Mom and Dad are NOT HEALTHY!

NomNomCupcakes

I really appreciate all the posts. Majority of them are really helpful. I might even print them out.

sundaywishes

I wish I had good advice for you. My mom keeps trying to lose weight, first with Atkins (on which she did lose a lot but gained it all back and then some when she stopped doing the diet) and then with just not eating near enough calories. She says she's never hungry. She's 175-ish and I'd say about 5'3? Now she's on those HGC drops where you only eat 500 calories a day for a month, along with the drops that "help" your metabolism. I try to tell her she isn't losing just fat when she does these things, but she's losing beneficial muscle mass. Does she care? No. She just cares about the number on the scale. I've asked her so many times to just follow the lifestyle change I've made, even if just for 8 weeks (trying to use the "foot-in-door" technique here). She "tried" once, but you know how that story ended. It's to the point where I just don't bother because it falls on deaf ears. She does what she wants and hopefully one day she will come to her senses and realize the only healthy, long term successful FAT loss (not weight loss) "diet" is healthy eating and exercise. Until then, I'll hear about the weight she loses...and then a few months later how she's gained it back. It really upsets me that I can't help her simply because she won't let me.

moxiecowgirl

Wow thanks for the advice. . . lol

I hope you didn't intend that to sound as snarky and hateful as it comes across. That was fair advice. "what you want to hear" =/="good advice".

I don't think anyone seriously thinks you're FORCING anything. It's obvious you're concerned about them, and it's natural to want to see someone else you care about feel as good as you do once you adopt healthy habits. You just have to be sure to keep in mind that your choices were made from your own mind and not because someone browbeat you about it. You should allow them the same.

That said, it doesn't mean you can't share the information you have available once in a while. Just try to do it in a non-confrontational way. I have a daughter who is headed on the fast track toward a very unhealthy lifestyle, but if I keep telling her "you need to do ---", she's going to dig in her heels even more. So I might offer to share a bite of a particularly tasty healthy recipe, or invite her on a walk with me. Sure, she might say no, but at least it gets her considering it, and, when she IS ready, she'll know who she can come to for help. Sometimes we kill more flies with honey than vinegar.

fat2fitKara

I agree with what a lot of peope have said, cook for them, try to do family excerizes, and leading by example. But since they buy a lot of junk food what you could do for them is portion it out for them in serveing sizes. If they go to get a bag of chips to munch on I bet they'd be less likely to eat the whole bag (Idk if they do, just saying) if it was divided up into 12 zip lock bags or whatever.. Idk just an idea

snacker127

You can only model the healthier choices you make, and offer to let them try your food. You can also offer healthier alternatives, and offer to cook the dishes they love in a lower fat, lower calorie kind of way. Think baby steps and remember that old adage “you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink”. Try not to be too preachy or lecture them. That will make them feel judged and will be an automatic turn off. Good luck

spikefoot

Express your genuine concern to them and hope that it sparks something. Unfortunately, you can't do a whole lot. Good luck.

Melalina

There's been a lot of research about this, trying to help parents choose a new lifestyle - be it eating right, saving more money, etc. Dave Ramsey (financial guru) talks about the difficulty of changing parents' decision-making. He calls it the "Powdered Butt Syndrome." If someone has seen your butt and powdered it, it's nearly impossible for them to see you as the adult you are. Many recommend leading by example. If you're making the right choices and it's working for you, your parents may see the successes you're having and try to emulate you. Or, they might not. Unless you have a really great relationship that allows for an open exchange of ideas (and not many parent/offspring relationships do), they may take your attempts at helping them improve their dietary and exercise choices as criticism or as unsolicited advice from someone that hasn't been in their situation or had their experiences. I know how hard it is to see parents making unhealthy choices; but you have to ask, "Is it worth the strife it will cause?"

I realize that this sounds a little wishy-washy. But, a lot depends on the relationship you have with your parents. Have they responded favorably to advice you've offered them about any topic in the past? Do you think they're likely to be receptive? If not, despite your best intentions and for right or for wrong, they may not find your advice to be in their best interests.

Best of luck! I've been there - it can be done, but it's really hard!

EmCarroll1990

What about if you start making healthy dinners or lunches (whatever meal you eat while they're home?) That's one less unhealthy meal they eat. Invite them out on walks with you.

NomNomCupcakes

Wow thanks for the advice. . . lol

I hope you didn't intend that to sound as snarky and hateful as it comes across. That was fair advice. "what you want to hear" =/="good advice".

I don't think anyone seriously thinks you're FORCING anything. It's obvious you're concerned about them, and it's natural to want to see someone else you care about feel as good as you do once you adopt healthy habits. You just have to be sure to keep in mind that your choices were made from your own mind and not because someone browbeat you about it. You should allow them the same.

That said, it doesn't mean you can't share the information you have available once in a while. Just try to do it in a non-confrontational way. I have a daughter who is headed on the fast track toward a very unhealthy lifestyle, but if I keep telling her "you need to do ---", she's going to dig in her heels even more. So I might offer to share a bite of a particularly tasty healthy recipe, or invite her on a walk with me. Sure, she might say no, but at least it gets her considering it, and, when she IS ready, she'll know who she can come to for help. Sometimes we kill more flies with honey than vinegar.

Umm yeah it was as "snarky" and "hateful" as the comment I was replying to. The statement of force came about thanks to the overwhelming amount of posts complaining I cannot FORCE anything on anyone. I appreciate the reply. I am in no way a rude and mean person who just yells at everyone around me to GET HEALTHY. I just occasionally go grocery shopping with Mom and Dad and see how much ice cream and soda they buy and TV dinners. I know soda isn't good for you. Have I said anything to them? No. I came on here first seeking advice about the situation beforehand. "Knowledge proceeds action," as the saying goes.

Kara_xxx

I wish there was some magic advice I could give you but sadly I haven't got any.

I've spent all my life, literally since childhood, trying to get my chain-smoking parents to give up smoking. When I was little I thought "if they loved me they would look after themselves better" but eventually I realised that their lack of motivation to change was not my fault.

They never stopped until now and basically, for my mum it's too late. Both are in the sixties now and have smoked all their life. Two years ago dad had a small stroke and my mother has final stage COPD with emphysema and is on permanent oxygen (a canister she has to carry around with her). She can barely walk anywhere and has about 25-30% lung function left.

What can I say? They made their choices.

Be strong. Live better. It's not your fault. x

carld256

When someone finally figures out how to make people do what you want please let me know. It'd make life a lot easier. Seriously, I tried for years to get my Mom to quit smoking. She finally decided to do it on her own, too late sadly.

AshleyPic

The best thing you can do is live your healthy lifestyle around them. When you are eating right they might want to start making changes. I would also educate them (without being preachy). Perhaps they don't know that a serving of ice cream is really only a scoop? Or that is it probably less expensive and healthier to cook homemade what comes in the TV dinner. It is true that you can't force them, but it doesn't hurt to give them nudges and try to steer them in the right directions. I don't think you should give up!! Try cooking them a homemade dinner yourself before they get home! Go grocery shopping with them and show them the different options! I don't think you should just let them be! I would be the same way if my mom ate really unhealthy.

themommie

1. bring healthy options into the house. Maybe if there is popchips or baked lays instead of regular chips, fruit available to grab, maybe fruit Popsicles or skinny cows instead of ice cream in the house
2. offer to cook several meals a week
3. offer to go for family walks, hikes, bike rides
4. Maybe ask your mom if she would be interested in signing up for a yoga class or water aerobics
5. Try to get them to be more active ? gardening ?
6, also maybe buy some of the flavored carbonated waters that have no calories and no sugar, or flavored teas. Maybe they will slowly replace their sodas with this. I have replaced my soda with these and they are really good

I hope this helps

Kara_xxx

When someone finally figures out how to make people do what you want please let me know. It'd make life a lot easier. Seriously, I tried for years to get my Mom to quit smoking. She finally decided to do it on her own, too late sadly.

Same here. :frown:

NomNomCupcakes

The best thing you can do is live your healthy lifestyle around them. When you are eating right they might want to start making changes. I would also educate them (without being preachy). Perhaps they don't know that a serving of ice cream is really only a scoop? Or that is it probably less expensive and healthier to cook homemade what comes in the TV dinner. It is true that you can't force them, but it doesn't hurt to give them nudges and try to steer them in the right directions. I don't think you should give up!! Try cooking them a homemade dinner yourself before they get home! Go grocery shopping with them and show them the different options! I don't think you should just let them be! I would be the same way if my mom ate really unhealthy.

Wow thanks for the reply this was really helpful!! Mentioning serving sizes is a really good idea. I appreciate the advice!!!

AJ_Pete

My parents are both diabetic and have other ailments on top of it... I moved back in with them because I lost part of my left foot.... I've taken charge of cooking..... only making non-processed meals. Also, I exercise a lot and purchased my mother one of those dinky stationary bike that she can just sit in the chair and use on her arms and legs.... they've both recently decided that they want to start exercising. My mother (hip & knee issues) wants to start walking around the block... which is a start....

I try to lead by example and helping them grocery shop. My parents are not the type that you can have a conversation with because they'll turn it into an argument. I'm slowly forcing them to be healthy.

Ignore "supastar girl" up there.... you can make them... you just have to do it little by little.... and get them excited... if they start seeing your progress, they may just get amped and want to do better.

Babbling over.... good luck!

Kara_xxx

Ignore "supastar girl" up there....

Who?

EvanKeel

If you tell them that you love them, and you're worried about their future health (because of current problems), then that's about it. As of others have said, keep being healthy as an example. Be receptive, but not pushy if they seem to have questions or interests.

AJ_Pete

Ignore "supastar girl" up there....

Who?

The girl in the "supastar" pose.....

NomNomCupcakes

My parents are both diabetic and have other ailments on top of it... I moved back in with them because I lost part of my left foot.... I've taken charge of cooking..... only making non-processed meals. Also, I exercise a lot and purchased my mother one of those dinky stationary bike that she can just sit in the chair and use on her arms and legs.... they've both recently decided that they want to start exercising. My mother (hip & knee issues) wants to start walking around the block... which is a start....

I try to lead by example and helping them grocery shop. My parents are not the type that you can have a conversation with because they'll turn it into an argument. I'm slowly forcing them to be healthy.

Ignore "supastar girl" up there.... you can make them... you just have to do it little by little.... and get them excited... if they start seeing your progress, they may just get amped and want to do better.

Babbling over.... good luck!

I forgot to mention this in the first post but my mother has had her hip replaced and is still healing from it. Full healing is suppose to take a year. She can obviously move around but it has not been a year yet. My dad hopes to retire and exercise more when he does we have a stationary bike as well! We purchased one for Mom since the doctor considered it easier on her hip than a treadmill.