How to deal with the diet-saboteur friend

niftyafterfifty

I have never had an alchoholic drink, so I can't address that exact issue. It sounds to me as if your friend feels threatened by your decision. She's taking it personally, as if it's an attack on her because she's still drinking. If she's important to you, and it sounds like she is, you should explain to her how her comments make you feel. Tell her you're serious about this, and you don't want to have to reduce the amount of time you spend with her. Make sure she knows you cherish your friendship and don't feel less about her. Maybe she's just scared of losing you, and she's expressing those fears in all the wrong ways. I hope it gets better.

vacherin

Wow, I hadn't expected so many replies - thank you SO much, everyone!

In answer to the question about what my friend's own weight is like in comparison to mine (which I meant to answer but forgot - sorry), I don't look like Rihanna's hotter sister so there is no chance of any jealousy on her part there. However - and this might sound weird, but it's true - we are exactly the same height and approx. the same dress size (she's a UK 14, I'm a UK 14-16), she weighs 14lbs less than me, yet I seem to carry the weight better. She is lighter and smaller but she is pure jelly (due, I am sure, to the fact that she puts away a bottle of wine a night and never exercises, EVER). Which is fine, but what I don't understand is that she is paranoid about ageing and is very self-conscious about looking much older than her husband, who is much younger. If you want to drink a bottle of wine a night and do no exercise then fine, but don't then rubbish people who don't wish to join you - and don't gripe about looking old!

Most of my friends and family, by contrast, have been very supportive. I even have one friend who offered not to drink himself when we met up, so that I wouldn't be tempted - obviously there is no way I would expect anyone to do that, but the fact that he even thought of it was so kind. My husband was pretty rubbish at first (supportive in words but not in deeds, saying, "Well done, babe - keep it up!" in between glugs of Belgian beer) but even he is better now and has stopped suggesting afternoons at the pub, instead suggesting bike rides in the park and so on. People on MFP, especially those who have done - or are doing - the same thing, have been magnificent. Without their/your support, I would have hurt myself and/or others by now!

jessrbt

I had a friend that was the same way about my weight loss, it made her uncomfortale that I was looking better, feeling better, and apparently getting more attentin than her, which totally phased me because the only attention I want or need is from my hubby. We had been friends since highschool, were pregnant togther, yes she is godmother to my son, and shared our lives, and our husbands were good friends as well and we all graduated from highschool a few years apart. Her snide comments and verbal back hands got to be too much for me. I needed support from her and all I got was nasty tude. I talked with my husband and my mom and they both said it was time to walk away. A frienenemy is not a person you need in your life, negative, toxic people just bring you down. So I broke off ourfriendship. It was hard and it hurt and yes I do miss her every now and then but I think to myself that she could only be happy with me when I was overweight, guess she was no real friend to begin with. I have to say I have been much happier without her in my life for the last year and a half, I've made new friends, and acctually gotten closer to my bestest friend my hubby, it all works out in the end. Life is too short to be unhappy, surround yourself with postive people who are not competting with you but really love you for who you are.

cmeade20

Sometimes I lie and say I'm drinking a vodka tonic when I'm really drinking seltzer water :-)


Most times I say if you dont like it you can shove it up your *kitten* (or something like that)

cmeade20

I'm sorry you're dealing with something so hurtful. I have an opinion that I think may help you.

Here's what you need to do.

First, throw a party at your place. Invite a bunch of friends over including your problem friend. I'm going to call her Sue from here on out since I don't know her real name.

Get a bottle of Vodka and replace the Vodka with water. Throughout the night, tell Sue how happy you are that she finally, through her prodding and badgering, convinced you to re-start your drinking habit. Tell her that you gained back 18lbs and you have trouble controlling your bladder but it's fine because you found these adult diapers on sale so it's really a non-issue. (You may want to have a box of adult diapers handy just as a convincer).

After having 6 or 7 large glasses of "Vodka", invite Sue downstairs so you can show her the updates you did to the basement. (Oh I forgot to mention, make sure you clean the cat litter right before the party starts, and replace the litter box with grape-nuts cereal and about 6 tootsie rolls).

As you go downstairs,lead Sue over to the litter box and in mid-conversation, grab a handful of cat litter (remember it's grape nuts and tootsie rolls) and just start eating that *kitten*. Eat handfuls at a time like you're starving and you've never seen such delicious food in your life. Start crying and chew with your mouth open.

Then get down on 1 knee and propose to Sue, with chocolate stains around your mouth and cat litter (remember it's just grape nuts!) stuck to your chin.

Let me know if Sue stops bothering you.




(Or you could just have a chat with her too, instead of the above, your call).

Seriously, good luck though -- you deserve to be treated with respect. She needs to know that.

Oh to hell with what I said! Do this!

mabernier

Only 20 in six months.... How about WOW, 20 in six months! You rock!

mabernier

I have a pusher friend as well. She pushes because then she doesn't feel bad about what she is eating herself. I have struggled getting my food under control for many years. She is struggling also and is very unhappy with herself and her situation but doesn't do anything to change it. I am taking action and trying to change, so when she tries pushing food, alcohol or whatever it is on me, I just look at her and think how sad that she doesn't love herself enough to change. I feel sorry for her. It helps me be less angered by her continued efforts to try and tempt me and I can think in my head that she probably wishes so much that she could be like me and at least keep trying. I'm not always successful, but I do continue to try and that's what is important. Every once in awhile, let yourself have an alcoholic beverage or try options that are less calories like Michelob Ultra Lime Cactus Beer or the new Michelob Ultra Light Ciders...they are great and around 100 calories each. Maybe your friend will back off if she sees you cheating!

txdistancerider

It does not sound to me like she is a very good friend as if she was she would support you 100% and not make such nasty comments.

I personally still enjoy a beer or two now and then while trying to lose weight , but I would NEVER criticize or sabotage a friend who decided to give it up. In fact I have a sister in law who gave it up about 6 months ago and I look forward to seeing her updates on Facebook about how long she has been sober. When we are around her we make sure there are adequate non-alcholic options availalbe so she feels comfortable and we support her any way we can.

Honestly it sounds like she is jealous of your progress which is very sad as she should be there to support you instead. Oh and 13lbs in 6 months is just fine....the slower you lose it the better you will do in keeping it off.

Personally if it were me I'd have a really blunt and honest talk with this "friend" and if she can't support you and your new healthy lifestyle than she is truly NOT A FRIEND after all.

txlissa62

She puts away a bottle of wine a night, and she has a kid? That poor kid.