Need advice on getting my wife on MFP

cordianet
cordianet Posts: 534 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
Help! My wife is also weight challenged and really needs to lose weight, if for no other reason, to live longer and not make me a widow. I have been gently trying to get her to join MFP and log her caloric intake, as well as be more careful about what she eats. So far, she always has an excuse: e.g. "I'm so busy, I just don't have the time", or "It's such a hassle to log everything, I don't think I can do it".

I could use and and all suggestions on how to get her on here and on the path to better health. Thoughts?
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Replies

  • jenj1313
    jenj1313 Posts: 898 Member
    I'd say just keep doing what you're doing and talk about the good parts of your experience, but stop trying to convince her. If she sees your success and doesn't feel like you're hounding her, she might come over to the "lite" side.

    Don't know how she feels, obviously, but if my SO tried to convince me to join a site like this, I'd probably think he was telling me I'm fat. Even if I was grossly overweight, it wouldn't be something I'd want to hear from my SO, even if his heart were in the right place.

    Good luck to you! Hopefully your wife will follow your lead on her own accord!

    Jen
  • Yanicka1
    Yanicka1 Posts: 4,564 Member
    You should do what work for you period. She will do it if and when she is ready.
  • 33neenaj
    33neenaj Posts: 306
    You should do what work for you period. She will do it if and when she is ready.

    this
  • GrammaBonnie
    GrammaBonnie Posts: 232 Member
    Oh, that's a difficult one!

    She has to be ready. You can't lead her there. Set a good example, and keep up the good work that you are doing.

    Hopefully she'll come around to it on her own.

    Good luck!
  • torygirl79
    torygirl79 Posts: 307 Member
    Tell her there are lots of really friendly women here who post pictures in bikinis and are really supportive of your weight loss... She'll be on in no time to claw their eyes out ;-)

    Alternatively just keep mentioning it but not pressurising and curiosity will get to her in the end. She can't be busy all the time.
  • meerkat70
    meerkat70 Posts: 4,605 Member
    Before you started, did other people telling you you needed to lose weight, or suggesting weightloss programmes help you at all?

    I suspect not.

    Your wife is no different from you.

    It's her weight. It's her health. She may just need you to respect that?
  • TeachTheGirl
    TeachTheGirl Posts: 2,091 Member
    Show her it WORKS. If you can lead by example and show her how logging your calories every day has helped you to lose weight and live a healthier lifestyle, she might be more inclined to try it.
  • dkk1953
    dkk1953 Posts: 24
    I have always thought that a person needs to be ready in order to start/complete this journey. There has to be a "bottom moment" usually that makes you motivated to get the weight off.

    Give her space, talk about how easy it is to use this site, how the community members are helpful, how each day when you complete your log it says that message about if you follow this, you will weigh this by...............

    Good luck!
  • supplemama
    supplemama Posts: 1,956 Member
    This is a tough one...but I bet when your weight loss increases and really starts to show, she will definitely notice and not want to continue looking like a fat frump beside you. My husband is tall, fit, and athletic and that was a big motivator for me.
  • Barbellsandthimbles
    Barbellsandthimbles Posts: 205 Member
    Just keep talking about MFP in a round about way. "I was on MFP today and a friend of mine...blah blah blah" and maybe she'll get curious enough. Maybe tell her it would be a good place just for support in losing weight. She doesn't necessarily have to log all of her food. Once she's on, she may start liking it enough to use the food log.

    That being said, if she's losing weight now and isn't tracking calories, I wouldn't push her too hard to change what she's doing. Logging doesn't work for everyone. Good luck!
  • caraiselite
    caraiselite Posts: 2,631 Member
    you can't force people to do something, sadly.

    my friends called me fat, and it pretty much did it for me though!

    not sure you want to call your wife fat, but it might kick her in the butt to get going.

    it seriously takes 5 minutes a day to log! have her mom/sister/friend tell her to do it?
  • scapez
    scapez Posts: 2,018 Member
    Lead by example and hope she follows at some point -- not much else you can do besides that.
  • kittymewmew33
    kittymewmew33 Posts: 4
    I feel you. i seriously want to get my husband on this site too, but it is not his cup of tea.
  • Kristinemomof3
    Kristinemomof3 Posts: 636 Member
    When it comes to weight, people have to want to do it. Wonen have such a hard time as is, I honestly would probably keep my mouth shut. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink!
  • Bobby_Clerici
    Bobby_Clerici Posts: 1,828 Member
    Help! My wife is also weight challenged and really needs to lose weight, if for no other reason, to live longer and not make me a widow. I have been gently trying to get her to join MFP and log her caloric intake, as well as be more careful about what she eats. So far, she always has an excuse: e.g. "I'm so busy, I just don't have the time", or "It's such a hassle to log everything, I don't think I can do it".

    I could use and and all suggestions on how to get her on here and on the path to better health. Thoughts?
    When she's tired of being fat, your wife will decide for herself.
    It's an internal motivation. Maybe seeing your success will stir something within her.
    Just focus on you for now, and in time maybe she will come around.
    Good luck, and welcome!
  • RuthSweetTooth
    RuthSweetTooth Posts: 461 Member
    Your success will make her a believer.
  • Mommagoose4
    Mommagoose4 Posts: 132 Member
    I wanted my husband to join. He didn't want too .... when he did he didn't log in or log on or anything.

    So I showed him it worked.
    I talked about it all the time.
    He saw how much I was loosing & wanted to better himself.

    She will come around if its what she wants - she has to want to do it though.
    If she has weight issues she probably feels bad enough don't put her down.

    Now I have friends, relatives & even my husband's boss joined :D
  • beachlover317
    beachlover317 Posts: 2,848 Member
    There is no magic word to make her want to lose weight. You will never convince her and if you do and it's not her idea - she will resent you FOREVER! When someone is ready to lose weight - they will make the effort to lose weight. Until then, keep doing what you're doing - for you.
  • Rae6503
    Rae6503 Posts: 6,294 Member
    You don't HAVE to be on MFP and count calories to lose weight. If that's the way you want to do it, good for you. It's the way I like too, but my husband could never do it, and it does just fine trying to eat less and move more. Just try and do things to be more healthy as a couple (or a family). Get some healthy cook books, go to healthy cooking classes. Go to the farmer's market together and stock up on fresh fruits and veggies. Do active things together like hiking, walking, biking, etc, or even yard work.
  • ChristineS_51
    ChristineS_51 Posts: 872 Member
    I know that I feel quite evangelistic about MFP, I want to whisper MFP to fat people. However, I know that this only works when the individual really wants it; my husband used to encourage me (ie NAG) me to lose weight, but until I had that "dong ding" moment I didn't do anything about it. I can't beleive how EASY it is when you start logging and thinking about intake, and doing some exercise.

    I would say (looking at your profile) that you have a good deal of weight to lose, and that as you do being to lose, she might decide to follow. But if you are making healthy choices, getting better food in the house, exercising more , ask her to help you, she will be along for the ride and might lose some weight as well? If she is busy is there something you can help her with? Good luck :flowerforyou:

    THe idea with the bikini clad women might work - off to get my bikini (LOL not :laugh: )
  • D446
    D446 Posts: 266 Member
    The excuses that she used really aren't legitimate, so it really does sound like she just doesn't want to. Since you are eating less and healthier, has she joined you in this, or stuck to her old ways?

    I think it's best to drop it. It's her choice And you still use your knowledge that you have learnt on MFP to help. If you don't already, I would suggest making healthy dinners and asking to her go on walks or exercise with you.
  • jarredondo
    jarredondo Posts: 284 Member
    you can't force people to do something, sadly.

    my friends called me fat, and it pretty much did it for me though!

    not sure you want to call your wife fat, but it might kick her in the butt to get going.

    it seriously takes 5 minutes a day to log! have her mom/sister/friend tell her to do it?

    It sounds mean, but sometimes that's what it takes. I don't know that my husband ever came out and called me fat but he made enough comments that it started hurting my feeling. It took that for me to realize that it wasn't just the weight. My husband didn't like the person I was turning into. And worse it made me realize that I didn't like the person I was turning into.

    I say this because sometime it takes some hard truth to be said for reality to sink in. I am training for a 1/2 marathon in the fall and I haven't felt this good since before I had my kids.
  • beachlover317
    beachlover317 Posts: 2,848 Member
    you can't force people to do something, sadly.

    my friends called me fat, and it pretty much did it for me though!

    not sure you want to call your wife fat, but it might kick her in the butt to get going.

    it seriously takes 5 minutes a day to log! have her mom/sister/friend tell her to do it?


    Call your wife fat???? Really? Better find some other place to sleep tonight, buddy! LOL
  • jenn_may
    jenn_may Posts: 154 Member
    Keep saying positive things, but do not make her feel pressured. Also, try incorporating her into your "calories burned". Teach her what you are learning and she may be more apt once it all doesn't seem so foreign to her.
  • Tedebearduff
    Tedebearduff Posts: 1,155 Member
    Help! My wife is also weight challenged and really needs to lose weight, if for no other reason, to live longer and not make me a widow. I have been gently trying to get her to join MFP and log her caloric intake, as well as be more careful about what she eats. So far, she always has an excuse: e.g. "I'm so busy, I just don't have the time", or "It's such a hassle to log everything, I don't think I can do it".

    I could use and and all suggestions on how to get her on here and on the path to better health. Thoughts?

    Be the cook in your house and that way you can cook healthy for both of you. Making your lunch?? ... make one for her also ... There is to ways she could take it ... either awwww your so sweet(lets hope for that one)... or WTF you trying to do. Make it something you do as a couple with out forcing it on her that is of course.

    You could argue the fact that the time she invests now could will save time and money in the future by avoiding medications and going to the doctor. When I first got my doctor scare my medication came to just under $300 (Canadian)...
  • lyttlewon
    lyttlewon Posts: 1,118 Member
    If she can't find the motivation to do it herself she won't succeed. Lead by example.
  • LittleTrish
    LittleTrish Posts: 27 Member
    I treat dieting and trying to lose weight like any other addiction, when you chose to do something about it, its because you have reached your point where you want things to change for one reason or another. I would never diet to make someone else happy and at the same time if I was not mentally ready to change my life for the better, no matter what diet I would chose im sure I would fail with it.
    I chose to finally change my life for the better because I could not stand to look at myself anymore, I hate every inch of my body. Also I recognised that I was having a problem with food and that it was really having a bad effect on my health. I chose to face reality and it was not nice. I love food, it has been a comfort (not friend) for many years and has been a coping mechanism for many stressful situations. My advice is, if your wife really isnt ready to start addressing her eating issues then don't push her. She has to be mentally ready because as all of us know its not easy by far.
  • soehlerking
    soehlerking Posts: 589 Member
    My husband joined on his own b/c he saw the change in me and saw that the changes I was making in my life were possible for him to make too. I did, however, make a point of inviting him to the gym and cutting down my 90 minutes to a manageable 30 on the occasion that he was there so he didn't feel so overwhelmed. I know it's stressful to watch a loved one eat themselves into poor health, but everyone has his or her own journey to get to this point. Good luck!
  • raitch
    raitch Posts: 62 Member
    This place is great, but it really isn't for everyone. As I've lost my husband has lost as well, and while he has a MFP account, he never uses it. He's doing OK on his own.
  • kimdarren
    kimdarren Posts: 76 Member
    I completely agree. My husband has needed to lose weight for years. It wasnt' until he saw how much weight I was actually losing, and I did't say anything about it to him this time, that he started to do something about it. Now the cheeky git has lost 10lbs more than me <very big grin>. She'll come round when she's ready to, or when something really drastic happens and it gives her a reality check. Hopefully it'll be the first of the two.

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