lack of support issues

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alisha11
alisha11 Posts: 41 Member
in Motivation and Support
So I was going to the gym almost daily, stopped for a bit now being that it's summer and I want to do more outside. My spouse is just not willing to do anything with me, I find myself doing things alone constantly, also because my friends have much different work schedules than I. So what to do? How do I get him interested, he needs to get healthy as well and just doesn't seem to want to.
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Replies

  • Changingworld
    Changingworld Posts: 36
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    I dont have any support either. My family thinks im going through a phase.
  • alisha11
    alisha11 Posts: 41 Member
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    Sounds like my family when I was younger, they would tell me "You look fine the way you are, why change?" I always partially blamed them for not supporting me when I needed it most, I ended up telling myself that I really was fine and gained even more, now I need to lose weight even more! Don't let them get you down sometimes you just have to start on your own, change little things and acheive small goals! Add me if you need a support buddy!
  • Lkoblara
    Lkoblara Posts: 137 Member
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    So I was going to the gym almost daily, stopped for a bit now being that it's summer and I want to do more outside. My spouse is just not willing to do anything with me, I find myself doing things alone constantly, also because my friends have much different work schedules than I. So what to do? How do I get him interested, he needs to get healthy as well and just doesn't seem to want to.

    Here's my story. I know how you feel about wanting support and a work out buddy. I tried for 2 years to get friends and family to join me in walking, to take a yoga class, whatever. Finally I just had to do it on my own. I realized that it wasn't so much about wanting support, but about being insecure about being on my own without a comforting buffer of a friendly face. Once I came to that realization I decided to face the insecurity head on and started to branch out on my own. Further on down the line I started to enjoy the time to myself, meeting new people, and reaping the benefits of getting my health in check. I was at about 200 after the birth of my son. I'm down to 175 and still have 25 to go to my goal. I did it for myself, by myself.

    So, my advice is to do what you know is right for you. Sure, it would be great to have a partner in it but maybe he isn't ready for that. You are. It's your time, do what you know you can do. Maybe after he sees how determined and healthy you are he will realize that he's ready to join you. Until then, be your own best cheerleader. You got this!
  • justjenn1977
    justjenn1977 Posts: 437 Member
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    find someone at the gym... or something...

    my 15 yo is away at school now... but when he is home we go together and work out... we have mini competitions :)

    I wouldn't try to force the issue with the spouse... he MAY intrepret your "please go with me" as "I think you are a fat slob and you need to change"... weight loss/getting fit has to be something that you decide to do personally and not to feel pressured into...
  • belinus
    belinus Posts: 112 Member
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    Are any of the things you want to do activities he likes?
  • alisha11
    alisha11 Posts: 41 Member
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    Are any of the things you want to do activities he likes?

    He used to be really active but the activities he used to like; biking, swimming and such he doesn't show much interest in anymore, feels as if he's embarrassed to do them...
  • bogle34
    bogle34 Posts: 107 Member
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    my husband supports me, but he won't go work out either! He does have a job where he is on his feet & he burns way too many calories, so I understand why he won't join me. He does praise me & encourage me and hopefully your man will. Maybe if ya compromise...like take a walk together, go swimming, hiking, etc...then later you can treat him with your specail treat ....I do & it works wonders! :drinker:
  • Athena98501
    Athena98501 Posts: 716 Member
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    Any of you who would like to can add me as a friend. I'm generous with the support, but too many of my friends aren't. Just please include a short message. :-)
  • alisha11
    alisha11 Posts: 41 Member
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    find someone at the gym... or something...

    my 15 yo is away at school now... but when he is home we go together and work out... we have mini competitions :)

    I wouldn't try to force the issue with the spouse... he MAY intrepret your "please go with me" as "I think you are a fat slob and you need to change"... weight loss/getting fit has to be something that you decide to do personally and not to feel pressured into...
    Yeah I'm afraid of that happening but at this point I just feel like I'm being undermined even when we go grocery shopping he wants spaghettios, and chips, and cookies, I try offering up different suggestions and I get a look like "are you nuts?"
  • tabulator32
    tabulator32 Posts: 701 Member
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    Sometimes the only thing you can do is be a good example and hope it catches on.

    If that doesn't work, smack'em with a telephone book and tell'm to get his *kitten* in gear.
  • TinaBaily
    TinaBaily Posts: 792 Member
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    I joined my gym originally BECAUSE some of my friends encouraged me to "come exercise with us!" How many times did they actually go when I did? ONE TIME!! Eventually I came to really appreciate my alone time at the gym. I take a good book, prop it up on a cardio machine and enjoy my mostly uninterrupted "me" time. I come home re-energized and refreshed, having had as much time to work out (or not) as I chose.

    Maybe in time your husband will see how much fun you're having with this or that activity and he'll want to join in? If not, the important thing is that you enjoy it. If you don't, you won't keep it up. Swimming, biking, running, walking, karate...whatever you choose to do for your fitness and well being, have fun, and good luck with your journey towards better health and feeling great!
  • alisha11
    alisha11 Posts: 41 Member
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    So I was going to the gym almost daily, stopped for a bit now being that it's summer and I want to do more outside. My spouse is just not willing to do anything with me, I find myself doing things alone constantly, also because my friends have much different work schedules than I. So what to do? How do I get him interested, he needs to get healthy as well and just doesn't seem to want to.

    Here's my story. I know how you feel about wanting support and a work out buddy. I tried for 2 years to get friends and family to join me in walking, to take a yoga class, whatever. Finally I just had to do it on my own. I realized that it wasn't so much about wanting support, but about being insecure about being on my own without a comforting buffer of a friendly face. Once I came to that realization I decided to face the insecurity head on and started to branch out on my own. Further on down the line I started to enjoy the time to myself, meeting new people, and reaping the benefits of getting my health in check. I was at about 200 after the birth of my son. I'm down to 175 and still have 25 to go to my goal. I did it for myself, by myself.

    So, my advice is to do what you know is right for you. Sure, it would be great to have a partner in it but maybe he isn't ready for that. You are. It's your time, do what you know you can do. Maybe after he sees how determined and healthy you are he will realize that he's ready to join you. Until then, be your own best cheerleader. You got this!
    I think that's what the issue is, I'm just super insecure, but another part of me just really wants him to get in shape too, what steps did you take to branch out?
  • lelstar
    lelstar Posts: 374 Member
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    Just do it yourself. My partner is quite overweight, smokes, eats horribly and has a congenital heart problem and he still won't walk with me. I just have to wait until he finally gets to the point where its not just talk.
  • alisha11
    alisha11 Posts: 41 Member
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    Sometimes the only thing you can do is be a good example and hope it catches on.

    If that doesn't work, smack'em with a telephone book and tell'm to get his *kitten* in gear.
    I'm getting to that point!! I just don't know how to get him motivated, it's like we're speaking a different language. He has a gym membership that he wanted but doesn't use, and he says he doesn't have energy for anything but I'm pretty sure it's because of what he eats, and his sedentary lifestyle...
  • PunkyRachel
    PunkyRachel Posts: 1,959 Member
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    My hubby never walks or exercises, other than bedroom activity. lol He will eat healthy with me, cause I cook his food, again lol. I used to have a friend be my exercise partner, but she bailed on me, so after about 2 weeks just skipping exercise cause I didn't have a partner. I saw the number on my scale go back up. That's when I decided to just go it alone. I just grab my headphones, listen to music, and dance walk around my local nature trails. I dance my *kitten* off in my Zumba class. It's all so much fun, even if
    I have to do it alone
  • lelstar
    lelstar Posts: 374 Member
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    Do you do any group activities at the gym?
  • tmauck4472
    tmauck4472 Posts: 1,785 Member
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    You start getting healthy first, for you and if he's interested he'll see you and what you've accomplished and decide he needs it to. There is nothing you can do about him. You may need to make new friends that have the same time as you do. Take a Zumba class and meet those girls. If you have a class you don't like then find another. I love my Zumba instructor and will be sad to see her go. She will be off for a while having a baby. But not just yet. I kept telling my husband that I could be alone all by myself and if he didn't start sticking around and doing things with me I would do just that...well guess I lied cause we are still together and still not doing things together. But I found people at work that wanted to go exercise, walk and zumba so I go do some kind of exercise every day.
  • PunkyRachel
    PunkyRachel Posts: 1,959 Member
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    my husband supports me, but he won't go work out either! He does have a job where he is on his feet & he burns way too many calories, so I understand why he won't join me. He does praise me & encourage me and hopefully your man will. Maybe if ya compromise...like take a walk together, go swimming, hiking, etc...then later you can treat him with your specail treat ....I do & it works wonders! :drinker:

    even though my man doesn't exercise with me, he is way supportive too. Always praising and telling me I'm doing a great job, and I'm looking good. He always complemented me before I started this journey too :smile:
  • alisha11
    alisha11 Posts: 41 Member
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    Thanks for all the great suggestions! Yes, I think going it alone may just be what I have to do. I do go to classes at the gym I haven't much lately being that it's summer and want to do more outside, but hopefully soon it'll click for him and he'll go to or something. If anyone needs support like me add me! I'm great at giving advice just trying to learn to take some of it myself! haha
  • tmauck4472
    tmauck4472 Posts: 1,785 Member
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    My hubby never walks or exercises, other than bedroom activity. lol He will eat healthy with me, cause I cook his food, again lol. I used to have a friend be my exercise partner, but she bailed on me, so after about 2 weeks just skipping exercise cause I didn't have a partner. I saw the number on my scale go back up. That's when I decided to just go it alone. I just grab my headphones, listen to music, and dance walk around my local nature trails. I dance my *kitten* off in my Zumba class. It's all so much fun, even if
    I have to do it alone

    I love Zumba, I'm not the best at it yet but I will be one day. Did the whole hour today and I've never done that so I'm getting better

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