What to tell someone who asks for your weight loss help ?

vice1989

So I know two girls, that are overweight, a little bit more then what i was before I lost 50lbs a few years ago.
And They saw me losing it over time. (2 years or so)

But the whole time they were like, yeah I really need to lose weight too and asked advice.
So I told them EVERYTHING I went off for a long time with tips and my success stories blah blah...

And I even said lets go walk the track together and all that.

But then the next day, I see them eating mcdonalds, and beef jerky .... And they really dont see a connection...

I dont want to be rude and say, hey put that crap down thats why you arent losing weight ! but I cant do that to them, They would just get pissy about it probably... Also they dont work out at all either, and never met me at the track like I asked.

And they think it was just so easy for me, like the pounds melted off and now I am this effortlessly skinny chick, and its so easy for me to say lose weight, and its really hard for them (even though the on girl east fast food every day)
But i had to work my *kitten* off to get here, and still do to keep it off. !!

Sorry about the spelling, rant over lol.

Does anyone else have friends that seen their sucess and do this too? Just wanted to know how other people handle it. I know it shouldnt bother me, and I should just say oh well do w/e you want, but I feel so awesome since losing it, and I want other people to feel it also, because they seem very low self esteem from it. (they just dont get that you cant eat fast food everyday and lose weight)

Anayalata

You could spend your whole life trying to convince someone to do something they're not ready to do.

If they ask for advice then give it sincerely. Bottom line, they have to be ready to commit to it before anything you say will truly sink in.

nsblue

I usually don't go into detail unless i see they are serious....just a simple...I changed my lifestyle for the better is all some get out of me. Why waist your breath on someone who isnt ready to hear? and really...until someone is READY to do it...they wont.

vice1989

Yeah, If they were really ready I wouldnt be the only one they would be relying on for help too, they would be goin to the gym or eating less, cutting down fast food and all that on their own.

If that mcdonalds burger that lasts 3 min. is more important then a healthy life and a bangin' body then w/e thats their choice.

krisiepoo

I direct them to MFP and ask them to friend me and let them know we can do this together! If they take the step of joining, we have the building blocks... otherwise I just don't have enough time in my life to deal with that stuff...

senyosmom

Simply say " Exercise and eating well is how you lose weight. That means cutting out fast food and getting your butt off the couch". Bet they wont ask you again

CarrieQuiteContrary

Lord, that's almost the same situation I'm in only I've gotten all depressed lately so I've backtracked a bit, but now I'm back on track! Great job, by the way!! [=

1WorkoutAtATime

yup, but you've done all you can by giving them your knowledge and being a great example. When they want it bad enough they'll make the changes they need to.

sobriquet84

what's wrong with jerky?!

(that's a rhetorical question.)

kristen_lynn

a coworker of mine asked me the other day. i talked to her for a minute about everything i've done to get healthy and then showed her the MFP & calorieline websites (the latter of which has a few paragraphs on the home page explaining the trend of yo-yo dieting and how to outsmart it, which was a HUGE breakthrough for me)... Her eyes LITERALLY glazed over and she actually said to me, "can't you read that for me and tell me the major points?"

i knew at that point she was a lost cause.

Psyb3r

I've had numerous people ask how I've lost the weight. I spend time talking about how to do it, things that worked for me, and it goes right in one ear and out the other. The thing that kills me the most is that 2 weeks later they're back asking the same questions... and then ignoring anything I say later that very same day.

I agree, you can't help people that don't want to change.

taso42

I think of it kind of like quitting smoking. Most people say, "i know, i should quit". Only a few try. Most of those who try give it a half-assed attempt. Those who have made the decision, deep down inside, succeed. The same goes for losing weight and getting fit. Everyone says "I should", but it takes a certain kind of determination to follow through.

_Elemenopee_

In the past few months I've had countless ppl ask me what the secret was and what diet I was on. My answer is ALWAYS, "No secret. Eat less, better qualilty, move more, that's it!" I then tell them about MFP to help keep track of it all and get support from other people who want the same. That's it.

You can lead a horse to water, you can't make them drink it. Don't get frustrated.

LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo

You could spend your whole life trying to convince someone to do something they're not ready to do.

If they ask for advice then give it sincerely. Bottom line, they have to be ready to commit to it before anything you say will truly sink in.

^^ totally this

BringingSherriBack

In my experience over the years, everyone is looking for an easy way to lose weight. I have had several people through the years when I was dieting and exercising and dropping pounds to ask what I'm doing and then when you tell them you could just see that they were like that sounds too much like work.
No one ever came out and said that, but you could just tell.
When I went to Curves, I would ask friends to come with me and offer to get them a free week's pass and no one ever took me up on it. Now that I go to Zumba, I have asked friends to join me and none ever do. I have offered to meet up with friends and walk together and none ever take me up on it. When I went to WW meetings, I would invite friends to join me (the first meeting is free so you can decide if you want to join), and no one ever took me up on that either.
So over the years, I have just learned to say that I am watching what I eat and exercising and that is true. If they are really interested, they will ask more questions and I don't have a problem answering them. I think most people unless they have never tried to lose weight know what they need to do, they just have to be in the right mindset to do it. I know that is how I have always been.

dsjohndrow

Just tell them what you did, and leave it at that. You are not responsible for anyone's lack of success. People ask me, I tell them: I work hard, log everything, run 20 miles a week, rarely if ever eat fast food, dumped the pizza, and soda - etc. That's all I can do.

Thanks for being an example to us all!

ElviraCross

I haven't lost a bunch of weight because I've always been naturally thin but I have a 9 month old baby and I didn't have a very hard time losing the baby weight. This is a reason that I get comments of how I'm lucky and whatnot. (which I was)

However, when I joined here I did put a posting on it on my FB that talked about the benefits and what it all entailed and none of my friends that needed and wanted to lose weight asked or signed up.

I also have friends that eat like crap and need help but don't do anything about it. Yet they compare themselves to me and make me feel guilty for not being overweight. It's weird and annoying and I say ignore it. If they REALLY want help they will ask. Don't push, they will just resent you for it.

Royaltvii

It is as simple as they are not ready. They have to make up their own minds up; and it isn't simple to give up that life style; it is not as simple as just quitting cold turkey, it is a life style change and some people take longer to make it. Continue giving them advice only when asked, encourage them to join you here, don't look down on them & judge them, and just be patient they may come around.

tbresina

Oh, I get this all the time. They even get mad when I eat healthy and they are eating crap! I just keep doing my thang and they can keep getting bigger and bigger!

aspen_matthews

No matter how educated people are about healthy eating, exercise and weight loss, they won't lose weight until they are READY for it. No one (well, very few people) who are overweight want to be, but until they are ready to make the changes, no amount of advice will make them change.

pcteck2

When they ask, and they do ask, I say diet, exercise, portion control. But no matter what, your head has to be in the right place. Otherwise failure is sure. It certainly wasn't the first try for me.

psiren28

If someone asks me how I did it I tell them, basically just eating better, counting calories and exercising over a LONG period of time. They can do what they want with the information. Beyond that there's not a lot you can do. People will use the information or not depending on whether they're serious or not. Maybe when you say its taken 2 years that seems like a long time to them. It is a long time, it's not a quick fix. Some people want to hear 'do X & Y for a couple of weeks and voila! you'll look like this'.

I've had people I haven't seen in a long time ask me what my secret is as though it just dropped off overnight. No, it didn't, it took 2 years and there ain't no secret. It's not what some people are hoping to hear :indifferent:

kapzilla

I was one of those women (theoretically), until last week. I decided it was time to make the change. I've said things about how I needed to lose weight. I knew that I was eating terribly, and that not exercising was why I was the weight I was.

I had to build up the courage to face it myself. I used to give my husband crap about it to be honest. I was watching him lose weight, and it was making me jealous. Even behind my jealousy I still didn't step up to the plate. Instead I made snide, sarcastic remarks about his eating habits.

Here I am now.. making the same choices he is. They need that "light bulb" to go off, and they have to do it on their own. Don't feel bad for them, but don't be mad at them either. Hopefully they will realize the benefits of a healthier lifestyle on their own.

Phaedra2014

You can drag a horse to water...yada yada yada.

Acliff510

a coworker of mine asked me the other day. i talked to her for a minute about everything i've done to get healthy and then showed her the MFP & calorieline websites (the latter of which has a few paragraphs on the home page explaining the trend of yo-yo dieting and how to outsmart it, which was a HUGE breakthrough for me)... Her eyes LITERALLY glazed over and she actually said to me, "can't you read that for me and tell me the major points?"

i knew at that point she was a lost cause.

LOL!~ this reminds me of a coworker of mine!!! I'm way to nice of a person to say ... 'Really ?!? B*#!@ Please!, do it your own D@#^ self!!!!' But I'll kindly tell her that it doesn't work that way ....

Best of Luck

75Juniper

I direct them to MFP and ask them to friend me and let them know we can do this together! If they take the step of joining, we have the building blocks... otherwise I just don't have enough time in my life to deal with that stuff...

This is what I do, too. When people have asked me, I give them the website address and give them a short description of it. I also tell them that if they have any questions or want to be friends, let me know. Usually, when they find out that it takes a lot of hard work, commitment, and dedication, they get that disappointed look and I know they aren't ready. I try to treat them as kindly as possible, because I used to be looking for that magical weight loss remedy as well and I remember how that felt, but at the same time, I don't waste my time trying to motivate people who aren't serious about their health yet.

juicemoogan

you cant help anyone until they want to help themselves..

PandaCustard

In both personal experience and experience with friends that decided to get healthy, you need a wake-up call: something that really makes you look at yourself and say, "Hey, I should probably do something about this." They're not going to do anything about it until something clicks with them, and that is no one's responsibility but theirs.

lizziebeth1028

So I know two girls, that are overweight, a little bit more then what i was before I lost 50lbs a few years ago.
And They saw me losing it over time. (2 years or so)

But the whole time they were like, yeah I really need to lose weight too and asked advice.
So I told them EVERYTHING I went off for a long time with tips and my success stories blah blah...

And I even said lets go walk the track together and all that.

But then the next day, I see them eating mcdonalds, and beef jerky .... And they really dont see a connection...

I dont want to be rude and say, hey put that crap down thats why you arent losing weight ! but I cant do that to them, They would just get pissy about it probably... Also they dont work out at all either, and never met me at the track like I asked.

And they think it was just so easy for me, like the pounds melted off and now I am this effortlessly skinny chick, and its so easy for me to say lose weight, and its really hard for them (even though the on girl east fast food every day)
But i had to work my *kitten* off to get here, and still do to keep it off. !!

Sorry about the spelling, rant over lol.

Does anyone else have friends that seen their sucess and do this too? Just wanted to know how other people handle it. I know it shouldnt bother me, and I should just say oh well do w/e you want, but I feel so awesome since losing it, and I want other people to feel it also, because they seem very low self esteem from it. (they just dont get that you cant eat fast food everyday and lose weight)

OMG Yes!!! I have a very obese friend that is always asking for advice and never taking it!!! She just doesn't want to accept that there is no easy way to do this. She is always falling for the fad diets and pills and even has tried Sensa. I've tried giving her straight forward commonsense advice when she asks for it. I've even referred her to MFP. Bottomline - they will not change until they are ready. Now when she asks for help I change the subject!!

Jacwhite22

what's wrong with jerky?!

(that's a rhetorical question.)

no really.....not a rhetorical question. you can eat Mc Donalds and lose weight too....I think people make it too complicated and think of it as an all or nothing deal.....That's not how it works.

dewgirl321

It's great that you want to help others obtain the many benefits you've achieved through weight loss, but some people just aren't willing to put forth the effort. Like you said, it wasn't easy. Your friends maybe hoped you would give them an easy solution. When your solution wasn't easy enough for them, they decided they didn't want it enough. I think it's great to continue sharing your knowledge and experience with them when they ask, but don't be disappointed when they don't join you.

I have people ask me about weight loss too, and I tell them about MFP. Some of them have joined. I don't think any of them have stuck with it. I have friends say they want to work out with me, and I can have a free guest every time I go to the gym, but I RARELY have anyone actually take me up on it.

nsblue, your ticker is insane! What an amazing accomplishment!!!