Not looking to be judged, I just need help.

islandnutshel

wow, you got a lot of responses.

The only thing that I would add, is to slowly change the way you look at food. You are looking at the evil calories.

I looked at your diary and saw some whole eggs. Do you know how a complete a protein eggs are? It digests slowly, stabilizing your blood sugar and stengthens your muscles and feeds your brain. Good job on eating a whole food. I also saw fruits and vegetables, that are very good for your skin and immune system. I would start thinking of adding some raw seeds and nuts that will give you energy for doing exercise. Some avocado to add some healthy omega fats to make your eye sight stronger and to prevent disease. Start looking at foods as super hero's that will make your body strong and healthy and desirable, taking you places you want to go.

Start making your mind over about food. learn about the health benefits of the super foods. Start incorporating them into your diet. Celebrate feeling healthier and better. Get rid of the scale till you can look at it from a different perspective.

You have a long life ahead of you, don't you want to enjoy it in health?

foxyforce

there are a lot of supportive people that will be by your side even when you fall. but don't give up on yourself either. keep at it

jenslife82

Step #1: Every day, say 5 things you love about yourself and 5 things you are grateful for.

Seriously. Your mind set is likely holding you back. You see yourself as a failure and your situation as hopeless. It's not. Start changing your mind set to that of a victor, not a victim.

Fact.

True story!

jenslife82

Step #1: Every day, say 5 things you love about yourself and 5 things you are grateful for.

Seriously. Your mind set is likely holding you back. You see yourself as a failure and your situation as hopeless. It's not. Start changing your mind set to that of a victor, not a victim.

Fact.

True story!

Also I really love quotes. I just started a thread and hopefully will get some good ones. Here's one u might be able to relate to: "Failure is not falling down, it's refusing to get back up."
Congrats on restarting your journey and lots of people on here are positive and supportive. A great place to get inspired and motivated. Good luck on your journey!!

SPNLuver83

I looked at your profile. This makes me really sad because you say you can already fit into a size 0. You are obviously not a big person and I fear you may have a self-image disorder. I highly doubt you need to lose weight. Girl not to sound like a b*tch but I think you should get licensed help, not randomness on the computer. You have to deal with some issues and we would would just feed it. That's truth.

elleden

I think you are being too hard on yourself. I'm 5 ft tall and when I was 18, I was about 110-112, wore a size 2-4 and I was a cross country runner, so I had a lot of muscle. I was thin but I still had curves. You are 2 inches taller than me and your goal is to weigh even less. I think you need to reevaluate your goal and not worry so much about your weight. Instead you need to explore why you have this need to fit into a size 0. From your posts, that seems to be your main goal, not to be healthy or anything else. At 120 or so, you are probably in great shape and don't really need to lose any more. You are putting unrealistic expectations on your body and setting yourself up to feel like a failure, when in reality, you are probably already right where you need to be. If you want to exercise to be healthy, that's great, but your body needs enough fuel to keep going, so you do need to increase your calorie intake. Don't be afraid to eat and enjoy what you are eating, too. You got some good suggestions for what to eat on here already, so I won't repeat, but I just wanted to put my two cents in since we have similar body types. I'm actually looking to weigh what you do now. After having two kids, I'm up around 135, and would like to get back to 120, which I think is realistic for me as I'm in my 30s. Good luck.

SmallBodyBigHeart

I don't trust people. I have a hard time opening up to people. I know I can handle this I know I can; I believe in myself, I have the strength and the willpower to overcome this. I can do it.

SmallBodyBigHeart

This is exactly why I didn't want to say that one of my goal was to fit into a size zero, I'm kind of getting angry. I wear a size 3 and 2 and they are big on me. I can fit into a size 0 but they won't buckle. So wearing a size 0 is not unhealthy for me. Okay I came this far and I am going to get into those pants. There are fit or healthy or whatever you want to call it, people that wear a size 0.

emmeinde

One thing I had to cope with during my journey is the amount of food I should be eating instead of what little I was (1600 cal at my height and weight and activity level when I started was lunacy). When my activity level increased, I had a big mental problem eating as much as I needed to to fuel my body properly (having gotten used to the scant 1600 my "nutritionist" put me on). Based on your activity level preference and how little you're eating, maybe you're in that mindset now as well.

I looked at your diary for the past couple of days, but I'm still hesitant to suggest anything because I don't know if you're more a grazer or you just don't deal well with a lot of food in one meal. If you feel comfortable, try adding two heaping snacks/small meals. Your meals are already quite small and could use some rounding out. If you try protein-dense foods, they won't be super filling, but they'll keep you fueled a little better than carby granola bars and whatnot. For me, I can get more calories in without feeling like it's "binging" or "overeating". This is something small you can work on to build yourself up to a healthier calorie goal that keeps you fueled.

I'm also on the young side, although a little older than you. I too have a huge mental/psychological issue/relationship with my scale. I still struggle with it every day, so I can't really give you any pointers from the other side quite yet. I've been able to slowly squash the impact that number has on me and my daily life, but I am trying to turn it into a positive tool instead of the anxiety it once was. I know how frustrating it is to see something amiss in your life and not be able to immediately fix it. Be encouraged by the small steps you can make now to improve your overall self for the future.

We're all rooting for ya!

tamba01

I don't trust people. I have a hard time opening up to people. I know I can handle this I know I can; I believe in myself, I have the strength and the willpower to overcome this. I can do it.

You can handle this. But it is easier when you have help and not always try to handle things on your own. You sound like you are hard on yourself. I understand that, I am too. But a bit of advice that I try to remember...If you wouldn't say "this" to someone else, why is it ok to say "this" about yourself. Basically treat yourself as well as you would treat others

cheshirequeen

theres lots of great advice on here. if you need a friend to help encourage and offer any advice or to just look at my diary for some recipes or help, feel free. good luck:flowerforyou:

tamba01

I'm also on the young side, although a little older than you. I too have a huge mental/psychological issue/relationship with my scale. I still struggle with it every day, so I can't really give you any pointers from the other side quite yet. I've been able to slowly squash the impact that number has on me and my daily life,

The scale is a love/hate thing for me too. That is why I only allow myself to weigh once a week or once every two weeks. What I used to do: If I don't like the number I see, then I eat more due to being upset with myself. If I like the number then I eat to celebrate.

SmallBodyBigHeart

I've taken all this advice and made plans and set goals. I just hope I can follow through! Thank you all for the advice. I have the armour for the war I'm just a little scared to step on the battlefield

Dave198lbs

I've taken all this advice and made plans and set goals. I just hope I can follow through! Thank you all for the advice. I have the armour for the war I'm just a little scared to step on the battlefield

I wouldnt consider it a battlefield...its a playground and its supposed to be fun...not a chore and not something to be feared. have some fun..it makes the journey more enjoyable

love22step

Try a web search for "healthy food on a tight budget." You'll find lots of tips and ideas. It can be done!

Good luck and God bless you!

YoYo1951

bump to come back to

ShrinkRapt451

I don't trust people. I have a hard time opening up to people. I know I can handle this I know I can; I believe in myself, I have the strength and the willpower to overcome this. I can do it.

First things first: I'm a shrink, so I have an obvious bias in favor of therapy, and you should know that. You've gotten a lot of good advice here and I just want to add a couple of things.

Until you are able to find peace with yourself, you are going to struggle. I promise you that buckling those jeans will not bring you peace. If you absolutely won't see a therapist, I recommend learning mindfulness skills. (Google it, you'll get tons of resources.)

If you will consider seeing a therapist, please be aware that there are good ones and not-good ones. Good ones won't judge you. There's a difference between seeing someone as having feelings, thoughts, or behavior that makes them suffer (and wanting to help those things change) and thinking that someone is somehow a bad or unworthy person. A good therapist will help you to see that difference, too. And frankly, "I have a hard time trusting people" is a great starting place for therapy. First goal: learn to trust the therapist. Then work on other goals.

It took guts to post this thread. You CAN learn to trust. You CAN learn to value yourself even more than the size of your body. You CAN learn to be healthier. It takes guts. But you seem to have those. And a desire to get better. So start with meditation and mindfulness. And think about a therapist, please.

tamba01

If you will consider seeing a therapist, please be aware that there are good ones and not-good ones. Good ones won't judge you. There's a difference between seeing someone as having feelings, thoughts, or behavior that makes them suffer (and wanting to help those things change) and thinking that someone is somehow a bad or unworthy person. A good therapist will help you to see that difference, too. And frankly, "I have a hard time trusting people" is a great starting place for therapy. First goal: learn to trust the therapist. Then work on other goals.

It took guts to post this thread. You CAN learn to trust. You CAN learn to value yourself even more than the size of your body. You CAN learn to be healthier. It takes guts. But you seem to have those. And a desire to get better. So start with meditation and mindfulness. And think about a therapist, please.

I agree with the therapist. I have gone to a few. One I didn't like, the other I really like. It is scary to go the first time, just because it's new. But they don't bite and they let you set the pace at which you want to talk and reveal things. It's not an interogation. you'll be fine.

gogojodee

First thing you have to do is relax. First and foremost.

You're going to lose weight the MFP way. Slow and for good. So there's no reason to weigh yourself so much. You're only going to lose a little at a time. The right way. So forget the scale.

There's no magic secret. You don't need to know your TDEE and BMR and buy an HRM this minute. You need to do two things.

1. Log your food at keep your calories where they're supposed to be.

2. Move you body. Some exercise, any exercise.

That's it. That's all you need. Everything else is just extra. For now just do those two things. Meet your calorie goal, move your body. No tricks. No pills or shakes. No secret. Watch your cals and exercise.

EDIT: This is all advice for healthy weight loss. But you're already at a healthy BMI and shouldn't be so obsessed. I don't think weight should be your focus. What you could use most is some time with a licensed professional. There's no shame in that. It's the only way you'll truly get healthy. Best of luck to you.

This is true. I honestly don't know my TDEE and I don't care to. I try to eat as clean as possible and count my calories. I work out out. I've lost.

Getting therapy or group or one on one would probably help to some degree. Good luck!

econut2000

To answer all of your question. Yes I am in school and yes my school does have a counselors, honestly I don't think I'll ever have enough courage to go and talk to her about something like this. My doctor is okay with my weight, I know when I went to her a couple months ago (I weighed more than) she told me to kind of watch what I eat because I was close to be in an unhealthy BMI range. I can almost fit into my size 0 pants they just won’t buckle. I was hesitant to post that one of my goals was to be a size zero because I know that a size zero is looked down upon and looked as unhealthy but I don’t think it is.

When I was 22 I felt the EXACT same way about going to my college counselor (there's nothing he can do for me....it's a waste of my time....I already know what my problem is.....there is nothing wrong with me). I came up with every excuse in the book not to go. I finally did end up going (after being essentially forced by health services) and it was the best thing ever! My problem was different than yours, but alas, a problem is a problem and that is what they are there for!! I saw him for 2 years all through grad school and for the first year I didn't say a WORD to anyone - not a single person knew I was going. You know what? No one found out. When he saw me on campus he'd pretend not to know me (for my own sake because he knew how hard it was for me to be there!). It was a ton of hard work - it royally sucked at times but I've learned tools that I can use for a lifetime to help myself cope. I also learned things about myself that I didn't realize at all until they were pointed out to me. I truly encourage you to go. If you don't like the first person you speak with, ask for someone else. They don't take it personally they know that not everyone is a good fit for everyone else. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain (I use that term loosely ;-)
No one is there to judge. They will coddle you when you need it and kick you in the pants when you need it, but no one will ever tell you that you are bad - they are there to support you through whatever you are going through. I don't want to discourage you from being on here AT ALL (because I don't want you to think you're alone since obviously you're not!!) but I think the issues you are having really require more help than a MFP message board can give you.

As far as clean eating goes, I do the best I can but don't go crazy - I think it's how the majority of us function. I eat fresh items and minimally processed items as the majority of my diet but I will eat processed food on occasion. There is no "right" way of doing this as long as you're eating the right amount of calories and moving your body in a healthy way - not an obsessive way.

I think someone suggested finding non-fitness related hobbies and start incorporating those. For me, I have no money, so I do a lot of crafts, I read, I LOVE to give myself manis and pedis, I started writing a book.....it doesn't have to be some major hobby that you invest tons of money into just something to get your mind off your weight.

I truly wish you the best of luck!!!!!!!

half_moon

Love is a many splendid thing, love lifts us up where we belong; all you need is love! And love yourself FIRST.

OMG_Twinkies

You're trying to heal what seems to be a very real, very deep pain inside by contorting the outside. It sounds like you're placing all of your focus on weight loss and physical appearance in order to distract yourself from what's going on inside. Have you tried talking to someone about what's driving you to lose weight, be a "size zero," and have 19" thighs, and explore the meaning and importance you've placed on these goals? Unless you address the real reason fueling this obsession, it's going to be extremely difficult to move past it. You can do this.

ndblades

There is so much good advice here it is almost mind boggling. You are here. You are opening up. You realize you have a problem. And you have pages of people who want to help. I hope you can feel the sincerity in all the advise.

Each day is a new day. Choose one thing at a time to change, and work on it. Find your inner strength and draw on it. Pray. Walk. Surround yourself with good things. This is the right place to gain control, but I tend to lean towards finding a professional.

As for your food, I am sure it is very hard to think about increasing your calories. Do you like Peanut Butter or any types of nuts? They are filled with protien, GOOD FAT, and calories - and a great bang for your buck!

You have your life in front of you, and you know which road you need to choose. You can do this!

vbrent07

After looking at your page I honestly have to say that I do not think you need to lose any weight. It seems like being incredibly thin is in right now and no body is exactly the same, I had that issue when I was your age 10 years ago. Looking back on pictures now, I actually was pretty thin, just built differently and I have no problem with that now, even though it took a while for me to accept it. If you want to be healthier, good for you! Just spend time exercising and eating healthy and less time worrying about the numbers on the damn scale. You don't have to be extremely skinny to be healthy! Seek help also if you still are having issues, it really couldn't hurt anything. You don't have to be afraid to talk to someone, that's what they are there for. I hope everything works out for you. I know personally how much 18 can be a very trying time, but just love and accept yourself the way you are and I think you will be just fine!