How Do You Know When It's Time To Stop?

janemem

I reached my target weight weeks back so I just keep setting myself a new, lower one each time.
Even though I know that I don't actually look good now and my husband would freak out if he were to see me as I am now (we live in different countries, I haven't seen him in 9 weeks and won't see him for another 7) as last time we were together I was 17lb heavier than now and he told me off then for being too skinny.
I keep telling myself that once I just lose 2 more lb then I'll stop and either try maintenance or even gain a few lb but I can't get out of the habit of needing to lose weight.
Does anyone else have the same problem?
Has anyone else been through this and can give me some advice? Thanks in advance.

FatStoatLondon

Go away for a long weekend. A change of scenery, different activities, less control over what you eat - it will shake you out of your dieting routine. When you get back, use MFP to find out your maintenance calories and stick to them instead.

Lolli1986

I do use BMI and body fat % as a guideline for when to stop. As long as I am within the acceptable range <30%bf, or within a healthy BMI, i try not to allow myself to be unhappy with my body. If i am starting to look like i'm heading towards being 'underweight' according to BMI, or <18% body fat, i pull up, go for a holiday to break the thoughts pushing me in the wrong direction, and come back to maintenance.

janemem

Thanks for the suggestions but getting away is really out of the question.
My BMI is 19.4 and I have 18% body fat so I know I can still lose more weight, I just wish I could be happy with what I've already achieved and stop there.

MooMooooo

How did you come up with your goal weight to begin with?

and

Is there a particular 'look' you are going for?

dorothytd

I can really identify with this. I get in the routines of pushing myself, eating less, etc., and then I go too low, my chest starts to look bony and it just isn't pretty. I HATE being told I am too thin. But I am still in the healthy BMI range as well. I've been maintaining for several years now and two things that help me ... 1- set a goal range of about 4 pounds and stay within it. If you get too low, work to get back up instead of going down. 2- you don't have to go on holiday, but take a break from logging and enjoy what you are eating for a couple of days. Of course sign in - especially if you have lots of days added up. But don't record. Eat some pasta, smell the roses and relax. Feel free to friend me if you want support on this!

janemem

How did you come up with your goal weight to begin with?

and

Is there a particular 'look' you are going for?

Originally I just wanted to lose the few pounds I'd gained over Christmas and it happened really easily so I carried on.
After I visited my husband in April I'd gained some lb's so again I just wanted to lose those but now I can't stop myself thinking I need to lose weight rather than maintain or gain.
As far as a 'look' goes I don't really have an ideal because I know I've gone past it. I'm either fat or skinny, I don't seem to recognise the bit in between where I may look ok. If that makes any sense?

janemem

I can really identify with this. I get in the routines of pushing myself, eating less, etc., and then I go too low, my chest starts to look bony and it just isn't pretty. I HATE being told I am too thin. But I am still in the healthy BMI range as well. I've been maintaining for several years now and two things that help me ... 1- set a goal range of about 4 pounds and stay within it. If you get too low, work to get back up instead of going down. 2- you don't have to go on holiday, but take a break from logging and enjoy what you are eating for a couple of days. Of course sign in - especially if you have lots of days added up. But don't record. Eat some pasta, smell the roses and relax. Feel free to friend me if you want support on this!

Thanks for your help, friend request is on it's way.
Yeah, my arms, chest, legs, stomach, back, shoulders........just about everywhere looks pretty disgusting to me but it doesn't register, I still want to lose that extra coouple of lb's.
The thought of not recording my food in the diary is too scary and to be honest I know more or less every caloric value of my foods anyway, I'd just make sure I stuck to the really safe foods.

JesterMFP

When you say you "know [you] don't look good now" - do you mean that you think you're too thin? If so, this really sounds like a problem. And if you mean you think you're still too fat - at a BMI of 19.4, that also sounds like a problem. I think you know that though! Good for you for reaching out, but honestly I would go and see a doctor. I'm in no way an expert but it sounds like you might have, or be at risk of, an eating disorder or something like body dysmorphic disorder. It's not normal to not be able to get out of the habit of losing weight once you're already past the point where even you think you're too thin. There will always be "more weight" to be lost, until there is nothing left of you. I'm not sure that anything anyone says here will be able to change this for you. It might be time to talk to someone professional who can give you the help you need. :flowerforyou:

Lesley2901

I can also identify with this as I have kept pushing my goal weight down too. At the moment I have 3lbs to go and I know I will definitely stop there but I have a horrible feeling I will still not be happy with my shape. I am aiming for my goal with a view that once I reach it I will start using weights to build a bit more muscle and put a few pounds back on while keeping the fat off. Feel free to add me for support if you would like.

MsEmmy

You might not want to hear it but it sounds like you need professional help with this - if you know you are too thin but can't stop then that, in my limited experience, sounds like you are approaching or maybe have reached the point of anorexia. You have success in your weight loss but it seems to be the only thing giving you that feeling of success at the moment so you are taking it to the extreme. You need to find other things that can do that for you, a hobby or something and focus and find your rewards in that. Maybe see success in being fitter/ stronger/ having more stamina rather than in weighing less, or find it in making something, helping someone or making progress in your job - anything that redirects your focus.:flowerforyou:

darrensurrey

Thanks for your help, friend request is on it's way.
Yeah, my arms, chest, legs, stomach, back, shoulders........just about everywhere looks pretty disgusting to me but it doesn't register, I still want to lose that extra coouple of lb's.
The thought of not recording my food in the diary is too scary and to be honest I know more or less every caloric value of my foods anyway, I'd just make sure I stuck to the really safe foods.

If you're happy with where you are then stop. You say everywhere looks disgusting - do you mean you think you're too thin? If so, then adjust the intake to maintenance or higher.

cookiefluff

When you say you "know [you] don't look good now" - do you mean that you think you're too thin? If so, this really sounds like a problem. And if you mean you think you're still too fat - at a BMI of 19.4, that also sounds like a problem. I think you know that though! Good for you for reaching out, but honestly I would go and see a doctor. I'm in no way an expert but it sounds like you might have, or be at risk of, an eating disorder or something like body dysmorphic disorder. It's not normal to not be able to get out of the habit of losing weight once you're already past the point where even you think you're too thin. There will always be "more weight" to be lost, until there is nothing left of you. I'm not sure that anything anyone says here will be able to change this for you. It might be time to talk to someone professional who can give you the help you need. :flowerforyou:

I second this... good luck

janemem

Thanks for all the words of encouragement and support. I kind of know what I need to do but I just can't make myself do it.
I've already logged what I plan to eat tonight but I'm taking my son out for lunch soon so I'll try to pinch a bit of whatever he's having.
I don't think I look thin because I have been a LOT smaller than I am now so I know I'm not that bad but I also know how I do look does not look particularly healthy.
My profile photo is me 16lb heavier than I am now and I wear girls age 10/11 jeans, so the rational part of my brain knows it's time to stop but on the other hand if I can just get down to another milestone then I'll stop. Make sense??

mmapags

Please understand that I say this with kindness and concern. In this and other posts, you shown signs of compulsivity that indicate and Eating Disorder. I would strongly suggest you seek some help.

janemem

Since I wrote that last comment I have weighed-in for the day and I have lost another 1.5lb, that's a total of 4.5lb in 7 days.
This has put me to just under 112lb which was my last goal and although I know I should stop all I want to do now is set myself another goal to reach 109lb.
Silly isn't it?! :frown:

shyrina25

i sent u a friend request cause i can so relate! i am 5'4 and weigh 113 as of today. My goals kept changing from 130, 125, 120 and 115.....ur not alone in feeling this way!

darrensurrey

Upload a very recent photo of you and we can let you know. Also open your diary.

janemem

:
Upload a very recent photo of you and we can let you know. Also open your diary.

I'll get a new photo on later but there's no way I'll have my diary open to the public again. The last time I did that I got totally battered from all sides! :frown:

janemem

i sent u a friend request cause i can so relate! i am 5'4 and weigh 113 as of today. My goals kept changing from 130, 125, 120 and 115.....ur not alone in feeling this way!

Hey Rina, I have just looked at your photo's and you certainly don't have any more to lose, you look way smaller than me. I've replied to your message btw.

dad106

If you haven't already, start lifting heavy.. and you'll get out of that either only skinny or only fat phase.

I knew I was done just by how I looked in the mirror.. and the fact that I was fitting into a size 4 clothes.. which I haven't worn since high school!

Dan112358

My experience with losing weight & maintence was that I was unhappy with my body at my "goal weight" as well. I began lifting weights and focusing on strength training instead of chasing those last 5 pounds on the scale. I'm way happier and eating more and my body composition has changed. Are you including and resistance training in your workouts? If not, that may be a good place to start. Worry less about the scale and more about what you see in the mirror every day.

janemem

If you haven't already, start lifting heavy.. and you'll get out of that either only skinny or only fat phase.

I knew I was done just by how I looked in the mirror.. and the fact that I was fitting into a size 4 clothes.. which I haven't worn since high school!

I've never really been 'into' weights and tbh I'm so tired all the time the last thing I feel like is wearing myself out even more.
I walk a lot, I'd walk all day if I could, lol!

dad106

If you haven't already, start lifting heavy.. and you'll get out of that either only skinny or only fat phase.

I knew I was done just by how I looked in the mirror.. and the fact that I was fitting into a size 4 clothes.. which I haven't worn since high school!

I've never really been 'into' weights and tbh I'm so tired all the time the last thing I feel like is wearing myself out even more.
I walk a lot, I'd walk all day if I could, lol!

Then thats your problem.. Doing only the walking plus losing weight, had you losing both fat and muscle.. instead of primarily fat and little muscle.

My suggestion.. Eat more for energy, and go lift.. find a structured program and have it. You are going to look and feel so much better.. and you won't even have to drop that much more weight since muscle is denser then fat, and thus makes you smaller/tighter.

newhabit

Thanks for the suggestions but getting away is really out of the question.
My BMI is 19.4 and I have 18% body fat so I know I can still lose more weight, I just wish I could be happy with what I've already achieved and stop there.

that is actually a really great place to be, i'm sure you could stop now and look great. it's up to you but personally i don't want my BMI below 19-20 or body fat below 17-18. that's just me though, i am 33. i think for me any lower than that wouldn't look good. but i think for you that sounds really good if you are happy with it.

kazza2cats

I can relate. I've sent you a private message and friend request. :flowerforyou:

Helloitsdan

Diet break then decide to maintain or set yourself up for gains.

gatorginger

My husband has told me I'm too skinney now too so I am in the process of increasing my calories slowely to find my maintenance calories because if I lose more nothing is going to fit and I do realize I am small enough. I think maybe your worried you'll gain the weight back. If that is the case slowely add calories back to find your maintenance level. I don't know how much you weigh or how many calories you eat but your main goal should be to be at a healthy size. Hope you can find that heathy size to make you and your hubby both happy

LouisaMoo

Could you maybe make an appointment with a specialist doctor, like a nutritionist or someone similar (what I mean is a bit more specialised than a GP, who probably won't know a lot about nutrition and body shape etc) and talk to them about finding a new goal? Setting and then meeting goals is really addictive, it's the same thing as people who get addicted to computer games because they love beating their own high scores I think! But if you can set yourself a new goal, one which is based on keeping you healthy rather than making yourself thinner (which can be just as unhealthy as gaining too much weight) then that might be a good replacement.

Bobby_Clerici

I will never stop.
It's not all about weight loss, and I do have a number in mind that I just won't go under.
Health and fitness is about always having a challenge relating to self-improvement.
As for mere weight, pick a good number; go no lower. Pick YOUR number that represents a healthy BMI and gives you the exact look you desire.
And once you reach it, set new goals that are geared to improve your health and maintain weight.
Good Luck:flowerforyou:

spoonful

It's a nice problem to have. I'd stop when I felt great and was comfortable in some really nice clothes., I'd stop when people told me it was time to stop. Then I'd try to maintain it.

The last time I got skinny I still thought I was fat. I kept trying to get skinny. I made myself ill and got fat again.