Not looking to be judged, I just need help.

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  • brneydgrlie
    brneydgrlie Posts: 464 Member
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    From me to jump from how much I've been eating to eating over my BMR or even over the 1200 calories that MFP set me at is beyond scary, I have my diary public now ( I though it was before but I made my profile public not my diary opps) so can someone tell me how I can start increasing my calories so I don't gain

    For some odd reason my diary won't show up so here's the link http://www.myfitnesspal.com/food/diary/SmallBodyBigHeart

    When you first increase your calories, you *might* gain a slight amount of weight. Don't freak out about it. This is just your body's way of holding onto what it needs. After a couple of weeks, your body will accept this as your new normal, and reset itself, and your weight should start dropping again.

    While this is happening, it is best to not weigh yourself often. Judge instead by how your clothes fit. Also, you should notice things like better mood, more energy during the day, and sleeping more soundly at night. These things should give you good motivation to keep going.

    As a side note, with all the exercise you do, if you are eating correctly you may actually *decrease* in size but actually *gain* weight. This would be excellent, as it is a sign you are gaining muscle mass. A pound of muscle and a pound of fat weigh the same amount, however the muscle is more compact and takes up less space. Having more muscle means you will be able to have a higher metabolism (burn more calories) while at rest.
  • deniseearheart
    deniseearheart Posts: 919 Member
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    Hun I struggle to... It has been slow for me . I started in March and I am only almost to my first goal of 20 pounds... One thing I found helpful though is taking my measurements .... I have lost 5 inches so far and that makes me feel better than loosing the weight :-)
  • SmallBodyBigHeart
    SmallBodyBigHeart Posts: 112
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    I have battled some ED issues in my lifetime. I refuse to own a scale for this reason. I only weigh in at the gym and only the once particular branch of the gym...I use my clothing to make sure I am on track. If my clothes get too tight I need to make changes.

    Also I reiterate the message about saying positive affirmations to yourself each day. Start with one or two each morning. I think finding a few that are fall backs for days you are feeling self critical...ie you feel bloated but notice you have kick *kitten* eyes....it helps....

    I have recently gone through an effort to have a healthier attitude toward my food. I am tired of feeling like I need to earn my right to eat. I added 75-100 cals to my target calories every two weeks until I got to my maintenance calories. After a few months I changed my perspective again and went for more of a TDEE approach. I have to admit it has been healthier for me.

    Fill your house with great foods, nuts, beans, quinoa (lasts forever etc), eggs, veggies, frozen veggies are cheap and work well...and fruit ..yummmm

    Thank you so much for posting this. I want to throw the scale out so bad but until I get courage to do so I'll just keep it in the garage. I'm going to start increasing my calories every two weeks, I think that would help me to not gain.
  • Phaedra2014
    Phaedra2014 Posts: 1,254 Member
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    It sounds as though anxiety is in control, not you. You need to figure out whose voice you are listening to in your head. It doesn't sound like yours. The voice that's saying you're not good enough is in control and this probably makes you lose your balance - it's either all or nothing.

    Find your voice. You are so young. Work on the underlying issues. What's happening with the scale is only the outward manifestation of something that's telling you you're not worthy.

    You are. Listen to you.
  • SmallBodyBigHeart
    SmallBodyBigHeart Posts: 112
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    Hun I struggle to... It has been slow for me . I started in March and I am only almost to my first goal of 20 pounds... One thing I found helpful though is taking my measurements .... I have lost 5 inches so far and that makes me feel better than loosing the weight :-)

    I take measurements but sometimes I hate doing it because I don't know if i'm pulling the measuring tape to tight or what.
  • menletti
    menletti Posts: 96 Member
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    I'm not as good with my words as some of these other people so if this doesn't make sense I apologize. There is no magic formula. If you feel like you can't give up your scale just yet, try putting a piece of duct tape over the display. You can stand on it all you want but you won't have to see what it says. Now a bit of advice about a therapist....there is nothing---NOTHING--that you can say to her that she has not already heard. I know it's scary and hard to open up to a complete stranger but you know what? You can do it. Just remember....
    Your current safe boundaries were once unknown frontiers.
  • ArtemisMoon
    ArtemisMoon Posts: 144
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    Interestingly I just had an issue today with someone only eating 500 calories a day. She is crash dieting and doesn't want to see what that will do to her body. I provided her enough information to scare anyone with common sense, lol, but now it is up to her to decide for herself that it isn't healthy. So it makes me happy to see someone else trying to improve a similar situation.

    It might be hard to raise the amount of food you eat at first, but maybe try to pick one or two calorie dense foods and incorporate them into your diet. Cheese sticks are great, as are nuts, nut butters...just a small amount of these foods can really make a difference.

    In the end it isn't your size that makes you unhealthy, but what you put into (or don't put into) making you that size. I'm not unhealthy because I'm fat, I'm fat because I'm unhealthy. I put a lot of bad, unhealthy foods in my body. You, on the other hand, are unhealthy because you don't put enough into your body. When eating so little it is almost impossible to get enough of the proper nutrients your body needs to function properly and in a healthy way. Both of us are going down a road for heart disease and other similar health problems even though we have completely opposite problems. So crazy when you think about it.

    Interesting fact: my lazy 20 lb cat maintains his weight on 250 cals a day. While humans and animals are not directly comparable, it is enough to help put into perspective what kinds of calories a much more active person five times his size should eat.
  • SmallBodyBigHeart
    SmallBodyBigHeart Posts: 112
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    It sounds as though anxiety is in control, not you. You need to figure out whose voice you are listening to in your head. It doesn't sound like yours. The voice that's saying you're not good enough is in control and this probably makes you lose your balance - it's either all or nothing.

    Find your voice. You are so young. Work on the underlying issues. What's happening with the scale is only the outward manifestation of something that's telling you you're not worthy.

    You are. Listen to you.


    I'm trying, I'm searching for myself. I' am guilty of allow other people and other things to label me. I know I have to find who I really am; I have to learn to love myself.
  • blair_bear
    blair_bear Posts: 165
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    Step #1: Every day, say 5 things you love about yourself and 5 things you are grateful for.

    Seriously. Your mind set is likely holding you back. You see yourself as a failure and your situation as hopeless. It's not. Start changing your mind set to that of a victor, not a victim.

    Agreed^^^ I did 10 things to be grateful each day for when I was in the middle of a deep bereavment period. I never had success in the 7 years since my little brother died. I was miserable! I started small with gratitude over even the little things and within weeks it "just clicked" for me (I also did music therapy on myself and meditation). I grew so much!! Now I have patience and persistance in my weight loss journey, even when I broke down in a dressing room last weekend I was momentarily saddened but not discouraged or distracted from my goals, where in the past I would have said screw it and stopped at the Panera across the street. I was surprisingly logical and pep talking myself into sticking with my current plan of calorie counting/exercising for at least 6 more months and get a metobolic test in the mean time.
  • SmallBodyBigHeart
    SmallBodyBigHeart Posts: 112
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    I would LOVE to go to a therapist I honeslty would, I'm dealing with other problems besides this whol eating thing, but I just can't. It's kind of scary,
  • Phaedra2014
    Phaedra2014 Posts: 1,254 Member
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    I'm trying, I'm searching for myself. I' am guilty of allow other people and other things to label me. I know I have to find who I really am; I have to learn to love myself.

    Learning to love one's self is a lifelong process that begins with small steps. It doesn't happen overnight. For now, the acknowledgment that something doesn't feel quite right to you is a positive step.

    Ultimately it comes down to choices. Take it on a daily basis. Tomorrow, choose not to step on the scale after work. Choose to spend one hour less on researching food/exercise. Choose to add one extra vegetable to your food diary.

    As they say, love is a verb so your love for yourself will build as you keep doing little things and making small changes.
  • MFPBrandy
    MFPBrandy Posts: 564 Member
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    What's your reward for not looking at the scale? Give yourself something -- not food related, because most of us are trying to get AWAY from using food as a reward, but something nice, nonetheless. A bubble bath? A foot soak? A pedicure? Whatever little indulgence you can give yourself as a reward for sticking to healthy behavior. And DO it, don't just think about it.
  • mhuch110
    mhuch110 Posts: 130 Member
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    Your post just about broke my heart. You are so young and have so much to look forward to in life. Learn to love yourself.....you deserve it! You took this step (which is HUGE by the way) so now just keep going. But at some point, maybe consider making your goals things like, 'I want to be stronger", or "I want to have defined muscles" instead of "I want to be a size....whatever". As you get older, you will find that staying a 0 is very difficult. Your body changes...and when it does, having a healthier attitude toward yourself image will make those changes bearable and not put you back into a depression.

    I would be happy to be your friend and help you on this journey. I may be almost 20 yrs older than you, but I am 5'0'' and my goalweight is 110.....I'm shooting for a size 2. ;)
  • MFPBrandy
    MFPBrandy Posts: 564 Member
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    I would LOVE to go to a therapist I honeslty would, I'm dealing with other problems besides this whol eating thing, but I just can't. It's kind of scary,
    What scares you about it? I've been seeing one for PTSD; if you want to message me, I'll be more than happy to chat about it. I might be able to set some of your fears to rest...and if I can't, then there's a good chance those fears need confronting.
  • tphegley29
    tphegley29 Posts: 2
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    One thing to think about is get rid of anyone in your life who is verbally abusive to you. Meaning someone constantly telling you things that are wrong about you and never lifting you up. Get rid of the negative people and add positive people into your life. It makes a WORLD of difference.

    Get a community of people around you who want YOU to be who YOU are and not what you can do for them.

    Go to a new church, join a gym, whatever. Anything to get around people who are positive. Go to college and get a fresh start!
  • SmallBodyBigHeart
    SmallBodyBigHeart Posts: 112
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    Some much advice and feedback. Thank you so much, I don't even know where to start. I'm really thankful for everyone who gave me advice it means a lot.
  • ironanimal
    ironanimal Posts: 5,922 Member
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    Dispense with negative influences in your life whether that be the scale or 'friends' judging your weight and eating. Focus on what makes you a great person, rather than these little niggling things you worry so much about. Read about what happens when you do certain things; rationalise weight fluctuations and understand they're natural.

    Best of luck.
  • 1smemae94
    1smemae94 Posts: 365 Member
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    Hello dear, can I just say how brave I think you are for reaching out for help? You are incredibly brave for reaching out to make yourself better. Personally, I don't know you, so anything I say isn't backed up by science or whatever. First of all you have a whole community of people here that want you to be happy and healthy. We want what is best for you.

    I took a peek in your food diary, and sweetie, you aren't eating enough to fuel your body. With all the activities you like to do, you should be eating more. I know you want to fit into your size zeros. I understand that. Hell, for a while I wanted to wither away into nothingness. But then I realized that I would rather be strong, fast and healthy than frail.

    You need to change your mental aspect before your body will follow. You are worth SO much that I can't even put it into words. You are worth all the good things in this world, but you need to accept that you're worth it. You deserve to fuel your body with good foods, and keep your body running effectively.

    Eating clean is not too expensive. Buy the foods that are on sale in the produce section, or buy the frozen bag of vegetables.

    Sweetie, please make yourself well again. You are so young, and have so much potential. Please don't waste it. You might want to talk with a specialist to help you out, they help a lot.

    If you want some help, or just someone to talk to, don't hesitate to message me.

    I wish you the best of luck.
  • mamafivetimes
    mamafivetimes Posts: 6 Member
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    Have you asked yourself why are you so scared of a therapist (you don't need to answer to me)? So many people go. It doesn't have the stigma it once did. If you are worried that your problems are too much, believe me,they have heard it all and are there to help. I really wish you would reconsider going. The quicker you go, the quicker you can sort things out for yourself. I absolutely love the advice above about listing the 5 positive thoughts. I'm going to try that. I think we all have a tendency to be hard on ourselves. Especially when it comes to food issues. There isn't a person on MFP who isn't working on their food intake and exercise habits, you are in good company.
  • 1smemae94
    1smemae94 Posts: 365 Member
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    I would LOVE to go to a therapist I honeslty would, I'm dealing with other problems besides this whol eating thing, but I just can't. It's kind of scary,

    I know that confronting things are scary. You're right, it is. But sometimes you can't go around your problems, sometimes the only way out is through. Are you able to talk to your school counselor? Or a trusted adult? A priest? An older relative? A good friend? A friend's parent? Your own parents? Someone on here? A police officer if necessary?

    Once you start talking, the rest is easy. You can do it. We all have faith in you and we believe in you. If someone that doesn't even know you has faith in you, you should have some faith in yourself.

    Once again, best of luck.

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