anyone else with an eating disorder?

MartiJJohnston

I believe any ED revolves around low self-esteem...

My struggle started when I was 13.... My dance instructor told me I needed to quit cheerleading because my thighs were getting too big. So I began to binge/purge... Then at 17 anorexia was added to the mix (food restriction with major weight loss). Luckily my mother got involved when I was down to about 89 pounds (5'4") and I got some help. That "help" didn't last long.

I'm now 44 and, in addition to the binging, I suffer from NS-RED. Nocturnal Sleep-Related Eating Disorder. I eat in my sleep and can not control it. I have several friends on this site who have learned to manage it and I hope to soon. I'm looking for a group in my town, but I've been unsuccessful so far.

If any of you wish to add me, I'd love to help support you... And I'd love additional support, too. :flowerforyou:

islandnutshel

I had a brief episode as a teenager where I got help from my doctor right away, it was linked to feeling sick after I ate so I avoided eating or I binged and purged after when I knew I was going to feel sick anyways. Ended up being diagnosed with Celiacs, and that is why eating felt so repulsive.... it took me years to get a healthy view of food, as my mom's example was the opposite, you eat to fill a hole in you soul.

One piece of advice when choosing your MFP friends. BE CAREFULL PLEASE. Some MFP here are "Pro-Anna" and they are looking for attention / encouragement in their obcession. You may understand their thinking but if you are truely trying to heal, friend only the ones that have mostly recovered and are serious about recovery, or you may just find yourself feeding the wrong part of your mind. Friends do have a great influence on you. You need only strong healthy relationships right now.

ucabucca

Thanks for advice the last thing I need is falling down that hole again. I want to stay healthy and have just recently heard about people who want that for their lifestyle

peachyxoxoxo

I'm a recovering bulimic/binge eater. Please message me if you need support! I know how hard it is dealing with those twisted thoughts and urges.

onyxgirl17

Yep from 15-16 years old I had a pretty rough eating disorder. I went down to 5 foot 6 inches 101 pounds. I remember when I saw that weight on the scale I got scared of going under 100. It was so hard to gain weight it took a long time to get over it. I mainly got rid of the obsessive thoughts by finding other things to get busy with. I suffered ammenorrhea (sp?) for a year from 16-17. Not until I was 115+ for six months did my periods come back. I swore I'd never do that again.

So then, I got a loving boyfriend who I'm now married to and put on an additional 50 pounds basically not taking care of myself, drinking tons of monster and eating out all the time, and not exercisin (LOL!). Now I'm 165 (175 at my heaviest) and a bit overweight for my height. I would like to get back down to the 135 range and strive to eat healthy and take care of my body.

My mother had eating disorders her whole life and she died at 49 from diabetes (she did binging and purging). All I know is that when I have kids I will teach them healthy eating habits and will never make them feel pressure like I did as a young teen to be a certain weight. I'm trying to get on the right track now, eating more whole foods and vitamins to make sure that I can be as healthy as possible.

purple_orchid

Me

underdogzz

A few months ago after having a binge I took a pen and tried to shove it down my throat to have myself hurl.

I didn't succeed, mostly because I was crying at the same time.
I had had 3 cups of tea and nearly 8tblsps of honey.

I have thought about it from time to time and I also have an ugly battle with depression and a history of cutting(going on 2 months without a single cut, not noticable anymore).

Add me if you ever want some support!

We can all get through this together<3

LisaDiz

I give you so much credit for coming out about your eating disorder. I don't care if you're a male or female, it absolutely sucks when you use food as a source of power and control then realize you have no control over food in the first place. It winds up controlling you! I don't have an eating disorder, but my daughter did for MANY years. She was anorexic and bulemic. She would go for long periods of time eating only tiny torn pieces of lettuce. It then moved onto eating HUGE amounts of food only to throw it up into containers and hide them under her bed. She kept thinking we didn't know what was going on, but we did all along, and a mother's anguish of watching her child destroy herself was unbearable.

Since then, my daughter has gotten herself into therapy, grew up into a beautiful, magnificient woman who no longer never eats or binges and purges. I couldn't be more proud of her.

There is light at the end. I am so glad you are helping yourself, and I will pray for you, as well as all people with eating disorders (and depression). IT WILL GET BETTER!!!!!

LisaDiz

I will be with you. Stay strong.

PRMinx

I'm a recovered bulimic, anorexic and laxative junkie. I went through it for years when I was younger and it was horrible. I don't know what made me stop necessarily - just a lot of will and determination to move forward. I had lost my friends, I looked terrible and my family was at their wits end. I had pushed everyone away - and for what? I took it day by day. I haven't had an episode in 10+ years, although I've thought about it when life gets hard. And here is why:

The truth is that anorexia and bulimia are not really about food. Anorexia and bulimia are manifestation of psychological disorder much like OCD. Dieting to be thin may be considered a trigger of this larger psychological issue, but it is not the cause and that's what makes it so hard to beat.

Anorexia is all about control. Diet is one of the easiest things to control so people with control disorders often take this avenue as a way to exercise their problem. Why? Because dieting is perceived as normal so it's easier to get away with anorexia than it would other manifestations of a control disorder. Further, dieting is measurable so the ability to see the body getting thinner acts as a reinforcement that the control is working. The cycle of control/reward/control becomes addictive and fixation on weight becomes the symptom, not the actual problem. Lack of nutrients and other psychological issues then trick the brain into seeing a body shape that isn't there and so the cycle continues.

Bulimia is also about control, but in a different way. Bulimics like the feeling of losing control (the binge), only to gain it back by purging. The cycle of losing control/gaining control/losing control/gaining control is what becomes addictive - that's why bulimics feel high and giddy once they throw up.

I'm not sure if knowing this will help you, but it helps me. When I feel the urge to restrict my diet, or throw up, I remind myself that the reason why I am doing it is not because I think I'm fat - it's because something in my life is out of whack and I am trying to regain control. Once I remind myself this, I can move on to fixing the real problem instead of nurturing it with a bigger problem.

My best wishes for all people who suffer from this - I know it's awful. Just try to put into the right perspective and see where you go from there. And, if you think you have a serious problem please please PLEASE seek out therapy. There is no reason to spend your life in pain. There are people who can help you.

Anyone who wants to add me is welcome.

steph71195

I do. I'm diagnosed bulimic.
My mindset varies between just wanting to tone up & lose a few pounds from wanting to become emaciated. Sometimes I like the way I look, other times I see huge amounts of fat on my body.
I eat anything from 400 to 4000 calories, it used to alternate day by day but I'm beginning to gain control over binge-eating. I exercise to burn off calories and try to starve or run miles to make up for bad days.
I'd be totally happy to talk to anyone who has an ED

TXHunny84

I do. Anorexia with binging is mine....

Starting at 16 I got my first boyfriend and I didn't ever want to look "bigger" than him- and he was thin! He was 6'2" and 140pounds... So I stopped eating. I'd go stretches as long as 5 days with out putting a single piece of food in my body... I would see him on the weekends and eat around him on the weekend....and Mon-Fri it'd start all over again...the not eating anything at all. Not even calories from liquids. I'd only have water....and I exercised all the time trying to get smaller and smaller! My metabolism is slow and it never left fast enough. The smallest I ever got to was 124 lbs... I tried laxatives, countless different diet pills, took different diet pills at the same time, water pills, more exercise, I'd even eat less when he was around which was only on weekends.... My BFF was/is still a size ZERO and I was trying my hardest to get as small as her. Standing next to her in a mirror always made me feel HUGE no matter how much weight I'd lost. So add body dismorphia to my list. I am 5'6" and was 150 when it started. Id alwasy been a chubby kid....as a teen I got fat and got up to 200pounds and lost 50pounds due to depression (not eating but not realizing it) and a exercise class 3 days a week at school that was awful. I felt good at 150-tho not tiny-and was mostly satisfied with that weight... Til I got my skinny boyfriend. I always thought girls should be small and dainty next to their man....and I was shorter but not a waif like I'd have to be to look dainty next to him. That's when the 150 I was at didn't satisfy me anymore and my drastic not eating for days, while excercising and eventual binge cycle started. I'd eventually get mentally tired off this I guess, and gain 10-20 pounds, then freak out and go back to my anorexic ways of no eating and binging and lose it...I couldn't ever maintain the 124 but I could stay between 135-140 ok... I mostly stayed at that weight. But it was a struggle still. Media only makes it worse. You want to look like the girls on the magazines! When you don't...that just makes it worse.
My latest not care about my weight period lasted for almost 9 months and I gained 30 pounds putting me at 165!! I'm a bordom eater, emotional eater, etc....and I like junk and sweets and stuff that's fast.... I'm now at 143 trying to get to 130 the right way....it's NOT easy. I constantly have that inner battle like I've read other ppl writing about. I'd look at fat, or calories, or I'll eat 4000 one day feel guilty and not eat anything at all the next and exercise a lot etc etc....

You're not alone....

Now I'm 28 ...and I'm married to the "boyfriend" I mentioned earlier with two daughters. He has watched my weight yo-yo up and down (from 124 to 180 after my second baby) and seen me do all sorts of diets, starve and kill myself with exercise. I'm propbably always going to have those ED thoughts in the back of my mind....like scars. Just like the media will always have perfect looking size zero girls on the covers of magazines making you wish you looked exactly like them.

I know the pain you're going through. If you (any of you) want to friend me I'd be happy to accept. I could use the support too from ppl with EDs.

VintagElana

Yep, another one here. EDNOS, bits of anorexia and bulimia.

k33rstyn

Yep. That's why I'm here.

I grew up with a mom who was bad about hiding the fact that she was addicted to exercise and anorexic. Then my sister became anorexic in high school. My freshman year of college my bad body image turned into anorexia and exercise addiction when I was diagnosed with Lupus and put on massive doses of Prednisone (a steroid that makes you gain wait uncontrollably). The worst part was I was working out about 2 hours a day and eating >500 calories and still gaining weight. And anyone who is familiar with Lupus knows it causes your body to fatigue and your organs to fail. I was broken. I contemplated suicide several times.

I got my life and health back on track until my first heartbreak, when I dropped 20 pounds in two months because I was too upset to eat. It was funny, because I had never been more miserable and yet everyone kept telling me how great I looked. When I finally snapped out of my depression and started eating normally, I looked back on that time fondly and wanted to recreate that weight loss. That anorexia quickly turned to bulimia and I've battled ever since (about 2 years). I probably would have never stopped if it weren't for my weight creeping back on because my metabolism is so royally effed up from starvation.

I've recently dedicated myself to getting my life back on track, and I know that means I'll probably GAIN weight before I lose it. I need to reset my metabolism and it's going to be a hard fight. I've gone from eating 500 calories a day (or 2,000 and throwing up at every meal) to eating 1,200 calories a day and doing Insanity (burning about 400 calories per day). I try to make up the calories I burn.

I'm struggling SO much with the guilt but I can feel my body changing. The soreness I feel from intense workouts remind me of my past doing sports and feeling so active and alive. Not feeling like an empty person with an empty stomach obsessed with food.

I would love to be friends with any of you who need support. I just ask that it's a positive system and everyone really try to not relapse, because I'm still teetering on the edge and need as much positive support as possible.

Time to dig deeper and get healthy; mind, body and spirit.

Cheers,

Kirsten

HillyRose7

Me

lbetancourt

i am not sure what im suffering with. but, this week has been really bad. but, i am logging it all.

wish everyone all the very best

GodsGirl37

that would be me! you are welcome to add me. here are some eating disorder groups too
binge eating support group
Disordered

I need to rejoin these two myself. you will find a lot of friends there also.

ChristyRunStarr

I just sent you a friend request

MaraDiaz

I think "eating disorders" really mean "too much damn order"

I really think this is true. I can get very obsessed with the numbers on the scale and with my eating habits, and the less control I have over the rest of my life, the more in danger I am of slipping into unhealthy eating and exercise habits in an effort to control one of the few things I do have some power over.

It's one good reason to not put myself in stressful situations. I never want to be 100-ish pounds again and see a fat woman in the mirror. In fact, I never want to be under 115 pounds again, ever. That is the absolute lowest end of my healthy weight, and I know it, but I also know if I'm in the wrong situation, I could end up starving myself down past that again, or starving myself to lose the rest of the weight I do need to lose instead of using MFP to track my eating habits and workouts and for motivation. It definitely comes from a place of order, but also, with me anyway, from a place of anger.

It doesn't help that studies show maintaining a low weight is extremely difficult for people who have been overweight and requires a certain amount of obsessive control in and of itself.

GodsGirl37

me you are welcometo add me also. anyone can. to the guy with the ED. I defintely wouldn't judge you at all. both men and women have them. You are welcome to add me also