LADIES HELP! a mother's struggle - what do MFPERS suggest?

Kathy53925

Take her to the doctor for a complete physical...PLEASE! Something is wrong; whether it is physical, mental...there is a reason she gained all that weight in 2 years.

mamamc03

Sign her up for sparkteens & have her track just like you! Have a competition and promise her something awesome...like a prepaid cell phone...I mean she's 10!

mamamc03

You need to just stop and look at yourself. You are pushing your body image issues on her. why not strive to make the whole family healthy. Take a family walk. You know at 10 i was the only fat girl in my family. My step mom put locks on the fridge and cabinets. I was forced to take diet pills and drink slimfast. My aunts always told me i have such a pretty face and would look better skinny. They caused me to turn to food for comfort. I felt unloved and unaccepted. you want her to be healthy fine. Dont single her out. Work on your whole family. Just because someones skinny doesnt mean theyre healthy take your boys too

Best advice!!

CaSome11

I have a 10-yr-old little sister who lives with me part-time. She is petite and very thin, but even she has body issues. She comes home talking about being "skinny" and "tan" and it makes me sick. She is already being pressured into what society considers beautiful and she's ten! I guarantee your daughter faces the same kind of pressures and knows that she has a weight problem. As a former "fat kid" myself, I only ever got comments about my weight from those outside my family. Home was safe.

That's what your home should be, a safe haven from judgment. Why are you weighing her? Let her be a child, remind her she is beautiful and find activities that you both can enjoy together. She may be resistant at first but if you make it fun and not forced she will eventually come around. Just try to keep her moving! Every little bit counts. As for her diet, as long as you make sure her meals are nutritious and try to eliminate boredom snacking, you should be okay. Don't hide/lock food from her, this will only lead to her sneaking it.

She may find her way in her own time. When I was 13, I really got into fitness and no one pressured me. I lost a ton of weight and felt really good. My parent's divorce and a bout with depression led to me gaining it all back two years later (hence why I am on MFP and still trying to get back there) but the point is I decided and I made the change. Good Luck!

cavellj

It's important to praise her, tell her how intelligent and beautiful she is. She needs you for self-esteem building more than ever now, so it's crucial not to make her feel badly for being overweight, afterall looks aren't everything. You need to focus on healthy eating and active living, not just losing weight to look good. I agree you should take her to the pediatrician in case there is a hormone issue that needs to be addressed.

drkuhl2017

You need to do something before her weight gets completely out of hand! I really wish my parents would have done that with me, because when I graduated high school I weighed 250 pounds. And I was always heavier growing up. It may be hard at first, but I'm sure that when your daughter is older, she will thank you for it!

I was picked on and bullied for years because of my weight and I hate to see or hear about another child going through that. Give her the tough love and she'll thank you in the future!

WalkingGirl1985

It might help looking into things like Kids would enjoy..water balloon fights, a family swim somewhere at the beach or a local pool, a game of tag, some kids..love to go to playground..find something creative..maybe a game of catch or frizbee...ask your child what they might like to do..:bigsmile:

As for food like many of said here..you buy the food, you control them..put some lowfat yogurt in the fridge..summer melons are good..watermelon has always been a favorite..even as a kid..strawberries is also pretty good and sweet..play around a little..like burgers? Just use lean meat..they might not be able to tell a difference.

Christine1110

Men & boys have more muscle , so they burn more then us ladies...You can help you and your daughter by making healthy choices. Cook from scratch...no pre-made foods. Try not to eat processed foods. I stopped eating sugar, fat, and starches...they weight is falling pretty fast. It's not easy to start but once you do it awhile, you notice you really taste the foods you eat. They aren't loaded with junk...and sodium. The guy might be thin....but they might not be healthy.

Good for you for helping yourself, and your daughter!!

rextcat

there is a site for kids
its like sparks for kids or something

Mlmr310

I was never really taught about nutrition, calories, healthy choices.. etc.. I wish that I had been. I believe I would have stopped myself before I reached that 200 pound mark- that is very unhealthy and can cause so many health problems. I have read some comments on here about- "let her be a child"-- but for me "being a child" or "having baby fat" was just a lack of a healthy diet. At age 10- I was overweight.
My advice would be to teach and show her healthy foods that are yummy. Buy and cook healthy meals. Allow her to be involved in meal planning etc- so maybe that she looks at it like a fun game. My Step son is 9 and he so badly wants a myfitnesspal. LOL.. just because he says it seems so fun for me. He knows about healthy foods and he is only 9. I say it starts with the parenting.. someone on here said "be the parent- dont be walked over! I agree. With a little hard work you could help your daughter future pains/ health problems.

The same thing goes for children as they do for us adults. I can tell I am super hungry if I didnt eat a balanced diet the day before- like if I loaded way too many carbs in and not enough protein. So maybe she can kick the bad habits early!

jesswilks

i would talk with her doctor but also watch what kinds of food are in the house. Try making up a snack platter of fruits and vegs and leave it at the front of the fridge i find when you want a snack you seem to go for the quickest thing. i also have a daughter who is over weight she 5 years old and around 60lbs

yentess

I looked at your profile and we live very close Have you ever gone on any of the local fitness trails? There are lots in our county that are beautiful and have lakes, streams, animals and wetlands to see. Most of them also begin or end at a park. Also Harrison Elementary has a wonderful fitness trail. Your family can walk, bike, skateboard or use scooters on it. Also there are workout stations with directions, a frisbee golf course, soccor fields and volleyball too.

Also she might take an interest in healty eating if you did a cooking class together! Martin's has lots and I'm sure you could find one on healthy eating that might spark her interest and get her interested in creating some new healthy dishes

FlaxMilk

The person who said to focus on the whole house getting healthy is right on the money.

So are the people who said take her to the doctor and to make healthy foods.

If you are going to do the 17 day diet, I wouldn't do it with her, and I wouldn't talk about it with her. Model what a healthy diet looks like. Have treat nights with "sometimes food."

Focus on how food fuels and nourishes the body.

BNance509

I would get her involved in healthy cooking! I don't buy soda for my kids they get sugar free drink mix, water, 2% milk or tea. If they get a soda its a treat. I don't cook dessert we have fresh fruit, or frozen fruit. We make smoothies & they love them. I even sneak cottage cheese in their & they don't know it. It has to be a life style change not a "DIET" That will never work. Maybe you can set goals with her for a special trip or something to encourage her to do it. I will keep you bith in my prayers! I wish I had had someone to help me when I was a kid. Add me as your friend if you like! Good luck!:flowerforyou:

junejadesky

You could try a combo of things. I think taking her to her doctor to talk about the dangers of weight gain and what can happen to her life. This can be very effective because she is old enough to understand that she will have health problems her whole life and a shorter life span if she does not do something now.

Second, tough love is right. You have to fight for her because she is not fighting for herself. Clean our your fridge and don't give her the unhealthy options. She will resist every step of the way but too bad... if she won't do it herself then it's on you to provide her not only the example, but the healthy options that she should be having.

Third, help her find her motivation. This could start out as once you both lose 5lbs you have a mother/daughter manicure day to celebrate your hard work. Celebrating those little successes will go a long way with her!

Much love and luck to you and her both! Remember.... if you aren't fighting for her, who will?

christine24t

Put your foot down, give her only food choices that are healthy, and of course control the portions! Insist that she gets out and gets exercise. Use incentives, anything... maybe a trip to a mall where you agree to make so many laps, followed up by a movie (with healthy snakcs packed beforehand so to avoid all of the unhealthy treats in the theater)...or maybe a little something from her favorite store... something, anything.

I agree with this. She just needs healthy food choices and exercise, not a diet at all. I wish my problem had been curbed earlier in life rather than now.

But...if you're going to do this with one child, you have to do it with all of your children, otherwise she will feel singled out - and it's not fair that one kid gets to have ice cream and the other gets to have fruit. Maybe announce to the family that you all are going to start to eat healthier and exercise, and work together as a family.

r1ghtpath

could some of it be due to puberty??

girls gain weight first before they have a growth spurt. so, they get big bellies and then shoot up. 10 is not uncommon for puberty, breasts, and periods........ has she shown any signs of these things?

as for exercise, food. instead of focusing on "diet" just focus on "making healthy choices" my mom had food issues, always has. always on a diet, always trying to lose weight. ALWAYS!!! she pushed her issues onto me, causing ME to then develop food issues :-( it wasn't a good thing and has taken my entire life to over come. i'm in my 30s and i STILL have food issues. i don't starve and binge like my mom does ( who is very much overweight and still ALWAYS on a diet) i just naturally don't have any appetite and eating less than a 1000 cals a day is my norm.......

how tall is she?

i think the easier thing is to be the model. like i said, no more "diet" talk. YOU switch your thought processes and therefore make it easier for her to understand. my oldest is 10 and since i don't eat much junk or keep it in the house, she isn't all that interested in it. i don't restrict it though. if the kids want a treat we go get one. if it 's in the house i don't tell them they can't have it. but, i do limit it. as for exercise, i model for my kids what being active looks like. walking, jogging, going to the gym, lifting weights, doing push ups, etc. i do that in front of them, with them, talk to them about it.

we have a great book that i recommend. it's called " the care and keeping of you." it's for girls. put out by the american girl doll company. your daughter could read it to herself. :-) i bet she would like it!

hippietofugirl

you are her mother. you dictate what she eats, and you need make her exercise. period.

stop letting her walk all over you!

kids are cruel. you do not want her to hate you when she gets older for letting her be fat her whole life. trust me. nip that in the bud now.

THIS

focus4fitness

I would take her to see a doctor. Not only will he give you some tips but he will, if he is anything like ours, tell her that she needs to lose some weight in a "doctor" kind of way.

I would stop buying any junk food. I would also not give her any money if that is what she is doing with her money.

I would not start her on a diet. She needs to learn how to eat and its your job to teach her. If she just uses a diet she is in for the endless cycle of diet-gain weight-diet- gain weight for the rest of her life.

Elizabeth_C34

Put your foot down, give her only food choices that are healthy, and of course control the portions! Insist that she gets out and gets exercise. Use incentives, anything... maybe a trip to a mall where you agree to make so many laps, followed up by a movie (with healthy snakcs packed beforehand so to avoid all of the unhealthy treats in the theater)...or maybe a little something from her favorite store... something, anything.

I agree with this. She just needs healthy food choices and exercise, not a diet at all. I wish my problem had been curbed earlier in life rather than now.

But...if you're going to do this with one child, you have to do it with all of your children, otherwise she will feel singled out - and it's not fair that one kid gets to have ice cream and the other gets to have fruit. Maybe announce to the family that you all are going to start to eat healthier and exercise, and work together as a family.

^ Totally agree with this. Make the household healthy and fitter, and she will follow along. Good for everyone, not just her and you. Your boys should know how to eat well and live well also for their long-term health.

It's really important, however, not to berate your daughter over her weight. Puberty tends to make girls gain more fat (it did with me and my sister) and berating her could end up making her have body issues later in life, which I know you don't want. Focus on getting her more active and into fitness. Get her involved in sports or be active with her as a family. Don't single her out.

NoAdditives

Do not put a child on a diet. Give her healthy foods, have her drink water, and increase her physical activity. That is all you need to do. Also, make sure you're making healthy food changes for everyone, not just the two of you.

enyo123

I'm going to agree with everyone who has said to get her to the doctor. There are reasons for weight gain... like kids' tendency to bulk up before a growth spurt, or less benign things like thyroid issues. Or it could just plain be too many calories in versus calories out, or any number of other things.

Diet? No. Nutritional change for the whole family? (Even though the males don't have weight problems.) Yes. Get the whole family on board with something like a family walk or C25k, or just *anything*. By having just her do it, then it's going to seem like she's being punished for being bigger, but by getting everyone on board, then it's a family thing. It might be something she considers *lame*, but it's still something that everyone is doing, so she can suck it up and do it with them.

karen0214

Sounds like she has some hormonal issues. I don't see how a 10 yr old could eat enough to weigh that much. I'm sure you see what she eats and you would know if she's eating enough to put on that kind of weight. I would guess she is having some thyroid issues, but it could be something else. Definitely I don't think it's normal. You could take her to the doc and have some blood work done. You sound like a great mom and I'm sure you'll do what's best.

cloud2011

At 10, your daughter is going to be going through puberty if she hasn't yet. A lot of girls put on weight in the midsection before puberty. My daughter did, and then in about a year, she grew 6 inches taller and is almost 5'7" now. She lost most of her tummy.

I did not do anything to make her lose it. I tried to encourage her to ride bikes (I'd go for rides with her), but honestly, I didn't monitor her food.

When I was a teen, I weighed 115 and was 5'7" and then gained until I was about 130. My mother would sometimes say I could stand to lose some weight. My brother called me fat, and a few kids at school teased me (boys, but in retrospect, they were probably trying to get attention).

Anyway, the result was I felt fat even though I was a healthy BMI and very athletic build.


So, try to build your daughter's confidence in herself first, then in sports and food choices. If she feels totally accepted and not as if her body is something to be critiqued and picked apart and the object of various diets, I bet she'll be okay.

cloud2011

I just posted...don't make any foods forbidden...my friend at work told me about her mother wouldn't let her have candy or cookies growing up. My friend has a major sweet tooth now, and told me when she was a child, she would go to friends' and neighbors' houses...yes, asking for sweet treats!

jhigg11

I think showing your child healthy food, and letting her experience/cook would be beneficial. Teach her about what her body needs for energy, and what it doesn't. You should teach how to read labels on food items and work on logging the food, and let her see how much she is consuming. When the school has people come in to talk about nicotine and the damages it can do to your health, my son comes home and pronounces that it is a disgusting habit and tells us all the information he was given, and that my in laws need to stop, because it will kill them. - That's an informed child. You can tell your child till she's blue in the face that something is bad for her, and she will continue to eat it, because she doesn't understand why. She needs someone to explain why! When you go through the label, you should tell her how much she should consume as far as calories, carbs, protein, sodium etc. Let her measure portions, so she can see how much the bag of chips they are actually saying is a serving. You should reward her with activities for doing some of these things they will benefit her through her life.

yustick

Never put a child on a diet. Provide healthy foods, set a good example, encourage activity and talk to her doctor. You can limit the junk food and sodas in the house to help, but do it for everyone, not just your daughter.

JenMarie8781

Talk to her pediatrician and see if they can help you come up with a meal plan for her. Whatever you do, do it NOW while she is still young. I have been obese my ENTIRE life. Well... as long as I can remember, anyway..... and I had a miserable childhood because I was fat and got made fun of all the time. It was horrible. And now here I am 24 years old and dealing with having to lose a HUGE amount of weight. And I feel like if my mother would have stepped in and done something when I was a child, I would not be in this position NOW. Take it seriously. Talk to her doctor. Do something!

suthrnladey

Honestly, as a mother of 3 myself....You lost me when you said diet and your child in the same sentence! You do NOT want to put your child on a diet at 10 years old, that is just going to set her up for failure and she could possibly go through the rest of her life struggling with body image. She is a child! She needs to eat the right things and stay away from the bad things like processed foods and sugary drinks. She needs to go out and play and not sit around. Take her to the pediatrician and ask him or her for their thoughts as well. My daughter has been big since the day she was born and she is 10 as well, right now she is 110 and very tall for her age. She always looked plump up til this year, she grew into it and really looks great and carries herself well! It will take some time for her...and you do not get discouraged, let her be a kid, motivate her and love her, compliment her and talk to her like a young lady because that is what she really needs right now, she doesn't want to feel like a little child or a disappointment. Good luck dear :flowerforyou: .

THIS IS EXCELLENT ADVICE!!! My mom tried to force me to diet several times. I know she was trying to help, but she didn't go about it the right way. Please consult your pediatrician and a nutritionist. Don't let your daughter end up like me--a grown woman with horrible memories of my mom hurting my feelings over and over again because of my weight. I do not blame my mom for my problems with my weight, but I believe it was worse because of her.

jazzedorange

Everyone will have a ton of different suggestions for you. This is my help for you and, as a mom of 3 kids that has had to make food changes.
1. Dr. appointment
2. Cut out fast food
3. No sweets high in calories. Only things that are 100 calories or so. AND Fruits, fruits, fruits! fruits will fill them and last longer then candy!
4. Teach your kids not to go back for seconds on food. Everything after the first plate is just for taste nothing more.
5. Get her into a sport activity. If she doesn't like the first one, try another and keep going until she finds something she really enjoys!

But this is all a life style change within your home not just for your daughter. If everyone eats like this and you talk about a change for the whole family, she won't feel singled out. And that is the last thing you want for her, or any of your children.