garden and whatnot.

It's frustrating that she seems to think that 20lbs is a small goal, but really, it's not. IMO that's one of my part goals, where I'll be really proud of myself, and will likely have a me party (a party by myself) (eh eh eh the muppets)

Thank you all for your warm words and support. It definitely puts me back in the right state of mind.

You've got your priorities right and your head on straight, which is fantastic. You aren't doing this for the money, and you aren't doing it for the mommy. You're going to do just fine at this, no worries!

If you really focus on doing it right, eating clean, getting your fat/carbs/proteins in balance, working out, and doing all the right things, you have enough left to go that 2 pounds a week is a reasonable goal. But above all else you have to go with the pace that is right for YOU, not some artificial money-induced deadline based on something someone else saw on "Biggest Loser" or read about.

And, of course, you can't control the actual weight loss. You do your best, you keep trying, you stick with it, and you focus on eating healthy foods at a caloric deficit and improving your fitness. The weight will just kinda take care of itself at a pace of its own choosing.

You and your body will find a tempo together, then you'll hit a plateau together, and you'll find a tempo again, and the tango will continue in this fun if occasionally frustrating dance.