Horrible mothers :(

sandown12

Thankyou everyone for all your replies and help

I do realise one day she may be gone before me but that can't excuse her behaviour

She grew up in a not great family married my father at 17 who was a violent alcoholic
They divorced when I was 11 she married a strange man divorced him when I was 22 then she married her last husband in 2000 he's nice she kept chucking him out she divorced him this year but they separated 4 years ago.

2 years ago she was seeing a guy who was also in contact with other ladies on the net she found out took it out on me & my children her grandchildren said she doesn't want us in her life ever again even sending my then 13 year old a message on FACEBOOK !! Saying she will never see us again etc!!!!

This is what it's like, if I tell her how I feel I get " you & your brother have always thought about me as a terrible mother, I've never done enough for you" shouting at us.

I grew up watching my father beat my mother daily
When he was gone she'd leave me at aged 11 alone whilst sge'd go to the pub to meet guys then when I was 13-16 I was allowed to do as I like, go out till 3am shed say just make sure you take your shoes off so the neighbours can't hear you coming home.
Then at 16 she had husband troubles I had a boyfriend so was with him alot I got home one day my clothes were in black sacks & bed stripped she told me to get out!
So I did
I moved 100 miles away, when my marriage ended I married an alcoholic I stayed with her until the place I was moving into was ready I meet a new guy (9 years ago) with him now and she packed my clothes into black binbags like 16 years previous told me to get out.

There's so much of this and I really can't tell her how it is as she will flip and she just pops in all the time without saying so distancing is impossible , we are meant to meet for coffee tomorrow I will say I can't but I feel even if I tell her how it is she will get worse as I did 2 years ago.

Thanks for all your help x

margo36

I'm 63 and my Mother is 83. Everytime I visit my Mother she usually comes out with something like " you have put on weight " or " you are fatter than your sisters ". after these remarks normally feeds me a fat and salt loaded meal and tries feed me cake ????
when I was younger she uesd to come out with remarks like " if you don't lose weight you will never get a man ".
As for getting a man I was happily married for 35 years until my husband died and have been in a happy relationship for nearly 4 yrs despite my Mother's predictions.
I have learn't to ignore these remarks many years ago because for some reason Mother's think it is Okay to say what ever they want to you.

deadbeatsummer

I have a different point of view.

My mom's been dead for 5 years now and I'd give ANYTHING to have her back here with me...even annoying me.

I didn't really appreciate her motherly concern when she was alive and now that she is gone, I truly miss it.

That's all.

Agree, I lost my mum just after my 21st birthday - a year and a half ago. We fought like cat and dog through my teen years but it kills me not to see her now to make it better.

glovepuppet

dog training works on toddlers and adult toddlers too.
when she's a *****, smile and tell her you're going as you leave.
next time you see her, act like nothing happened.
every time she starts to question your weight or, indeed, you walking out then just get up and leave.
eventually she'll twig that the only way to have a conversation is to behave respectfully.

don't ask me how many times i hung up on my mother! but it works.
and it's for her own good. a happy relationship is better for her too.