LADIES HELP! a mother's struggle - what do MFPERS suggest?

EpiGaiaRepens

ugh. this is a tough one. My son is also 10. One thing I'd say is that they tend to pudge up before a growth spurt...so maybe you are freaking out too much or projecting your own body issues on to her. I would advise that you DO NOT PUT HER ON A DIET. My parents did this to me and it sucked. And didn't help.

Instead, just provide healthy foods and no longer provide unhealthy foods. A ten year old shouldn't have much access to junk that isn't coming from mom and dad. Maybe at school, but take her off the school lunch program and pack her a lunch. Tell her your doing it to save money. Make sure all meals at home are wholesome.

And then put in an effort to make sure family time isn't in front of the TV. Take the dog for a walk after dinner. Do it ever day. Make it her chore to do it with you. Or go on errands by bike together. Or spend more time playing catch with her. Or kicking a soccer ball around. I know you have to drag her to it...but you could also do things like hit up a theme park (lots of walking!) take a circus arts class, sign her up for kung fu, or take up surfing as a hobby All of these are active and fun things to do. Take her shopping in the mall (LOTS OF WALKING!!!).... I hope that this helps. It's not an easy situation you have....I would also talk to her doctor and see if this is a serious problem or a health issue causing it.... But I would say 155 at 10 years old for a girl might not really be that bad...especailly if she's in puberty (which can happen that early!).

cressievargo

You don't need to be doing some fad diet with your daughter.
You need to be seeking professional medical help with her now. Will she be embarrassed? Probably. But she will thank you later.

tsaarloos

I tend to agree with most of what everyone else is saying: You are in charge of the food, tough love also- but I might wanna take her to the doctor also, I have been fortunate enough not to have had this problem with my children, but from your description- something doesn't seem quite right... stretch marks at such a young age from someone who used to be a good athlete, sounds like somethings off Good Luck to you and her.

dmest

My son is 7 and is type 1 diabetic, so not the same situation as you, but for him daily exercise and healthy eating are crucial. One of the things I did was talk to him about what kind of exercises he actually enjoys. For instance, he's not very comfortable on a big kid bike but he loves to ride his little razor scooter bike. He also loves jumping on a trampoline and playing Wii Sports and Will Just Dance. Wii is a great way to trick him into exercise. During the school year we walk too and from school as much as possible. Another thing his nutritionist said to do was to have a drawer or basket available to him with "free foods." These are things he can get on his own whenever he's hungry. You could do something similar for your daughter so that if she really needs a between meal snack, it could be full of fruits and veggies or small servings of yogurt, etc. It will help her feel like she's still in control but you as her mom are controlling the nutritional content. Good luck!

rcolours7

talk to the dr....talk to a nutrionist....take ur daughter w/you and let them talk to her about what her unhealthy eating is doing.

also, don't buy the "junk" food. only provide the fruits / veggies she likes.

also, go thru a health cookbook or get the one from Jessica Sienfeld - it has some great recipes for kid favorites foods. have her cook w/u from that book. maybe, having her help you cook food will help her be more interested in eating healthy food.

i put 2 ice cubs o butternut squash in my mac & cheese - use whole grain pasta too.

also - be the mom and tell her that you are going to make food choices for her until she is able to do so and show you that she can make good choices.

exercise-wise - what does she like??? sounds like she likes to play soccer - so, have ur sons & husband play soccer with her at home as well as on a field - do it as a family. don't single her out.

i'm an athlete myself, used to be able to eat whatever when i was younger too. now, i've good 2 beautiful kids (3 & 6) and don't like / want my unhealthy food habits to be an issue for them when they get older, so, i too am teaching them now....i too have to get better at making & having more veggies cut up to snack on.

also, find out from her teacher at school if she seemed to change over the school & see if her teacher can pinpoint anything that would have triggered your daughter to be less active & engage in the things she really liked b/f.

whatever course you choose - u've got support here and you will know the right course for your family & your daughter.

hope this helps.

blessings

Generalle

You've said that in the last year she's become more quiet and withdrawn - this alone would be a warning sign for me. It could be hormones or it could be something more sinister. Talk to her. Ask her why (not in a demanding or threatening way) about why she doesn't want to exercise and be heathy, is there something that happened at school?
I would definitely stop weighing her, but I would start monitoring what she is eating.
Is she taking food and hiding it (yes I would be searching her room for wrappers)?
I'm guessing your boys are teenagers? I completely understand that they can eat what they like when they like and would assume (like my son) have treats in the house that they probably don't even think about; but ask them to do this for their sister, she needs the whole family to be on her side and if the food is in the house it's going to seem completely unfair to her.
There also could be a medical reason for her weight gain, either way it's a scary position for you to be in and I really sympathise with the position that you're in - GOOD LUCK!!

Alex_is_Hawks

I find this difficult to weigh in on without more information...such is how tall is your daughter?

My daughter is 10, she's 124 pounds and she's in a good weight class, she's borderline overweight, but she's in a good place for the most part. Why? Because she's 5'2. yes...my 10 year old daughter is the size and height of a small adult.

she wears a medium ladies in a lot of things just for the length alone!!

i understand she has a belly and I understand the belly has stretch marks but really with kids height is SO crucial...

so how tall is she?

also, just a note, most child nutritional coaches wouldn't want her to "lose weight" per se, so much as their desire would be for her to "grow into her weight." ...it's a much healthier option and better way to spin it to a child already inundated with weight issues in our media, at school...etc

Lauren

grnice

If she's running around and playing sports I'm not sure why she is gaining weight. You have control over her food so it sounds like a medical issue. I would have the dr check her out just to make sure there isn't an underlying medical condition.

The more you talk or harp on her about her weight the worse it is going to get. Show by example. Make healthy food and do things as a family that require exercise. I wish my family would have gone out for a walk or a game of football or something rather than having a bowl of ice cream in front of the tv.

Good luck!

mcarter99

Something I did recently with my 12 year old daughter is had her make a list of ALL the 'healthy' foods she could think of that she likes. Then I put it up on the frig. It's a good reminder to us both that even though we both tend to think she's too picky and doesn't like anything healthy, it's really not true. There are a lot of good options on her list. We just get lazy and the processed foods are so much easier for her to grab than the produce. I make sure to stock up on those foods and cook from it often, and offer those foods for meals and snacks.

zoegator

From quite a few years of working with children in that age range, I think that a reward system would work well in your situation.

Come up with a chart of mini-goals and mini-challenges for her to meet. Let her come up with some things that she would enjoy doing, and you can suggest some things from there. It might also help if you let her pick some of the exercises that you do, that way she's given some sort of control as well. Don't have any food or "sweet treat" rewards, something like a new toy or an experience that she wants to do/would enjoy.

Try to motivate her strongly without letting her know how much you're pushing her, but one thing that will motivate her without thinking about it is doing something AS A FAMILY. The guys may be able to eat and do whatever they want and not have a problem, but she can't do that and it will be good for her to see a good example from the ones in her life seen as "easily fit."

Good luck and best wishes!

missikay1970

i think you're a great caring mom for wanting what is best for your child. i agree with taking her to the pedi to make sure there are no under-lying health issues contributing to her weight. in the meantime, STOP with anything unhealthy coming in the doors of the house. like someone else said, you buy the groceries, you control what comes in. if you show her there are healthy & yummy choices, she will start to make these choices even when you are not around.

i think "forcing" exercise is a harsh way of saying it. i would say encourage. swimming at the pool together, going to a water park, walking on nature hikes, etc. but if push comes to shove, then SHOVE! you are the adult and you have to get her body moving.

i also agree with one of the previous posts regarding her feelings toward you as she ages. if you sit back, do NOTHING, "let" her stay on the computer (or t.v. etc.) and allow her to eat any foods she likes, she WILL continue to gain weight and one day, she will resent you. RIGHT NOW, she might be temporarily upset, but DEEP INSIDE, she WANTS you to be the parent and make the choice. our children are BEGGING for us to make good choices for them! they are weak, immature and incapable (most of the time) of making the right choices and they RELY on good parenting to get them through.

you are going to make it through - HANG IN THERE! parenting is hard, every single bit of it! stay strong!

faithstephenson

As a girl, my mom was always worried about my weight, as well as hers. Unfortunately, the way she went about it made me more self conscious than anything. I really believe you need to be careful, and not make this a 'diet' for her. Have healthy foods around, but also teach her how to have self control with those foods she loves. Maybe talk to her about some of her favorite things and find out what it is about them that she likes, the flavor, the texture, etc. then see if you can find some healthier alternatives that meet those desires. But, you are the parent, so you are going to have to set limits with her and follow through. Maybe get some fun active Wii games (if you have that) like Zumba, Just Dance, etc. to get some fun exercise. But be very careful to let her know how much you love her, no matter what.

CountryMom03

First off ((HUGS)) to you!!! Secondly I would make sure that any and all food that was in the house is good clean food, no junk!! If she doesnt like it then tuff!! You can always say your doing this just so that the whole family will be more healthy. I did it with mine when we went to not eating any processed foods. But you are her parent, its up to you to make sure what goes into her body is good food no matter how much she complains...they WILL eat when they get hungry enough, trust me.

Secondly, I would make her an "in general" doctors app, tell her its a wellcheck or something and have the docs check her out good. Maybe she has something going on thats medical?? Thats an awful lot of weight in such a short time. As for the exercising, do you have a Wii? Or a PS3? Maybe ask to do some of the Just Dance games with her on there!!:)

Just some thoughts that came to my mind:) ((HUGS))!!!!

missikay1970

Another thing his nutritionist said to do was to have a drawer or basket available to him with "free foods." These are things he can get on his own whenever he's hungry. You could do something similar for your daughter so that if she really needs a between meal snack, it could be full of fruits and veggies or small servings of yogurt, etc. It will help her feel like she's still in control but you as her mom are controlling the nutritional content.

i totally agree with this above ^^

my friend's pedi told her the same thing about her son. she had the bottom drawer of the refrigerator full of things he could reach himself, and not have to ask for. cheese sticks, yogurt, grapes, fruits, tiny bottled water, etc. when he felt in control, he didn't eat nearly as much, because he knew he didn't have to sneak to get it, and it was all healthy.

urasweethart

Talk to her Dr. about this, he or she may be able to recommend you to the right people for her to see, also make sure she doesn`t have any health issues. Good luck.

definetly this one. talk to her peditrician & see if you can see a nutrientist about this...also you gave all her weight, how tall is she and you and your hubby I was always alil thicker at that age &from age 10(4'5) - 12(5'10) I grew 17+ inches.
Plus only keep healthy choices at home cause kids esp will eat way more then a serving size when it comes to junk food.

MeMyCatsandI

Honestly, as a mother of 3 myself....You lost me when you said diet and your child in the same sentence! You do NOT want to put your child on a diet at 10 years old, that is just going to set her up for failure and she could possibly go through the rest of her life struggling with body image. She is a child! She needs to eat the right things and stay away from the bad things like processed foods and sugary drinks. She needs to go out and play and not sit around. Take her to the pediatrician and ask him or her for their thoughts as well. My daughter has been big since the day she was born and she is 10 as well, right now she is 110 and very tall for her age. She always looked plump up til this year, she grew into it and really looks great and carries herself well! It will take some time for her...and you do not get discouraged, let her be a kid, motivate her and love her, compliment her and talk to her like a young lady because that is what she really needs right now, she doesn't want to feel like a little child or a disappointment. Good luck dear :flowerforyou: .

^ I agree with this. Saved me a lot of tying too!
No diet.
Get her active.
See the doctor.

VRoseDuda

I didn't read all of the responses so I am sorry if this is a repeat. I hit puberty around that age (got my period in 5th grade) so that could be part of it. Also, since then I have "battled" my weight.
The change in interests and activities may very likely have to do with hormones.
The food ,however, we can control. My son is almost 10 and is 115...chubby but not too fat yet. He is also about 5 feet tall. We talk about making decisions, portion control and health. No kid wants to be on a "diet" but if they think about choices it is more interesting. So, if we have salmon and sweet potatoes for dinner, a cookie or 2 is ok for a treat...but not 6 cookies.
Good Luck. My son and I have cried together because he doesn't want to be a fat kid. I explained that it isn't about the weight as much as the damage to his body.
We wouldn't let our kids smoke would we? No---we know it is bad for them.
Why let them eat poorly when the same sort of damage can apply?

mussmom

I am the mom of two boys, 11 and 9. I also teach middle school, grades 6-8, so all of your concerns are noted and valid. However, while reading your OP, it concerned me that you knew, down to the 1/2 pound, the amount of weight she gained during her sports camps. How often do you make her weigh? Have you considered her feelings when you weigh?
I digress, I agree with many responses you have received. This needs to be a family change. Your husband and boys need to be on board and involved. Let them know the food changes you all need to make. Being boys, I am sure they can all think back to the chubby girl in jr. high and high school. Do they want their sister to go through that? I also agree that you can get her to exercise without pushing it on her. Again, use your husband and boys. Go fishing, hiking, play soccer, basketball in the driveway. When you take them to a practice, take your daughter and walk while they practice. Go in the front yard and help her practice her kicks for soccer. The Zumba class idea is great. Cook meals together! Then she will learn to cook healthy.
All of these changes will not come at once, but starting small will do wonders. It is wonderful you are concerned, and remember too...kids this age grow out, then up. You are the parents, make this a family change and stay positive with her. Good luck!!!

adioschubs

I was around 150 at age 10. I WISH my mother had forced me to get into shape. I really regret being fat my entire life, especially though my high school years, where appearance does matter unfortunately. I was bored and lonely that whole time.

SueD66

Only "good for you foods" in the house. shut off the vidio games and internet at certain times of the day along with TV. Once my kids would go outside i would have a hard time getting them back in. Pack a picnic, go to the zoo, bike to the icecream station and get a nice little cone. the zumba would be a blast i would think. Just got to keep busy for her and well for you too. Always have nice cold water in the fridge and cubes in the freezer. No soda, i feel, that is a huge weight gain item even the sugar free. but again my opinion. Go have some fun