Too many calories can get in the way of weight loss.

KaleidoscopeEyes1056

I added Raspberry Keytones and HCG to my Body by Vi shake...

I can't wait to look like a model by next weekend!

Well in order for that to happen, a virgin has to be sacrificed on top of a volcano to appease the weight loss gods.

So, THAT is what I have to do? But I'm on a college campus, virgins are in short supply...

MNchick

I added Raspberry Keytones and HCG to my Body by Vi shake...

I can't wait to look like a model by next weekend!

Well in order for that to happen, a virgin has to be sacrificed on top of a volcano to appease the weight loss gods.

Hmmmm...I'll start asking around.
hahahhahahahahhaha

jayliospecky

My problem is I have TOO much muscle (like, seriously I could be a bodybuilder, totally) but it's all hidden under this pesky layer of fat that just makes me LOOK fatter than I am. What trick is there to get rid of that? 'Cause there's a trick, right? 'Cause it's not fair that you all won't tell me the trick. No fair keeping secrets.

lemon water, totally. Oh, and cinnamon powder. They'll melt the fat right off.

What about the chia seeds?

Chia seeds only work if you plant them on a chia pet first.

So I have to eat the chia pet???

But what if I'm a vegetarian?

veggiefoxx

My problem is I have TOO much muscle (like, seriously I could be a bodybuilder, totally) but it's all hidden under this pesky layer of fat that just makes me LOOK fatter than I am. What trick is there to get rid of that? 'Cause there's a trick, right? 'Cause it's not fair that you all won't tell me the trick. No fair keeping secrets.

lemon water, totally. Oh, and cinnamon powder. They'll melt the fat right off.

What about the chia seeds?

Chia seeds only work if you plant them on a chia pet first.

So I have to eat the chia pet???

But what if I'm a vegetarian?

Whoa, whoa... if you're a vegetarian, you shouldn't be on MFP. Everyone knows that vegetarianism is 100% absolutely, ALWAYS healthy. You instantly become thin, and live until you're 150 years old. Science says so.

Starlage

Doesn't anyone on this forum know that dark chocolate contains the one molecule in the universe that does not obey the laws of physics and is made up of anti-calories. Jeesh!!

That's it! Anti-oxidants! Stop you rusting! Give you buns of steel... Where's that alchemist gone?

well, duh. You can eat all of the super dark chocolate you want. It doesn't count!! It's health food because of the antioxidants, no alchemist required. The anti-oxidants will go straight into your muscles and make them steel, therefore melting the fat, therefore making your skinny. Eat all the fat you want as long as you eat your daily dark chocolate!

KaleidoscopeEyes1056

Doesn't anyone on this forum know that dark chocolate contains the one molecule in the universe that does not obey the laws of physics and is made up of anti-calories. Jeesh!!

That's it! Anti-oxidants! Stop you rusting! Give you buns of steel... Where's that alchemist gone?

well, duh. You can eat all of the super dark chocolate you want. It doesn't count!! It's health food because of the antioxidants, no alchemist required. The anti-oxidants will go straight into your muscles and make them steel, therefore melting the fat, therefore making your skinny. Eat all the fat you want as long as you eat your daily dark chocolate!

Whoa, even if I eat fruit?!

Scandinavia

yeah too much of anything is bad for you.

not sex or oxygen.

Crabs, herpes and STDs.
About the oxygen, touche, my friend.

meshashesha2012

Still giggling here...I love you guys! Except for the sarcasm-challenged among us. Here...eat a leprechaun. With keytones. And crabs.

if i ate a leprechaun would that mean i could *kitten* a pot of gold? and the leprechaun would need to be naked. i think the suit would put me WAY over my carb limit and as we all know, all carbs turn to fat

l3rob

So I have to eat the chia pet???

But what if I'm a vegetarian?

Not to worry dear, Chia pets are non-gmo, gluten free, totally vegan.... and they taste GREAT!

But wait, don't feed them to your dog/pig/(insert animal here), that would make him a cannible.

ImKindOfABigDeal40

Well in order for that to happen, a virgin has to be sacrificed on top of a volcano to appease the weight loss gods.

Hmmmm...I'll start asking around.
hahahhahahahahhaha

Find the nearest Star Trek convention

zaithyr

Hahaha!!!! Finally, a thread where people speak my language (fluent sarcasm). I have finally come home. ^_^

starla5881

I'm thinking of starting a lounge act called the Raspberry Keytones. Who's with me?

nursenelson

2 words: BACON DONUT :laugh: :smooched:

-thread closed-

I love you!

I love her too. And bacon.


I love her most.
And then bacon.
And then donut.
Exactly in that order.

P.S. I super duper love this whole thread!!
Very entertaining!
And informative.
And true.

DavPul

I'm thinking of starting a lounge act called the Raspberry Keytones. Who's with me?

I'm in, but only if we can be the Natural Sustainable and Cruelty Free Organic Raspberry Keytones.

When I read the original post, I was hoping this would be a hilarious sarcasm thread. It was that....but so much better than I dared to hope. Thanks OP and everyone else for making my weekend.

Cheri_Moves

You can put protein powder on anything and it'll negate the calories. best way to take you whey? Snort it, it goes directly to your muscles.

TunnocksTeacake

I have found the diary to be a success. It helps me to see what i'm eating and how often as variety is really required to stop the boredom. What i did find looking through diary's of others was an incredible insight into what others eat and have found many great ideas. HOWEVER, some i came across made it very clear as to why they don't lose weight.. Whats the point of counting calories when in fact you don't actually count them !!!! You get set a target and its easy to creep over that target , but to blatantly exceed it is just crazy. Some entries were anything from 600 - 900 calories over on a regular basis and they wonder why they don't lose weight. You need to stick to your goals or else you will fail. Loads of people on here are successful and will encourage others to do the same but to see this kind of entry is soul destroying.:noway:

butterfli7o

I can't find any nutritional info on leprechauns......crap! How do I add it to my food diary??

jillica

I find this whole topic condescending and insensitive! You don't know my body so for you to impose your opinion on me is just insulting! Next, you're probably going to rub your success story in my face. You are NOT the only person on MFP!

cbevan1229

Ok, I understand now.

But it's still true that I can't get pregnant if I keep my high heels on. Right?.... Guys????

MadiRose2

You're pregnant.

Wait, wrong thread.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA oh my goodness.

zaithyr

You can put protein powder on anything and it'll negate the calories. best way to take you whey? Snort it, it goes directly to your muscles.

Bahahahaha!!!!!

zaithyr

I have found the diary to be a success. It helps me to see what i'm eating and how often as variety is really required to stop the boredom. What i did find looking through diary's of others was an incredible insight into what others eat and have found many great ideas. HOWEVER, some i came across made it very clear as to why they don't lose weight.. Whats the point of counting calories when in fact you don't actually count them !!!! You get set a target and its easy to creep over that target , but to blatantly exceed it is just crazy. Some entries were anything from 600 - 900 calories over on a regular basis and they wonder why they don't lose weight. You need to stick to your goals or else you will fail. Loads of people on here are successful and will encourage others to do the same but to see this kind of entry is soul destroying.:noway:

This is NOT a serious thread- it's just a light-hearted jab at the million different contradictory threads on here claiming one thing or another is absolutely evil for weight loss and the people who crack the whip at others over silly things. Laughter is good for the soul! (and weightloss!)

jaygregz

I'm going to lose lots of weight because I've been JUICING.



Up to 3 gallons of Hawaiian punch per day! YEAH!!!

Sarauk2sf

My problem is I have TOO much muscle (like, seriously I could be a bodybuilder, totally) but it's all hidden under this pesky layer of fat that just makes me LOOK fatter than I am. What trick is there to get rid of that? 'Cause there's a trick, right? 'Cause it's not fair that you all won't tell me the trick. No fair keeping secrets.

lemon water, totally. Oh, and cinnamon powder. They'll melt the fat right off.

What about the chia seeds?

Chia seeds only work if you plant them on a chia pet first.

So I have to eat the chia pet???

But what if I'm a vegetarian?

Whoa, whoa... if you're a vegetarian, you shouldn't be on MFP. Everyone knows that vegetarianism is 100% absolutely, ALWAYS healthy. You instantly become thin, and live until you're 150 years old. Science says so.

*kitten*, what did I do wrong? Oh I know, I know, it must have been eating my quinao after 7pm and forgetting to drink pregnant women's pee (is that considered vegetarian?).