Am I being too controlling?
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Sounds like you were both wrong. He took it the wrong way and you reacted way too sensitively. Give it a few and let it cool down and if it was a true friendship,it will find it's way back to where it was..0
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To be the devil's advocate, some people are saying you already apologized, but since the apology was in the form of a text and the way it was worded could definitely be taken as a "I'm sorry you have a problem" kind of apology, it's not really an apology.
It seems you both got defensive very quickly. You just have to decide if this friend is worth making up with. We all have bad days, but if this is common behavior with this friend, time to let him go. If he's been a good friend for years and you haven't had many issues, it might be worth making an apology in person.
Honestly, texting has created issues a few times for me, because you can't tell the tone.0 -
You are not in the wrong in my opinion. Id go on like it never happened..0
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He was probably annoyed at being interrupted before he finished his workout, I know I would be. Then again, I go to the gym to work out, not to socialise.
You do sound as if being with you is a high maintenance activity. If he wanted to find you, he'd have found you. As he deleted you over this small thing, it sounds as if he was already getting a bit tired of your friendship, and maybe you were picking up on that, which is why you felt you needed to check with him while he was still working out.
Really, just take a step back and get on with your workouts.
If he's a member on here and he reads this, you can kiss your friendship goodbye. Unless he thrives on drama, in which case you're welcome to each other!0 -
I think you guys are both being ridiculous. That was a silly thing for either of you to get upset about. Both of you need to grow up, apologize and get on with your friendship.
This. You shouldn't have bothered texting all of that. You should have just left it all in that moment and let it go. Your friend never accused you of being controlling. The friend had already worked out a plan for finishing his workout. He felt like he had already made clear to you what the plan was. Then you asked him to change his plan. Yes, his reaction wasn't right, but yours really wasn't either. This is definitely not something worth ending a friendship over.0 -
Eww I hate people like him. I also hate overly sensitive people and not to be rude but you seem like one... coming up with a conclusion that you're controlling simply because he used the word.. its more likely he just said that because he could tell you were overly needy.. like you needed him to come with you.. when he already clearly stated he had 12 mins left who likes to be interupted while working out? You needed to text him to make sure everything was clear, you needed ask this question to try and come up with an answer... you needed to know if you should apoligize, even after he deleted you from all his accounts and won't return texts... you act like you desperately need his friendship.. fucc him. My best friends are just like you super needy!!! I wanna slap them lots of the time but keep mum...You're better off cause your feelings would have gotten majorly hurt by this guy.0
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My point of view...
No, you where just being friendly...and frankly, He, was being rude. Regardless of how you appologiesed...
I say let him come back to you. Let the dead horse rest.0 -
No offense OP but sounds like he just was looking for an excuse not to be friends anymore. I've seen it happen before. That over reaction was his way to end it.0
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M: Ok.... I was just asking (this was said with a smile by the way!)
Gonna be honest. When people say "I was just asking" it is usually meant with either sarcasm or a little bit of anger. I've never had "I was just asking" said to me in a nice way. so I understand why your friend reacted like he did, however, he should have held his tongue probably.That was when I walked off. During one of my "hey I can breathe for 30 second" intervals. I sent him a text saying "Dude seriously, I'm sorry I ASKED if you wanted to switch up where you were working out. I didn't realize ASKING a question was being controlling! I thought I was just being polite by not walking off in the middle of the gym!"
And then this just killed it.
It's too late but you should've said "sorry if I upset you earlier. Meet you at ______ for a smoothie!"
Yes, you should apologize.0 -
Wow, thank you guys! In reading all of your responses (some funny and some kinda rude but eye-opening), I just decided a few things...
#1. F**K HIM! He's not worth my time to ***** about!
#2. I think I was more upset at losing my motivating workout partner than losing a so-called friend. Some of you are right, I am lonely (or needy with him). My real friends (who still try and I love them for it!) are not into wanting to workout at all! They are all still going out drinking every weekend and when they ask me to go with them and I only do occassionally.... it doesn't make for a very active social life and hasn't for some time. So here I meet this guy at the gym. We become workout partners and subsequently good friends (or so I thought!). In retrospect, he was a rude and whiny gay man. You know, the kind that you just want to slap upside the head because he's madly obsessing (stalker style) over a straight man! Yup, by the way, that is how this all started.... I was the one who told him that his man crush was straight, had a girlfriend, and just all around not a "good" person. So yes, he was looking for an excuse because I didn't kiss his *kitten* when he was expecting me to be happy that he was "in love!"
PS - I just want to add for some of you that if you know someone is seriously putting in MINIMUM effort walking 3mph at a 0% incline and you walk up to them - that's not even close to interupting their workout because that person isn't "working out." Thats coming to find them when you are finished like you said you would do? Just my opinion
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Edited...0
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If he deleted you, let him go!!!! he's obviously got some issues that have nothing to do with you. I mean who gets mad at that!0
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Wow, thank you guys! In reading all of your responses (some funny and some kinda rude but eye-opening), I just decided a few things...
#1. F**K HIM! He's not worth my time to ***** about!
#2. I think I was more upset at losing my motivating workout partner than losing a so-called friend. Some of you are right, I am lonely (or needy with him). My real friends (who still try and I love them for it!) are not into wanting to workout at all! They are all still going out drinking every weekend and when they ask me to go with them and I only do occassionally.... it doesn't make for a very active social life and hasn't for some time. So here I meet this guy at the gym. We become workout partners and subsequently good friends (or so I thought!). In retrospect, he was a rude and whiny gay man. You know, the kind that you just want to slap upside the head because he's madly obsessing (stalker style) over a straight man! Yup, by the way, that is how this all started.... I was the one who told him that his man crush was straight, had a girlfriend, and just all around not a "good" person. So yes, he was looking for an excuse because I didn't kiss his *kitten* when he was expecting me to be happy that he was "in love!"
PS - I just want to add for some of you that if you know someone is seriously putting in MINIMUM effort walking 3mph at a 0% incline and you walk up to them - that's not even close to interupting their workout because that person isn't "working out." Thats coming to find them when you are finished like you said you would do? Just my opinion
You need to try to be a self-motivator. I know it can be hard, but your health shouldn't be dependent upon socializing. If you find a new workout partner, then great, but I would suggest working out independently from them for a little while. As for your gay friend, treat him like you would a boyfriend. Ignore him for a couple of weeks. He will come around and it will be like nothing ever happened.0 -
Wow, thank you guys! In reading all of your responses (some funny and some kinda rude but eye-opening), I just decided a few things...
#1. F**K HIM! He's not worth my time to ***** about!
#2. I think I was more upset at losing my motivating workout partner than losing a so-called friend. Some of you are right, I am lonely (or needy with him). My real friends (who still try and I love them for it!) are not into wanting to workout at all! They are all still going out drinking every weekend and when they ask me to go with them and I only do occassionally.... it doesn't make for a very active social life and hasn't for some time. So here I meet this guy at the gym. We become workout partners and subsequently good friends (or so I thought!). In retrospect, he was a rude and whiny gay man. You know, the kind that you just want to slap upside the head because he's madly obsessing (stalker style) over a straight man! Yup, by the way, that is how this all started.... I was the one who told him that his man crush was straight, had a girlfriend, and just all around not a "good" person. So yes, he was looking for an excuse because I didn't kiss his *kitten* when he was expecting me to be happy that he was "in love!"
PS - I just want to add for some of you that if you know someone is seriously putting in MINIMUM effort walking 3mph at a 0% incline and you walk up to them - that's not even close to interupting their workout because that person isn't "working out." Thats coming to find them when you are finished like you said you would do? Just my opinion
Wow ..save me from "friends"like you. Any other dirt you want to offload about him? Maybe mention his totally irrelevent sexuality in degoratory terms again?
The trick when hurt is to process it offline so you dont make a permenant record of comments that you will regret later once you have cooled down.0 -
Which is a LONG way from "Coming to find him, as he asked me to find him the second that I finished my own workout"Thats coming to find them when you are finished like you said you would do?
Whether he was running flat out or walking at 3mph is none of your business, he was in the middle of his workout. Perhaps he was trying to use the time to think things through until you barged in on him, or perhaps he was just enjoying a bit of time to himself.
To be perfectly frank, I think that your posting personal details about the private life of someone who you've said is a member of this site is not only against the site rules, but it's appalling behaviour, and you should be feeling ashamed of yourself.0 -
Its difficult not being there, MAYBE having worked out your tone came across badly or he misinterpreted your suggestion as an order. However, even though you did not feel you had done anything wrong (and I am not saying you had) you did the big thing and explained and apologised and intended to continue with lunch. He however has come across to us all as a total twatt.
Please do not apologise to him again as it undermines you and makes you look desperate for him which I am sure you are not.
Ps I asume you were not doing the face in your profile picture to him.. that could have been it ;-).
PPs The Ps is a joke0 -
WOW!! I can't believe you are on here calling him names and saying crappy things about him. You say he's on MFP so you know he'll read this. That seems really passive aggressive. If anyone needs to run from this friendship it's him!!0
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