lack of support issues

GelinaKnows

I have to do it alone myself, my husband will eat a 1000 calorie danish right in front of me like a tease, & laugh at my "rabbit food" I'm sure he thinks he is hilarious but it hurts sometimes quite a bit. I also can't find any friends to go to the gym or exercise with me..

wackyfunster

I've noticed a lot of people try to rely on others going with them when they start a new (generally short-lived) lifestyle change. If you have someone who will, and is enthusiastic about it, then great. If not, don't try to force people to come with you. We live in a society where _EVERYONE_ talks about losing weight and getting in shape, and ALMOST no one actually ever does. I guarantee that if you go and kick some *kitten* and start getting in shape, the people in your life who want to do the same will notice, become interested, and want to participate.

You can't expect to get other people interested in something when YOU have trouble doing it without support. When you become an enthusiast, and start enjoying what you are doing, everyone will want to be a part of it. That's just the way life works.

Grissay

You can't be healthy for anyone else but yourself. I wish I could get my family to eat healthier but I cannot do it for them. They've got to want it. Do YOU want it? Don't let your lack of support become an excuse to stop. Keep going. You'll find A LOT support here. Once your husband starts seeing your progress and how much better you feel, he'll probably want to join you. Good luck, don't give up!

Deedsie

I tried to make my husband workout. I bought him a 2 year gym membership. I pestered. I nagged. I made snide remarks about him dying early and being a bad influence on our child and wait what, none of that worked. That's right. It didn't work no matter what I did or said and it made me feel bad on top of it and constantly brought to mind that he wasn't very supportive of me.

So I decided that I wasn't going to talk to him about health unless he brought it up. This was about 2 years ago when I lost 69 lbs after having our daughter.

I went to the gym. I worked out on my Wii and with workout videos. I looked for people at the gym that were at the same level or slightly better than me. People who went to the same classes as me week after week and I started talking to them. Then, I friended them on facebook. We helped each other. I used my mommy playgroup for support and anyone who mentioned getting on a diet or workout plan automatically got my attention and support at work.

I still have about 24 lbs to go and I did have a setback last year where I went up about 10 lbs but I'm back on track and it was the support groups that I built that reined me in when I started to slip back into old habits. I have been back at it for 40 days and about 10 days ago my husband joined MFP. He doesn't log regularly and isn't near as into exercise as me but he cut out soda and he is thinking of ways to exercise more and all without me nagging him.

So hang on to hope for him but also build your own base.

lorax419

I joined the gym with a friend who only wanted to keep it to get ready for a mini-marathon, and i knew that from the get go. However, while at the gym I have made a few friends. Sometimes you have to show yourself friendly to make friends. Start out by saying hello to a couple of people - chances are there are people there feeling the same way you are and if they are alone, may need someone to be 'friends' with. I made a friend at the gym I go to named Jackie. She is 73 years young (31 years older than me) and just a nice person to talk to. I have an awesome support group, mostly ladies from my church - but they encourage me to do better. I can say that one person found out I was trying to lose weight and invited me to join this site for accountability - and it has blossomed from there. Just start reaching out and you will find it. I have a friend that has a husband who is over weight. She has lost 100 pounds and he is finally starting to try to lose weight. I really think that if you stick with it - your husband will eventually join you - you have to get past the point of them thinking 'this is a fad and will pass' stage. My mom thought it was a phase until I hit the 25 pound mark, now that I am almost to 40 pounds she is excited for me and is making healthier choices for herself. It just takes time and being consistent.

Jenph20

Support can be really tough. It's so much harder to keep going if you dont have someone pushing you all the time. If you are interested, I have a ladies only support group on FB. The group is private so only we can see what is posted and it's just a group of ladies being supportive and asking/answering questions. Send me a message if you're interested. We are always looking for new people

tlamarch

You can make other people want to be health, so till they are ready, you need to find someone like minded, someone at the gym or join a group the kayaking or whatever your into

D2nawoman

I hear you with the lack of spouse support. My husband does not want to put any effort exercise or eating right towards getting healthy. It is extremely hard not to have his support. He does encourage me with words but it is so much easier with someone there by your side who cares about their health as well. So I have to find the mind set that I need to just do this for me and not dwell on what he is doing. I continue to cook healthy meals so at least while he is here he is eating healthy. It is hard I know.

PJ64

So I was going to the gym almost daily, stopped for a bit now being that it's summer and I want to do more outside. My spouse is just not willing to do anything with me, I find myself doing things alone constantly, also because my friends have much different work schedules than I. So what to do? How do I get him interested, he needs to get healthy as well and just doesn't seem to want to.

I have the same issue. Not only will my wife not go with me, she keeps thinks I'm wasting time. I just keep the door open and I also ask her to go walk the Dog with me at night, but I don't tell her its for fitness

patchesgizmo

So I was going to the gym almost daily, stopped for a bit now being that it's summer and I want to do more outside. My spouse is just not willing to do anything with me, I find myself doing things alone constantly, also because my friends have much different work schedules than I. So what to do? How do I get him interested, he needs to get healthy as well and just doesn't seem to want to.

as the saying goes you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. If your hubby is not ready, he is not ready. Go out and get yourself healthy, pretty soon I would think he would want to join in the fun and look healthy while doing it.

JenJen0932

My BF joins me sometimes, and sometimes he doesn't. I am not the food police, nor the exercise police to decide what others should eat or do. (Good thing, as I would have had to arrest myself too many times to count!) I have friends who say they want to join me in my walks and activities, and who bail at the last minute, always too busy, too tired, too something... In the past that may have been my excuse to also bail, but now I love putting on the headphones, strapping the dog on his leash and just taking off.

I am learning to breathe deeply and appreciate the opportunity to be outside, to breathe fresh air and to know that I am creating a better and stronger me with every step and every beat. If someone wants to join me, great. If not, watch my dust as I go anyway with a smile on my face.

When you learn to love doing it alone, people will naturally be drawn to your new energy and be begging to join in your fabulous new world.

k2charmed4u

Personally I need someone with me to keep me motivated and not "cheat" away from the exercise etc. I'm lucky enough that my husband wants to change his lifestyle too and is eating healthily and exercising with me.

When I lived with my parents they would not help at all buying all sorts of crappy foods etc and didn't lose a thing just gained! Def need someone on the same page to get a better lifestyle with.

sarahrbraun

Hubby has gained 50 pounds over the last 17 years...OK, so I am about 80 pounds heavier too, but I DID give birth to 3 children...

Hubby always talks about how he is fat, and he needs to lose weight...so he'll do 50 sit-ups...then forget about it for 6 months. He says we have to eat healthier, but then asks why there isn't anything *good* to snack on.

A friend and I were going to keep each other accountable for going to the gym 3x per week....but most times she cannot make it. I go anyway. It isn't as much fun, but why should I allow her lack of motivation to keep ME fat? She hasn't lost a pound yet--I am looking at almost 20 pounds lost.

Don't give these people who don't support you the power to sabotage your success! If hubby wants spaghetti-os and chips, get them, but eat the foods that are appropriate for YOU. When you achieve your goals, you can look at them and tell them that you did it despite them!

HannahsReturnToFitness

I think it would be great to have someone supportive.

When I lost weight before (after my pregnancy) my partner was slightly supportive and did comment upon the improvement.

This time however, he is being no support at all. I exercise alone and have altered my diet for myself. I swim daily and have found it helpful seeing the same faces every morning. He insists on eating whatever he wants and buys high fat items, biscuits, cakes etc.

It would be a lot easier if we were in it together!

Amazon_Who

My husband is verbally supportive-but not so much when it comes to bringing a lot of things into the house I am trying to stay away from. He specifically get them for me because he knows I like them even though I have asked him not to. For support I have joined TOPS Club (Take Off Pounds Sensibly). There people there battling their weight just like me and success stories too. We have one member that has stayed no more than 3# above or 7# below her goal weight for 27 years!

I am literally scared about my husband's health. 12 years ago at age 47 he had triple bypass. He lit up a cigarette on the way home. If I "encouraged" him too much after the surgery he would just eat and smoke more. This depressed me and I gained more weight too. Now I do what I can but he has to do the rest for himself. I am trying to get healthy for myself.

kathrynangelabaird

my husband supports me, but he won't go work out either! He does have a job where he is on his feet & he burns way too many calories, so I understand why he won't join me.

My partner is the same, he kinda supports me but he has a very hands on job and doesn't want to waste £17.99 a month on a gym membership he doesn't need just to support me!
He does take me to the gym which helps as I can't drive but I find myself having to work out at home more and more as his support goes out the window. So I feel your pain with lack of support
He also doesn't like my healthy food and loves eating pizza, take away curry and fish and chips all the time
It's mean!!

Healthydiner65

Keep doing these healthy things for yourself and don't ask him to participate. He will see you are serious and either get with the program or not.Either way you will feel better physically and emotionally.Most sporting goods stores have walking programs.Good luck!

BrownEyedSister

I understand your desire for support. I too would love it if my fiance would join me. However, he has a very physical job and then does side jobs after work that are also very physical. So, he has zero interest in doing anything remotely like exercise when he has time off.

On top of that he is a serious coke addict. I've attempted to get him to drink more water with no progress. However the other day he had a horrible mid-back ache. It happened again a few days later and glory be, he wondered if it was because of the *kitten* load of soda he has been drinking recently. I was able to control my eye-roll and said that maybe he wanted to drink a bit more water and see if that helped. So far, so good...

Luckily, two of my sisters introduced me to MFP and we are working together to eat better and move more. It's not a buddy to go to the gym with but it is someone to keep me accountable and that is what I need most! We have a family history of obesity and I don't want to end up that way.

Perhaps if you set a good example he will see your progress and be inspired to make changes. In the mean time, you have friends and support here! :bigsmile:

somatiff

I feel that sometimes you really have to love yourself in order to love someone else. My boyfriend is supportive, but doesn't get involved in going on walks or anything. In the past I have let it hold me back and then I've ended up gaining and being resentful. Now it is my goal to do it regardless and get healthy for myself! I think once he sees the success I have, he will join in. He knows he needs to get healthy. He just needs the motivation.

Anyways, I kinda like the alone time anyways... It gives me a chance to just clear my mind.

If anyone needs motivation, feel free to add me. I'm always up for connecting with people that are encouraging and positive in this journey!

twoodward0005

I completed one round of P90X lean and a round of insanity by myself before my wife began to show interest in becoming more fit. Please note; that even though my wife would eat icecream, eat cookies and milk wile Tony Horton and ShaunT were beating me into the ground, she would ALWAYs let me know that she was proud of me and that she though that I was looking really good. Just a few months ago she introduced me to MFP. She seemed to really want to "go for it", so I signed up with her. She has done incredible! We both have stayed on a healthier eating plan, and have been walking no less than 2 miles every day. This is the exciting part. As of Monday, June 18 2012, Toghether we started a round of P90X classic!! and she is doing great! It's only been 2 days, but she has the drive and the determination.. On top of that she will always have me to support her. I tell her during the breakes in the videos that she is doing great and that I am proud of her. She has to modify a lot of the exercises just so she can "do soemthing" to stay active during the videos. but thats the key; just keep moving. My wife still smokes, but I am hoping that to will pass as time goes on. Please be patient with your partner, when he/she is ready they will join you. If not, then there are always others out there that would appreciate your words of incouragement and would love to recieve the same from you.