Teetotal... Why the stigma?

mnishi

Isn't the term teetotaler? I've never heard the word teetotal used.

BL_Coleman

Don't worry men who don't drink or smoke do exist. My husband doesn't smoke ( i can't stand the smell) and doesn't drink and I am a glass of wine a night girl...when i'm not on a diet...sigh. But he's exceedingly popular in our crowd and gets to extravegant Bday presents becasue he always drives and we as a group can go out and have a drink or two and be fine.

amsohs85

The real question is whether the people who do this to you are really your friends and so called family or are they just enablers with their own addiction issues!!!!!!!! I have never had someone ask me why i'm not drinking or for that matter why i am drinking. After all in adult relationships we dont need to roll eyes, criticize and attempt to bully someone into doing what we like or want. The people who will do the worst damage to you are the ones who will only accept you as they want you to be...meaning its their way or the highway. You really have three ways to deal with this problem:

1.) Ignore the comments and eyerolls...eventually maybe they will start antagonizing someone else

2.) Find new people to hang out with who will accept you for you

3.) Make a stand and clearly state that it's your life you will abstain from drinking if you want to and if they want to drink themselves to death so be it. In other words "If you dont like what i'm doing don't let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya!!!" Lol...

Never live your life based on what others think and do....be true to you!!! Congrats on your life change...we go through many on this journey.......

yo_andi

Hey all!

This year after spending my 20's binge drinking I decided to give my Liver and Kidney's a break and am now teetotal, not only has this had excellent health benefits it has also made my weekends feel longer as a) I now remember the whole thing and b) I don't spend hours feeling hung-over and hideous

So why do other people have such a hang up with it? I understand why alcohol is so socially acceptable but why is it so socially unacceptable to abstain?

So far I have had comments like "She's still being boring" or "I can't believe you're still not drinking", people roll their eyes at me when I refuse wine and ask for a soft drink or coffee instead and it's really starting to put me off going out. I am always really chatty and feel perfectly at ease with people on a night out so I am quite baffled by people's obsession with my being teetotal, I could understand if I stood in the corner on a soap box and judged everyone's drinking habits but I don't.

Any thoughts? Are of you guys in a similar situation? Is it the same in other countries or is it just a UK obsession?

Debs x

I go on and off the sauce a few times throughout the year, depending on what I am training for or how I am feeling and I get the same reaction. I really think it's just that you're highlighting something in their own lives they may feel guilty or uneasy about. Similarly, people who make comments about you eating healthy or rising early to work out or going to bed earlier to get enough sleep... it's their own insecurities.

Also, it can be tough to abstain and still be social, so :flowerforyou:

grubb1019

I really have never understood the popular belief that drinking is "fun". Why? Its expensive, you loose control of your actions, and you normally end up with a headache and puking. I suffer from migraines, so the headache aspect of drinking is what really turns me off. Why invite a headache? My father was an alcoholic and I knew I didn't want to grow up to be like that. Most of my friends don't drink and we have a blast, not boring at all. I agree with others that you need to find new friends. And there are men that don't drink and smoke. My husband has been drunk once in his life when he was 21. He doesn't drink at all now. His best friend was killed in a drunk driving accident, so he doesn't even look at alcohol.

klwells08

Neither my husband nor I drink. When we were younger it was a bigger deal with our friends. They some how interpreted our not drinking as thinking we were better than them. For a while it was nonissue. However, in my current job I am the odd man out. I don't care if others drink around me, it is up to them. I do not volunteer for DD duties and have no desire to be responsible for someone else who does drink. Even so, I get comments like "we'll get you to drink one day" or "I would love to see you drunk." I think it is a bigger deal to them than to me, although the same comments over and over get annoying.

justal313

They have a built-in designated driver if you go out drinking with them. Where's the problem? My Buddy George is Irish and has never had a drop. We don't make fun of him for that, we make fun of him for his VERY PICKY eating

RuthieCass

There is a total stigma on teetotalers. I work with a guy who has never had a drink of alcohol in his life (highly related to his religious preferences/beliefs) and finally have someone to sit on the sidelines with.

My co-workers pick on me for not drinking, but that's their business. If they wanna go out and blow $85 at the bar on Friday night and then try to find a ride home or try to find their clothes on the hotel room floor the next morning, that's their mess to be in -- no longer my life.

My hardest thing is dating. It is very very rare that I meet a man who does not drink. On every singles profile, on every blind date, on every 'hey my friend said we should hang out' message, all the men I see are drinkers. Some claim to be social drinkers and are... some claim to be social drinkers and don't understand the definition of social drinking -- if you have to have a beer with breakfast and every other meal and one on the way home from work WHILE DRIVING... you are not a social drinker in my opinion and the opinion of many medical professionals. I digress. Anyway, I have yet to meet/date a man who doesn't drink or smoke. I don't drink or smoke or use drugs because I'm an addict. I've been in recovery for over 8 years and though I don't go around telling just any old soul about it, I'm proud of my sobriety. It's just hard to meet guys that I can see a future with because of the drinking.

**shrug**

Maybe you will get more like-minded dates if you specify that you never drink/ don't like drinking in your profile. It can be annoying, but sometimes you need to be more straight-forward when online dating. I met plenty of guys who did not drink at all (it could depend some on your city, but this was even in Miami). Good luck!

Kebby83

I don't really drink. I love jack Daniels and if I do drink I go for that. I have to be careful because I tend to use it to numb emotions.
My ex husband is an alcoholic, my mother is an alcoholic, my grandmother died from wet brain (bought on my chronic alcoholism for 60 years). I don't want to be them - I would rather be boring that see the devastation alcohol can cause.

Noone really says anything. If I go out with a friend I might have a glass of wine. Meh, it's just a glass of wine. Noone says anything.

If someone calls you boring just smile and say you've found a way to have fun without the hangover