depression

AniOnFire

I feel totally comfortable posting this on here because I don't really have anyone to talk to outside of here.

I suffer from some pretty severe depression. I do not take medication, simply because I don't believe in it. Yesterday I was awake for about 5 hours of the whole day, and did nothing. I recently quit a really ****ty job with the worst micromanager. I have amazing skills and constantly feel underutilized. (p.s. I still work part time at two different jobs, but it is on call and the time between shifts is unbearable). I am engaged to a wonderful man. I have no friends, and it is not like I don't try. I just find people to be totally selfish and I hate putting in so much effort for people that can only talk about themselves, are sexist, racist, and overall to me boring. Although, I still put in effort because I hate being alone and I am a party girl at heart.

All of this impacts my health. I don't know why I get up in the morning so I don't even know why I exercise or eat healthy. I try, I really do.

Does anyone else have an issue like this? I am looking for tips at dealing with this and seeing a doctor is not an option (or a counsellor, I work in the mental health field and know way too many people at almost every agency in the surrounding area).

Thanks for reading, if you did!

First let me say this:

I suffer from extreme clinical depression, and if I do not take my meds everyday I can't function, as in I will either lay in bed all day or auto pilot through the day, my day being roughly 8 hours before my body tells me I have to sleep again, I may or may not shower depending on my energy level, my brain does not emit the proper chemicals to wake me up easily, so alarms and such don't work for me, I can sleep for 24 hours easily and have. My depression is so bad I can't hold down a job without medication, and if I don't take my meds while I'm taking classes I go from a 4.0 to a 2.5 super quick, and then there are the crying fits and fits of guilt that can floor me in bed for a day. That is serious depression. You do not have severe depression.

Now things that might be helpful:

I know you do not believe in medication or seeing a professional, but there are good ones out there, my Grandmother and my Boyfriend both work in the mental health field, granted my grandmother works in Canada but still. Yes, there are a lot of quacks out there but there are also a lot of people who care and can help you. Depression is not something you can do alone if it's severe.

My suggestion to you is to try and find a therapist who believes in talk therapy more than medication since you don't believe in it. I know there are a lot of people who feel this way, but as someone who is non-functioning without it, I can tell you it does work if you need it, without it I don't get out of bed, my apartment or house looks like a train wreck and I -can't- motivate myself to do anything about it. I will be on meds for the rest of my life if I want to be a functioning member of society. So they do work.

But I am going to say this your depression doesn't seem serious, you would probably benefit from saint johns-wort which is a natural herb which can help with mild depression. I know it might seem serious to you but if you can hold down two jobs and you are able to wake up when your alarm goes off then you do not have a serious case of depression, it is mild at best.

Please don't count out professional help, it might not be for you but that doesn't mean it isn't for everyone or that people who get it are woefully misinformed, my boyfriend was a talk therapy only advocate until he lived with me and witnessed first hand how life could be for those with extreme depression while off of medication. And this is someone who was very much against the standard psychiatry practice of shoveling meds down peoples throats, since he is a Psychologist and there is a huge difference between the two fields.

As for callous and misinformed, I can assure you I am very well informed on the subject, probably more so than you are. I don't like taking medication, it's why I go off of it from time to time. You feel fake, you feel like people don't actually like -you- but rather the you the meds make you out to be, but if you are truly depressed the alternative is worse and you hop back on the wagon. I was diagnosed at 18 with clinical depression and have been on meds for the last 8 years and will be for the rest of my life.

helenoftroy1

because many of you are seriously misinformed and callous

Nothing I said to you was callous or misinformed. My feeling from what I've read here is you think that anyone who disagrees with you or offers another opinion is misinformed. Refusing to accept that ideas other than your own may be helpful isn't going to help you get better any faster. If you are as depressed as you describe in your original post, then you ought to be considering any option that might help and not writing them off before you even explore them.

There have indeed been some callous and misinformed responses to your original post (I responded to one of them), but you have responded rudely to several people, myself included, who offered your sincere, informed responses, often arising out of their own experiences with depression. Having information different than what you believe isn't the same as having the wrong information. And refusing to "believe" in a fact doesn't make it any less a fact.

^^^ this this this!!!

I haven't had/got depression. I have lived with it though and been affected by it. There has been plenty of good advice being given and my take on it (from someone who has it taken out on them for 8 years!) is medication might help but only if the person wants it and believes it may help. The depressed person needs to recognise they are in fact depressed, recognise the triggers and accept help even if they don't want to hear it knowing that the people around you love and care for you. It is so difficult when someone just suddenly starts treating you as if they don't know you and have an indifference to you but it's harder when you realise it's not the same dad that cuddled you when you fell, grinned when you did something amazing etc. I wish the OP all the very best but maybe pick the time when you're not feeling the mass oncoming of the illness and talk to someone about it when you are of lighter heart and plan the way forward then.

lovecrescendo

I would like to add something to my previous post... I think it's very sad that you came to this forum asking for help and yet you shoot down the help that your peers are trying to give you.

I have been where you are now. I really have. In better times in my life, I thought that people with 'depression' were just feeling sorry for themselves and if they tried hard enough and got out into the world they could start feeling better. And then when I plunged into this downward spiral of my own I hated myself. I just thought that I was weak. That I was feeling sorry for myself and wasn't trying hard enough to get out of it. But I started realizing that this sadness I was feeling was entirely different than sadness I had had before when I really was just feeling sorry for myself -- like when I would get in a f ight with my dad because he was being unfair, or if a boy rejected me, or I got a bad grade on a test. This was more like... a little voice following me around every day telling me I'm not worth it. Coming home from school every day and crying because I was literally failing all of my classes, despite always being one of the smartest students in my class. I became COMPLETELY unlike myself. And doctors and parents told me that I was making excuses for myself, so I said, okay, I'm going to try harder and keep myself to a schedule and MAKE myself be happy and MAKE myself get good grades. I tried that. It made me want to kill myself. It just seemed like such an impossible task. This was when I really truly was in that 'no excuses, no bull****, stop feeling sorry for yourself, get out there and MAKE IT HAPPEN' mode. And I tried. I tried everything I could to better my situation. But the problem was that I wasn't handling anything better. As always, if I called a friend, and she didn't answer, I would go crazy, sure that she was ignoring me. There was no other possibility in my mind. Walking alone from class to class, there was still that little voice in the back of my head that I could NOT shut out for anything, telling me I was fat, ugly, worthless, a failure, stupid, and that I should just give up. Trying to focus on my schoolwork and lifting myself up did not change how I reacted to things in every day life. I was just so different than I used to be.


So in return, I became suicidal. Schoolwork became impossible for ME, one of the smartest people in my class, the one my teachers had always loved... and I broke. All this time I had been thinking that I was just not trying hard enough but when I finally had this breakdown I perhaps thought that I might as well see a psychiatrist -- someone who really DOES know what they're talking about and has dealt with HUNDREDS of people like me -- to get her opinion. So I did. The questions she gave me were not situational things that usually make people sad for awhile. They were really more like "Have you lost interest in things you used to love doing?" "Are you unable to focus on previously simple tasks?" "Do you tend to attack yourself and judge yourself over every little thing?" "Do you sleep too much or too little?" "Have you experienced weight gain or loss recently?" "Do you want to die?" These things described me perfectly. And she started to explain to me the difference between sadness and depression. Sadness is usually something that comes out of a bad point in your life -- it's situational. Depression... although circumstances can bring it on and play a part in how you're feeling... it's like a switch in your brain. It becomes NOT just something in your head but a chemical imbalance in your brain. And you react to things differently. So it's less about your situation and more how you react to it -- and you tend to beat yourself up over things and are much more negative than you used to be, I guess.

So she put me on medication. At this point I was willing to try anything, but still didn't quite believe in 'happy pills'. But what I've discovered after being on these for about a month is that that switch in my brain is starting to go the other way. I don't immediately assume the worst when a friend doesn't pick up. I look back at my school and grades situation and I know it's bad, but I also, instead of looking for a way to get out of it -- death -- I'm looking more toward what I can do this summer and my senior year to fix it. These were things that, in my untreated depression, weren't... clear... to me. These alternatives just weren't options. Everything seemed so much worse. So much worse.

So medication helped me. I guess that's what I'm trying to say. Maybe you should open your mind a bit.

Redbird99ky

i just got called into work for tonight and i already feel WAY better.

this is the kind of issue i am having.

Having suffered from depression for a number of years, but now am clear, I will say that THIS is the best piece of advice / treatment that I could offer you. You have stumbled on to what may work for you...


You got called in, and already you feel better. You had mentioned in your original post that you had lots of "down" time between your part time gigs, and that was the big stumbling block.

Others have mentioned that you might consider volunteering, and I would second that. Try focusing on helping others, like what you can do for them, regardless of what they feel they can offer you. I am sure that you have a good amount of experience that can be put to good use.

I am not telling you to think less of yourself. I am asking you to think of yourself less. If you cannot find structured opportunities to help others (such as the volunteer work at the shelters that you do), consider going out and looking for prospects to help. I find myself looking for opportunities to help others while I am driving down the road. I LOVE being of help to someone, and it takes me out of myself.

May you find the peace you need. Whether you believe in God or not (I DIDN'T) , know that He loves you.

foxyforce

i said thank you in response to many replies. i am not turning down advice. i said from the getgo i am seeking some self-help and wanting to know what worked for either but not including professional help or meds.

foxyforce

i just got called into work for tonight and i already feel WAY better.

this is the kind of issue i am having.

Having suffered from depression for a number of years, but now am clear, I will say that THIS is the best piece of advice / treatment that I could offer you. You have stumbled on to what may work for you...


You got called in, and already you feel better. You had mentioned in your original post that you had lots of "down" time between your part time gigs, and that was the big stumbling block.

Others have mentioned that you might consider volunteering, and I would second that. Try focusing on helping others, like what you can do for them, regardless of what they feel they can offer you. I am sure that you have a good amount of experience that can be put to good use.

I am not telling you to think less of yourself. I am asking you to think of yourself less. If you cannot find structured opportunities to help others (such as the volunteer work at the shelters that you do), consider going out and looking for prospects to help. I find myself looking for opportunities to help others while I am driving down the road. I LOVE being of help to someone, and it takes me out of myself.

May you find the peace you need. Whether you believe in God or not (I DIDN'T) , know that He loves you.

i am definitely trying, thanks.

joannecando

Your screenname says it all, love. You are not loathesome. I am currently coming off of all my meds for depression and bipolar because I am tired of feeling like a vegetable. I wish I had some sage advice for you, but I don't. It is hard; really hard.

I might have a couple of suggestions that could help - find something you like to do. It doesn't have to be exercise, just something to get you out of bed. I keep all my books and my nook and my iPod in the living room so I don't just grab them and go back to bed. I also register my kids for all kinds of stuff that makes me get out of the house. A 5 year old bouncing on your belly and screaming "I am ready for camp!" is real inspiration. Register for a Leisure Learning class if you don't feel up to a college course. It obligates you to get out of the house a couple of times a week.

In any case, take care of you. If you will friend me, I will check in on you. Maybe we can do this together!

fionarama

Cognitive Therapy would really work for you I think. No medication required. You sound really negative (not being critical) but the human brain can get caught in a negative thought pattern, negative thoughts breed negative thoughts until you are literally suicidal.
it really works.

hear what you are saying about your job, I'm in a job I hate and it can really bring you down, unfortunately in these difficult times we don't always have a choice to up and leave.

good luck!!!!

Dealsdreams

I fought taking medication for years as I didn't want to be on it and doubted it would work . I left a very stressful bullying job in the police force because of my depression . I am trying to come off my medication now as I still don't want to be on it . Also reiterating someone else's post on here . I would not wish that dark place upon anybody .
Don't think my post has been helpful or made sense just having a bad day and thought I would share my experience
: (

twinmum1982

Been there and done that.

I finally woke up one day and looked outside, and it was a beautiful day, and I sat there and thought to myself; I said " You know, what a pretty day outside, and there are going to be plenty of days out there like that, I can get out and enjoy it or sit here and rot."

I got out and enjoyed it. You know the old saying it's mind over matter? It really IS. It simply is just that. Change your frame of mind. At one point we all changed our diet, do the same with how you choose to view things.

I can relate to not having a positive outlook on people in general as well, but it is too easy to get stuck in a negative frame of mind. Refuse to let yourself do that, and refuse to waste another day in bed with the "poor me's " syndrome.

I totally agree!

lovecrescendo

I really feel sorry for you and I hope you find a way to get past this negative mindset and this need to shoot down other people, many of whom have been through depression themselves.

all the best xo

helenoftroy1

How about finding a hobby that means you meet other people who are into the same thing you are. A new way of finding friends and a reason to get out of bed?

Bentley2718

I read a study that some doctors did where they had people with depression exercise everyday for an hour and gave another group prescription anti-depression drugs. There was the same amount of relief in each group and the exercise effects were longer lasting when they stopped working out vs. the group that stopped taking drugs (who relapsed almost right away).

Another thing that doesn't get enough press is that not eating enough fat can make depression worse. I no longer buy low fat products and use butter and EVOO in my cooking. I used get SAD over the winter and after making that one change it didn't happen last winter. Fat is a nutrient that your brain needs so you should try eating more fat. This is still possible in a low calorie diet, you just have to eat less other things. Or, you can also offset the calories with the exercise!

I wish you luck!

i just came off of a vegetarian diet, so i wonder if this had an effect. thank you

Vegetarian diets are not necessarily low fat. There are a lot of good sources of fat in a vegetarian diet--avocados, nuts, olives and olive oil, legumes (some are higher in fat than others), coconut oil, not to mention dairy and eggs if you chose to eat those.

Dealsdreams

I fought taking medication for years as I didn't want to be on it and doubted it would work . I left a very stressful bullying job in the police force because of my depression . I am trying to come off my medication now as I still don't want to be on it . Also reiterating someone else's post on here . I would not wish that dark place upon anybody .
Don't think my post has been helpful or made sense just having a bad day and thought I would share my experience
: (

SCOUSERWENCH

I feel totally comfortable posting this on here because I don't really have anyone to talk to outside of here.

I suffer from some pretty severe depression. I do not take medication, simply because I don't believe in it. Yesterday I was awake for about 5 hours of the whole day, and did nothing. I recently quit a really ****ty job with the worst micromanager. I have amazing skills and constantly feel underutilized. (p.s. I still work part time at two different jobs, but it is on call and the time between shifts is unbearable). I am engaged to a wonderful man. I have no friends, and it is not like I don't try. I just find people to be totally selfish and I hate putting in so much effort for people that can only talk about themselves, are sexist, racist, and overall to me boring. Although, I still put in effort because I hate being alone and I am a party girl at heart.

All of this impacts my health. I don't know why I get up in the morning so I don't even know why I exercise or eat healthy. I try, I really do.

Does anyone else have an issue like this? I am looking for tips at dealing with this and seeing a doctor is not an option (or a counsellor, I work in the mental health field and know way too many people at almost every agency in the surrounding area).

Thanks for reading, if you did!

Just scoped through your post.

I know you dont want to take Anti-depressants as you dont want to end up on them forever but maybe it could be a chemical imbalance you have and may need a tiny dose to uplift the depression? have you had your thyroid levels checked? that too can contribute to depression. (Trust me. I have an under-active thyroid and have learnt quite alot about that stuff)

For nearly the past 10 years i have been on and off many different types of anti-depressents. I am on one now that suits me, and to be honest yes i get bugged having to take them but it's part of my life and i still lead a normal life, even though i have my up and down days, i just get on with life and keep myself busy and never give myself time to be bored.

i know for sure there can be many factors of what can trigger depression.

Many factors bereavement, stress etc..

Look at the factors whats actually getting you down and do something about it. you can either cut the badness out your life completely, or face up to it.

Ive had Councilling in the past, it helped but really it's down to you at the end of the day to HELP YOURSELF.

I too get fed up of Self-obsessed people harping on about themselves and basically making you feel like ****, because they act like Pretencious A*******s.. Nobody wants to be around folks like that. You either avoid folks like that or ignore them.

Just focus on the good things that you HAVE in your life. Concentrate on You and those who matter around you. Take up a hobby, Like Cardmaking or something you actually enjoy.

ImaKnitter67

I have seen a troll or two around the boards, people. Just sayin'.

MernyMac

I've gone thru depression for years, even considered suicide, ended up in a crisis unit twice, got let go from a good paying job, so I know where of I speak.....I'm on meds, and better for it......It sounds to me like you know all the answers, but yet are refusing to try any suggestions made that might do you some good....So what are you asking our help for ??....Do you really want to get better and change ?.....or are you just looking for sympathy for a lousy life.......No one can change it but YOU.... you have to really want it....do you ?....Sometimes we have to do things we don't want to, that includes taking meds....Please get some help.

Droope2

I understand!!! I have clinical depression, severe anxiety, OCD, agoraphobia and a various other list of health issues, I am on disability because of my conditions. I honestly don't even know how I diet myself, I guess I feel like it's because if I am not healthy and something happens to me, who will take care of my kids, depressed or not, they need a mom. You can add me as a friend, I always find it easier to talk on here as well and would always be willing to chit chat.

sharlowbrla

Wow. There are a lot of opinions out there. After being on Effexor for about 8 yrs I decided to get off of it. I didnt want to be medicated anymore. Under my GP supervision i slowly weaned off. it took about 4 months. Within 2 months my coping skills were dwindling. By the end of the year I had a full breakdown. Panic attacks, uncontrollable crying that eventually was replaced by no feeling. It took 4 months to get stable and that was barely. i had a therapist and psychiatrist for meds. it took a while to get the right formula. at one point i was on 7 meds. it was the most frightening time of my life.. My psych. says that every "epidsode" gets worse. That scares me. I had an amazing circle of friends that helped me through it. Isolation is the worst thing you can do. There are many things you can do to help yourself but only after you are stabilized. Depression is a very dangerous illness, not to be taken lightly. I had a suicide plan. I knew that i could not live in that state, it was too dark and painful. i couldnt be left alone and my meds had to be given by someone else. Pride is the worst thing to have when you are truly suffering. I went down very quickly at the end and it was severe. I hope you can find the right path. I believe in medication and i also believe in therapy and lifestyle adjustments. it is aI condition that can be managed. We are talking about quality of life here. Good luck and i hope you find what works for you.

ZiezieO

Girl, there is a rock bottom... decide where it is, and then pick yourself back up.

Mine was getting a call from my doctor saying "you're 22 your cholesterol is out of control, what did you do to yourself?"
In fact, it was from depression medication.
I gained 30 lbs in 6 months from Zoloft. I felt unemotional, no sex drive, and if I accidentally forgot my meds for a day-I was crazy moody and upset. I don't advocate meds if you are out there trying to help yourself in other ways.

Surely talking to a counselor sounds like BS, I thought it did. But I forced myself to go to someone that was a complete stranger and I told him everything flat out. I realized that I was really angry about things in my life that I wasn't in control of and he helped me realize that I needed to just let go of baggage that I had been holding on to. You don't need a rocket scientist or a genius to help you out of loathing yourself and others.... but sometimes just a nice person that you can trust to open the door so that you can really be honest with yourself.

You sound like a smart person, you can honestly pull apart your flaws... but now, it's time to cut the crap and figure out what you do like about yourself, and what makes your life meaningful... it may be hard to find when you're depressed, but it's there sweety. I promise. YOU ARE IMPORTANT FOR SOME REASON, and no one can tell you how important you are and mean anything, if you don't understand it yourself.

Seek some help... posting on this forum is a good start- don't listen to the A-holes that don't get it. But don't stick yourself to "I can't do this because I'm this kind of person..." Change... that's what this place is really all about.

I hope you can find what you need soon!