Am I being too controlling?

AliciaBeth78
AliciaBeth78 Posts: 437 Member
in Motivation and Support
Please tell me if this is controlling or if I just seriously am over-reacting????

Today I met a friend of mine at the gym before we were going to go our separate ways and shower and meet back for lunch! I took a spin class while he walked on the treadmill.

Here was the convo after spin and when I walked up to him on the treadmill....

Friend: How was spin?
Me: Awesome, but I have about 30 more minutes of cardio to do for the week
F: I have about 12 so that will give me time to sit in the sauna and relax for a bit before we go to lunch.
M: Sounds good. I'm going to go out in the main cardio area because these small treadmills scare me. Wanna join me?
F: I have 12 minutes left
M: Ok.... I was just asking (this was said with a smile by the way!)
F: I was under the impression that we didn't control each others work outs.
M: I was actually just being polite, but that was really rude

That was when I walked off. During one of my "hey I can breathe for 30 second" intervals. I sent him a text saying "Dude seriously, I'm sorry I ASKED if you wanted to switch up where you were working out. I didn't realize ASKING a question was being controlling! I thought I was just being polite by not walking off in the middle of the gym!"

Needless to say, I haven't gotten any response.

Do you guys think that I was being controlling and should apologize or that he is just being really whiny and I just need to move on from this friendship????
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Replies

  • iKapuniai
    iKapuniai Posts: 594 Member
    I think you guys are both being ridiculous. That was a silly thing for either of you to get upset about. Both of you need to grow up, apologize and get on with your friendship.
  • AliciaBeth78
    AliciaBeth78 Posts: 437 Member
    I thought we were fine.... I sent him another text and asked "What time are we meeting for lunch?" Obviously not, he deleted me from MFP, FB, and I haven't tried even calling yet
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,421 Member
    I think you guys are both being ridiculous. That was a silly thing for either of you to get upset about. Both of you need to grow up, apologize and get on with your friendship.

    QFT
  • iKapuniai
    iKapuniai Posts: 594 Member
    I thought we were fine.... I sent him another text and asked "What time are we meeting for lunch?" Obviously not, he deleted me from MFP, FB, and I haven't tried even calling yet

    Suppose that answers your question then. lol Maybe your friend has some maturing to do.
  • AliciaBeth78
    AliciaBeth78 Posts: 437 Member
    Good point! Still wonder if I should apologize though....
  • iKapuniai
    iKapuniai Posts: 594 Member
    You already did, right? Whether or not your friend ACCEPTS your apology is entirely up to him. If he doesn't accept it or even acknowledges it, then he just gonna have to miss out on your friendship.

    Of course, not everybody can understand that approach. I only have one friend in my life that I know I can trust, that I KNOW is there for me... the rest, no matter how long I've known them (most I've known 10+ years), can be dropped without being missed by me. So if somebody decides to act stupid like that around me and decides to erase me from their lives, that's their choice and who am I to persuade them otherwise? If my friendship means *kitten* to them, then they just don't deserve to have me in their lives. :)
  • b_mcelman
    b_mcelman Posts: 6
    I wouldn't.
  • AliciaBeth78
    AliciaBeth78 Posts: 437 Member
    You know what... you are completely right! F**K HIM! He doesn't deserve to be my friend and I do deserve to have people in my life that are actually worth a *kitten*!

    Truthfully, even my boyfriend thinks he's beng a whiny b*tch and trust me, he TOTALLY tries to stay out of the gay boyfriend relationship haha

    Thank you :)
  • MyTime1985
    MyTime1985 Posts: 456 Member
    You already did, right? Whether or not your friend ACCEPTS your apology is entirely up to him. If he doesn't accept it or even acknowledges it, then he just gonna have to miss out on your friendship.

    Of course, not everybody can understand that approach. I only have one friend in my life that I know I can trust, that I KNOW is there for me... the rest, no matter how long I've known them (most I've known 10+ years), can be dropped without being missed by me. So if somebody decides to act stupid like that around me and decides to erase me from their lives, that's their choice and who am I to persuade them otherwise? If my friendship means *kitten* to them, then they just don't deserve to have me in their lives. :)

    This
  • chickenrider
    chickenrider Posts: 40
    You have nothing to apologize for in my opinion. Do not chase some one down to apologize, make amends within yourself and go on about your business. If he deleted you from MFP, FB and won't return texts...do not call! It makes youlook desperate for friends, which I am sure you are not.

    Move on, it seems as though he has already unfortunately.
  • superrjo
    superrjo Posts: 112 Member
    I thought we were fine.... I sent him another text and asked "What time are we meeting for lunch?" Obviously not, he deleted me from MFP, FB, and I haven't tried even calling yet

    thats the most ridiculous thing ive ever heard. how old is he ! i think he needs a time out.
  • sho3girl
    sho3girl Posts: 10,799 Member
    I thought we were fine.... I sent him another text and asked "What time are we meeting for lunch?" Obviously not, he deleted me from MFP, FB, and I haven't tried even calling yet

    thats the most ridiculous thing ive ever heard. how old is he ! i think he needs a time out.

    definately needs the naughty step... don 't call him he's probably changed his number
  • AliciaBeth78
    AliciaBeth78 Posts: 437 Member
    I thought we were fine.... I sent him another text and asked "What time are we meeting for lunch?" Obviously not, he deleted me from MFP, FB, and I haven't tried even calling yet

    thats the most ridiculous thing ive ever heard. how old is he ! i think he needs a time out.

    LOL he's 39
  • AlabasterJar68
    AlabasterJar68 Posts: 121
    Seems to me from your post, that you have apologized. Maybe your friend was going through an adrenaline rush or something, who knows. LOL I know I attend to come off as controlling and whenever I do my family sets me straight. No big deal, I am sure once he is left to himself, he can then gather his thoughts and the whole thing might be forgotten. If not, then you must move on. :smile:
  • auticus
    auticus Posts: 1,051 Member
    Sounds pretty silly. Also sounds like there is more to the story than we know about. Possibly on his end. Let it go.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    I thought we were fine.... I sent him another text and asked "What time are we meeting for lunch?" Obviously not, he deleted me from MFP, FB, and I haven't tried even calling yet

    Wow, over reaction much?! If you want to then text and apologise, like one line not a whole essay, and leave it at that, sounds like he has major issues to go crazy about one little thing!
  • _Bob_
    _Bob_ Posts: 1,487 Member
    I thought we were fine.... I sent him another text and asked "What time are we meeting for lunch?" Obviously not, he deleted me from MFP, FB, and I haven't tried even calling yet

    thats the most ridiculous thing ive ever heard. how old is he ! i think he needs a time out.

    LOL he's 39

    ROFL, this was a fun read. wow, to take offense to someone asking if they wanted to move treadmills is a bit silly.

    when I'm on a treadmill and my wife asks if I want to run next to her I usually flip her off and then move next to her anyways. but we are a little inappropriate at the gym cussing each other out all in good fun. we spend most of our workouts together laughing
  • FoodieGal09
    FoodieGal09 Posts: 198 Member
    ^^This. He has completely overreacted. Unless this kind of thing happens all the time and this was the straw that broke the camels back kind of thing.
  • Crochetluvr
    Crochetluvr Posts: 3,284 Member
    Do you guys think that I was being controlling and should apologize or that he is just being really whiny and I just need to move on from this friendship????

    Sounds like he took his marbles and his ball from the playground and went home. If you did sound "controlling", I think your text explained (I dont think you were, FWIW).
  • delilah47
    delilah47 Posts: 1,658
    I don't think you are too controlling; I think you are too analytical. Quit thinking so much.
  • gec1266
    gec1266 Posts: 201 Member
    Sounds like you were both wrong. He took it the wrong way and you reacted way too sensitively. Give it a few and let it cool down and if it was a true friendship,it will find it's way back to where it was..
  • melonclarinet
    melonclarinet Posts: 163 Member
    To be the devil's advocate, some people are saying you already apologized, but since the apology was in the form of a text and the way it was worded could definitely be taken as a "I'm sorry you have a problem" kind of apology, it's not really an apology.

    It seems you both got defensive very quickly. You just have to decide if this friend is worth making up with. We all have bad days, but if this is common behavior with this friend, time to let him go. If he's been a good friend for years and you haven't had many issues, it might be worth making an apology in person.

    Honestly, texting has created issues a few times for me, because you can't tell the tone.
  • danahake
    danahake Posts: 64 Member
    You are not in the wrong in my opinion. Id go on like it never happened..
  • TourThePast
    TourThePast Posts: 1,753 Member
    He was probably annoyed at being interrupted before he finished his workout, I know I would be. Then again, I go to the gym to work out, not to socialise.

    You do sound as if being with you is a high maintenance activity. If he wanted to find you, he'd have found you. As he deleted you over this small thing, it sounds as if he was already getting a bit tired of your friendship, and maybe you were picking up on that, which is why you felt you needed to check with him while he was still working out.

    Really, just take a step back and get on with your workouts.

    If he's a member on here and he reads this, you can kiss your friendship goodbye. Unless he thrives on drama, in which case you're welcome to each other!
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,228 Member
    I think you guys are both being ridiculous. That was a silly thing for either of you to get upset about. Both of you need to grow up, apologize and get on with your friendship.

    This. You shouldn't have bothered texting all of that. You should have just left it all in that moment and let it go. Your friend never accused you of being controlling. The friend had already worked out a plan for finishing his workout. He felt like he had already made clear to you what the plan was. Then you asked him to change his plan. Yes, his reaction wasn't right, but yours really wasn't either. This is definitely not something worth ending a friendship over.
  • fatchiick
    fatchiick Posts: 105
    Eww I hate people like him. I also hate overly sensitive people and not to be rude but you seem like one... coming up with a conclusion that you're controlling simply because he used the word.. its more likely he just said that because he could tell you were overly needy.. like you needed him to come with you.. when he already clearly stated he had 12 mins left who likes to be interupted while working out? You needed to text him to make sure everything was clear, you needed ask this question to try and come up with an answer... you needed to know if you should apoligize, even after he deleted you from all his accounts and won't return texts... you act like you desperately need his friendship.. fucc him. My best friends are just like you super needy!!! I wanna slap them lots of the time but keep mum...You're better off cause your feelings would have gotten majorly hurt by this guy.
  • Simone_King
    Simone_King Posts: 467 Member
    My point of view...

    No, you where just being friendly...and frankly, He, was being rude. Regardless of how you appologiesed...

    I say let him come back to you. Let the dead horse rest.
  • Runninginafatsuit
    Runninginafatsuit Posts: 78 Member
    No offense OP but sounds like he just was looking for an excuse not to be friends anymore. I've seen it happen before. That over reaction was his way to end it.
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,063 Member
    M: Ok.... I was just asking (this was said with a smile by the way!)

    Gonna be honest. When people say "I was just asking" it is usually meant with either sarcasm or a little bit of anger. I've never had "I was just asking" said to me in a nice way. so I understand why your friend reacted like he did, however, he should have held his tongue probably.
    That was when I walked off. During one of my "hey I can breathe for 30 second" intervals. I sent him a text saying "Dude seriously, I'm sorry I ASKED if you wanted to switch up where you were working out. I didn't realize ASKING a question was being controlling! I thought I was just being polite by not walking off in the middle of the gym!"

    And then this just killed it.
    It's too late but you should've said "sorry if I upset you earlier. Meet you at ______ for a smoothie!"

    Yes, you should apologize.
  • AliciaBeth78
    AliciaBeth78 Posts: 437 Member
    Wow, thank you guys! In reading all of your responses (some funny and some kinda rude but eye-opening), I just decided a few things...

    #1. F**K HIM! He's not worth my time to ***** about!
    #2. I think I was more upset at losing my motivating workout partner than losing a so-called friend. Some of you are right, I am lonely (or needy with him). My real friends (who still try and I love them for it!) are not into wanting to workout at all! They are all still going out drinking every weekend and when they ask me to go with them and I only do occassionally.... it doesn't make for a very active social life and hasn't for some time. So here I meet this guy at the gym. We become workout partners and subsequently good friends (or so I thought!). In retrospect, he was a rude and whiny gay man. You know, the kind that you just want to slap upside the head because he's madly obsessing (stalker style) over a straight man! Yup, by the way, that is how this all started.... I was the one who told him that his man crush was straight, had a girlfriend, and just all around not a "good" person. So yes, he was looking for an excuse because I didn't kiss his *kitten* when he was expecting me to be happy that he was "in love!"

    PS - I just want to add for some of you that if you know someone is seriously putting in MINIMUM effort walking 3mph at a 0% incline and you walk up to them - that's not even close to interupting their workout because that person isn't "working out." Thats coming to find them when you are finished like you said you would do? Just my opinion :)

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