Not cut out for online dating

liftingheavy

I met my current SO online. It wasn't a situation where we contacted each other, went out and voila though.

He'd contact me, I'd contact him. We'd forget about it. Not hear from each other for weeks. Then suddenly he would send me a message. Or I'd send him one. This went on for 6-9 months while we literally dated other people, didn't take it seriously, wondered if this was the right thing, was POF a hookup site, etc.

Another random online contact in August of last year and we met and have been dating ever since.

I definately had to wade through my share of creepy ones, but I strongly believe that when something is supposed to happen it will. The universe works like that for some reason. If you are looking for a mate I'd keep all options open, and just shake off the weirdos you come across. At least online you have the luxury of NEVER meeting them in person.

Good luck to you!

NamibianRose

Hmm... what's that cheesy line? Uh... you've gotta dig through a lot of shiz to find a diamond? Anyways, you get what I'm trying to say.

I did a lot of online dating, because 1) I work really long hours, so I don't go out very much if ever, and 2) When I did manage to go out in public, the only guys that hit on me were really weird, homeless, and/or *kitten*... so..... yeah. Online worked best for me. I also made a lot of friends that way too. Okcupid.com has always been my favorite site, because they have fun quizzes, the guys who created the site are incredibly smart, the people there are pretty decent, and best of all, it's free!

Online dating is just like regular dating - you need a lot of patience... but at least you can be patient at home and do the monotonous "meet and greet - interview questions" in the comfort of your pajamas.

In my opinion, it takes the pressure off a bit, because by the time you actually meet the guy, you kind of already know him. Just my thoughts. Good luck!

Ditto on the guys who hit on me in public were "weird, homeless, and/or *kitten*"! LOL. For a while I thought, geez, I must be hideous because all the guys who hit on me are YIKES. But then found out this happened to girls all across the spectrum of looks and weight.

I guess I didn't think about it as being less pressure. Point taken.

NamibianRose

Thanks for all the input everyone! This community rocks. I guess feeling like what I'm experiencing is normal in this venture helps out a lot.

rungirl1973

I've been trying to do the online dating thing lately.
I've even gone so far as giving my phone number to a couple of guys. Every guy I've talked to from OK Cupid wants to talk about sex immediately. I refuse to go on a date with somebody who asks for sex before I've met him. So, I haven't met any of these guys in person yet. Is this a free dating site thing, or will I get the same thing on Match? Yeesh.

I mean, I may be a slot, but I insist that you meet me before you find that out.

That said, I don't know that it takes a thick skin, necessarily. It would be just like meeting somewhere else. I post recent photos, guys either like what they see or they don't.

MustBeTheRows

i did the online dating thing several years ago. one of the guys i met picked me up in a jeep that had giant tusks affixed to the front, and then after our date sent flowers and a teddy bear to my work with a note that said "CONGRATS ON THE NEW BABY!"

um. what?

WHAT. THE....

For the love of Gravy, no wonder he's single! *lol*

mmm Gravy

NamibianRose

I've been trying to do the online dating thing lately.
I've even gone so far as giving my phone number to a couple of guys. Every guy I've talked to from OK Cupid wants to talk about sex immediately. I refuse to go on a date with somebody who asks for sex before I've met him. So, I haven't met any of these guys in person yet. Is this a free dating site thing, or will I get the same thing on Match? Yeesh.

I mean, I may be a slot, but I insist that you meet me before you find that out.

That said, I don't know that it takes a thick skin, necessarily. It would be just like meeting somewhere else. I post recent photos, guys either like what they see or they don't.

I have no idea, but I had tried online dating in the past, kind of. A friend suggested POF so I signed up, I got bombarded with requests for sex. And I mean, as soon as I set it up and posted a pic, I got all kinds of weird IM's and messages. I tried to deactivate right away but POF has a policy that you have to be signed up for at least 24 hours before they will deactivate. I was wondering what it was about the pics I posted (trust me they were VERY BENIGN PICS) that gave the impression that I was interested in booty calls? And thought maybe it was because I was overweight? Maybe they thought, ooh, this girl has some extra pounds, maybe she's so desperate that I can just use her for sex? LOL no clue.

But have I had a friend who started texting with a guy from eharmony and he asked her how important sex was to her because he was sort of a freak and wanted it a lot. Umm...weirdo. So perhaps it's everywhere, but I tend to think there are less of those types willing to pay for a service? Who knows.

tweakz20

I've been trying online dating for months. POF & Okcupid, even spent money on cupid, match, and zoosk. I NEVER bring up sex/hookups or leave 1 word messages, they're always thought out have questions for the person. I've sent out hundreds of messages and barely any get replied to, and usually the replies are 1 word answers to the question. I've gotten about 4 dates out of it. 2 resulted in good friendships, actually, but no relationships. Girls seem so outgoing and friendly on their profile, but just don't respond to an innocent message. I hate it, yet find myself trying regardless. I think all the guys that do use the site for hookups has made the sites impossible to really get a girlfriend, because the girls just get fed up with it.

NamibianRose

I've been trying online dating for months. POF & Okcupid, even spent money on cupid, match, and zoosk. I NEVER bring up sex/hookups or leave 1 word messages, they're always thought out have questions for the person. I've sent out hundreds of messages and barely any get replied to, and usually the replies are 1 word answers to the question. I've gotten about 4 dates out of it. 2 resulted in good friendships, actually, but no relationships. Girls seem so outgoing and friendly on their profile, but just don't respond to an innocent message. I hate it, yet find myself trying regardless. I think all the guys that do use the site for hookups has made the sites impossible to really get a girlfriend, because the girls just get fed up with it.

I feel encouraged by the other people who say they hate it LOL. That's what I'm left feeling like, some aspects of it just make me feel like...I really dislike this process. But, I think I'm going to do you like you and keep trucking for the time being.

barleespringers

I did it for a year (eharmony). I met my best friend on it, and found two more really close friends too. At the time, I was 255 lbs. I was 100% honest about my weight when dating, and the men were, for the most part, nice about it.

If they can't like you for what you look like now, then they aren't worth the time. After a year I cancelled the membership because I was just done dating at the time. I did join a friends social site and without looking for a future person, a man contacted me. Long story short - two years later we are planning to get married next year.

I'll be the first to not recommend online dating though. It is not for everyone, and it so darn hard to find a person that "fits" your life. Yeah, I lucked out... but I think you are better off finding someone in your social groups.

Those men that I met on online dating (now friends) are still looking to find someone to be with. So it wasn't for them either and they are awesome people.


I always said when I was on that dating site, if they didn't stop to check me out, then they saved me the time.

AllTehBeers

Amen to the creep *kitten* comment. There are some really strange, strange folks tromping around online LOL. And I guess that's the other thing I forgot, take out all the creeps and weirdos, and yes I am purely making this judgement from their profiles (or weird freaky pics), but exclude those, and then the guys who only want "the athletic, tone, slender" guys, and there aren't many left. BUT, another thing to add is the general dating market in my town is slim to begin with. I guess I need to give it a little longer before completely deciding to trash the whole idea.

Thanks for replying odusgolp!

There are creepers in real life, they're just more congested online lol. I met my last ex and my current online. My last relationship lasted almost 6 years and we are still great friends, we just make better friends then in a relationship. My current relationship is coming up on a year and still going strong. It takes a lot of wading through the garbage before you hit something good, whether it be online or in real life.