Told my mum i'm thinking of loosing weight...

Dragonnade

Ask her when the WI are coming round and if they wouldn't be more impressed if she'd actually done the baking herself. Cos that's a LOT of cake and there's definitely a legitimate question of how many people she thinks she's feeding up for winter.

antiwings

Here is a novel idea. Buy your own food.

Thanks for your novel idea, very useful to me.

No one is going to help you but you.

I have to ask. How likely is it that she is going to be able to afford to buy her own food seeing as she is 19? I'm 20 and even though I work 30 hours a week, after I pay rent to my parents I barely have enough money to buy my own food.
Besides, even if he does buy her own food, that doesnt stop parents, friends or other family members buying unhealty food in the attempt to make you fat/sabotarge weight loss.

I would say just leave it, and try your hardest not to touch it, then when it goes off its her problem.

gumigal82

My dad always worries about me "losing weight", when for me it's about being fit. He worries about me getting too skinny like I was when I was a kid, which was a time when I was unhealthy. So for him, he is being supportive in his brain when he brings me cookies, ice cream, etc....it's his way of showing his love.

In my home though, if I want to eat a certain way, I need to buy and cook all my own food.

Minnie92x

Here is a novel idea. Buy your own food.

Thanks for your novel idea, very useful to me.

No one is going to help you but you.

I have to ask. How likely is it that she is going to be able to afford to buy her own food seeing as she is 19? I'm 20 and even though I work 30 hours a week, after I pay rent to my parents I barely have enough money to buy my own food.
Besides, even if he does buy her own food, that doesnt stop parents, friends or other family members buying unhealty food in the attempt to make you fat/sabotarge weight loss.

I would say just leave it, and try your hardest not to touch it, then when it goes off its her problem.

This exactly! The food is there, the temptation is there. Like I said I can't afford my own food so chill out on 'buy your own food'. I can't buy heathy and I can't buy unhealthy.

xLexa

When we think about our Mother's and their relationship with food it isn't hard to understand her Traditionally mothers have shown their love through the food they prepare for their families. It is just one of the many ways. How many of us have been sad and our mothers have said, have a hug and some chocolate you will feel better. When I stepped briefly into vegetarianism in my teens, my father insisted on putting meat on my plate, which i pushed to the side and politely ignored his silent insistences. I think they just try to show they care

o_delaisse

Did she buy it for you? Because if she bought it for herself, well, she's not the one on the diet. Temptation is always going to be about, you might as well throw yourself in the deep end. I don't think it's fair to get grumpy if she bought that stuff for herself.

Minnie92x

Did she buy it for you? Because if she bought it for herself, well, she's not the one on the diet. Temptation is always going to be about, you might as well throw yourself in the deep end. I don't think it's fair to get grumpy if she bought that stuff for herself.

She doesn't eat desserts, so they aren't for her.

o_delaisse

Did she buy it for you? Because if she bought it for herself, well, she's not the one on the diet. Temptation is always going to be about, you might as well throw yourself in the deep end. I don't think it's fair to get grumpy if she bought that stuff for herself.

She doesn't eat desserts, so they aren't for her.

Well, you don't any more cos you're going to be healthy now

I'm sorry my reply seemed a little sharp, I was a bit out of order. I'M the grumpy b*tch today

Minnie92x

Did she buy it for you? Because if she bought it for herself, well, she's not the one on the diet. Temptation is always going to be about, you might as well throw yourself in the deep end. I don't think it's fair to get grumpy if she bought that stuff for herself.

She doesn't eat desserts, so they aren't for her.

Well, you don't any more cos you're going to be healthy now

I'm sorry my reply seemed a little sharp, I was a bit out of order. I'M the grumpy b*tch today

Great response!!

taunto

Not trying to be the devil's advocate but heres the way I see things after reading the boards

For parents, its damn if you do, damn if you don't

They say something like "hey I think you're getting a bit chunky, time to lose weight?" and they're being "unsupportive and its just like them and they hate me and want me fat and are jealous of me and want me dead"

They say something like "hey, I think you've lost enough weight, time to stop losing weight maybe?" and they're being "unsupportive and its just like them and they hate me and want me fat and are jealous of me and want me dead"

See a pattern? I honestly don't know your situation. Maybe she's keeping the treats around for herself, maybe her guests, maybe she's just being nice to you. Maybe she thinks that you're thin enough and don't need to lose anymore. We possibly couldn't know. I do know that she doesn't hate you or is jealous by you.

Also one thing to remember is that parents like to compare food with love. Its a human psychology thing. We as species in the thousands of years of our lives have struggled with food and have often use it as means to express love for each other. In her mentality NOT providing good and delicious foods for her child can possibly equate to not giving you a comfortable and good life.

I understand your dilemma too but you should look at it from her POV too. I skimmed through the forums and my reply isn't towards you exactly but more towards the general population who have this ideology that their parents are out to get them and want to drag them down. Exceptions live but most likely not in your case.

Wonderob

Not trying to be the devil's advocate but heres the way I see things after reading the boards

For parents, its damn if you do, damn if you don't

They say something like "hey I think you're getting a bit chunky, time to lose weight?" and they're being "unsupportive and its just like them and they hate me and want me fat and are jealous of me and want me dead"

They say something like "hey, I think you've lost enough weight, time to stop losing weight maybe?" and they're being "unsupportive and its just like them and they hate me and want me fat and are jealous of me and want me dead"

That's ridiculous. You can't see a better way of supporting someone who has embarked upon a weight loss journey than "I think you're getting a bit chunky"

How about payig some interest? "What's your target weight?" "What did you do down the gym?" "What made you decide to start losing weight?"

Your dramatic "They want me dead" sounds like you watch too many American teenage movies

If my mum says "hey, I think you've lost enough weight, time to stop losing weight maybe?" Then I'll question why she thinks that when just about every piece of available information says otherwise. Chances are that a parent sees you differently to others

taunto

Not trying to be the devil's advocate but heres the way I see things after reading the boards

For parents, its damn if you do, damn if you don't

They say something like "hey I think you're getting a bit chunky, time to lose weight?" and they're being "unsupportive and its just like them and they hate me and want me fat and are jealous of me and want me dead"

They say something like "hey, I think you've lost enough weight, time to stop losing weight maybe?" and they're being "unsupportive and its just like them and they hate me and want me fat and are jealous of me and want me dead"

That's ridiculous. You can't see a better way of supporting someone who has embarked upon a weight loss journey than "I think you're getting a bit chunky"

How about payig some interest? "What's your target weight?" "What did you do down the gym?" "What made you decide to start losing weight?"

Your dramatic "They want me dead" sounds like you watch too many American teenage movies

If my mum says "hey, I think you've lost enough weight, time to stop losing weight maybe?" Then I'll question why she thinks that when just about every piece of available information says otherwise. Chances are that a parent sees you differently to others

First off, what I wrote was an example. Ofcourse there are better ways and worse ways but we hear what we wanna hear.

As for the "They want me dead" thing, read through the pages on MFP. While not exactly the same words, parents are blamed on these board and are displayed in a fairly similar fashion. So I guess MFP is turning into a American Teenage movie then?

If you mom tells you that you've lost enough weight and you talk to your parent like a mature and grown up person, well kudos to you. However, once again I refer you to these board, most of the posts here would rather post crap on MFP rather than talking to their own parents.

You sound like a smart enough person, try not to take my words out of context. Just trying to say that the parents have a side too. If you talk to them like a mature person, you will possibly get mature replies and actions from them too

Wonderob

Not trying to be the devil's advocate but heres the way I see things after reading the boards

For parents, its damn if you do, damn if you don't

They say something like "hey I think you're getting a bit chunky, time to lose weight?" and they're being "unsupportive and its just like them and they hate me and want me fat and are jealous of me and want me dead"

They say something like "hey, I think you've lost enough weight, time to stop losing weight maybe?" and they're being "unsupportive and its just like them and they hate me and want me fat and are jealous of me and want me dead"

That's ridiculous. You can't see a better way of supporting someone who has embarked upon a weight loss journey than "I think you're getting a bit chunky"

How about payig some interest? "What's your target weight?" "What did you do down the gym?" "What made you decide to start losing weight?"

Your dramatic "They want me dead" sounds like you watch too many American teenage movies

If my mum says "hey, I think you've lost enough weight, time to stop losing weight maybe?" Then I'll question why she thinks that when just about every piece of available information says otherwise. Chances are that a parent sees you differently to others

First off, what I wrote was an example. Ofcourse there are better ways and worse ways but we hear what we wanna hear.

As for the "They want me dead" thing, read through the pages on MFP. While not exactly the same words, parents are blamed on these board and are displayed in a fairly similar fashion. So I guess MFP is turning into a American Teenage movie then?

If you mom tells you that you've lost enough weight and you talk to your parent like a mature and grown up person, well kudos to you. However, once again I refer you to these board, most of the posts here would rather post crap on MFP rather than talking to their own parents.

You sound like a smart enough person, try not to take my words out of context. Just trying to say that the parents have a side too. If you talk to them like a mature person, you will possibly get mature replies and actions from them too

You started off by saying that for parents it's 'damned if they do, damned if they don't'

It isn't. That's incorrect. No wrong context. No ambiguity

If they do the right thing, say the right thing, then they aren't damned, they're thanked

In the context of this discussion, doing the right thing isn't buying a load of high calorie junk food directly after her daughter said that they want to try to eat healthier and lose weight

taunto

You started off by saying that for parents it's 'damned if they do, damned if they don't'

It isn't. That's incorrect. No wrong context. No ambiguity

If they do the right thing, say the right thing, then they aren't damned, they're thanked

In the context of this discussion, doing the right thing isn't buying a load of high calorie junk food directly after her daughter said that they want to try to eat healthier and lose weight

See a pattern? I honestly don't know your situation. Maybe she's keeping the treats around for herself, maybe her guests, maybe she's just being nice to you. Maybe she thinks that you're thin enough and don't need to lose anymore. We possibly couldn't know. I do know that she doesn't hate you or is jealous by you.

Also one thing to remember is that parents like to compare food with love. Its a human psychology thing. We as species in the thousands of years of our lives have struggled with food and have often use it as means to express love for each other. In her mentality NOT providing good and delicious foods for her child can possibly equate to not giving you a comfortable and good life.

Once again, if you've read enough of the posts on MFP, you'd be aware that yes, parents are damn if they do and damn if they don't. You and I both don't know her or her mothers situation. Talk to the mother why she bought those rather than putting your family business here for display

Edit: I'm very glad that you're the kind of parent or have had parents who always said the right thing. Truly its an achievement to be perfect everytime and be able to say words that can get quoted in Hallmark cards. Most of us don't. The difference between some of us is that we didn't always thought that our parents are out to get us or are jealous of us or whatever kids on MFP want to say about their parents.

lauravasseur

Some moms show their love through food and cooking, totally old school. But, I know I do it to my kids and husband as well. I show them I love them by making things they like etc...maybe she is just doing that. Sorry she isn't supporting you. Be strong and don't give into the temptation.

tehzephyrsong

OP, I'd sit your mom down and tell her that while you're sure her heart's in the right place, it doesn't help you reach your goals if she buys you these cakes and pies and puddings. Maybe try to get your parents on board with your lifestyle, so everyone in the house is eating better. That's less of an imposition than keeping an entire separate pantry of foods just for you. Go shopping with them, offer to cook a few nights a week and show them that "health food" doesn't have to be miserable. Show them how to measure out portions or maybe divide all the food you buy into single servings before putting it away (e.g., take a box of cereal and a bunch of ziploc bags, portion the one big bag into 15 smaller bags containing 3/4 cup of cereal apiece and put them back in the box). If you try to include them, rather than basically say "You're doing it wrong!", you run less chance of hurting your mom's feelings.

Wonderob

Ok I'll tone down my argumentative tone and apologise for it

Truth is my mum NEVER says the right thing to me about my diet and fitness and I'm really interested to see that this is quite a common theme. I would genuinely like to know why so I'm glad others have put their family business on here for discussion.

carld256

My mom did about the same thing. I mentioned that I had started a new diet, she pushes a plate of donuts in my face...

Me: Didn't you just hear what I said?

Her: I was just trying to be kind.

Me: That's more cruel than kind, really.

She wasn't really being cruel. I think the idea that I was going on a diet just went right past her. To be fair, it wasn't the first time I'd said that.

mfpcopine

That looks like a very undermining gesture. What's up?

BTW, it's "losing weight, " only one "o."

cazwillis99

Are you able to go shopping with your mum so that when she puts things like this in you can subtly remove them with comments like "last time you bought this we had to throw it away so lets not waste any money on it this time" or " the sell by date is tomorrow there's no way it will get eaten - lets put it back" or "you know I rather fancy some (put food here) instead of that - don't bother buying it" or "the last one you bought is still in the freezer - we don't need another one". With the ones she has bought chop them up into small portions and freeze them. Then if you are tempted you get a small portion and have to wait whilst it defrosts.

Pocket_Pixi

Just because she bought it doesn't mean you have to eat it....

shutterbug282

Damn

deesaf

To the OP ignore all the meanies here saying u should move out or buy your own food. I havent lived w my mum in over a decade and I STILL have the same problem w her. Every time I visit her she offers me chocolates and cakes etc. she has never struggled w her weight and doesn't understand that I don't have the self control to just have one small chocolate. I will eat the whole box. No explaining to her will make her understand that it is a nightmare for me every time she takes this stuff out and puts it in front of me when I visit. I still haven't found a solution to this problem but no doubt some of the rude people posting on this forum will suggest I stop visiting my own mother altogether!

TheDudette

Just because she bought it doesn't mean you have to eat it....

Yup.

Howbouto

Just remember, you are the only one responsible for what you put in your mouth. If possible, put it out of sight and have a back up plan. If your craving something, make a deal with yourself, after a 20 minute walk if you still want it you can have it. You'll be so surprise how often you don't want it.

1Kristine1

You can eat that within moderation and your calorie goal, if you choose.

Wonderob

Are you able to go shopping with your mum so that when she puts things like this in you can subtly remove them with comments like "last time you bought this we had to throw it away so lets not waste any money on it this time" or " the sell by date is tomorrow there's no way it will get eaten - lets put it back" or "you know I rather fancy some (put food here) instead of that - don't bother buying it" or "the last one you bought is still in the freezer - we don't need another one". With the ones she has bought chop them up into small portions and freeze them. Then if you are tempted you get a small portion and have to wait whilst it defrosts.

I guess I have a different relationship with my mum as many seem to be walking on eggs-shells around theirs.

Instead of the (a little bit patronising sounding) "Let's not waste any money on it this time"

I would have said "ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND!!!! Cakes! I'm on a flippin diet mum, I can't have cakes!!!!!"

wasveganvictoria88

Yep same problem, my mum went and bought me a pastry with cream in when I told her I was on a diet NO CLUE that woman! I threw it away when she went home! Shhh! Yeh ignore all the trolls...some people sadly have nothing better to do than belittle people.

Minnie92x

That looks like a very undermining gesture. What's up?

BTW, it's "losing weight, " only one "o."

Pretty sure I posted this in food and nutrition did I actually post it in spelling and grammar? Oops didn't realise my mistake!

deesaf

Although OP looking at your goals, unless you are 3 ft 2in they seem really low weights?